Another fun manic Monday


Just another manic Monday here in my graceless world!

I hope you are all having a lovely Monday and you remember to Keep Hope Alive!

Today will be a full, fun, learning kind of day with more than I should do but knowing how I am will do!

It’s so nice to be among the land of the occasional paycheck again, even if it’s dribblings it’s steady-ish dribblings and gives me the hope I need to keep moving forward!

I never know what kind of curves are coming but I am ready!

I am on countdown to less than 10 days before I am with my sister from another mister, family and those Yankees I have claimed as mine!

view on hoppe valley

The first pig roast I was preggo with the boy!

b in belly pig roast

Now he is all about running wild and the pig itself, which is beyond yummy along with the multitude of food we will all consume!

cooked pig

I will be driving with the boy and my co-pilot to TN to meet up with more famriends and then it’s all the way to PA baby!

Boy howdy will that be a fun ride! NOT!

It will be filled with entertainment but it is hella long. Sorry to offend but it is a true Road Trip. My Jeep, the Blue Bunny, is getting groomed and checked for the adventure.

Can anyone tell I get excited about this?!

Not to mention I now have my new contacts and glasses will be in this week!

I feel like singing, “It’s a whole new world!” out loud instead of just in my head while wearing them!

Plus I cleaned the windows in the jeep so today’s view will be fabulous!

They give a whole new meaning to sharpness and clarity!

I feel like that is a good way of looking at things on the positive spin of the maos (chaos and mayhem) of my life!

I have been seeking a clarity and working on sharpening my focus and it is not only happening, but paying off!

I worked my booty off yesterday cleaning house and organizing and playing with the boy in between.

I mean I got on a “I feel the need to do all of the laundry in the house just because” and so I did. Yes my OCD went a little overboard as you can see below!

laundry

It and the laundry room are now clean and pristine!

I am always trying to catch up and do more so that I can rest and play every once in a while.

I work harder for a day or two off but now that I’m working for myself and my freelancing, I don’t feel guilty by actually not doing any work on my days off.

Before I would feel like I needed to do “something” or else I was just being lazy!

Crazy I know but also a part of my OCD I have been working on.

Now I am working out better time management and finding ways to not feel the guilt because I don’t do some sort of work when I declare I am taking a day off!

One could truly loose one’s mind with the continuance of this kind of behavior!

I will sign off for now but want to wish Everyone a Fabulous Monday!

So much to do, so much to live, so much to be thankful for!

Always keep hope alive my friends!

 

The beach is in my soul


At the time this article goes out I will have officially been gone from the beach for at least nearly 20 hours… almost a full day.

I will have woke with my last view of the beach for a while.

Of course I will photograph it but often I don’t need the visual reminders. Not of this place.

I always walk out onto the balcony, look around and then close my eyes and breathe it all in.

balcony view

The sights, the smell, the endless ocean with all of its vast adventures.

The Life.

I can be anywhere, any room, any situation and just Stop.

I can smell it. The salt and sand and tropical smells.

I can feel it. The breeze blowing off the Gulf of Mexico caressing my skin. Rain or shine it feels so different, so alive.

I can see it in my mind. I can close my eyes and see all hours of the day or night here.

For all of my existence I have come to this place.

feet beach

This body of water.

The beaches along the Gulf Coast have helped shape who I am as a human being.

As I am sure they have shaped thousands before, even now and after I am gone.

I’ve seen the sun rise, mid-day and setting sun. I have sat on the beach from dawn til dusk and dusk til dawn.

I have slept on the beach.

I have played in this ocean and learned of the creatures that live here and respect them. Even if I am not fond of some of them this is their home. Their space.

I have walked these shores with the ones I love and those that are no longer here with me to walk in the surf or sit in the sand and stare out at the beauty.

But here I feel so close to them.

I feel close to all of those I love and care for.

I love sharing this Oneness of everything with my boy.

beach crab catchin

My amazing miracle that constantly blows my mind and fills me with love.

He reminds me of this place.

We came from this place.

