blogging

Life always keeps moving

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 2 Comments

Life definitely keeps on moving. Even when one life stops, the rest keep on moving. Some not as fast as others. Some closer to stopping with every breath. Yet others thrive and others get by pretty decently. Life always finds a way.

For me, life has moved both too fast and too slow lately. I know that I feel like I’ve been running races, and I do not run unless I am being chased or chasing a child for some odd reason!

My dear friend invited me to join a 30 day blogging challenge and although I failed miserably at blogging every day for 30 days, she did help me find my way back to blogging. I needed that. I can truly never thank her enough. Not that I wouldn’t have written ever again, but I just needed that kick to get going again!

So to those awesome folks who follow my blog, I have so much to say in the upcoming days, weeks and hopefully months and years.

Because life has, as always, provided me with more material than my blogging self can keep up with. Of course I have written in my journal, notebooks, post its and basically written a line or two about pretty much everything over the last 45 plus days!

The last 30 days of my life have been more challenging and emotional than I have had to deal with at once in a very long time. Some things I have handled well, others, well life can be raw and hard at times and remind you how fragile your very existence is at all times. We don’t always react and respond the way we’d like to. I can honestly say that I have completely lost my shit at times when I wish I had handled a situation with a bit more grace. But that is it though. Life isn’t always pretty. It’s not always pink and purple flowers, rainbows and unicorn farts no matter how much some would like to pretend it is. Sometimes life slaps you in the face and knocks you on your ass. Sometimes you have to crawl a long way before you can get back up. But it keeps moving. Life always keeps moving!

I hope that everyone has a fabulous day!

Keep Hope Alive!

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It’s been a Year…and I will not stop!

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

One year ago today I started writing FabulousGracelessness not having any clue as to what I was doing. I am still not completely sure but I know I am now a blogger! I love to write, I love a challenge and I did the unthinkable for me at the time… I started writing a blog and posting every day. I promised myself I would write daily for 365 days in a row. I could write more if I wanted, but I could not write any less. Sometimes it was easy and other times it was definitely not.

Today I have reached my one year milestone of daily blogging!

I look and I see the amazing progress I have made.

I actually have over 50 followers!

It’s mind boggling to me that a bit over 50 people are interested enough in my babblings to “follow” me! It’s also a bit scary because hello?! Following me can be dangerous!

I do know I will never stop writing. I can’t. It is a part of me. I know that I if I don’t write, I will wither in my soul.

I don’t think I will write daily. I will write often but I am not sure if I am down for pushing myself that hard. It’s like taking a break, but not. I am hoping to be able to focus more on writing other things. Things that may pay me for a change and not .5 cents a word!

Also, since I started blogging so many things in my life have changed, some in ways I was not expecting. I wasn’t working full time and I was dedicating my time to writing, household and family. It was harder than I thought it would be especially after I started working, first part-time and then full time. Some days it felt like a chore, and I never want that feeling about my personal blog because I enjoy writing and I would prefer to write my thoughts/opinions/observations/ideas & feelings here and there than just writing that is hit and miss daily. In this realm I am in charge and it feels good to know where I stand and where I need to be in my own self.

I know I have learned that I have an endless well of thoughts, feelings and information stored within me. I pull from that to try and form coherent thoughts, feeling and ideas with folks. I read, learn, talk, share and listen with others. Life offers so much if we just pay attention.

I think that is one of the many things I have learned through my writing… to be more creative, to observe and think on what I see. I try to write what I hear, feel and see. Sometimes I try to be objective but other times I write solely from my perspective.

I’ve learned that it sets me free to write. Words have power. Words communicate thoughts and feelings that are often unsaid.

I thought I would have some insight into writing and the blogging world. The truth is I am still learning. I know that blogging is helping me become a better human because it gives me an outlet to put my words out there. I may not always be able to articulate things. I may sometimes write rubbish and nonsense. The thing is, I write it, not anyone else. No ghost writer or guest blogger, still learning what that is for the record, just Fabulously Graceless me.

Now I see FabulousGracelessness as being my platform to keep putting my thoughts and views into the world. Only this time, I am not placing such a harsh schedule on myself! I know I can do it! After all, I have done it daily for a year.

I am pretty proud of myself!

Thank you to everyone who reads my blog!

I will be back soon with more tales of my crazy life!

Keeping hope alive for an even better second year!

I will not be going quietly into anything!

KEEP HOPE ALIVE!

DREAMS DO COME TRUE!

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Barely closer to the weekend and closer to my one year mark

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

One day closer into the week by a gnat’s hair.

