Changes happen whether you want them or not


One doesn’t always know what is going to happen. You may have an idea, an inkling, a feeling or you may think everything is “just fine and dandy” and out of the blue KA-POW! Change hits you like you were not expecting it to. Dealing with that change can be a game changer in life as I know first hand!

Right now, in this very moment, I am going through some crazy changes in my life. I’ve got so many irons in the fires and had fires go out that trying to navigate from one minute to the next can be exhausting.

I’m a free spirited, OCD, single mom of The Boy. I am a romantic, realist, spiritualist, friend, sister, daughter, lover, girlfriend, human being. I am so many things that there isn’t a way to list them all without sounding arrogant or that I am touting my own self worth… Yet it seems that in today’s society I must “choose” a box for who I am to fit inside of. I don’t fit into any box.

Hello, we are constantly changing! Some days in small ways and others in larger ways. Employment, living, relationships, health, heart – all of these can change in an instant. At other times, it is in moments. They may take days, weeks or months to culminate into something larger, grander and maybe even change the course of one’s outlook on a certain aspect for the duration of ones life. Or maybe only for a short time. But it definitely changes the perspective in which we observe, respond and react to life.

These are the thoughts and ramblings in my mind. Daily. It’s an interesting place to dwell,

Keep hope alive!

 

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I should know by now but sometimes I forget on finding my way back to me


I should know by now to not expect life to go as I planned or scheduled but sometimes I just have to question my sanity… or maybe I am question the sanity or lack thereof regarding others.

Life definitely keeps me on my toes.

I think I am going to turn right and end up having to go left. A whole over the river and through the woods adventure complete with mini personal stops tossed in. Add in lack of substance and it makes for caffeine infused and filterless Lady Maos! Yee-haw friends welcome to the week!

Of course the bonus is the boy is home! Seems he had an adventurous weekend as well! It’s so entertaining to hear him tell me what he does when he isn’t with me. He’s working on details and it’s hilariously amusing to see what he will say before reverting to potty talk… literally!

Lately it seems so many people are ill with some form of sickness or another. Loved ones and friends, myself included, by age, illnesses – some worse than others but everyone’s a fighter.

We are also getting more clients, which is great, but I’m required to keep everything within this “hourly” thing when I prefer “salary” because then any extras I do it doesn’t matter when I do an average of at least 4 extra hours a week but don’t necessarily care for the monetary gain.

It’s more than that. It’s the fulfillment of helping others and making lives gel. It’s helping others to remember their own humanity. It is beyond humbling and personal when you are helping someone with their activities of daily living… cleaning, bathing, grooming, bathroom, meal preparation, feeding – those are only a few of the things we do. We dance lightly through tangled webs of family dynamics to make sure our clients are cared for, no matter what is going on around them. Some are for a few hours a week, others are 5 days a week, and then there are those we are with 24/7.  Some people see us more than their own family. I love what I do. It is a part of who I am.

I also have my personal relationships and of course, the boy. The shining beacon in my world who keeps me much more grounded and helps somewhat in that filter thing I have issues with.

It is like I have to go through and around, down and under to get back to me. Re-set and go! Not starting over, just back on the path to where I am supposed to be.

I should know by now but sometimes I forget finding my way back to me.

I may slow down however, I never give up. I always keep hope alive!

Have a fabulous day!

Try not to get lost finding your way back to you my fabulously graceful friends!

Life, hope and reality through the eyes of a child


eyes of child JOY use

I want to share how life looks through my boy’s eyes.

The eyes and opinions of a child are so true and pure.

They are little sponges and are for the most part, naïve and honest. Much more so than we are. They say what they’re thinking as they are thinking it. I am working with the boy on discretion.

He enjoys people watching. This past summer at the beach, if a girl in a 2 piece walked by, my boy was checking her out. Smiling goofily and almost drooling. I was telling him how to look without staring. He now understands sun glasses now and how well you can look at people but they can’t see your eyes. He prefers to all out look at them. He is also not judgmental, if they had their belly showing, he was grinning no matter what sized body they had.

