It’s New Year’s Eve!


nye clock

It’s New Year’s Eve and I have no desire to party like it’s 1999. Nope, I am thrilled to just chill out, eat some good food, watch movies or hang out. I have no desire to go “out”. Even when I don’t have the boy.

I am not a huge lover of crowds. In fact, they make me anxious in ways I just don’t like.

nye crowds

I hope you are going to enjoy this last fabulous day of 2015!

If you enjoy getting out and about, I hope you do so and have fun and be safe. If you enjoy hanging at home or with friends, I hope it’s awesome.

As for me and mine, we will be on the chill side.

I wish you a fabulous New Year’s Eve!

Keep Hope Alive!

king julian

No call, no show… can we please grow up!


I work to take care of others. Myself and those in my chosen field, caregivers, are vastly underpaid and often time unappreciated. It isn’t easy work and not everyone can do it. I know there are plenty of jobs I can’t do and have no problem admitting it.

Recently I worked out in the field for 2 days caring for a lovely couple. She has advanced Alzheimer’s and he has mild dementia. He would tell you “it’s no big deal, we can handle it” but that isn’t the case. They have been clients with my company for nearly a year. Last week their main caregiver walked off the job because she was frustrated with the fact they “get confused.” It isn’t the first time she had “issues” with them but I can guarantee it is her last job with us! Then we thought we found the ideal candidate. She was eager, ready to work and compassionate. She passed her background check and came in for all of her new hire paperwork. She didn’t show up or call us to let us know she wasn’t showing up.

I just don’t get it. I have seen more people the last three weeks claiming they need to work and want to work. I set an appointment for an interview and then the day of, nothing. No call. No show. Nada. 90% I have had lengthy conversations with on the phone prior to calling them in for an interview as to try and screen if they are serious about working.

Either my radar is off or people these days do not do as they say they will do. It is sad.

I remember when I was 18 and took a job at a fast food restaurant. I worked all of a day and a half and realized I was not cut out for what they had me doing. I was honest. I went to the manager and told them I was sorry but please take me off the schedule because I knew I wouldn’t be happy doing the work and wouldn’t be productive. He thanked me for telling him. I didn’t understand then that a lot of people just don’t show. They don’t call. They just don’t feel it’s important enough to tell their employer they don’t want to work anymore. It is so rude and disrespectful.

People like this need to grow up, grow a pair or something! Who do you think that you are wasting someone’s time who is trying to employ you?! Have you never heard of karma? Come on people! Seriously!

The next time you set a interview or are scheduled and can’t make it, short of an emergency, please show the decency to call someone to let them know you can’t make it. Don’t just not show up. It is beyond rude.

In the meantime I will keep hope alive as always. There will always be someone better who wants to work and loves to care for others!

Resolutions and challenges…. fooey!


It’s 4 days after Christmas and we only have 2 days left of this year.

Yeah, I am still finishing up one of my Christmas projects and I recently read we should make New Year Challenges instead of New Year Resolutions. Really? Like every day there isn’t some sort of challenge daily? That now someone is going to post/publish/write up their New Year Challenges and the rest of us are supposed to get on board for that fast-track-psycho train? No thank you! Please feel free to list, publish, write, post you “Challenges” for the New Year! I commend you. I respect you. But please don’t judge me for Not participating!

So me being me I went and looked up the definitions. Very interesting.

Resolution: Noun. 1. a formal expression of opinion or intention made, usually after voting, by a formal organization, a legislature, a club or other group. 2. the act of resolving or determining upon an action, course of action, method, procedure, etc.

Challenge: Noun. 1. a call to summons to engage in any contest, as of skill, strength, etc. 2. something that by its nature or character serves as a call to battle, contest, special effort, etc.

Remember when New Year’s Resolutions we more along the lines of “be a better person” “work harder” “get a new job” “lose a few pounds and get healthy”?  Now they’ve become some contest of who has the “best” resolutions, or excuse me, challenges.

