Those end of year school programs… bring your own meds


May seems the month we have more end-of-year functions for kids as I am learning. End of year programs, festivals, carnivals and graduations are weekly around these parts.

Children now graduate from Pre-K. And as I am learning, it is apparently a big deal. There is a presentation with brochure and everything. The boy has a role in the program and I am highly amused and slightly concerned! His other end-of-year programs are group things but this is the first time the boy will be one of two kids performing, and reading at that! Of course I am so proud and to be honest, I was kind of shocked. I communicate regularly with his teacher and we discuss his strong areas and what we need to work on, etc. but she didn’t mention this as she knew I would be happy! We are close. She knows I know there are rules but if he gets out of line she has my permission to treat him as her own and put him back into the line or out of the game all together! Of course, this is only Pre-K not “real school” per se.

And today we are at yet another end of year program which is his second for this “extra-curricular” activity in which he learns all kinds of fun skills, coordination, language, arts, working solo and as a part of a team. It’s a cool little deal and his second and last year to do it. He gets to perform and also will get a trophy. He loves the teacher and the kids so it’s worth it. Plus, I admit it’s quite entertaining to see around 40 kids between 4-6 dancing and performing! There are always a few who sit down and just stare… the boy did that on his first performance! Once he goes to “big school” a.k.a kindergarten they no longer offer this program. I am sure there will be “cooler” and probably more costly options though!

So to anyone attending one of these functions, I wish you the best of luck and sanity! As for me, I’ll be the mom volunteering calmly, thanks to medications.

Just keep swimming and keep hope alive!

 

Beginning life outside the comfort zone


life begins happy friday

I have been going through so many phases in my life with so many changes to both my personal and professional life recently. Most all of them are good, some are challenging and others I just don’t even know how to categorize. I know that I have felt more alert and acutely aware at times.

Because of all of this there are other times when I am totally wiped from trying to do so many things and cover so many bases. I don’t need to be dropping my basket again, folks would start talking. Wagging their tongues like they know me when the reality is they have no idea about me. They see me, look at me, access from their perspective and judge me when they don’t even speak to me but at me. Where is their basis for judgment when you don’t communicate?

I actually work to make my life better. I work for myself, my son and the people I love in my life. I work to make my job better and I don’t do it for the money, but for the love of helping others.

Yet I am judged. I am no saint. I have made plenty of mistakes. I also know that if I don’t try things, I will never find full inner peace. I can’t go through life without living it. There will be bumps, dings and sometimes even big blow ups through this journey.

prison of how others see you

But I have to do it my way, on my terms, with the people I chose and not who someone else thinks I need to be doing their way. Last time I checked I am an adult, albeit one who sometimes wishes I could lay off the adulting at times, I still do all of my “adult chores.” I am also mommy to a small boy who counts on me… that’s responsibility. He is healthy and happy and has always had consistency with me. Sure we’ve had adventures and had really challenging things happen to us, but he has come through those challenges stronger, better and with his own quirky views and also compassionate and loving. He is also full speed ahead and a 5 year old boy who is curious, presses boundaries and is a human sponge. Life is never dull around him.

It is during these challenging times I find myself out of my comfort zone. During these outings, is where I find out more about myself and I realize I can’t let the judgment of others cloud what I need to do for me.

Step outside of your comfort zone for a bit. It’s good for you.

Keep Hope Alive!

 

I need a day off and some sleeeeeppppppp


if you love them let them sleep

Sometimes I just need a day off.

I want to play hookey.

I don’t want to go into work.

I don’t want to adult.

I want someone to adult for me.

I want to sleep Please.

If you love me you will let me just sleep.

Or send me on a vacation where I can preferably sleep on the beach, eat good food, sleep in a big comfy bed, have people wait on me.

I think I need more than just a day.

Really trying to keep hope alive.

 

So much lists


I’m always running around saying, “I’ve got so much to do.” I say it, I blog about it, I make lists, post its and try to set reminders – more written than digital because I guess I am just weird that way.

so much

For Mother’s Day, my fabulous sister-in-law gave me the absolute awesome gift of a note pad!

