Month: May 2015

Suck It Up

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 32 Comments

Sometimes you aren’t in a mood to do Anything.

There is work to do, errands to run, music to face but you find yourself doing any and everything to avoid doing that one task you would rather clean the floorboards than face.

This is when you have to Suck It Up!

On this journey down the river of life we often times find ourselves dodging what needs to be done. Even rationing like Scarlett O’Hara, “Tomorrow is another day” does you no good because if you’re lucky, tomorrow comes and that whole “what you put off today” yesterday becomes “just do it” today. It’s a vicious cycle to be sure!

Hiding your “to do list” doesn’t help and if you are OCD like me the darn thing is practically chiseled into your brain so even though you are physically seeing it the list mocks you in your head.

“You Need to get that organizing done.”

“You need to call about that job.”

“You need to pay that bill” Ok that one may be easier to ignore if you don’t have the funds at the moment, however it still calls out to you in that sick sing song voice “Pay attention I won’t let you forget!”. Ugh!

Which reminds me I need to organize my list.

Guess I will add that when I remember where I put it!

At least I can finally scratch off “Get to post office ASAP your girl needs her products!” Go Me!

I think I got 4 out of like 27 things done!

Seriously I don’t put numbers on the items of things to do or I would really lose it! I just write down the page and put a “-” dash for new entries and leave a few lines because then the sub-entries of things to do gets tacked on!

Then sometimes you run out of time and have no choice but to “face the music” so to speak and this is where one must Suck It Up.

I really dislike having those “Suck It Up” items on my list, but if I am honest, it is a natural part of life.

Like having to go to my boy’s school and figure out why I have a balance showing on the new sign in screen of fancy gadgetry they have. Because no matter what else is going on my kid is taken care of first and foremost.

The director was on vacation for a few weeks (use it or lose it policy and I don’t blame her a bit), but her “temporary replacement” told me I had past due fees, I was paying the wrong amount, etc. I do not know this person but I do know nearly All of the wonderful ladies taking care of my child so for her to sort of treat me like I had done wrong really rubbed me the wrong way. I did not want to show my ass in front of the rest of the teachers, but I wanted to very badly let this woman know she had messed with the wrong crazy mama.

You know how you get a vibe for people who either just don’t like you or really just don’t like other people at all?! Yeah she was one of them. She would also push it off onto the assistant, who is a wonderful lady and great with the kids and family.

I could tell “Jenny” (obviously not her real name) was uncomfortable telling me I was “past due” because she Knows I come in at the first of Every month and pay the Whole month in advance and not week by week. You get a discount doing so and I truly never had a thought about it until this new system came in and showed “balance due” and was told “it’s the system you pay fine I wish everyone did.” To me, that meant all was good.

Then this person comes in telling me in her hoity toity attitude that I needed to pay because the regional director “said so” and why hadn’t I addressed the “late fees”.

Excuse me? Late Fees? I have no idea in hades what she is talking about and told her as much. I said “maybe you should look at my payments since I have Always paid them on time, same amount every month and No One has ever said I was late nor did I get a notice.”

You know when you put it like that, when you Suck It Up and speak the truth they have no choice but to take a step back and re-access. So back to the books we went and she showed her side, of course I disagreed but knew once the director came back I could work it out.

So now I have to go in Monday, like going to the principal’s office, and sit down with her and work it all out again. I only dread it because the boy is on vacation with other family and I miss him so going to his school makes me miss him more. I know sappy Suzie! At least I know I will be getting a discount because he is out all week and I will ask about the “late fee” I paid and since he was also out a few weeks ago, of which they knew in advance, maybe I will get another discount. No one was real thrilled about how this other woman handled things!

So that is one instance of which one has to Suck It Up.

There are so many!

That conversation you need to have with a loved one or friend that you are dreading.

The actual cleaning and organizing of rooms because, let’s be honest, another month and you might qualify for an episode of hoarders!

We all have to Suck It Up during our lives and face and do things we would prefer not to do.

But they say that which does not kill you makes you stronger.

I say that which does not kill you makes you stranger. And strange is good!

Have a Fabulous Saturday My Graceless Friends!

 

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“Me” Time

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

Do you ever have those times when you just want to be alone but don’t ever seem to have the time?

You never quite take time for yourself but you don’t really pay attention to those warning sirens in your head that say “STOP YOU PSYCHO YOU HAVE TO SLOW DOWN AND TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF OR I WILL MAKE YOU STOP!” Complete with cymbals, fireworks and other loud noises to make you Listen… Or some kind of something like that!

Yeah welcome to my world!

There’s always something or somebody that needs or wants your attention. Bills, laundry, errands, jobs, family, friends, the list is endless. You may feel guilty for even thinking about it because you feel a responsibility to take care of things ASAP and not consider the importance of You.

It can be overwhelming at times.

Sometimes you do just have to STOP.

For me I have to stop, re-group, attempt to re-organize and remember to Breathe!

I have to let the memories and feelings wash over me and let them do as they may.

I have to embrace them, examine them and try to figure out why I sometimes feel I am ever so slowly losing more of my mind than I feel I have already lost.

I HAVE to have “me” time and have been accused or more than 10 occasions of being “selfish”.