Personally I kind of stick to the: be a better parent, friend and person, do better in my job, save some money – I try to not get to many on there because I don’t want to feel like I am overburdening myself. I also feel like being better and doing the right things are things I should be doing anyways.

Right now I feel like I just want to get by day to day. Of course it could also be the seasonal/unseasonal crud that has taken over my body. I feel alien like and I have to keep tissues and am sure I sound like I am under water. I generally feel like caca and I have to pretend it is all good. I seem to be pulling it off but I get caught just staring into space. I have no idea what I am staring at. Thus is the way of my mind when I get the crud. Or lack thereof! I know I can make it through today. Hope is with me! And lots of meds so I don’t seems so craptastic!

Anyway I hope you all have a fabulous day!

Think about if you want to make New Year’s resolutions or challenges. Or if you just want to try to be a better person each and every day. To me it seems more doable.

Always, always Keep Hope Alive!

It’s the last Monday of 2015 so make it fabulous


 last mon of year

It’s the Monday after Christmas!

For me, it’s another work day but I love my job so I hope that it will be fabulous!

I hope that everyone reading this post, all 33 of you, have a fabulous Monday!

I hope you go forth for the rest of the week and it is wonderful!

I mean at the end of the week we start a whole new year so that makes today the last Monday of 2015 and my last Monday post for the year.

I can’t believe it’s been a bit over 7 months since I started my blog. And now I am going into a whole new year with my blogging. I still can’t believe I am still going strong. It is hard at times but it has been so very worth it.

I mean we are at the tail end of 2015. This is the time we are supposed to be making resolutions and plans for the upcoming year.

For me, I just want to make it another day, learning, loving and living my life.

So here’s hope for the last wonderful Monday of 2015!

Keep hope alive!

muse upon this

Happy Birthday to Me!


happy bday to me

Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday Fabulous Gracelessness, happy birthday to me!

45 years ago on a cold winter’s morning I made my debut into this world at 3:42 AM.

Being born 2 days after Christmas I used to get a lot of “here’s your birthday and Christmas gift. We consolidated into one.” NO. Just No. It is 2 separate days/holidays! Note my parents never did to this me but others did.

In fact, one of my very fabulous friends as well as one of my younger cousins share this fabulous day! She and I agreed that it just needs to be made into a holiday. I mean we have Christmas, our birthday then New Year’s! Perfect right?! We think so!

I was born on Sunday it’s fitting my 45th birthday is on a Sunday.

older but wiser

I don’t know why this year is a bit challenging for me. I mean 30 was awesome, 40 I was a new mom (literally my miracle was 3 months old I was going on no sleep and the thought of going out wasn’t even there) and I have been fine on the rest. I guess it’s the “downslide” to 50, which is crazy as I don’t think of myself as “old” and I remember thinking 50 was old. I no longer see a number as old. I had a call from a 90-year-old lady the other day. She wasn’t seeking care but to work and be a caregiver! Talk about an inspiration!

I have learned so much throughout my life. I keep learning daily. I remember my GrandMaMa telling me once you stop learning, there is nothing else. It can be big or small. It can be life changing or something as simple as a new recipe or way of doing something. Just never stop learning.

So today I spend with my loved ones and celebrate. No wild party or all-nighter! I no longer want or need that anymore. Going to bed at a decent hour is appealing to me. Not being in a crowd is more my speed. I haven’t ever enjoyed being in the middle of large crowds so I have no problem with a low key day. Of course it will be fabulous!

party like its my bday

Here’s wishing you an amazing Sunday!

Celebrate and Enjoy!

Keep Hope Alive

 

 

Recovering the Saturday after Christmas


364 days til christmas

Recovery from the holidays, specifically Christmas, can be a challenge. It seems so much goes into the planning and presentation. After every one oohhhhs and ahhhhhs it appears to get devoured within minutes. Everything that was so pretty and organized is demolished within such a short period of time. I always mean to take before and after photos but forget.

I am usually helping make part of it and I always seem to be cleaning up.