Before you all think I have gone too far around the bend let me just say I received amazing gifts from my son as well as a sweet drawing from another young boy who is pretty special to me as well. I love homemade gifts and gifts with thought behind it.. not that I don’t appreciate gifts it’s just I don’t feel like it’s something we need to go overboard with and I love the things my loved ones give me because it means they thought of enough of me as a Mother they acknowledged it.

In the case of my sister-in-law, she went with my love of writing mixed with my OCD of list and my absolute need and quirkiness of how I am!

I had to write in the tiny, cute boxes because well, it’s a new note pad and yeah, again with my oddities! I am thinking this could become a theme of amusement for me.

so much too

Not so sure that I need to share all of the ones I was thinking of, laughing hysterically writing down while trying to not be too loud because I was writing later in the evening and didn’t want to wake anyone. I mean I admit my mind is totally twisted sometimes and I am sure I don’t need to share everything that’s on my mind. I am not censoring myself I am just saving myself some grief! What I am sharing shows a glimpse into the insanity of my mind… further down the rabbit hole I go!

Now onto those things I really do need to get done!

I am keeping hope alive for a fabulous day!

 

 

Monday take 2… Tuesday


I seriously did not want to get up yesterday. I was all comfy and snuggled in bed and the alarm went off and I thought of 10 reasons I could stay home. I let snooze go off at least 5 times, maybe more. I got up running, got up the boys, made coffee and got ready and didn’t stop at work until I left and then took calls.

We are growing, the company I work for. It is an awesome thing. It is also exhausting at times. It’s emotional, wonderful, frustrating and I can’t imagine anything I would rather do and be paid to do. Other than like sleep or something like that. No reality TV for me… HA!

There is so much I have to accomplish. I am trying and the struggle is real. I feel like just trying to keep myself and the boy fed, watered and alive should be considered major accomplishments at the moment. I feel tired.

The truth is I am happier than I have ever been and I am also pretty stressed… a twisted dichotomy to be sure.

I have some things in my personal life that are just sucky and other things that make me so happy deep down in my soul.

I have Hope! Keep Hope Alive!

I also have a lot on my plate so I’m going to go get ‘er done.

Hopefully, after today, Monday will be over… until next week and the cycle will begin again. Hopefully with the same start and better maotic days!

As the late, great George Carlin said, “Holy shit it’s only Tuesday?!” I feel ya George, I do.

Happy Mother’s Day to ALL Moms


Today is Mother’s Day.

We celebrate mother’s everywhere… well most of us do. Some of us aren’t as fortunate to have or have had a wonderful mother.

My own mom and I don’t always see eye to eye, in fact there are times I am sure she wonders how she gave birth to someone like me. However I do know without a doubt that she does love me. And I love her so very much.

Now that I am a mother myself I understand better all of the sacrifices she made to make my brother and I happy. It isn’t like she had to make these sacrifices but that she chose to.

I have so many friends that are also mothers.

I have many who want to be mothers but can’t for medical reasons.

I am here to tell you a little secret. There are so many definitions of what a mother truly is. Some women give birth but they chose to not be around their children. Some give their children up for adoption because they had no other options. Then there are the countless who raise other people’s children, both human and animal, who are so mother-esque that I feel they should be celebrated.

As someone who once struggled with infertility, I know the heartache of having a mother’s day come and to have empty arms. Or maybe a child is no longer here. It doesn’t make someone less than a mother. I have a friend whose son died. She had no other children. She is still a mother even though her son died. I have another friend who is a foster mom. She does not have “biological” children, yet she is a mom in every sense of the word.

Someone doesn’t have to “just give birth” to be a mother. Not everyone who produces a child is a mother… I have seen those who chose to give birth, even be there but do more harm than good. Some have even said they weren’t meant to be a mother.

A mother is someone who makes the choice to BE a mother. Be it mom, step-mom, aunt, god-mother or grandmother there is a choice to accept the awesome responsibility of being a mom.

For that I thank you for choosing to stick around and stay to make another life better and loving unconditionally. Even on the bad days!

Celebrate those mothers in your life today!

Have a beautiful day!

Keep hope alive!!

 

Can we just potty in peace please?