Maybe I am.

Maybe I give and give and go and go and really do need to just stop.

Either way I know I am not alone in feeling this way.

I was talking to a very good friend the other day. We live about 11 miles apart and haven’t seen each other in person in a year.

We have known each other for 20-ish years and we do keep in touch. They are very dear to me and I can’t imagine life without them but yet we don’t “see” each other that much and talk sometimes but not your weekly conversation, more like every few months and we text. We care about each other like siblings. We are there when it counts.

We were talking about this very thing. “Me” time and really how a person NEEDS it.

How yes, you are often considered selfish when you “take it” as if your time belongs to someone other than yourself.

You designate the “me” time.

You give your time to your job, your spouse/significant other, your children, your family and friends. You may spend extra time with charities and hobbies that usually involve others but you don’t always remember to take “time out” for yourself.

And by golly it’s so Important to have “ME” if we are to grow as a human beings.

If you can’t take time, whether it be a few hours a week (even broken down into minutes here and there if you have a family, children or relationship), a day or days if you can to get yourself some quality “ME” time you Will start to unravel.

That is scary. Scarier if you don’t even recognize it.

Because then you start to affect those very people you share your other time with. You start to “float off” when you should be paying attention.

Maybe it affects your health, your relationships, your job.

Maybe it begins as a tiny tear but slowly it begins to eat away at the very fabric of who you are.

Then people ask why your cranky, distant, acting “weirder than normal”. Why you don’t call them back, why you aren’t you your crazy, goofy, demented self.

Then you realize.

I have lost myself.

I have forgotten who I am.

And you Find the time for You.

Because without some me time, there is no Life time.

You can’t share with others what you don’t have.

Find some time for the “me” in You.

I know I am.

Have a fabulously graceless Friday my friends!

That thing called life…..

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 24 Comments

It has really been “one of those days”.

I woke up late, made coffee, spilled coffee (but it helped me clean up a previous juice spill in the same spot so I was trying to call it a win), got more coffee tried to get going.

Yes it went that like that all day.

I am truly a “keep hope alive” kinda gal.

It’s my motto my friend, the One True Bob, started saying back in 2001 and it stuck. Thanks OTB!

I kept trying though I wasn’t about to let a bit of a mood, spilled coffee and the tasks at hand get me down! I am made of stronger stuff than that!

I met with the sprinkler guy and chatted for about 20 minutes regarding parents, families and chipmunks!

Then I got it together, showered, got dressed and worked for a bit before heading off for errands.

Of course this life thing decided to see what I could handle so there was challenges at the post office and my next meeting, but my “quick” errand to the bank was the most entertaining.

You know how you can find jobs on Craigslist.

You have to be careful as there are some zingers out there such as the topless personal assistant needed, no touching – yeah I didn’t touch that one either…not judging but not what I am looking for.

I have done ghost writing, article writing, copy writing, personal assistant and virtual assistant so this is where I was looking.

I found what seemed to be a “legit” personal assistant ad and applied for it. I got another set of questions and a “light” background check. Ok.

So yesterday I receive instructions on how to go about working with my “boss” an art collector and that a check would be mailed to me and I was to deposit it, keep my portion and Western Union to another art dealer the money. It was also  suggested I  use the ATM deposit. Oh no.

Yeah, anyone else feeling those red flags?!

Today I got the check and decided “well I will go into the bank and just see.” At first it seemed on the up and up, the teller couldn’t find anything wrong with the check. I told her my concerns that it was a scam and could she please look further into the bank account on which it was written.

I go to this bank all the time. I go in. I know several tellers and managers because it’s how I roll. I was handed over to another gentleman and he took me to the top manager, which I had just seen last month when I dropped off the packet for a charity event. I plopped down in his office and laid it all out for him.

He did a bit of research and found that interestingly enough that company and account had a habit of canceling checks and closing and reopening the same account. It was so a scam! I forwarded my emails from the “employer” Mr. Johnson Wee (the envelope had Johnson Chris) to my banker dude. I also told him that I would blind copy him on all the emails I received from Mr. Wee as we both knew I would be getting “did you cash the check emails”. Yes it felt good taking the  bad guys out for a change! And I did forward him all 7 emails I got this evening!

I did make it to the school in time to get my boy but of course there was no parking as it was K4 graduation day and I was trying, and succeeded, on getting said boy to karate on time!

I made it home and made dinner, go me!

Boy ready for bed check- , computer – check – I can do this!

Then I start typing. Boy is “sick” and my keyboard is acting wonky!

I think I am done for today. Hoping for a better Friday!

I am ready to toss this computer so I need  to  sign off!

Have fabulous dreams my friends!

Tomorrow will be a better day!!!

Not into politics?

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

This is one of those “hot button topics” I am guessing.

And yes, I have thought long and hard before I started this post. This “topic” on my Lists of Topics has many notes under it which anything “touchy” does because I feel I am putting my viewpoint out there to be bashed or agreed with.

Either way, here we go!

I thought about how often someone asks you “who are you voting for?” or “what do you think about what that judge says? Do you agree?”. Where I live there are some pretty heavy political fights happening that involve the lives of other human beings. So lately the questions have been flying.