The place where I am close to everything, call it God, the Universe, all of those things we cannot articulate into words but its right there.

It is where I can and do find my soul. I nourish it.

I find it and I replenish my being.

And I can come anytime I want.

I just have to remember the way.

This time, I know that I have found it.

I will not forget it.

Life is too precious to let myself forget this and how to mend my soul.

pier balcony view

 

Happy Friday Y’all!


This week has flowed to a different beat.

I left on Monday for a week at the beach.

Meeting up with a portion of our family.

There are 10 of us at the condo.

Yes 10 human beings.

8 adults and 2 kids.

Pure chaos.

More fun than you can imagine!

However, privacy is just a dream! Haha but oh so true

Having so many of us has afforded this mama something that she hasn’t had in over 6 years… a beach cocktail. Thank you my dear sweet cousin for just handing me the cup and saying, “enjoy”!

I am not a big drinker at all, however, I do enjoy a drink on occasion.

 photo 5

My view from the condo!

I forgot how much fun it is to sit back and enjoy myself as I am usually constantly “on” with the boy.

Having others around affords me the luxury of just sitting back and chilling out.

I mean I am still “on” but it’s more laid back.

I love it!

I’m not used to having all these people watch my boy and it’s like a mini vacation.

I know everyone isn’t as blessed or as lucky as I am to have the awesome family that I do.

It is challenging somewhat space wise.

As OCD as I am this can be a hurdle I have to overcome. But it seems easier and easier with less stress and knowing I am not alone.

Family and friends you love and trust are invaluable these days.

Anyone who knows me knows I also need my quite me time.

Something a bit hard to come by sharing space and schedules with so many folks!

I must say that I have been blessed with spaces of quite time because these people Know I need it.

Like being able to write my blog and a maybe a few other articles.

It’s not like I can just go and grab some words off the web and copy and paste it and call it my own. Not only is it plagiarism but it’s just not something I can do!

So I get my time!

And like just now it got interrupted but it was just my brother, also working, while our kiddos are at the beach with everyone else so we can work.

Of course since we don’t get to spend as much time together as we would like to do. And I miss the banter of how we are. Complimenting and berating each other in the same breath! Ah sibling love!

It really is just This though that makes me so relaxed.

Being able to enjoy my family. Those I don’t get to see as much as we’d like and spend quality moments with them.

All from my happy-find-my-soul-spot!

It doesn’t get much better than this!

photo 2 

Another fabulous view

Happy Friday Y’all!

Make it Freaking Fabulous!

 

Run Away


Run away. Run away.

I don’t know if I can handle today.

Run away. Run away.

I will face this life come what may.

 

Dear God, please make me a bird so I can fly far. Far, far away.

Dear God, please make me a bird so I can fly far. Far. Far away.

 

Running away does not solve all your problems. It may temporarily ease your mind however, it cannot make those problems go away.
Geographically you can put yourself further away, but you cannot actually escape the problem.
When I was a child I remember I wanted to run away from home.
I packed a bag of my favorite toys and I set out on my way.
My mom watching from the door waved and told me to have a good adventure.
I went all the way down the street made a left-hand turn and walked down the big street!
Then came to me what was a huge choice in my then six-year-old life.
Do I step out onto the first busy road or do I walk back at that long hill, make a right and go home?
Going home I had to face what I didn’t want to deal with, which was most likely cleaning my room or minding my parents. 

I also wasn’t thrilled with the prospect of my little brother. He could be extremely annoying although pretty darn cute at times too
I chose to go home.
I talked to my parents and I remember them telling me that I made the right choice. Things are not always perfect but I knew they loved me, and I learned that I could solve my problems if I just faced them. Even if it wasn’t easy.
As an adult I’ve thought away thought about running away more times than I did as a child.
However it is not always that easy. Especially when you have responsibilities and understand more people, or pets, depending on you.

I admit that I have small times that I call it “running away “.
I take time for myself and I dig around inside my mind to find what I’m really thinking about and what’s troubling me
It isn’t always pretty and it isn’t always nice.