I am also on the downward slide of writing daily for an entire year.

365 days in a row.

I’ve written more than once a day at times, but I made a promise to myself I would write daily. So far, I have stuck to it. It is not easy, but then I never thought I would be able to start a blog, much less be able to put something out daily. I know some days have really sucked content wise but other days, I feel like I put my all into it. It has been hard but it has been worth it!

I have learned more about myself and how people close to you react when you write publicly. That has been worth writing about for both recent and future content!

I have had some people that have stayed with me and others who are no longer in my life. I have lost friends and family in this past year. I have loved and lost and loved again. I am in love now and it is a beautiful thing.

Life has happened.

Life keeps happening.

So on this beautiful Tuesday, I wish you all Hope for a fabulous day!

Always Keep Hope Alive!

You never know what’s going to happen next… Live!

 

I can’t write and molly coddle any more… I just can’t

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

I open my mind and the feelings pour onto the page. I cannot stop my flow of thought any more than I can stop the wind or the rain.

I am tired, so very tired, of trying to censor my thoughts. I am completely done with hand holding and molly coddling because someone may “think” the wrong thing about what I am writing.

10 minutes, 10 days or ten years you may have known me but you do not know what I really mean from these thoughts. They are only what you perceive them to be. I could be exuberant of I could be cutting it all depends on what I am feeling and how it comes out from me.

You and yOu and yoU and YOU… all think that I speak of You. Yet it isn’t You, but yOu. Or is it yoU? Maybe YOU?

For me all that matters is being able to try and articulate my perceptions, thoughts and feelings.

It is a cleansing, a spewing, an emptying if you will. It is what I do and how I do it. I may try to bring you into my mind or I may leave it up for your interpretation. I may not even being saying anything more than random utter nonsense.

I may be writing for another, expressing their pain through my writing because they cannot and know I would never betray my confidences but yet their pain becomes my pain. Therefore I can only chose to get it out the best way I know how before it eats at my soul and takes root in the seeds of depression that have come of their cleansing.

For that is a part of who I am and how I tick, the taking on of the emotions and feelings of others. It is another layer of me. I can turn it down but I can never turn it off. I am not sure that I want to though at times I have thought about it. I was able to stop the dreams for a time, but I realized that a part of me was under nourished and withering by trying to suppress something that is in me, has always and will always be a part of me. Even if I don’t want it to be it is there. By denying it, I was denying my soul the nourishment from that source and making my mind more miserable. Slowly I let myself dream. I learned from myself and am still healing.

We do things to help others and are our own worst enemies because we don’t give ourselves the basic components of what we need to be us. We give our money, our time, our very selves to others yet we don’t take enough time to do some very basic things for ourselves, whatever that may be.

My choice to write a public blog and put it out there: to be loved, hated, criticized or ignored was a growth within me from years of cultivation of life experience of mine and others. For me it took a huge amount of faith in myself to believe I could do it. And I have done it and continue to do so.

As I slide towards the one year mark of blogging, I am learning more and more what I need to do as a blogger and a writer.

I need to stop worrying and molly coddling and hand holding and “what if” second guessing myself and what I write. Only then will I be able to be the best writer I can be. It isn’t just blogging, but in all aspects of my writing and my very existence.

So all of the you’s worrying, just stop. It isn’t worth it.

I’m working on me and healing my soul and sharing my thoughts, feelings, rants, poems, goofiness and sometimes even useful information.

Fabulous Gracelessness, Lady Maos, Crazy Mama that I am, I am still only human. I still have flaws. They are just a bit fabulous though.

I don’t plan to stop any time soon.

Keep Hope Alive!

 

Writing my blog and what I am thinking… I need to not filter myself

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 3 Comments

I write how I feel and what I am thinking.

I write goofy poems, rhymes and sometimes nonsense.

I write stories and thoughts from other’s lives and things they’ve shared with me or that I have observed.

Often my words have been taken out of context.

Some have tried to use my own words against me.

Some have contacted me and thanked me for sharing as it reflected their own life.

I have received calls, texts and emails asking if I am okay. I can promise you, if it is here, I have most likely processed it and I am doing just fine…probably. Sometimes I allow myself to write raw. That can be dangerous as I just “let it go” and spew onto the paper. Sometimes I keep those and don’t let anyone see it. Sometimes it’s better that way.

When I chose to start a blog, I just did it. I had been told I couldn’t do it or I couldn’t commit to it for even a month. Most of those people aren’t around me anymore. The others I guess are eating their words.

I didn’t know how easy it was but also it is harder too. It’s like a double edge sword.