I literally Hate those kinds of questions.

I used to work in a hair salon and for a long time in non-profit. We had 2 topics we Never discussed at both places, religion and politics.

From my employer’s standpoint, we were in business to do hair, we could listen and comment, if we chose, about everything from gardening to who was doing who doing who, the parties, people, animals, the weather but once someone brought up religion or politics we were to say, “We do not talk about that here. We are not allowed to as problems have arisen in the past. It is our policy. If there is a problem please take it up with the management.” I was fine with that and also much younger.

At the non-profit it was easier to understand. We were there to help the community and put an end to a disease that affected everyone regarding their political beliefs or lack thereof. So no need to upset folk because money was needed to fund programs and research to stop this disease. Easy peasy I could always talk my way around it onto other truly important topics. I was growing and becoming more aware of the world around me. I had definite opinions and not all of them right by a long shot, but again I do not like arguments so I was happy with following the “policy” of not discussing either topics.

When I was in my early 20’s I was somewhat of a rebel and would say, “I’m not political. I understand you feel my vote counts, I don’t nor am I in the mood to debate you on topics I may or may not know about because I really do not care about your politics.”

It was the almost truth. I did care but was hesitant to speak out about how I felt because I do not like confrontations and I felt sure wasn’t educated enough to get into a debate about it with some jerk who only wanted a chance to relive those high school debating team days or who was a toad trying to make themselves feel better by pointing out one’s lack of knowledge on certain topics.

As I grew older my voice got a bit louder. I didn’t claim a party. In fact to this day, I will tell you all of one group being in complete control scares the crap out of me.

I think we need balance.

Personally sometimes I think we need to doing a “closet cleaning” and make them all take lie detector tests and go from there. It would do a lot of the cleaning out!

The more I pay attention to politics the weirder the world seems.

I mean like the Aliens vs Predators type of way too.

No one is who you think they really are.

I do understand there are Good humans out. They really, truly do care about others and the planet. They are doing the best they can with a lot of broken parts and in some cases, arcane laws

I mean seriously, there is a town in Georgia, and probably other states too, that states you can’t walk you cow down the center of the street after 6:00 PM. Really?! This madness is still on the books as a “crime.”

See, cleaning out the closet isn’t such a bad idea! I mean what if I had decided to borrow a cow and walk up the middle of the street in this town? Would I be arrested before I was mowed down by a car or eighteen wheeler?! Because that particular area is pretty populated these days and I don’t know too many folks that need to take their cows to town by foot any longer! Where would they take my cow?!

But am I political? I would have to say yes.

Like with religion, I know I am not a zealot. Nor do I mean to offend but some folks can get a bit rabid and over zealous regarding their politics and religion. I do not begrudge you of that. However, like anything else, you get into my personal space with your hollering and preaching (over the top and yes, it does happen) and I tend to drop out on you. Or at you depending on the circumstance.

I was raised in the south. Politics and religion are a way of life or so it seemed. I remember being about 6 or 7 and having a bumper sticker that was a Jimmy Carter campaign slogan on it on my big wheel. I thought it was cool I had a sticker for my big wheel. Little did I know that was free advertising for the democratic party!

Later on I had “grown up” and moved out to California. My parents came to visit me and said the following evening they were having dinner with “George Bush, Jr and 200 of his ‘closest’ friends”. I was mortified. Had anyone heard? I mean California, Berkeley, California where I lived was full of liberals. They were everywhere and just like back home with some that got a bit to “on their party’s wagon” they scared me just a little. Not that I agreed fully with Either side but the “oh please no confrontations” gene kicked in so I moved the conversation to another topic swiftly and gracelessly while my parents and 4 other dinner companions looked at me oddly. Nothing new there!

For the record my dad did meet George and apparently got in trouble with the Secret Service because they were discussing hunting and the environment of hunters, boats and goodness knows what else. Topics my dad loved! And, gee wasn’t it funny, how the President of the United States and him were discussing guns, boats and how to work on the environment and apparently the President wasn’t supposed to be spending more than a few minutes with each of those “close friends” and had to be asked by the SS repeatedly to “Please move it along Sir.” Still a great story and proves to me that people are people, even if they have a different “label”.

I was living in Berkeley, California on September 11, 2001.

I was having a dream that I was in a plane and a man who spoke a different language than I did started screaming and I knew the plane had been hi-jacked. I was terrified.

I then woke to my roommate saying, “You have to get up and come see the news. This is horrible.”

So I am freaked out because of my dream and because, well, it’s never safe to wake me up if I think I am sleeping in (that changed a bit with a child) because I got kind of mean-ish. It could be said by friends I was evil being woke early and unexpectedly! Plus my roommates never bothered me unless there was something Big going on. This was definitely “Big”.

We all stared at the TV mutely watching the first plane on the side of the World Trade Center.

I immediately got on the phone calling back east. I got in touch with my close girlfriend when the second plane crashed. We were both throwing up on the phone as we realized simultaneously what was happening.

It took me a while but I was able to make sure all my family and friends I could think of were safe. I knew a few had trips scheduled to D.C. and New York so I was, like a large majority of the country, completely crazed to know if “my people” were ok while I lived through the saddest day I had every witnessed.