Of course I am also all up in it with the boy, a big kid myself. I cut back on the Santa as well as what I was giving him, but he still had so much! Of course family and friends add to the bounty he receives so he is not wanting for anything. It’s funny to see him tear through gifts, say a brief thank you to the givers and rip into another gift. It’s funnier as he’s soooo excited because, hey let’s be real, it’s usually toys.

Then it’s happens… clothes. My sister-in-law and I laughed so hard because he went in for the grab with excitement on his face and he just stopped. He was instantly perplexed. Why would he get clothes? Grant it cool looking clothes but yet not toys? It’s Christmas who gives toys besides parents and grandparents? Well, aunts, uncles and friends but it always throws him!

The joys of being young and saying what you are thinking. “Mommy this food is nasty! I am so not eating this!” Not the discretion I have been working with him on, but at a table with 7 adults and his cousin. Did I mention his aunt, bless her as she teaches kids and she knows how they can be but still, is the one who’s food he deemed “nasty”?! She and I were trying to not laugh while another cousin and new spouse looked mortified.

They have no experience with children, as was evident throughout the night! Or shall I say smaller children. The boy is 5 and his cousin, whom he calls his little brother, is not quite 2. It was asked, how we “make them eat.” Words like behavioral and eating habits were used to ask about our children. Also, when they offered to play with the boys, they quickly learned rules changed and organization and order were not on the schedule! Seriously, give a five-year-old Lincoln Logs and a remote control car and things are going to be demolished. Your “follow the directions” log cabin you built for him? Maybe you understand when I said it’s like your favorite character on the “Walking Dead” or “Game of Thrones”, it will die so don’t get attached! Yeah, I meant that! It wasn’t just pretty words or me being nice.

Recovery is a nice word for it. Today we recover from the maos of the Christmas holidays! I hope you all do have a fantastically, fabulous Saturday and get to relax.

As always, keep hope alive!

day after xmas

Merry Christmas from Fabulous Gracelessness!


mc we wish you

We wish you a Merry Christmas!

We wish you a Merry Christmas!

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

I hope that everyone gets to enjoy this day in some way. Near or far it doesn’t matter, just that you find some happiness, some peace just for a moment.

I hope that those children that believe in Santa wake up to find that Santa came! I hope the children that don’t do Santa wake up happy and healthy.

mc peace love hope believe

I hope that everyone who takes the time out to read my blog will stop, just for a moment, and find a memory, or reflect on this holiday season, and find just one memory that makes you smile. The warm, fuzzy inside kind of smile. The kind of smile that lights up your whole being! Keep Hope Alive! It’s Christmas! Miracles happen!

I realize and understand that not everyone celebrates or even enjoys Christmas. Some don’t even recognize it. I am perfectly okay with that.I am sharing how Fabulous Gracelessness does Christmas.

Here in Sweet Home Alabama it is a holiday that the majority of folks Celebrate!

mc traditiona

It’s a day we get together with family and friends. Often times we see folks we don’t see throughout the year for whatever reason. People sometimes put away their differences to enjoy time with family and friends. Some make new traditions and others blend the old with the new.

Before I had my son, I always got together with my family, but I also would get together throughout the holiday season and visit with friends that I didn’t get to see as much. Several of us agreed that gift giving was way overrated, in fact we call it Giftsmas, due to those that tend to over give and expect the same in return. We decided that we would always buy for the kids, but for us, just all getting together, eating good food and having a few spirits were all that we needed.

Since the boy came into my world, I still try to get together with friends, though it isn’t as easy or frequent as I would like. I do still enjoy the festivities but it has changed a bit. I have made more traditions that I did in my own childhood with him. I have created new traditions with him too. We love finding new things to do. Apparently, we are now adding make a gingerbread house to our things to do! We also drive around and look at the lights. Not necessarily on Christmas night but close to Christmas. Even in the rain we go. It is so much fun to see the joy of lights and decorations through the eyes of a child.

mc heaven

It is also bittersweet. There are so many that are no longer with us. It can be so damn hard to put on a happy face when the tears are falling like rivers inside. You don’t want to make everyone else sad or put a damper on the festive times. But I can’t help but think about how much my Daddy would enjoy his grandsons. How much my Grandparents would love to play with their great-grandsons. How truly amazing it would be to have everyone home for Christmas. How much it hurts knowing that can’t happen. How much we still love and miss them and always will.

