You know when you have no other choice but to talk to someone or make a decision about something but you would rather sit in a room full of 50 small children with musical instruments for ten hours that deal with it?! Ever felt that way?!
I know I have and I truly hate being in that position.
What I despise more is when said person or decision changes the rules on me.
Meaning they know “the talk” is coming but they find a way to maneuver around you so that you have to put it off.
And you think you may lose your mind in the process. Or maybe that’s just me.
I Hate confrontation. Hate it. Remember those kids I spoke of earlier with musical instruments and no talent? Yes I would rather be there than having to confront someone. Especially if it is someone I care about for any reason.
Sometimes you can talk to people like adults. Yes, sometimes it get loud, emotional, sometimes even tears are shed.
Other times people lose complete control of language and resort to violence, whether it be verbally or physically.
This is not to say I have never “lost” it in a serious conversation before, but I have never been the violent type.
My words may have cut deeply but I can only think of a few occasions when my words were “violent”. And those times I can honestly say I felt either my life or someone that I cared about life was on the line and I felt threatened.
As far as physically violent I think my little brother was the only one I was “violent” toward growing up. I remember punching a neighbor girl who was really mean to my brother and she had hit him. I was the only one allowed to hit him in my kid mind! I did get in some trouble for that but they also agreed I was defending him. I felt elated and like I wanted to throw up all at the same time. After therapy I found that’s actually normal since we would both get in trouble when we fought.
Today I can’t imagine being violent to him or anyone else.
The last time I was “physically violent” was many, many years ago while he was driving and scared the crap out of me. I left fingerprints on his thighs as I had reached over begging him not to pull that maneuver on the highway! I can report he is an excellent driver now and since becoming a father drives even more cautiously than I ever thought possible for him!
I’ve seen videos of people, most recently 2 women getting in a knock down drag out in Walmart. They are beating each other and cursing with a child of one of them screaming and hitting the other woman.
I have to wonder what makes someone do something like that.
To lose complete control and react in such a way to beat another human over nothing in a public place like that?
It makes no sense to me.
I am not saying I don’t understand why people fight as unfortunately it does come down to that for a lot of people.
I would prefer to not “fight” anyone unless my life, or someone I love and care about is in danger. Even then I would prefer to talk to the person or honestly get away from them.
People who lose control of themselves to the point of hitting others, to me, has the ability to be deadly.
I understand seeing red and being in a rage. I really, really do.
But I don’t act on it.
Maybe if someone hurt my child, my friend, my family.
I do recall many, many years ago one of my best friends calling me late in the evening crying. She was pregnant and at her boyfriend’s house and she begged me to come get her as he was beating her. She was hidden in the house and would look for my headlights coming up the road. (Yes long before cell phones).
When she came running out to the car my heart nearly stopped. She had marks on her face and arms, her hair was everywhere and I could see where it looked like chunks had been pulled out. Her face was swollen from being hit and crying so hard.
She, like me, had not grown up around beating like that. Sure we got our fair share of spankings but nothing like this.
When he walked out of the house I seriously thought I was going to kill him.
She had just got into the car. My car was still running so I jumped in and zoomed toward him. I was going to run him over.
I am so thankful to this day for the little cut out for the door in between the garages or I probably would have killed him.
As it was I jumped out of the car, jumped on the hood and screamed like a banshee at him for the horrible human he was and he was so lucky I couldn’t run over him.
I would have gone to jail for what he did to her.
I have since learned to contain my temper but over 20 years later that “person”, he is no man to me, is still scared of me and calls me psycho.
And the people who tend to maneuver out of it? I hate to tell you but it will happen. You can’t put off the inevitable.
So, confrontation from me? If needed it will happen.
Otherwise I just try to get by in this wide world but I am finding more and more sometimes a peaceful confrontation is needed to make things right.