I have this “flaw” that sometimes gets me into to trouble. When I meet people I tend to trust them and give them the benefit of life if things are awkward or something. This especially true for people who are friends of friends or people I meet again after not seeing for many years.
I do have a BS meter that goes off if someone is straight up not “right” and I can feel if something is “off” with 95% of those people. Sometimes one or two may slip through, but for the most part I am a trusting person.
Many years ago, many, many come to think of it, I learned to play poker. I was always decent at the game and enjoyed the fun of playing with friends. I have never been a serious gambler because I can’t afford it!
About 12 years ago, a group of my peeps and I started having a game night once a week at the “Booty” family house, because, frankly, most of us hated going out to clubs and where a bunch of drunk, sweaty folks were and we would rather be closer to home. Plus a few couples had kids and we wanted to all get together and it was easy and fun. After about a month we started playing . Texas Hold ‘Em mostly and I loved it! I loved playing and hollering, “Gamblin’!” when I made a “big bet”. We were all pretty broke but the pot size could get up to $50 or even $100 from a .50 buy in, so if I was gamblin’ why not make it fun?! Plus, all the guys all read up on Poker and strategies and statistics. Us girls understood the rules. Yes we had to have a little “cheat sheet” that told us if having all the same suit with five cards in a row was better or worse than 2 jacks and 3 aces, but that was only for a few months. We never read the books we just played by “feeling”. Sure we lost some but you can bet I won more than I lost because I didn’t have much to lose! If I lost out I could sit on the sidelines and still chat with my friends.
I am not into playing head games or mind games. I don’t have time for them nor the patience. I am pretty straight up. I don’t lie or cheat. I am a big believer in karma. I may not always give away my hand, but I share what I can with those I am close to.
I will cover for a friend in a heartbeat. I will give them the benefit of the doubt. I will go the extra mile for them. I do not “share” their life or things they tell me in confidence with others. That is a part of what makes these relationships so special. It is the trust and understanding of who we are as human beings and how we gel. I don’t get into putting down friends with others who don’t like each other. It’s just not me. In fact, I have had some people leave due to the fact I choose to remain friends with others. Relationships I still have to this day and don’t miss those who left for jealousy or misunderstandings because they were too petty to realize that true friendships are a beautifully, rare thing and you don’t just toss it away because someone else doesn’t like it. This isn’t grade school and we aren’t choosing sides.
Some of my best humans on the planet I don’t hear from on any kind of “regular” basis. I can think of 3 right now that I haven’t spoken to in many months, yet if they called or I called, we would pick up conversation where we left off. I am thankful to social media in that respect because we can at least see parts of each other’s lives. I have other friends that we haven’t seen each other in years yet we still talk, text or email randomly. If something happens, we find a way to be there for each other.
I am often perplexed and shocked at some people who act as if this is some sort of weird animal mating ritual instead of how I am as a human in my relationships.
You know how you meet people and you just feel they are good people? They may be struggling and you talk and find things in common, help each other out. Then out of left field they just leave you hanging with your mouth open because in all that you talked about you didn’t seem them acting like that.
This is a recent experience of a girl I met. She had transplanted here, was looking for work and putting her life back together. I could see the good in her. We talked a good bit and I helped find her work. She waited to start due to the changes in her life and I respected that. When she said she could help out I believed her. When she didn’t show to cover the one shift I really needed her for I was floored. The text and calls later in the day and days following were just pathetic. I went back looking for signs I missed in texts and emails. I found them in the inconsistencies I chose to look over as “she wasn’t thinking” or “maybe she meant this” instead of the blatant disrespect of myself and others.
Every once and a while it happens with others too, but not so much. I’ve learned when to fold my hand and sit back and chat and when to gamble.
I still choose to gamble in this game of life and end up with the pure joy and blessings to have some amazing relationships in my life. People I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I can count on. I mean jeez, I have to be able to trust my own gut instincts! If I have to fold, I can only hope we get the chance to sit off to the side and talk before walking out the door. It doesn’t leave me jaded, it just makes me double check those new players who come into the maos.
I’m thinking it’s time for another hand… keep hope alive!