I am working with him on that filter from brain to mouth. It is proving to be a bit more challenging. Also he is getting more curious about life and how things work. Exciting and scary at the same time. Kind of like his questions and statements, sometimes exciting other times his phrasing or learning can lead to awkwardness, embarrassment or frustration. Sometimes I just don’t have the right answers but I try.

“Mommy your belly is so big, is there a baby in there?” No kid, you’re the only one. My miracle but when you ask me that in front of others, I understand, for an instant, why certain species eat their young.

“Why is that man screaming at that lady,” on seeing a man yelling at a woman in a parking lot. I knew that is was a domestic violent situation, saw the approaching police and could move the vehicle forward, away from the ugly truth of life. I give him snippets, “Sometimes adults yell and scream at each other and it isn’t right to be doing that to someone, much less in public.” His response, “There must be something wrong with him to act like that. I’m 5 now and I know I shouldn’t scream at people mommy.” Oh my sweet angel, if only we all knew that and if we acted on it, apologized genuinely like you do.

“Mommy we are all different colors, but we are all alike. I don’t understand the big deal.” “What do you mean?” “Well I am white with blonde hair and blue eyes. You are light brown with green/brown eyes and black hair, and I have friends with brown skin and black hair. But we are all peoples. So what’s the big deal when people act all mean and weird?” “You know what buddy, we are all equal. No matter what our skin color or where we are from. Sometimes people want to think they are better than other people.” “Like smarter?” “Well yes smarter or more important, that their life is better than the other person’s life.” “Well that’s dumb. We are all people, we all pee and poop. We all get smelly. We all laugh. Sometimes people can’t see or don’t have arms or legs or look different but we are all people. There must be something wrong with some people.” Oh my child you have no idea.

“You know I wish we could visit heaven and cross that rainbow bridge. Seems like we need to find a way to do that. We have all these puters and smart people and space. How come we haven’t find a way to visit? I want to see Pops and Jethro again. Maybe when I grow up and become a superhero, I can find a way to do that.” That one brought tears to my eyes. It still does.

children are happy no file of wrong

Many cultures believe that children are more in touch with their past lives, the spirit world and universal truths. That we are born with an ability to trust and believe in others and are more empathetic. They also see things that once you begin growing older, the majority begin to lose the ability to see beyond this world. As they age, they begin to lose that naivety and become more jaded. Many times it is due to their environment and their beliefs their parents, families and guardians feel.

There are many children that will still see and feel these things not only as youth, but as they grow older. They remain empathetic and compassionate. This does not necessarily mean that they are “strange” or not like “normal” kids. Many of them learn who they can talk to and who they can’t. Sometimes their families help them along and others find like people and information that help them along their journey.

We often discount children and their fantastical tales, their songs, their opinions. After all, how much life experience do they have?

I know I have heard the boy and several other children talk about “their life before this one.” I have also talked to some of those kids who only vaguely remember talking about it as the memories have faded. Things that he has said make me pause and think about things.

Who’s to say he didn’t have another life before this one? He talks about before he was borned (his word, we’re learning) when he was in heaven waiting for a new family. He says he remembers being told he would get a “good” mommy this time who loved him more than anything and would listen to all the things he had to say and not make fun of him for singing, dancing, making up stories and remembering things from his “other” life. Whoever told him that was spot on.

So do I think he has a bit of life experience? Yes. Does that mean I am going to allow him to do something beyond his years, like a drive a car, at 6 years old? That would be a big NO! Well, not unless he shows some mad learning skills along with better focus in the next 10 months! Ha, who am I kidding?! Absolutely not letting the boy drive anything other than go carts and bicycles for quite a while!

In the words of my boy, “Be nice to everybody, even if they are mean to you. Then just look at those people and smile and say “too bad” and walk away. They aren’t worth your time. We only want fun people on our ride!”

wisdom of ages eyes of child

As for me, I am keeping hope alive!

Have a fabulous day!