I still feel somewhat censored but I am working on that. Sometimes saying how you feel is a good thing. Other times even though it is cathartic for me, I may not sound so nice to others. That I even care is impressive to me.

I have always been the one marching to her own beat and being a bit of a rebel.

My blog is MY BLOG. Yet I find myself filtering myself. How ironic is that?

I am seeing what I really need to work on through my writing.

In writing, I find myself again.

 

FabulousGracelessness – 11 months and counting

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

For the last 11 months I have been writing this blog daily.

It is my personal challenge to write daily for a year. I have made it 11 months and as of today, I have plans to keep writing through daily until May 20, 2016.

I wonder what I will do once I reach that year milestone.

I know I can’t stop writing. I also wonder if I can keep it up daily! I had no idea how hard it would be.

There is so much I have to do that I didn’t have when I started writing FabulousGracelessness.

Yet I am unsure of what I will do as far as on a daily basis.

I love writing so very much. I love pouring my soul into my blog; however I also love pouring my soul into life!

I guess whatever path I chose I know that I will not stop writing.

It’s in me to put my thoughts out there. They can no longer be contained! I’m not so sure it’s best for everyone but I know that it works for me. Plus, www.fabulousgracelessness.com just auto-renewed for another year so why not?!

Keep Hope Alive!

 

 

I write…

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 9 Comments

I have been writing since I was 3. I was around 5 when I started writing in journals, so for about 40 years I have been writing down my feelings. Even when my feelings consisted of getting Barbie’s dream house and flying a rocket ship while being a veterinarian. What?! I had big dreams. I may not have gotten the Barbie dream home, rocket ship or become a vet, however, I have never stopped writing. I have written some pretty crazy things… short stories, love notes, articles, poems, letters, papers. I still have journals from when I was a child.

People ask me what I was thinking about or if I was talking about so & so. Sometimes I have a specific subject in mind but other times I pull from so many sources – mine, friends, family and those that I have heard or read about.

Since starting my blog it has proven to be a challenge to write daily. Add to it when I write on a personal level or say something and some people thinks it’s about them, someone else or that something is “wrong”.

It can get quite irritating to get the “I know this was about me” or “Why would you write about that? It’s too personal.”

I write so much from my soul. I can write about almost anything. I can’t Not write. Now that I have my blog it gives me an avenue to let it out. Sometimes I think if I don’t get it out, then I will blow up or lose my mind even further!

There are times I feel that no matter what I write, I will get some sort of negative feedback. I am realizing I can’t please everyone. I can’t even come close to trying. This, I am learning, is where I stop apologizing and keep writing how I feel.

For the most part, I write after I hear, experience, or learn about things. Sometimes, though, I write during an experience to get through it. I may use it in my blogs. I do have pieces that may or may not get posted and others that I wrote to keep my sanity. Those pieces may never be read by anyone but I had to write them in order to get past something or get my feelings out.

I have been asked why I don’t just publish or post certain pieces. Just because I write and have a blog doesn’t mean I share every part of who I am and every thought that goes through my head. Honestly I think I would be committed if every thought, every word I wrote was put out there to be read and scrutinized and picked apart. I could use a few days at a spa, one with padded cells in not what I am going for!

Everyone has their own way of dealing with things and mine happens to be writing. Just because I put it in my journal doesn’t mean I wrote it for everyone. My journals are mine. They are private. Everyone who knows me knows that. It isn’t for anyone but me. I get so much out of going back and re-reading how I was thinking or feeling in my life. It’s like I downloaded my thoughts and emotions and I can go back and remember exactly how I felt. I may share a part of it, but for anyone to go open my journal and read it would be like me walking into someone’s home and going through their things without permission. I have seriously flipped on the 2 occasions it’s happened in my life.

Even the boy knows those are off limits. It wasn’t even something he went back to and asked again. I told him once, “No, those are mommy’s and you are welcome to have your own journal or diary to write your feelings in. I promise I won’t read it.” Of course he’s 5 and he shows me every little thing so it isn’t private for him. Oh if only it would stay that way! But he has not yet asked again if he could look at them or write in them.

I guess I write because it’s such a part of me. I write because I feel compelled to do so. I write to share, entertain and try to keep a bit of myself sane.

I write and I keep hope alive. Always.

 

It’s the last Monday of 2015 so make it fabulous

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 2 Comments

 last mon of year

It’s the Monday after Christmas!

For me, it’s another work day but I love my job so I hope that it will be fabulous!

I hope that everyone reading this post, all 33 of you, have a fabulous Monday!

I hope you go forth for the rest of the week and it is wonderful!

