Month: April 2017

Changes happen whether you want them or not

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 2 Comments

One doesn’t always know what is going to happen. You may have an idea, an inkling, a feeling or you may think everything is “just fine and dandy” and out of the blue KA-POW! Change hits you like you were not expecting it to. Dealing with that change can be a game changer in life as I know first hand!

Right now, in this very moment, I am going through some crazy changes in my life. I’ve got so many irons in the fires and had fires go out that trying to navigate from one minute to the next can be exhausting.

I’m a free spirited, OCD, single mom of The Boy. I am a romantic, realist, spiritualist, friend, sister, daughter, lover, girlfriend, human being. I am so many things that there isn’t a way to list them all without sounding arrogant or that I am touting my own self worth… Yet it seems that in today’s society I must “choose” a box for who I am to fit inside of. I don’t fit into any box.

Hello, we are constantly changing! Some days in small ways and others in larger ways. Employment, living, relationships, health, heart – all of these can change in an instant. At other times, it is in moments. They may take days, weeks or months to culminate into something larger, grander and maybe even change the course of one’s outlook on a certain aspect for the duration of ones life. Or maybe only for a short time. But it definitely changes the perspective in which we observe, respond and react to life.

These are the thoughts and ramblings in my mind. Daily. It’s an interesting place to dwell,

Keep hope alive!

 

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I’m here so why not…

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 2 Comments

I have been writing. On notepad, post it’s, my journal and in my mind but just not here.

Life has been so real, so raw lately that I have thoughts and questions. I have opinions and epiphanies, but I haven’t been able to blog. It’s like writers blog but on a larger scale.

My amazing, I can’t believe she’s still cheering us on because she’s just awesome friend, is the one who got me back. I so owe her. I had been letting a part of myself fall away without realizing it. It to a #30dayblogchallenge to get me to write finally. You should check her out! Talk about an inspiration. This is someone I completely just admire and love. We’ve known each other a long time but until recently, I didn’t realize how precious of a human being she is! Just one of those blessed moments when I Truly needed it! https://throughsinaisand.blog/

Life, death, taxes, changes in relationships on so many level, some not so good, some downright craptastic and some, well some are miracles when you get down to it. Life is happening and I have to face that. Even when there are loved ones on their way out of this journey of life. Life goes on. How I choose to handle it is up to me. Some days I do all right, and other days, well, I try to not look to hit or smell poorly!

After all this is The Ride. Most days I love the ride. Some days I just need to slow down to figure out where I am on the ride.

Keep Hope Alive.

Remember to hug your family and friends if you can. Tell people how you feel. You never know when the last time is.

April 15th is another date on the calendar of our lives

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

I hear it everywhere, April 15th is a hard day…. I don’t know if I will make it.

Whether it’s taxes due, another day, or a day that is marked in your life – good or bad – it is also just another date in the calendar of our lives.

So my taxes are done – I felt like I should seriously shout that from the rooftops, however the getting up and down part aren’t as easy as it once was! For me, it’s just tedious and irritating but a necessary evil! But I did it! I rock! HA!

Today is also a weird “anniversary” if you will for me. I was married to someone I truly loved. They will always be a part of who I have become, but I realized this year that it’s been 13 years and our divorce was finalized on April 15th. It’s not a date I celebrate or openly acknowledge most of the time. But I realized it’s part of the fabric of who I am.

If not, please find a way to relax this evening! Everyone needs to relax a bit and everyone forgets!

I plan to hang with the boy!

So today, I hope your day is beautiful, peaceful and stress free.

Keep Hope Alive!

Freedom to be me again

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

Freedom to be me. Finally, at long last. It is about damn time!

I am tired of censoring everything.

This is my place to write.

I have so many irons in the fire and yet I haven’t produced a lot on here so it’s about time I got off my ass and wrote!

Lately, it has been a hell of a ride and I am still going!

I realize I just need to suck it up and take action! My mind never stops and if I can’t sleep I can write at least. I may be able to keep myself somewhat sane-ish

I have so much material from life! Lately it seems as if I am making notes daily. Endings. Beginnings. The cycle of life. Karma.