Quite often it’s painful.

I may seem distant or cold to some people, but I’m trying to find myself again.

I’m searching deep inside of my soul and what I really need to find it myself.
I even escape to parking lots while I’m driving to and from places so that I can just stop and think.
When you run away you also run away from people in your life.

When you leave with no warning or no heads up you leave them wondering if the words that they said were truly meant.

There are all kinds of forms of this behavior. Being late, not taking a call and/or not calling are just a few examples.
It can make one wonder if they are not as important to that person as they pledged they were in the first place.
Taking a breather from a person, people or situations is understandable. To seek a way for you to find yourself.

It isn’t as if I haven’t done it myself.

However, I do let the people closest to me, or that I am indebted to or responsible for, know that I am “checking out” for a mental moment or moments.

But to think that you can “run away” from your problems and not face them?

I don’t understand that.

If you have obligations and responsibilities with others, you just running away is cowardly in my eyes.

I understand not wanting to “deal” with that person, but for the love of Pete, put your big girl panties on and Deal With It.

Adults that do things like this, to me, show lack of respect and compassion for others.

They are selfish.

Yes you have become an adult.

Welcome.

You committed to certain things and people, but since there have been waves in the order of your life and you aren’t happy with it, you chose to run away like a child instead of confronting and handling said situation.

You get petty and cruel with your words, yet don’t use your words to convey and communicate your plan to take care of your obligations while you go find yourself.

When I hear someone say, “I am going to run away” I smile.

They are saying out loud what they are doing, not caring who judges but also letting others know they will be out of touch. Whether metaphorically or not they are saying it.

But those who literally run away because they can’t or don’t want to face their problems, chose to push out people in their lives they may have kept if only they had done things differently.

Those people don’t respect everyone as most of them claim to do.

I’ve learned they are afraid of themselves more than anyone else.

Although they would never admit it.

As for me, I enjoy my little “run aways.”

Although I am not trying to disappear, I just like go off the grid. Usually it’s only for 30 minutes but sometimes I get to escape for longer!

There have been times in my life where I have told others to run away!

I am sure I have been the cause of some people to actually go away too.

Always their choice! I’m not like a mafia don or anything!

But choosing to run away, I really hope you have a good reason.

As for me, I am running to the beach.

But I am not alone.

My family is here.

My boy.

He understands why I tell him, “I want to run away to the beach. It’s my happy place. Want to go with me?!”

And he now always says, “Oh yes mommy, I will run anywhere with you. I love you.”

So we run away to the beach.

To smell the salt air and feel the sand between our toes.

Pure bliss.

We find ourselves even if we didn’t know we were looking.

 

Have a fabulous Wednesday My Friends!

 

Happy Monday My Friends!!


One of the best things about blogging is that I can set it up to post for me in advance…. I mean I don’t get up at whatever early hour I send them out!

I am not a morning person!

However I do write daily for my blog as well as other articles.

That said HAPPY MONDAY MY PEOPLE!!!

I am going to the beach!!!

Yes by mid-day I will be headed south with the boy to meet the family!

So this post will be short but cheerful!

Enjoy the photos from past trips!

This is Freddie the seagull.

seagulls

I am going to my happy place.

The place where I find myself and my soul sings.

beach sunset

So I am sending out my happy thoughts to you all!

I hope you have a fabulous Monday and a wonderful week!

Tomorrow’s post will be fueled by me breathing in the salt air after sticking my toes in the Gulf of Mexico!

beach sweet home AL

Stay fabulous my friends!

Friday’s Manual Labor – Part 2 of the Challenges of this Chic


So I have “formally” taken a position as house manager.

I really am Graceless so this has taken me to new bouts of laughter.

Recently the drain in one of the bathrooms was clogged.

I know hair and product build up can get in the pipes and I am a believer in the draino and even like the ones that have the danger signs on them… I figure my clog has no chance against it!

Boy can I be wrong!

This particular shower was redone about 2 years ago and has only been in regular use for the past year.

I found a similar product on the premises and tried it. Nothing. Still standing water.