I spoke with my grandparents. My grandfather was a Merchant Marine in WW2 and they said that 9/11 was worse than the attack on Pearl Harbor. My grandmother saying over and over, “Those poor people. Their loved one could see them jumping.” I, nor will millions of others, forget that day, nor will I forget what she said.

Because of the media we had instant coverage. The horror. The grief. The rage.

In the days that followed I saw and felt so many emotions. Sadness. Grief. Loss. Scared. Anger.

But I also watched a country come together as a nation to care for those who lost their lives and those who gave their time, money and even their lives to help our nation rebuild.

As I left the West Coast a month and a half later I thought about what had happened. Going west to east during that time was truly and experience I will never forget. The closer into the heartland of America I saw more flags that I had the entire move west. Though we took different routes when going west and coming back to the south, the feeling was completely different.

America had changed. Or maybe I had. Maybe we both had.

I didn’t feel like I could pretend things didn’t matter to me anymore.

I couldn’t “ignore” things said in front of me that degraded another human, no matter what they looked like, where they were from or what their beliefs were.

I can assure you I didn’t move back and become some kind of political activist.

I did however realize that I enjoyed taking care of others and those who couldn’t help themselves over being a corporate drone again. I also had to take a corporate job after the birth of my boy as children aren’t cheap!

But I continue to this day to volunteer and help out others as I can. Not because I want some “gold star” but because for me it is the right thing to do.

What I could tolerate years ago there are now some things I have no patience for now. My way of thinking has changed. Having a child changed me.

To be young and so “set” in your views & ideals is now amusing to me.

You say you will NEVER change this or that about yourself.

Maybe you don’t. But you do grow. And with growing can come knowledge and understanding of a different perspective. Maybe you care more now that you did. Maybe you aren’t as selfish or maybe you are more so now after your youthful experiences. Maybe you changed.

For me, I think that I have always been political, I just now am better with how I articulate my feelings and actually research my topics.

I have always been drawn to my community and the world around me.

I feel I am able to contribute to a conversation even if I say, “I am not currently up to speed on that subject but I promise I will get back to you.”  I don’t feel dumb saying it because it is true. I may never see that person again but I will learn about what they were referring to and figure out how I feel or don’t feel about it.

So if the toad wants to go a round with me now, I am ready!

Have a fabulously graceless evening!

My apologies on the tardiness of this post but the stomach plague hit me today courtesy of my little Typhoid Mary. Here’s hoping tomorrow is better!

 

 

Off Topic

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 13 Comments

 

Greetings my fabulously graceless friends!

The term “off topic” seems to be the running theme of my life right now! From work, bills, things to do, things to clean, places to go, family, close friends, old friends, new friends and of course the boy, the way I plan or think something is going to go winds up going in a whole new direction.

Example: Today’s post. I have one of my lovely notebooks with topics I am excited to write about. The Idea was to have topics at hand to write on therefore always being able to go “oh that was my topic and my thought train” and write on. However, the mood, friends, the kid all had input in my head space and I again changed my topic for today! Not that it is some great thing or anything! Just things I want to write about I find amusing or care deeply about. Mostly!

But that is how this post came about because life throws us off topic every once in a while, or every few days depending of how the universe is feeling! Lately she’s a feeling froggy thinking my fabulously graceless self is all about change and honesty and wanting to dig deep in my mind and soul!

Can’t a girl get a break?! I went to the beach for a “vacation” a few weeks ago and I worked my booty off! Wait, that may not sound right so let me clarify. I went to the beach with my mom and my son. Mom is great and laid back. My boy, not so much! I mean we were at the beach! We needed to go, go, go whether in the condo with movie, toys, writing, walking, asking questions, making sounds he was Going. Once we hit the beach though it was GAME ON!

Of course he wanted MOMMY 90% of the time. GiGi is fun and he loves to play with her (Bless You Mom & Thank You!) but Mommy is insane enough to body surf with the kid and find sand dollars in the crazy waves. I was also a Wave Ninja fighting for good. Yeah figure that one out I am still working on it but am told “You are a brave Wave Ninja Mommy! You kicked their booty!”

When I was a kid one of my favorite things in the world to do was go to the beach and put my toes in the sand/surf as Soon as we got there. We always had to unload the car and by the time we were done it was later and then dinner and then maybe then after we could go for a quick walk that night. Never mind we would spend the next four to five days in a bliss of beach play and games and food and fun. My brother and I would start the “please let us just go out to the beach for 10 minutes when we get there!” about 30 minutes into our 5 hour drive.

Being the oldest I schooled my “little brother” on how good a united front was to the parents and sometimes it worked! My poor boy being an only child has to petition real hard to get certain things, and at times, I give him extra points for creativeness!

So when we finally Arrived at the condo the conversation began immediately began.

“Mommy, can we go see the beach Now?”

“Sure honey, go to the balcony and feel the breeze. You can see everything!”

“No. I mean we have to go down to the beach and put our toes in the sand. ‘Member?! We have to put our toes in the sand you always say that!”

“Okay fine, just help us get everything unloaded and we will go down for a few minutes. Aren’t you hungry we’re going to dinner too!”