It’s why I love making new memories. To bridge the past with the present and look forward to the future.

This year I haven’t felt the Christmas spirit like I have in the past. I am so thankful for the boy as he pulls me from the abyss just knowing how much joy he has and his love for the holiday. I love that he has an elf named Jerry that magically found us and how he watches throughout the year and shows up after Thanksgiving. He comes with a letter and a tiny gift and moves about the house during the season. He doesn’t make messes or sit on a shelf. He is a different kind of elf. I love that we call Santa every year and he talks to him on the phone. We make reindeer treats as well as treats for Santa. I love the pure joy and glee in his eyes when he sees that Santa came. It isn’t the volume of the gifts it’s the magic of Christmas. It’s everyone getting along for the day when he goes from Mommy’s to Daddy’s house knowing he is loved by so many and it is a day where everyone is present. No distractions just the enjoyment of those around him.

eys of child

Through the eyes of a child is how I wish everyone could see Christmas.

Keep Hope Alive my fabulous friends!

And may all of your Christmas’ be bright!

onnly blind xmas helen keller

*Fabulous Gracelessness does not want to offend those who do not celebrate this holiday. I hope you enjoyed reading how me and mine celebrate Christmas. I hope you understand that for us, Christmas isn’t just gifts and decorations. It is a time for us to come together. It is a time when we feel everyone should share their joy and their compassion for others. Be kind. Be patient. Remember everyone does not get to enjoy it like we do. Even if some years it isn’t as “lavish” as you would like it to be, but that you may be blessed with peace and joy.

Christmas Eve is Here!!!!


ce twas night b4

It’s Christmas Eve and throughout the motherland

Folks are running about, loud as marching bands

Last minute shopping and baking as such

Errands and visiting can be a bit much

Trying to hold on to the last thread of sanity

Knowing my actions don’t affect just me

Holding my tongue and smiling real big

Once it’s all done I may dance a jig

I pray for some peace and a little more sleep

But there’s so much to do as I’m in here quite deep

All at once I stop, take a breath, just breathe

The calm washes over me like the breeze in the trees

I’ll make it through this with joy in my heart

And tomorrow we do the loving Christmas part

Please take the day, if you can, and relax and enjoy

For I know I will be with my family and boy

I hope you all have a true fabulous day

Keep hope Alive and enjoy Christmas Eve play

ce santa

2 days ’til Christmas…my delusional mind


2 days til christmas

I am in denial that it is now 2 days until Christmas!

I am in denial that the boy may be sick, again, on Christmas.

It is like if I deny it and refuse to acknowledge it that it won’t happen so quickly. Like I am so cool that I can stop time or something. I know, delusional.

ch not denial accept my reality

Time can move so fast and also so damn slow. Right now it is flying by and I have so many things I Need to do, and believe me I have cut it back to the bare bones of Needs. Wants left a few days ago. Seriously.

I currently am writing with a small boy in my lap. He doesn’t feel good and I have a deadline. Twisted I know but whatever works. I have no delusions that I will get up earlier because I know me and that just doesn’t work out well for me, early mornings that is. I can set my clock with the best of intentions and I can make it to early morning appointments because they aren’t in the house. However, if I set the alarm and try to get up and get more done in the mornings, that Murphy dude will mess with my plans and life changes its course and nothing I need to get done will get done. Could be part of the reason I am a night owl! Even if I have to stop working on the computer to hold the boy and comfort him and fall asleep, I will get back up and finish before I lay down for the night. Weird I know.