So I headed to my local Lowe’s and began to look at all of the cool things I could use.

I tend to become a geek when I get in that store!

I was referred to a zip-it device and got the heavy duty Max Draino.

Oh.my.gosh.

The zip-it tool pulled up hair, gunk, etc. but I was challenged by the way the drain is. I think it is an elbow pipe but don’t have the drawing to make sure.

Here is a photo of what I pulled out of the drain – it was not an animal but reminds me of a rat!

 drain

After a most of the rest of the Draino bottle, it is no longer standing water but I can still see water when I remove the cover.

This means more intense cleaning.

I already fell on my face in the shower, hitting my head while trying to avoid the deadly Draino.

Then today I noticed a couple of bruises on my shins. Must have been the lip of the shower. Oh well, I never said I was Graceful!

Today I decided to not only dust again, but polish the furniture.

Remember doing that? I love to rub and clean the wood so it shines and the marks go away. Especially on antique furniture.

I was getting all the knick knacks no one wants to dust due to their fragileness.

Fortunately no one was around when I knocked one of the glass decanters over and I screamed because leave it up to me to be the one to break it! Luckily it wasn’t broken but again, my klutziness took over.

I moved to another room to polish and dust the pretty stuff.

I can’t catch a break!

I managed to hit my head no less than 4 times on the glass dining table with the beautiful wooden base!

Seriously I was thinking concussion but I was not giving up!

Next up is polishing the wooden floors.

I am the goof that will put on socks so that no footprints will be seen.

The same goof that runs down the hall and slides on said sock feet because it is fun.

I have taught the boy this game.

Sadly, like me, he tends to fall, crash into the wall and generally beat himself up.

Yet we do it again and again because let’s face it, sliding is fun!

Magic erasers work wonders on those marks left on the wall!

Let’s hope I don’t end up on vacation at the beach in a cast or leg brace.

Though I am so sure I would rock it!

I would let the boy put sticker on it and decorate it for me.

Yes I do enjoy doing manual labor, however at times it can get the best of me!

I am trying to finish up all the cleaning so I just have my writing and volunteer chores left.

Saving the best for last!

Here’s hoping to have a non-injury day!

At least I hope I won’t get injured just getting my hairs cut today. My treat for me plus with all my crazy hair, I am closing resembling a fuzzy Q-tip with the way it looks when it’s down!

Keeping hope alive for a fabulous Friday!

Stay Graceless my friends!

 

Throwing back and moving forward on this fabulous Thursday!


We are soooo close to the weekend and I am so ready!

Thursday is the day you try and finish all the many things you want to do that so on Friday, it starts feeling like that feeling when you get readying for a vacation. Or a few days off work!

So today I am going to be busier than usual due to my migraine Tuesday, which I worked through and my hangover migraine Wed. I also got a good bit done though not as much as I would like! It’s a catch up day plus finish my “chores”!

I got a good bit done on the house management part of my life this week and that made be happy. A bit more to go but thus far, happy client!

I was feeling all good about the resumes I had sent out.

I had to laugh though when 3 of the jobs I applied for turned out to be scams! The way they are worded seems legit, then they reply to you and all I can think is, “there must be a script somewhere because they all use certain catch phrases to tip you off that it is a scam!”

A few weeks ago I thought I had found a great personal assistant job. The hours were what I needed and I could also do my freelance work and most importantly, spend more time with the boy.

I agreed and we emailed back and forth. They said they would be sending me a check to start.

I somewhat forgot about it so when it did come in I was surprised. It was drawn on a bank I was familiar with so I took it to my local bank.

I had one of those “odd feelings” and told the teller to check and see if the check was legit. She asked me why and I blurted out, “well this could be a scam and I want to make sure it isn’t.”

She handed me over to another manager and then the branch manager, actually now a good friend, who came out to talk to me.

He ran the account and found that the “company” would have you deposit the funds into your account and then cancel the check.

They would encourage you to withdraw part of the funds as soon as possible. Then then wanted you to send the funds to their “art dealer” and the “art” would be sent to you. They also suggested I use the outside deposit for “my convenience!