“Yea! Thanks Mommy you’re the Best! I love you!”

“Ah thanks buddy, I love you too. Now carry this for me.”

And so it proceeded for the next 45 minutes until we could get down to the beach, he is GOOD at his craft of “buttering you up” I am telling you! Then of course his clothes “accidentally got wet” mysteriously so we had to come up, bathe and change! But it was still worth it because he made me remember that when we get thrown “off topic” it isn’t always so bad!

I am feeling the need for another beach trip!

My lucky boy gets to go this weekend with his friends and dad. I am sure he will have fun but I am only a tiny bit jealous because I know he will have fun and I know we will find a way to go again soon.

I think the next time we go his cousin will go too. He’s only 1 1/2 but they get along famously and I won’t be the only one the boy comes to do the “hard play” with. “Little brother” is going to totally earn those uncle points while I keep his kid from eating sand. It’s a fair trade off!

So maybe “off topic” isn’t always so bad. My mood is better and I am dreaming of the beach again!

Cheers and a lovely graceless evening to y’all!

Soooo lazyyyyyyyy

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 14 Comments

Happy Memorial Day my fabulously graceless friends!

Please do take a moment to reflect on this holiday and those who gave their ALL so that we can enjoy a day off. That’s the point of Memorial Day to reflect on the sacrifices given for our freedom and then ENJOY the freedoms we do have.

I Always thank my veterans and also with extra emphasis on their special holiday in November, Veterans Day!

Being lazy has it’s perks though. We set low expectations for fun so when something great happens like the Transformer on sale at Walmart & new Scooby Doo movie on HBO we haven’t seen (score!) it’s that much sweeter!

So my boy and I discussed why we have this holiday (aka a no school day yes for him but he got schooled on the reason!) and then made a pizza, cooked together, cleaned up and plan to just enjoy each other’s company today.

There were “plans” to go to the pool, the zoo, try to find fireworks but in 5 minutes of discussing it we had a new plan that has worked out nicely for us both!

We had also planned to be driveway artist (sidewalk chalk and paint) but the rain kept us in. Hence why Scooby Doo movie on HBO was a score! Fortunately the boy is go with the flow for the most part. With me as his mama, he has little choice!

We cook, clean up, watch Ninja Turtles (ok here is where I get to write but we are in the same room together so it counts in my book!), eat, bath, dinner and a new movie together later. So exciting I know right?!

My OCD will have me doing more than that I “planned” for sure since I can’t seem to keep up with my own demands!

Since we went into Wally world, and yes I did it of free will with a 4 1/2 year old that I had told he could get a toy (“mommy did we win the lottery?” yes he really asked me this bless him!), I grabbed a cheese pizza and we came home and “made our own pizza”. We also scored popsicle makers on the clearance isle and should have some “interesting” mixes of popsicle’s!

This is my kind of lazy day! Now if only I had a maid, butler and chef! I could really be lazy!

As it stands I have to go get us ready for tomorrow back to the grind! Then I can semi get back to my lazy afternoon/evening!

Enjoy this fabulous day!

An Alzheimer’s Poem

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 7 Comments

Lost in a fog. I forgot I was here. Where was I going? I feel such a fear!

It’s rising upon me like thick falling snow; covering my leaves so I can no longer grow.

Voices and faces filter in and out… I feel I am fading and I begin to shout!

“Help me! Oh Please!” I just want to cry. I can’t even speak, I just want to die.

I can’t remember why I was so scared, but you came and you hugged me and showed me you cared.

So, thank you, my friend, for staying with me, because it’s not easy for anyone who has Alzheimer’s disease.

*This is for everyone suffering, who has suffered and their caregivers.

Alzheimer’s disease and related dementias are nearly at epidemic proportions in our country. As a caregiver to so many with this disease (and varying forms) I was given a glimpse into their scary world. My words do no justice for those that suffer.

One of my passions is that people do not have to go through this alone. The Alzheimer’s Association has a 24/7 hotline 1-800-272-3900. There are resources out there.

This disease can be quite terrifying to both the person going though this, and I have friends currently with this disease (Early on-set and also later in life) and know so many caregivers.

I needed to share this as I have been reading so many posts in the support groups I am a part of where there is knowledge on the part of the public in so many areas on what this disease truly is and how it will and does impact so many families and friends and the havoc it wreaks on finances as well as the economy.

So not trying to be a Debbie Downer!

Be Fabulous. Spread the Word!

Can I please get your side effects listed?

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 10 Comments

 

I think when you become friends, began dating and knowing people you will be around often (work, friends, etc.) that one of your first acts should be to give a list to the other your side effects. Openly and honestly.

You can do the “Hi I am Sam, I’m a Virgo, I am a bit OCD, I hate it when you fold napkins the wrong way in fact, when we are preparing for people to come over if they aren’t folded right I may have a breakdown and end up in the state hospital again. I love unicorns and puppies and I put mustard on my popcorn.”

See? Simple! Hahahahaha

Ok I know it isn’t that easy but you can tell people about yourself.