I mean at the end of the week we start a whole new year so that makes today the last Monday of 2015 and my last Monday post for the year.

I can’t believe it’s been a bit over 7 months since I started my blog. And now I am going into a whole new year with my blogging. I still can’t believe I am still going strong. It is hard at times but it has been so very worth it.

I mean we are at the tail end of 2015. This is the time we are supposed to be making resolutions and plans for the upcoming year.

For me, I just want to make it another day, learning, loving and living my life.

So here’s hope for the last wonderful Monday of 2015!

Keep hope alive!

muse upon this

Happy 200th post to me and oh yeah happy black Friday!

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

Happy fabulous Friday after Thanksgiving!
Know to some as “Black Friday”, of which I am not partaking of thank you very much, but This Friday, today, is the 200th post of Fabulous Gracelessness!
Yes, I have been writing so much that it is now up to 200 on this blog and I have followers! LOL like less than 50, but I have them and I am thrilled with each one. It’s hard to believe people actually enjoy reading what I write and put out into the universe! I know that not everyone likes everything, I may also be a bit delusional but I do know there are some of my posts that weren’t as good as others. Sometimes I go back and read my stuff and think, “what was going on in my maotic, twisted head to write that?!”
Just to clarify, I write how I feel and what I think about life as I see it. Sometimes I will expound upon some subjects with references and information or links to other sites. I write poems and personal essays and thoughts. It can be random and often I get passionate about my thoughts. I know I tend to ramble too! I am working on it.
I had no clue what I was getting into when I decided to blog. I had been laid off work, was recovering from major surgery and was doing a lot of soul searching. I had an active 4, now 5-year-old boy, who I am challenged to keep up with but would not trade anything for him and the bond and love we share. I have always kept journals, I’ve written for several newsletters, written articles, poems, short stories and other random bits. I love to just write. I was writing a few articles and getting paid a tiny bit when I realized I could somewhat come up with things on the fly with a deadline. If I could do that, I certainly could do a blog. I have an amazing friend who kept encouraging me and nudging, without actually screaming to my face haha, to at least try it. I thought how hard could it be to write a blog?
So I jumped.
Free falling does not describe the thrill, frustration yet peace that I get from writing.
It is a challenge to meet my daily post quota. I have learned to plan ahead, and try to keep a few back, which isn’t hard because I have so many things running through my mind I want to write about! It is hard when I haven’t written said topics down and it may or may not be in one of the 5 or 6 notebooks I carry around with me! If I am out and about and a topic comes to mind, I try to write it down. I also use the voice to text for my notes but more times than not I can’t decipher what Simon (the male Siri) took down. I don’t think he understands southern as well as I thought! Sometimes he can be spot on.
Plus there is the time involved to actually do it daily! I want to keep my readers engaged and maybe, just maybe, touch one person and make them think and realize they are not alone.
After all it is my blog and, while I have it, free speech shall flourish here! My thoughts, my mind, my maos, this fabulously, graceless, crazy mama from Alabama whose life motto is Keep Hope Alive! That which does not kill us makes us stronger, but stranger! We are not alone! Life throws us some crazy curves and we have to deal with them the best way we can. We are blessed if we have others in our lives to help us and walk with us along the way!
I never thought my life would go the way it did but I truly couldn’t be happier! Yes, things still stress me out, but I believe that things can and do get better once you get through all the mental crap that tells you that you can’t! You can! It may be hard as hell, and you may just have to walk through it, but you will get out if you Believe in yourself. It is the first step and also can be the hardest.
I started writing my blog when I was basically at a very low place in my life. Writing and holding myself accountable made me want to do it better and keep going.
Since I started writing, I have better relationships with the people in my life, I am still scatterbrained and flaky at times, but I am also finding I am stronger and more organized. It is still a process and it is literally one step at a time many days, but I am moving forward. I wanted to get a job writing and I wanted to take care of people. I got both just a bit differently than I envisioned but it is better than I could imagine. I found love and a peace I haven’t had before. I feel I am a better mama to the boy. I am finding my patience and learning more about the complexities of myself daily. I often pull from personal experience or situations that are close to me. It’s nice to hear friends and family say, “Don’t put this in your blog! Or if you do change my name!” it fulfills me in ways I didn’t know I need to be fulfilled.
So on this Black Friday, I am celebrating with my loves and not shopping… unless it’s for food or maybe ice-cream!
I will keep cranking out my maotic thoughts and working toward the goal of 1,000 posts! Only 800 more to go!
I hope you all have a fabulously wonderful Friday!
As always, Keep Hope Alive!!!