I am one stubborn woman and sometimes I am too nice. I pour myself into situations and loose bits of myself. I have no one to blame but myself.

I want to be angry, and trust me I can be, but sometimes the anger needs to be channeled properly to give it the fuel it needs to start the fire.

Misplaced anger is a dangerous thing!

So I am back into my writing and you, my fabulous readers, will be in for a treat!

I know it’s a bit sporadic, but I am back into the saddle!

Of course, I will over censor myself and my work but I realized in the middle of all of the chaos, I have to write.

I cannot help it if you strolled into my world and chose to be a part of it.

You became part of the fabric of who I am or shall I say how I now view things.

Good or bad I am only going for the truth and how I see things from my perspective.

How it is perceived once it is out there is how it is!

Fabulous Gracelessness is back y’all!

C’est la vie!

Have a fabulous day!

Keep Hope Alive!

 you own your story

 

 

Ramblings in the middle of the week

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

“You have to be honest with someone because if you’re not, you can’t feel their heart anymore.” The Boy, Wise beyond his 5 years.

 

I really have to thank my friend for challenging us to write for 30 days.

It’s been too long since I’ve blogged anything.

I felt like I couldn’t write on my own damn page.

I felt somewhat crippled by all that was going on in my life and putting anything out here would be misconstrued, used against me or poured over for some obscure meaning that has nothing to do with anything other demented delusions.

I felt overwhelmed with the prospect of writing and putting my thoughts and feelings “out there”.  

I never stopped writing of course. That isn’t an option for me! I have always written in journals and my hiatus from blogging was due to my hesitation to share any of my life publically. My journal is overflowing so of course I have topics… lots and lots of topics!

I often reflect, observe and replay my life over in my mind. I go through situations, conversations and emotions, both my own and others.

I often over analyze why I do certain things and react in certain ways.

In a nut shell, I may seem bat shit crazy, however, I try to be loyal, compassionate and honest with folks. More so with those I love and respect. I am just me.

I am happy to be back!

Keep hope alive for a fabulous Wednesday!

 

**Special shout out to my boy WD celebrating the big 21 today! So proud to be your crazy auntie!**

 

Sometimes I just don’t want to…

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 3 Comments

Do you ever have those days where you just don’t want to do Anything?!

Maybe because we got up so much earlier than usual on the Monday after spring break, I might add.

Maybe because I am on call all week and I don’t want to be.

Maybe the crazy weather is reeking havoc again on my lovely self so I am just not feeling it.

I want to lay down and sleep!

I want someone to just take care of it all because I don’t want to have to do anything!

Where’d that genie get off to?!

Yeah, sometimes I just don’t want to, but I do.

I owe some friends links to their page…I will get it done this week!

Keep hope alive!

Challenge accepted….. more like a kick in the pants!

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So I am back… hopefully for at least the next 30 days or so! HA!

One of my friend, she’s a fabulous human I greatly admire actually, presented a challenge on the FaceBook to write for 30 days. Me thinking, “I did it for a year, I can do 30 days!” She’s quite talented and our back story is quite amusing! I’m just so thankful I have her now! Her and her amazing husband are inspirations to so many!

Of course, I wasn’t thinking about anything but the challenge and how much I miss writing here.

I wasn’t thinking about the time and commitment it takes to put out quality posts. I wasn’t thinking of my OCD and how I feel I owe it to anyone who decides to read my blog to get something entertaining, amusing or hoping to just feel a bit better.

I wasn’t thinking of how I have volumes written and how I will most likely hit a nerve or two coming back. I can’t help but write how I perceive things, right or wrong.

Yeah, I tend to over think a bit much! Possibly a topic within the next 30 days… something tells me I won’t go so long in between posts after this.

Just what I needed a good kick in the pants!

Fabulous Gracelessness has returned. I’ve never stopped writing, my blog just slowed a lot.

That changes as of today.

Never forget to keep hope alive!

Just an FYI, there are some fabulous humans also doing this challenge. While we are from all walks of life, we are supporting each other and I will be sharing links to their pages soon! Support your fellow writers!