I understand that you don’t want to give away all of your crazy up front, no need to run them off, but it is fair to tell people about you. For example, say if you spend a lot of time together in any capacity that you’re on medication for seizures, heart issues, because you sometimes here the dust mites chattering away. Those are kind of important things to share if you are sharing chunks of time with someone. What if you have a reaction or need medical attention with your friend? This is crucial information to share.

Later you can tell them about how you don’t always answer your phone or how you only go out every 3rd day. Again not sharing all the oddities right away but building up to it. That is fine as long as it doesn’t involve say body parts stored in the freezer or a fetish for hurting others.

We all have oddities and things we do that may annoy, irritate or frighten others depending on what it is. And by frighten I mean that it could be something small or something pretty big that you need to get out there.

People have patterns. You can only “pretend” to be a certain way for so long unless you’re like that chick in that book/movie “Gone Girl” or that dude in “The Talented Mr. Ripley” or “Catch Me if you can”.

Not that there aren’t  people out there like that but to me that’s more extreme. I have met quite a few people that are very adept at “hiding” parts of who they really are. They can be quite persuasive and manipulative. It’s a fascinating thing to watch and scary at the same time.

If someone you become friends with suddenly becomes a close talker and a bit too much into your personal life, you have to look back and see that the signs were there, she was just refraining from being her true to not scare you off. Can you live with that as a friend? Do you approach her about it? Do you slowly back away and disappear?

I handled this with the “heyyyyy friend, you are all up in my personal space. I like you and respect you but you need to understand my life is mine and I will share a lot with you but you don’t need to research or “assume” things because you will most likely be wrong and make me mad. Ask me. If it’s too personal I will tell you as much and we can move on.” And yes, I am still friends with this person!

What if you’ve been friends with someone and suddenly the don’t seem to answer the phone as much as they once did? You still hang out but the whole answering the phone when you call doesn’t happen as much. They still call you occasionally to make sure plans are in place (after you’ve left messages) but they just don’t take your calls. Do you get mad or confront and/or accept it?

I am seriously referring to several of my super close inner group of friends. The truth is we all love each other and hate to talk on the phones at times. Not that we won’t go for a marathon or sometimes just 5 minutes. I just Asked if I had done anything wrong and when we talked, we realized that we had grown in our relationships and didn’t feel the Need to talk all the time.

Of course we still do talk, more so now that we aren’t living in the same state for some, but still not as much as some people feel people need to talk or it makes them not “friends”. **I don’t have/know of too many folks like this because I get irritated with the phone in general & if you feel like I have to talk to you every few hours or we aren’t being what you deem “friends” then you will have a problem with me! The only person that gets that much attention is the boy because he is mine and even then I tell him “mommy needs some time away from it all for just a few minutes” (and that usually leaves me hiding in the bathroom for only 10-15 minutes if he is distracted by playing or watching a movie!).

Or you’ve been friends with someone and known each other a while. When you were younger you maybe drank together, and as you aged you went through stages of partying and both seemed to come out alive and ok. Then you notice they are drinking or on something because they are acting like they did when you partied together “back in the day” but this is no longer “back in the day” and you’re older and have responsibilities. Do you ignore it, accept it, confront them? Do you decide they aren’t worth it because “they know better”? Do you judge?

I can say I have done all of the above. And yes, there have been some regrets I admit.

In various stages of our lives we don’t always make the best decisions and then again sometimes it is for the best but may not feel like it them.

I know that I always talked to my friends before I did anything “rash”, well at least after about the age of 20! Before then I just didn’t understand people as well and what I could, would and could not tolerate.

I wish everyone well but I am sorry I can’t go down that rabbit hole with you. Sometimes some journeys are meant to go on alone. If you are very, very lucky you may get to see them again on this journey of life!

What about the friends you make and some life event shakes you both up and you realize you have nothing more in common anymore but the time you have known each other?

You have years of being around this “friend” but nothing else anymore as this event has shown you the glaring differences in the core of who you both are.

And you realize, all along you saw the signs, the side effects. You Knew the words on the warning labels yet you chose to ignore them because you truly felt this friend was worth it.

That they would be there with you for the zombie apocalypse.

When the time came and the world as you know if fell apart, you both let each other down in some ways.

You never expected them to fall so far and when you confronted them, they tore you apart emotionally because they knew they couldn’t take away the core of the true you and that made them jealous because maybe, just maybe you were a stronger person than they were.

And if we are honest you are a bit less selfish than they were.

But you, in your ways of the thoughts of the universe, thought that just because they didn’t want to list their “side effects” to you out loud; that it was understood you both Knew and that you acknowledged it but also had expectations of them being Human and admitting their shortcomings as you admitted yours to them.

It didn’t happen.

You never know how things will end up. Maybe the spin around the sun will make you friends once more and maybe they will become someone you once knew.

So if we could just be honest and share the not so pretty side effects/warning labels about ourselves with each other, it would just make things so much easier, ya know?! It couldn’t hurt much!

What do I know? I’m just a chick that enjoys blogging about the thoughts in her head!

Have a Fabulously Graceless Sunday My Friends!

Fly your freak flag proudly!