For the love people!

Lately everyone is all up in arms about Target announcing that they support transgender folks and allow them to use the restroom they identify with. All they are doing is following suit as to the hundreds of other big name companies already doing so. The difference is, people are seem to now have ” a say” on the issue. You need to check the list if you’re truly going to “boycott” and go all the way with it. Which means you won’t be able to shop at most of your current big companies, your cable options are slim and forget letting your kids watch anything Disney related. Just for starters.

Let’s be real for a minute. How many of you would even know if you were sharing a bathroom with a trans person? Chances are good that not many because they don’t run around saying “Oh I’m trans and I’m going to be sharing the stall next to you!” I’ve gone to thousands of public restrooms in my life and I never once questioned someones gender. Body odor yes, but I don’t “check out” who is in the stall next to me.

I recently read an article from a woman who went to the bathroom and had another woman look into the stall to see if “she was a girl.” This is more jacked up than I can even begin to describe. I may look to see if a stall is free but I’m not looking to see a person’s business, much less make eye contact while they are letting it go and dropping off the kids at the pool. What is WRONG with people?! The lady who was, looked at, was female from birth, not that it matters, and also has a daughter who is a lesbian. Her daughter felt bad for the person. I’m still outraged someone would do this at all. Ladies, have we forgotten the girl code of only building each other up and not acting like it’s high school and you’re on hall patrol?

Personally, I don’t have a problem with it. Back in 2001 when I lived in Berkeley, CA there was a female (born male) who worked with me and it was asked of the ladies if we had any issues with her using our bathroom – NO ONE, not even the 70 year old bookkeeper had an issue with it. She never looked at our business and we never looked at hers. I was jealous of her wardrobe though, way better than mine!

Weirdo’s and pedophiles will still attack because that’s what they do. Also, anyone attacking someone in a public restroom has serious issues. There are not a lot of instances of this happening and when it does happen, it is people who have more than a few screws loose and have been doing it since BEFORE this became an issue.

So all I am asking is can we please go in peace? I don’t need to worry about someone’s husband/boyfriend/father coming into the restroom because they “thought” someone looked like a dude. Seriously. Please get a grip. Worry about the state of our country or maybe even your own neighborhood, but not the bathroom!

I am only sharing my views and opinions on my blog. You may feel differently and that’s okay. We are all human. How about we try to treat each other with a bit of respect instead of tearing each other down?

Happy places, my mind and good memories


Whenever I realize I need to calm the hell down, I search my mind for a happy memory.

Lately my life has been so maotic I can’t even remember to do the basic things I need to do. I have missed calls, texts and emails. I have missed deadlines, lunches and people who counted on me. It may not be that extreme but it is pretty close.

I have had absolutely fabulous things happen in my world. Things I couldn’t imagine would be so wonderful but that also require me to give of myself which I gladly do.

The boy is definitely a highlight of my universe. I think he is working on his own comedy bit. Finding humor in everyday life, he has been quite full of it. A fine example is the other evening after his bath, we were putting on his lotion and he accidentally slung it on my face. When I pointed out he had flung it onto my glasses he exclaimed, “WELL CAN YOU SEE? If you can’t see then I definitely need to apologize, but if you can see, well then that’s just funny!” All said while wildly gesturing naked, of course. It made me laugh when I really needed it and it makes me laugh just thinking about it.

I think of people and places that make me happy. I think of nature and how much I love being out in it, even in the rain. I think of flea markets and nature preserves, of beaches and mountains. I think of the endless possibilities of people and situations that make my life better, richer and so much more entertaining.

I guess I am trying to say, when you feel like you are slipping and you’re grasping at the strings of life in the mist of the maos, find something inside of you that makes you happy. The good, warm in your belly kind of happy. We all deserve that.

Keep hope alive!

 

Happy Cinco de Mayo!


happy cinco de mayo

Happy Cinco de Mayo to all of my fabulously graceless readers!

I hope you all enjoy this fabulous day!

Maybe you will get to enjoy an adult beverage or a fabulous fiesta, I know I am hoping to! Of course life happens when I make plans so I can only hope for the best!

I will be keeping hope alive as always!