It is not even cold outside. Rainy and overcast but the temperatures are again in the 60’s and 70’s… it is officially “winter” according to the calendar I need my cold weather! This change in temperature is messing with a lot of folks, because it doesn’t feel like Christmas in Alabama and it throws off the body in ways that make myself and others feel like we’ve been hit by trains, planes and automobiles. That is the watered down version too!

lalal little girl

Today is what some call Christmas Eve Eve. I’m not even ready for the actual Christmas eve!

I keep reminding myself that the boy and the other children are taken care of. Food will be made and we will be with family and friends. Those are the things that matter most to me.

I know I will keep hope alive. For I can only do those things that I can get done. All else will have to wait.

I am wishing you all a peaceful and fabulous Wednesday!

Only do the things that matter the most! Love those you’re with and take care of things to the best of your ability.

Always keep hope alive!

christmas is coming

I can breathe again, my miracle is with me


My heart is home. I feel so much lighter. I can breathe better. He is a part of me and I am a part of him. A bond that nothing can break. A love that goes beyond anything I have ever imagined and cannot put into words.

It’s so hard to “share” a child. Sometimes life throws you curves you just didn’t even see coming when a miracle happens.

I prayed for so many years to have a child.

After a while, I didn’t care how it happened I just knew I was supposed to be a mommy.

I saw and dreamed of a child. I seriously thought I was crazy at times. The child from my visions had blonde hair and blue eyes. Their coloring didn’t match mine but it is what I saw. I prayed.

Years went by. I researched ways to become a mommy through all kinds of avenues. There are tons of options but most of them cost more than I could afford. It didn’t help my body decided to play some sort of twisted game of let’s mess with her hormones, her baby making parts and her mind. 8 surgeries, not necessarily to get pregnant but to at least clear a path and relieve me of discomfort.

Then it finally happened. In a very old fashioned, unplanned and completely unexpected way.

God, the universe and my GrandMaMa have a heck of a sense of humor. On my 39th birthday, 6 years ago, I Prayed. I asked that I please be given some sort of sign if this child of my visions and dreams was to come from me.

A month later, I was pregnant. I was also terrified. My situation wasn’t exactly ideal; however, I knew that this was my sign. If this was meant to be, then this was the ride I was taking.

It hasn’t been easy. There has been pain, loss and heartache along the way. I’ve lost people in my life both because of the relationship that his father and I don’t have as well as people who are no longer on this ride with me. Like my grandparents and my Daddy.

Hand to God my boy is The Absolute Best thing that I have contributed to the universe as a whole. It’s like everything else was a prelude to this beautiful creature that lived inside me like an alien for 38 weeks. This child that I am responsible for, that I would do anything for… I am responsible for teaching him, nurturing him and loving him unconditionally. There is so much it overwhelms me. It brings me to my knees.

I am so far from perfect. I make mistakes. Usually huge big ones that end poorly. You can fill in the cracks of those with the many little ones I make far too often.

I also know how to love unconditionally. I still know how to be a kid. I am learning how to walk that line of parent and friend. Sometimes I have to be more parent because of our situation, but I know he loves me unconditionally and he wants to understand why things are the way they are.

He is still so innocent yet understands far more about life and death and how some people can be so kind and others so cruel. He is just 5 years old, yet he has seen far more of death that many adults. All up in his little face and he teaches others of eternal love. He does not forget.

He is so much like me and so much his own self.

I want to do so much more for him and I also want him to learn to do so much more for others.

I love that he gives his all and loves so big. He still snuggles.

I know life can change in an instant.

I know that there isn’t a day, hours, minutes that goes by that I don’t think of him and my heart swells more than I thought was possible.

I know I have no idea how much time any of us have. But I do know, that I am so blessed beyond measure that that boy chose me to be his mommy.

I know that miracles happen, prayers are answered and no matter what, I do everything in my power to keep him along the loving, happy paths he will take. I will follow him into the woods to get him back on a peaceful path for as long as I am able. After I am gone, he will always know he has me on his side. After all, he is a part of me. And I am a part of him.

Keep Hope Alive.

Hope brought me a miracle. You could say he’s my Christmas miracle. Believe. Never, ever, ever give up!