Yes SCAM!

So I am still searching for a possible part time day job, while writing, doing home management, volunteering and caring for the boy.

However today I will be focusing more on the boy and his schooling.

I get to confront the “better” school on what they can do for my kid. I want them to back up what I had been told when I did the first tour 4 months ago. Apparently a lot has changed.

I also get to do a little shopping because my main manager loves me and says I need a few items of clothing. She is the best manager ever! If you know me you will be laughing at that statement! It is true she is the best, but I am a bit biased because we are related! She is kind enough to let me help her out around her home and believes in me and my ability to write, be a caregiver and make a good living.

Do you know how blessed I am to have someone believe in me enough to give me a chance to make my dreams come true?!

Plus the perks are fabulous, I may be writing to you beachside next week, and she is pretty flexible with my hours.

She knows that I will only do the best work and I do get things taken care of even if it takes me a bit longer because I am doing my very best. Nothing else will do.

So today as I get my errands run and eventually write a few more articles, my mind will be drifting off to next weeks’ vacation with my fabulous family!

I’m so ready I wish we could leave Friday. No Saturday! I have chores and errands Friday too! Haha

My OCD won’t allow me to leave until all of my responsibilities are taken care of.

And the boy? He’s coming with me.

At the tender age of almost 5 he is starting to get the “is it Friday yet?!” thing.

I love it!

I am going into this day with hope and happiness!

My wish is for you to find a bit of hope and happiness on this fabulous Thursday!

Stay graceless my friends!

 tbt kid on potty

PS I had to post one of those “throwback Thursday” photos. See how my love for words goes wayyyy back?!

 

 

Running late…again


running late who i am

Calm down.

Breathe.

Anyone notice that those words have been written by me in other posts?! If you haven’t read them and are only seeing them now from me for the first time, know these words are part of my daily mantra of my “keep hope alive” attitude!

I am seriously OCD and strive to also relax.

Yes it is challenge for me but it’s also how I am.

I put routines into my life to ease off the OCD and try to relax while getting all my work and chores accomplished so I can enjoy my “time off”.

Time off is not only a coveted vacation with no responsibilities, however I see time off as that special time when I can spend quality time with myself, the boy, friends and family and just enjoy life without having to worry about working, deadlines, bill and the like.

I am Not a morning person.

I have to set at least 2 alarms to make sure I get up and going! Yes, it’s annoying but I love my sleep and I know myself and know I need the extra help of getting up!

I always have the best of intentions.

I even make sure to lay out everything I need the night before (ah my lists!) so that when I crawl from the covers I am ready to get going.

Of course I have to have at least a cup of coffee and most mornings, have to put it in a travel mug as I never have time to finish the first cup before leaving the house!

But sometimes, like today, I run late and though I try, it seems to throw everything off!

I have to work hard to make sure I get back on schedule and not so distracted from being late.

Hence why my lists are so important to me.

If I didn’t have them, I could literally wander around doing parts of things but never accomplishing what I really need to do.

Fortunately I give myself a bit of leeway so that if I do run late, all will not be lost!

I have to say when I was working a “real job” being late wasn’t an option. I had to be there on time or else I could lose my job. I always factored in variables so that I wouldn’t be late. I may come screeching in with 5 minutes to spare but I was there!

Working for myself is more challenging because when I run late, I am harder on myself than any boss I have ever had. And I always feel worse and beat myself up for a while before I remember that I did wake up.

Not everyone does.

I will catch up eventually.

late excerise lady

Life is too short for all the stress, which can kill you too.

So the next time you get off schedule, just remember to calm down and breathe.

And always Keep Hope Alive!

Cheers for a better day!

Stay fabulous my friends!

 

 

Quiet time, me time and missing the noise


I remember growing up we did not have all of the technology and all of the options we do today.

Yes my mom talked on the phone, but it was attached to a cord and plugged into the wall. If you wanted privacy, you went to another room or she told us kids to go outside or in our rooms.