 

Public Profanity and Censorship

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 13 Comments

I always thought I was so cool. I mean I thought I was weird, could be adopted (grant it I look very much like my dad’s mom but that’s just coincidence I’m sure), left by aliens but I was “cool” in my mind, the best and scariest of places, because I could and can say anything I wanted and No One could tell me I was wrong, the timing was bad, I shouldn’t have said that, etc.

Oh but the happiness of being able to “shout it out in my head is a good thing! Probably could get me in a coat that helps me hug myself but we won’t go any further on that one right now!

I was a teenage rebel. I am surprised my parents didn’t disown me though I am sure it had to have crossed their mind a time or ten. I got good grades but had no “one” group I was in. I was friends with everyone. I dressed normal and weird. I didn’t judge people based on who their family was. I spoke my mind, often to my detriment but also in defense of others. I truly tried to be a “good person”. I also skipped school, said mean things I usually instantly regretted and did things I would probably not do again. However I can’t help but wonder if it didn’t help mold me into understanding life a bit better.

I feel for the most part that I have survived and thrived and I am continuing to build on who I am. It’s neat to find more of myself all the time.

I have a WIDE variety of friends and family from ALL walks of life, races, colors, religions and I love them all for who they are. I call out friends or family who speak ill of another “type” of person as 98% of the time it is stereotypical and just plain wrong.

I Believe in Freedom for ALL Human Beings regardless of the color of their skin, their sex, their religion or whom they chose to love and call family.

I believe in saying how you feel without the repercussions of family, friends and society tearing you down. I don’t want to be censored.

Yet I censor myself. In life, in conversations and even here on my blog.

Sometimes I am too damn nice.

See, that’s the thing, just using the word damn may offend some people. I don’t want to do that but That is Just ME. A layer of me. Like an onion (Love Shrek!). Because peeling it down I am not so sure all that is meant for the masses! It could be scary!

In today’s world “damn” is really not a bad word. It wasn’t too bad in the 80’s even though some folks would say any profanity would send you straight to the pits of hell. 30 years later we say and hear far, far worse and see even more so what is then beyond that pit of hell to them I wonder?!

So I “censor” myself in my speech as I do not know who all will be reading my post and I am sure that in the future, stronger language will be used in some posts and I will probably go back and add *strong language may be unsuitable for young readers and those who can’t handle the truth because it’s just how I roll.

Because if I am real about how I truly am, when I am so emotionally charged up or angry or hurt or sad or even with my girls & close friends when I don’t have to “check what I say as not to offend” I say Bad Words!

A lot of them and artistically I might add. I used to call my good friend and ho (an endearing term as not to be confused as to something ugly here) and go on complete rants about Atlanta traffic and drivers. I would come up with some damn creative names for folks.

I also, in my mind, invented a ray gun that I could point at said folk that made the profane language flow from my face and made me feel terror for my life and turn them into a beautiful flower grouping by the side of the road for 5 minutes and then return them to the road in a better frame of mind without having lost any time. All of that from being able to “let it loose” with my speech to my friend!

I have mentioned before I hate crowds. Hate is a strong word but all crowds of Any kind make me a bit jittery. I can go with friends and family, have a fabulous time but I still get a wee bit nervous in a crowd. (They make medications for that ya know! Makes it a bit easier!). And I seem to find myself in crowds as is such with life. By crowds I mean 25 or more people unless it is a really cool gathering of a bunch of people I know and not people they know we just all know each other and it’s fun. Because then even though you’re in a “crowd” it’s of all friends. You still in the safe space where you don’t have to censor yourself too much, depending on the group. But once in the PUBLIC you have to censor yourself.

Have you ever been alone in your dwelling and something scare you and you scream out something you don’t want your mama or grandmama to hear? Or your priest, rabbi, nosey neighbor…you get the idea. Or you just found out something about someone or your own life and you just want to say words and scream out loud because it sometimes makes you feel better so you do.

But once you cross that threshold from personal space to public property you are in full on Censorship mode!

I know we aren’t supposed to care what others think. But then again why aren’t we? It’s a fine line to walk. Caring but not. Being yourself but not.

When I am in public I try to censor what I say due to others around me who do not like the language and for the sake of small children. In some instances if no kids are around, all bets are off and words are said. Sometimes it’s funny, other times I probably should have kept my mouth shut.

A phrase I heard often as a child and teen was “if you can’t say it around your mother or in church you shouldn’t be saying it.” And how well did that work out for the majority of us?!

I guess what I am getting at is I am not perfect and neither is my language. I cuss more in my head than I allow to come out of my mouth. But it does come out!

But I try to respect others and realize that just by overhearing something I say that is considered “profanity” that it could offend them in a way I do not even understand. And even know I may not know them I would still feel bad. I am the person who has been known to be at a restaurant late after having a few drinks with friends, say something crude then look around to see if anyone heard me and then apologize to them! Yep I am that person.

So even though I am still being free and being me, I censor myself. Because frankly I think everyone needs to a tiny bit just to try and show a little respect for others. You never know how that person could affect your life and how you could affect theirs.

This is however, just my humble opinion. And it doesn’t matter because if you cuss like a sailor, I am still your friend. If you do it in front of my mama, I will ask you to try and clean it up a bit. But once we are where I know we won’t offend anyone, I can match you word for word in that “sailor talk”!

