Being responsible

Once you get to a certain point in your life you have to take responsibilities for things in your life. You can’t always blame others because something you wanted didn’t work out. You can’t shun your responsibilities because you don’t like someone and they make you “mad”.

When you have a child or children the responsibilities grow. Even if you aren’t the “full time” parent or you are “co-parenting”, you have to communicate so that you are doing what is best for your child/children and not what is best for you. You may not like the other parent, but if they are present in your child’s life you have to make the best of things, suck it up and get along.

I have heard so many stories, and live through my own, of single parenting. It is not easy no matter how hard you try you it seems you will always feel guilt. Recently the boy had seen a preview for one of those Disney on Ice events and wanted to go. I looked into and it is only playing during the time he is with his dad. So I told him to ask them to take him. I feel like he might but he explicitly wants me to go. I can’t exactly explain to my 5-year-old that his dad is not my biggest fan and that I can’t just take him during a time when he is supposed to be with his dad. Instead I advise him to ask his dad or his grandparents and promise him I will find something for us to do. When pressed I remind him his dad and grandparents miss him and wants to spend time with him like I do.

I realize that I am fortunate in that right now my son and I are very close. When his dad and I split up, I realized how hard it was going to be on him to not have both parents “there” all the time. He is my miracle boy and we have a bond that runs deep.

I have been consistent in how I talk to him, work with him and keep some semblance of a schedule for him. I communicate with his dad and grandparents as to what I am doing so that if they so desire, they can do something similar. He knows he has different rules depending on where he is. The fact that he is only 5 is often lost when he comes out with adult insights that most adults can’t see. He has been in situations of loss that most people don’t experience quite so early in life and has come out rather well balanced. I am not being biased as his teachers and doctors have agreed that he is quite amazing and have handled situations with a maturity of a much older child while still maintaining his little boy ways.

Most of all he knows I love him no matter what and that his mommy will always be there for him if I am able. He doesn’t doubt it. He knows he can depend on me. Earlier this year I had major surgery. He does karate one day a week and it’s a day that every other week he is with either myself or his dad. I go to every class. Since he started 9 months ago I have only missed 3 classes and all were due to medical reasons. He knows he can look up week after week and his mommy will be there, whether he’s going home with me or not, supporting him and cheering him on.

When you’re responsible for children, you can’t always act on your emotions. You may not realize how much what you do impacts that child and children can be more insightful than you realize. You may think your little wild child isn’t paying attention to your conversation with your friends, but when he ends up blurting out bits and pieces over the next few weeks at inappropriate times, you realize just how much he listened! He can’t repeat back to you what just came out of your mouth when he’s supposed to be learning yet he can quote verbatim a conversation you had with your friends and had no idea he was listening. It’s freaky. True Story!

I guess I am just trying to say we all have responsibilities on varying levels. I just wish more people would stand up to what they need to do even if it means sucking it up and being “nice” to someone you are quite so fond of for the sake of others. Not just a child. But people that matter to you.

I hope you all have a fabulous day!

Keep Hope Alive!

Commitments & Lady Maos

It seems lately I have been going along, trying to do the right things, keep up with responsibilities and always keep hope alive.

It isn’t always easy. It seems there are people who would rather cut you down and hurt you than just walk away.

Walking away isn’t easy nor is it for the faint of heart.

Oftentimes it is not easy to just walk away, especially if one has obligations they committed to in addition to doing what is best for all involved.

When I make a commitment I do my damnedest to stick to it.

I know I have let people down; I am so far from perfect I don’t even pretend to be in that category.

I have failed at relationships. I have also learned valuable lessons and been introduced to worlds and ideas I never knew existed.

I don’t nor could I discount something so easily when it was more than that.

I still work to be communicative and open even when things are ending because chances are good that we not only shared a relationship, but also other responsibilities together.

For anyone, whether it’s a child, home, furniture, CD/s, books, vehicles or any other random obligation, once you end a relationship with someone, you should finalize and complete your commitments.

I realize this can be hard.

It can be harder to do when feelings are hurt and one only wants to hurt another to make them feel the pain they are feeling.

Sadly, this is something I have witnessed and have had done to me.

Again, I never said I was perfect, but I do always work to honor those other factors that were put in place, in the “no matter what” category, to make sure no one else is responsible for something I said I would do. If I can’t make it happen, I am the one letting them know why and what I can do to try and make it better.

I have been told I am brutally and painfully honest at times.

I bite my tongue so often that the pain of it reminds me how much I can hurt others with not only my words but my actions or inactions.

Oftentimes my inactions are due to the very fact that if I did take action and spoke my mind I fear the repercussions would be far, far worse than not saying anything at all.

I have seen the dark side of humanity. I understand it and have a healthy fear of it.

Words and promises can be said a million times over but actions speak louder than words. “I’m sorry.” “I promise.” Words with power behind them to Mean something but overused and excused so often it becomes the patent response to shut one up.

When you’ve said or written something of importance and the response is “OK” sends me over the edge. Really? I tell you something important or how I feel and all you can muster up in that big brain of yours is “OK’?!

“OK” is fine for short texts when you’re planning dinner, meeting up, finalizing plans, etc. However, “Ok” when everyone knows more than one word is needed in the reply… even a “will talk more later” means worlds. “Ok” to me, means you don’t really care enough to respond. But you said you did.

I am so very fortunate and blessed to have so many amazing humans in my life that “get me”. That it seems no matter what happens they are there for me. Whether they be family, friends, past or new, I know that these people are There for me. In their own ways and as much as they can be.

I know that they accept me flaws and all.

Because they have proved to me time after time they are committed to our relationship.

They have flaws too. Every one of them. And will admit it, although not publically some of them and I don’t blame them.

After all, this is my blog. My thoughts. MY putting it out there into the world.

And I do it cautiously but also with a wild abandon glee that is like swinging high on the swings at the park when you’re a kid. That feeling of flying and not knowing what’s going to happen next but you pump your legs higher and you keep going because you know deep down this is what you love to do.

Writing is like that for me.

And those who know me, and the ones getting to know me seem to keep coming back and giving me constructive criticism and praise and I can’t tell you what it means to me.

Because it’s a commitment you see. A commitment to share my life, one day at a time my writing this “blog”. A commitment I made to myself and no one else.

I am growing more and more and hopefully becoming a better human being by doing this.

I don’t write the answers to the world’s problems, or even things that fit everyone. Each day is different. Each day is new. Each article is another part of me that I let out into the world.

Some days I have verbal diarrhea, haha like maybe today, and I write/vent/ramble more.

Other days I find humorous things, or interesting things or sometimes it is something I feel compelled to write. My writing may be lengthy with “not enough” videos, photos or whatever. It may be shorter articles with crazy photos and sayings I find on the internet, or better yet, real life photos from my world.

A very close friend, I will call them Captain Pogo, called me Lady Maos.

I laughed so hard I snorted! Since I love the word maos, chaos and mayhem, and use it as often as possible, being called Lady Maos made my day.

It also made me realize it’s so much a part of me just like being fabulously graceless is that I will be using it in my writings.

I know y’all are just thrilled!

So I will wrap up this long winded Wednesday thought provoking, insightful post by telling you all to Keep Hope Alive my Fabulously Graceless Friends!

I could not do this without the support of my loved ones and those of you who are seemly to become like family through the wonderful writings and musings of the world wide web!

Love and happiness to all!

Stay Fabulous!

Lady Maos aka Fabulous Gracelessness!

lady maoe