Our rooms held our dearest treasures and outside held fun and adventures.

We lived on a cul-de-sac when I from the time I was 18 months old until I was 8. That would be the time when we acquired my younger brother!

We then moved to a newer subdivision from the time I was 8 until around 18 in which I met my best friend/sister and where the majority of my teenage years played out.

When my parents moved again, it was so my brother could go to a different school since I was graduating and he was about to go to high school.

No matter where we lived, we were required to “be creative” and let my parents have peace during the days of summer and school breaks.

We always did many things together as a family such as dinner each night, church on Sundays, vacations, family gatherings, parties – you get the idea.

But we also had “quiet times” and somehow I always treasured those times.

I don’t require “background” noise like a lot of people do.

And let me be clear, I do like to put on the radio or TV on occasion and have noise happening when I am alone, but I really do cherish quiet time. Nor am I a huge fan of TV every night.

I remember one of the first times when I was a teenager and my parents went away overnight and my younger brother went to my grandparents house.

My parents were trusting me to be an adult and not have a party or anyone over, plus there were plenty of people in the neighborhood that could “watch” our house and back then, there wasn’t all of the dangers we have today. No Facebook and smart phones to instantly update the world on your location and what you are doing. Not a lot of traffic in our area and less crime than there is now.

I did, of course, invite my best friend/sister across the street over for a little while but all we did was make a few calls to boys and watch the cable channels we normally were “limited” to watch.

Cable was the “new” thing as were microwaves! Yep, I am that old!

After she left I remember thinking “It is so Quiet.”

I could hear the house creaking and making noise, I could hear the dog outside but that was it. No TV, no one talking, walking around or making any noise.

It was Bliss!

I went up to my room and read and wrote in my journal.

I slept late because my parents weren’t coming home until later that day.

I enjoyed the peace and quite of a house alone for the first time in my life.

As the years moved forward and I grew up and moved out of my parents home, for the first time haha, I enjoyed having roommates but enjoyed the times when I was alone at home.

The quiet can be so peaceful!

I later married we and moved around a lot. Florida, Georgia, California and back to Georgia.

Many years later we divorced and at first I was living with friends, but I realized I wanted to get my “own” place.

I wanted the option of “quiet time” all the time because I had never had that.

So I got my own apartment and I reveled in being the only one who made noise, other than neighbors, which I had experienced before being an apartment dweller.

However, after a year-ish I realized I am a very social creature. I had already adopted two cats but I missed living with someone.

I set out to find a roommate. And I was “picky”! I wish I had the original ad I posted on “need a roommate” sites due to it’s “what I don’t want” content!

I finally found one person I felt “good” about meeting and happily she was the only person that came to “check out the place” and also became a friend for life!

She, like me, loved her quiet time but wanted someone semi-normal to live with. She had been in a bad relationship, moved in with family and now wanted to be free of the familial judgment and irritation that can come with it!

We both dated, but often joked we would probably end up being old lady roommates with cats and dogs when we moved into our 3rd residence together.

We had a house with a yard, cats, dogs and she was as OCD about cleaning as I was.

We both respected each other about our “quiet time” but would call each other out if we stayed on the couch for too long (like over a week and you aren’t dying from flu, allergies, stomach bug, surgery or anything else of the like) to touch base and generally keep each other sane.

After a few years  my gypsy spirit kicked in and I decided to move yet again.

This time my adventures led me to the state of Tennessee.

I had some wonderful roommates that I love dearly and are still wonderful friends with to this day.

I married again and had my miracle boy.

It was all so crazy and seem to happen so fast!

I had made peace, to a degree, that I wasn’t able to have children.

My friend, then later husband, and I talked about fertility treatments but honestly I wasn’t sure if I could afford the emotional blow it would cause if we paid out all that money and it didn’t work.

Then a miracle happened. I was pregnant.

We got married and I left my wonderful friends and moved in with him. It may not have been the smartest thing to do since we were such good friends but we thought we could pull it off.

I also knew my enjoyment of “quiet time” was about to be interrupted for a while!