That is enough deep thinking for one night and I am damn tired!

Goodnight my Graceless Friends!

 

Reflections on a Friday night movie out

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 25 Comments

Good Saturday my Graceless friends!

I have so many things in my brain but had to share this experience that I had last night upon visiting our local cinema.

I love to watch a good movie and I love all kinds of movies. Horror movies are a favorite of mine. However, I do not like crowds so most of the time I rent or if I do go to see a movie I try to go on a day or night that is not crowed.

That said last night I went to see “Poltergeist” with a friend on a Friday night. As the movie started at 8:50 PM we got into the theatre about 8:55 and it was starting to fill up. You know you get the commercials (No talking & Please Silence your cell phones) then the trailers for the upcoming movies.

People talk, check their cell, etc during all of this. My slightly OCD self works to ignore these things and focus on the screen in front and the popcorn in my lap. I can tune them out I have a kid! I am in public and sharing a movie with strangers! This should be fun!

My friend and I are watching the previews and getting a bit irritated at the folks in front of us as they seem to be living their life on their phone and the glow from their nearly iPad sized tablet is annoying and the folks behind us are quite loud but again, it’s the previews not the movies. Just breathe and hopefully they will stop when the “feature presentation” comes on. Yes, keep hope alive!

Finally we get to The Movie.

I’m wondering if it will be any form of scare or pure cheesiness due to the classic of Steven Speilberg and how it totally scared the crap out of me when I was a kid. I am tuning out the “rebels” and digging into my popcorn. Let’s go!

5 minutes into the movie, and I am hooked, by the way. I can also see a strange glow on my companions face and the utter frustration of having to see the Big tablet size phone of the woman in front of me.

“Slump down maybe you’re too tall and that will help.” He tries to no avail. I suggest him moving to the seat next to me and that works. Now I can sort of see her phone but I am not tall therefore it isn’t as bad.

That is until she take a Call 15 minutes into the movie! Seriously?!

This movie is better thus far that I had hoped. I set my expectations low so that I am pleased as punch when watching any “horror” film that shows promise.

Now I am contending with her making calls, checking her dating profile and updating Facebook! You are in a movie for the love of Pete lady! I even said “wow there is a neat blue glow coming from the row in front of us” not loud enough for everyone to hear but the folks next to us and definitely on both sides of her heard me and laughed quietly.

I get it. You need to check your phone for various reasons: the babysitter, mom, dad, kids, whatever but please be Discreet!!! We all paid our $11 plus snacks so we want to enjoy the flick! Don’t update your profiles and check in DURING the film Please! If it is that important leave the theatre and do it in the hall outside or the bathroom!

I continued to enjoy the movie but couldn’t help but notice here and there that “glow” from other cell devices. I contemplated randomly and discreetly tossing popcorn on said distractor in front of me and looking up as if “I just saw something fly through the air” look when they turned around. I may have perfected this for noisy folk back in the day. Haha

Finally the little movie usher came into the theatre (I am always watching people come and go and how close all the exits are, even before the madness that happened in theatres – Always have an out!) and brought a police officer with him. Yipee! Restore order and peace as several patrons are starting to get a bit cheeky with comments and the last place I want to be is in a large dark room with lots of angry folks watching a scary movie. No, no, no thank you!

Apparently someone had complained of the loud teens and all of the cell phones that were glowing around us. Almost like lighters at a concert but not quite as cool.

Yea girl who got snacks and came back trying to look like you didn’t know what was going on but you turned them in – well done!! I wanted to thank her after but of course it was chaotic so to the chick in the white dress Thank You from the 6th row of people that were getting quite irritated!

As I watched the movie I also watched the usher and the officer go to no less than 8 people and ask them to put away their devices. Wow. In addition they went to 2 groups and asked them to please quiet down.

It was interesting to also note that the officer and another usher had to stay “in the shadows” for most of the rest of the film to repeatedly “reprimand” those who kept using their cell phones.

Though I feel pretty certain that one dude way in the front was recording the movie! Unless he is really good at editing that was one loud theatre and your angle was bad! It won’t be worth it if you’re caught because whoever you give it too will most likely toss it and wait for the $1.50 Redbox!

Back to watching the movie it was easy to be engaged by the film. I will say I enjoyed it despite what had been written on reviews – I saw it had a 6 out of 10 stars but I would give it an 8 out of 10!

Many moons ago I worked at a theatre (only 6 cinemas). You could buy a popcorn and soda for way less than todays cost of an hour or two of wages. We didn’t have the worry of someone recording the movie as the technology for that wasn’t yet possible. We did have to worry about people drinking too much (as like now people smuggle their booze in), puking on the floor and burning holes in the seats with their cigarettes as that was still allowed back then. And all of the above happened every week.

I have complete respect for those who work at the theatres knowing at the end of the night it is an atrocious place to clean but also now they have more “security” and devices to make sure the trouble makers and rebels are kept in check to some degree.

All in all it was a fun night in public and I would recommend “Poltergeist” to anyone who enjoys a good scare and a decent storyline.

As for me I am off to get ready for a graduation party and will write more later.

I hope you are having a fabulous graceless Saturday!

Take care!