I am not dumb but to my credit I was happy about the arrival of the human I was blessed to help create and carry. I was terrified and happier than I had ever been.

Anyone who has children know from the moment they are born your life of peace and quiet is shattered!

It is not all bad, but that is the truth!

If you’re lucky in the first year, you get “quiet time” when the kid is sleeping and the whole “you nap when they nap” actually happens sometimes because you’re dead on your feet from doing your “normal” chores and work, even if you aren’t caught up on everything you take a nap even if you aren’t a “nap person”! At least I did on occasion!

So “quiet time” shifted but I could still find it.

Life moved on and the boy grew and his dad and I realized that we didn’t need to be married. We had issues with living together and clashed on too many things. We tried counseling and we truly worked on trying to stay together but finally realized we couldn’t stay together “for the sake of the child” because we were both miserable.

So I moved again into my own place right down the road.

My father was going through cancer treatments again and I was a wreck from the emotional strains of worrying about my son, my father and the impending divorce.

I found more “quiet time” than I wanted as my son shares time with his father, which I am grateful for as often times kids get the raw end of the deal when parents are divorcing, but that first few months was Hard.

My “quiet time” was torture to think of all the things going on I had no control over and I miss my son like crazy when he’s gone.

I finally learned to accept his nights and weekends away and to enjoy the precious alone time I had.

During our divorce negotiations and mediation, we ending up deciding to move back to our home state of Alabama as both sets of parents lived here as well as extended family and friends.

It’s funny how you think you won’t move somewhere then you have a child and your whole perspective changes!

I didn’t have a lot of “quiet time” per se due to life and the happenings going on.

My friend whom I had lived with in Georgia, moved in with me to my townhouse after a failed relationship. We were happy to be together again but a bit sad of the circumstances that brought us together. She was great with my son and I once again had my friend with me.

Sadly, she passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack in her sleep.

I was heartbroken and so was Blake.

My aunt had also passed away a few months before and now my son was again losing someone he loved.

I feared there would be more to come but I had no idea how much more.

As I was packing up to move at the beginning of last year I got the call I had been dreading.

Although I had been going back and forth from TN to AL pretty much every weekend, my father had taken a turn for the worse. I threw my bags together and the boy and I set out for the motherland.

We arrived on Friday and my father passed away with our family by his side on Sunday.

I stayed on another week with my mom, family and friends. Funeral arrangements, plans and grief were the world I was in.

I have no idea how my mom made it through with the grace she did, but she is one of the strongest women I know and I have so much love, respect and admiration for her.

Her partner of 45 years had passed and she was hurting like never before, but also shared her journey with my brother and I and our family. It’s never easy when one of the rocks of a family dies, however having the love and support of your family and friends makes it bearable.

I am so blessed to have wonderful friends who while I was gone took care of my animals and also helped pack up my home.

I moved back “home” and in with my mom 2 days shy of one month after my father passed.

5 days after moving back, my beloved fur bebe golden retriever, Jethro a.k.a. Big Love, passed away. See, it did get a bit worse.

We were already grieving and now we grieved another.

Neither mom nor I were sure how things would work out.

I was over 40 with a 3 year old and living with my mom!

Fortunately I was able to transfer with my job and mom and I found out that we not only could live together but enjoyed it in a way we never had before.

We help each other out and one of the things we share is enjoying our “quiet time” or “me time” and help each other find it.

The boy loves living at GiGi’s house with mommy and we talk about Pops, my dad, too. It’s still “their” home but now it’s ours too.

We talk about heaven a lot with the boy because how else are you going to explain so many losses to a 3, now 4 year old? He has Great Wink, Aunt Bicky, Pops and Jethro having parties in heaven and I tend to enjoy his view on it as it eases my sadness to see the world through his eyes.

I know I am fortunate, blessed and pretty darn lucky.

It isn’t always easy but mom and I know we have each other.

Recently she went on a little vacation and the boy went on vacation at the same time.

I forgot about how much I Need and Cherish “quiet time” and me time.

It’s nice to wake up on your schedule, eat cereal for dinner if you want and not have to worry about anyone else.

But you know what? I miss them both! I can’t wait until everyone’s “Home” and the chaos and noise is again filling the house up.

Because as much as I love the quiet time, I miss my family! Noise and all!

Have a fabulously graceless Friday my friends!

 

 

Off Topic


 

Greetings my fabulously graceless friends!

The term “off topic” seems to be the running theme of my life right now! From work, bills, things to do, things to clean, places to go, family, close friends, old friends, new friends and of course the boy, the way I plan or think something is going to go winds up going in a whole new direction.

Example: Today’s post. I have one of my lovely notebooks with topics I am excited to write about. The Idea was to have topics at hand to write on therefore always being able to go “oh that was my topic and my thought train” and write on. However, the mood, friends, the kid all had input in my head space and I again changed my topic for today! Not that it is some great thing or anything! Just things I want to write about I find amusing or care deeply about. Mostly!

But that is how this post came about because life throws us off topic every once in a while, or every few days depending of how the universe is feeling! Lately she’s a feeling froggy thinking my fabulously graceless self is all about change and honesty and wanting to dig deep in my mind and soul!

Can’t a girl get a break?! I went to the beach for a “vacation” a few weeks ago and I worked my booty off! Wait, that may not sound right so let me clarify. I went to the beach with my mom and my son. Mom is great and laid back. My boy, not so much! I mean we were at the beach! We needed to go, go, go whether in the condo with movie, toys, writing, walking, asking questions, making sounds he was Going. Once we hit the beach though it was GAME ON!

Of course he wanted MOMMY 90% of the time. GiGi is fun and he loves to play with her (Bless You Mom & Thank You!) but Mommy is insane enough to body surf with the kid and find sand dollars in the crazy waves. I was also a Wave Ninja fighting for good. Yeah figure that one out I am still working on it but am told “You are a brave Wave Ninja Mommy! You kicked their booty!”

When I was a kid one of my favorite things in the world to do was go to the beach and put my toes in the sand/surf as Soon as we got there. We always had to unload the car and by the time we were done it was later and then dinner and then maybe then after we could go for a quick walk that night. Never mind we would spend the next four to five days in a bliss of beach play and games and food and fun. My brother and I would start the “please let us just go out to the beach for 10 minutes when we get there!” about 30 minutes into our 5 hour drive.

Being the oldest I schooled my “little brother” on how good a united front was to the parents and sometimes it worked! My poor boy being an only child has to petition real hard to get certain things, and at times, I give him extra points for creativeness!

So when we finally Arrived at the condo the conversation began immediately began.

“Mommy, can we go see the beach Now?”

“Sure honey, go to the balcony and feel the breeze. You can see everything!”

“No. I mean we have to go down to the beach and put our toes in the sand. ‘Member?! We have to put our toes in the sand you always say that!”

“Okay fine, just help us get everything unloaded and we will go down for a few minutes. Aren’t you hungry we’re going to dinner too!”

“Yea! Thanks Mommy you’re the Best! I love you!”

“Ah thanks buddy, I love you too. Now carry this for me.”

And so it proceeded for the next 45 minutes until we could get down to the beach, he is GOOD at his craft of “buttering you up” I am telling you! Then of course his clothes “accidentally got wet” mysteriously so we had to come up, bathe and change! But it was still worth it because he made me remember that when we get thrown “off topic” it isn’t always so bad!

I am feeling the need for another beach trip!

My lucky boy gets to go this weekend with his friends and dad. I am sure he will have fun but I am only a tiny bit jealous because I know he will have fun and I know we will find a way to go again soon.

I think the next time we go his cousin will go too. He’s only 1 1/2 but they get along famously and I won’t be the only one the boy comes to do the “hard play” with. “Little brother” is going to totally earn those uncle points while I keep his kid from eating sand. It’s a fair trade off!

So maybe “off topic” isn’t always so bad. My mood is better and I am dreaming of the beach again!

Cheers and a lovely graceless evening to y’all!