I have been writing since I was 3. I was around 5 when I started writing in journals, so for about 40 years I have been writing down my feelings. Even when my feelings consisted of getting Barbie’s dream house and flying a rocket ship while being a veterinarian. What?! I had big dreams. I may not have gotten the Barbie dream home, rocket ship or become a vet, however, I have never stopped writing. I have written some pretty crazy things… short stories, love notes, articles, poems, letters, papers. I still have journals from when I was a child.
People ask me what I was thinking about or if I was talking about so & so. Sometimes I have a specific subject in mind but other times I pull from so many sources – mine, friends, family and those that I have heard or read about.
Since starting my blog it has proven to be a challenge to write daily. Add to it when I write on a personal level or say something and some people thinks it’s about them, someone else or that something is “wrong”.
It can get quite irritating to get the “I know this was about me” or “Why would you write about that? It’s too personal.”
I write so much from my soul. I can write about almost anything. I can’t Not write. Now that I have my blog it gives me an avenue to let it out. Sometimes I think if I don’t get it out, then I will blow up or lose my mind even further!
There are times I feel that no matter what I write, I will get some sort of negative feedback. I am realizing I can’t please everyone. I can’t even come close to trying. This, I am learning, is where I stop apologizing and keep writing how I feel.
For the most part, I write after I hear, experience, or learn about things. Sometimes, though, I write during an experience to get through it. I may use it in my blogs. I do have pieces that may or may not get posted and others that I wrote to keep my sanity. Those pieces may never be read by anyone but I had to write them in order to get past something or get my feelings out.
I have been asked why I don’t just publish or post certain pieces. Just because I write and have a blog doesn’t mean I share every part of who I am and every thought that goes through my head. Honestly I think I would be committed if every thought, every word I wrote was put out there to be read and scrutinized and picked apart. I could use a few days at a spa, one with padded cells in not what I am going for!
Everyone has their own way of dealing with things and mine happens to be writing. Just because I put it in my journal doesn’t mean I wrote it for everyone. My journals are mine. They are private. Everyone who knows me knows that. It isn’t for anyone but me. I get so much out of going back and re-reading how I was thinking or feeling in my life. It’s like I downloaded my thoughts and emotions and I can go back and remember exactly how I felt. I may share a part of it, but for anyone to go open my journal and read it would be like me walking into someone’s home and going through their things without permission. I have seriously flipped on the 2 occasions it’s happened in my life.
Even the boy knows those are off limits. It wasn’t even something he went back to and asked again. I told him once, “No, those are mommy’s and you are welcome to have your own journal or diary to write your feelings in. I promise I won’t read it.” Of course he’s 5 and he shows me every little thing so it isn’t private for him. Oh if only it would stay that way! But he has not yet asked again if he could look at them or write in them.
I guess I write because it’s such a part of me. I write because I feel compelled to do so. I write to share, entertain and try to keep a bit of myself sane.
I write and I keep hope alive. Always.
9 thoughts on “I write…”
You hit up on one of my hot buttons. When I publish something in which I’m detailing moments, maybe days, of struggle–I’m capturing a moment in time. It does not mean my every second is struggle. And well-meaning acquaintances come up to me with concern in their eyes, asking if I’m “doing OK.” I want to shout, “Yes!” just to make my point clear:). We write about the highs and lows–but it doesn’t mean we sit in them constantly.
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well said Ms candidkay 🙂
Keep writing my friend. I’m so glad you started blogging 😉 and enjoy and learn from you have to share. I too often have those that assume, everything I write or post musically is “about them”, or that I am not “okay”. More like I WOULDN’T be okay, without the outlet of writing in some form: random thoughts, lyrics, melodies, short stories etc. Like you, I have my personal journals that are very private to me, and only for ME to see to reflect, learn and grow, and let out the thoughts and feelings. I am not one to assume something was written with me directly in mind, but I do try to “listen” to what someone is trying to convey. and certain people I know well enough know that they can come to me directly and say “hey, this is how I am feeling, this may be an issue with us etc”, they are way to mature and respectful towards others to be so passive aggressive as to make a direct implication towards someone in a blog post lol. Keep being YOU, Lady Maos; You owe no one any explanations, nor should you censorship yourself or feel that you have to, simply to make others more comfortable. Your writing is sometimes personal, yet respectful and discreet, I have never seen a problem with your blog posts. It’s a Great Day to be Alive, When You Keep Hope Alive!!! ( yes, I know I am wordy lol, but for every “negative” response publicly or privately about your writing and posts, you will find a positive, supportive one!!). It’s what WE do.
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One of the reasons I started blogging was to be able to share my thoughts on things without having a ton of people commenting on them and arguing with me about why I shouldn’t feel that way, which is what was happening on facebook. I now find facebook mostly annoying so don’t spend much time on there, spending more time reading blogs. I also have journals and have been painfully honest in them, but there are some things I haven’t even written in them, because I don’t trust that someday, someone won’t go through them. What if I die and my children find them. I really don’t want them to read them. Ever.
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lol I can understand that; but it helps to have a close friend that knows most of your secrets, someone you have known forever and trust that you can make a pact with; if something were to happen to you ( sorry, I’m a little sensitive about the word “die” right now), you two have the pact, and written out permission ( solves family issues), that said friend can go in and get those things that you do not want your children to see or read. I have a pact like that with someone close, and it gives me peace of mind, as my family does not need to know every bit of my past or present private life, or any private thoughts written in all my journals. Peace be with you heyjude6119.
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you need to have that friend who comes in an “takes care of” your things!
It’s been years since someone read a part of my journal and I no longer worry that anyone will – anyone who would be in my life around my things respects me enough to not do something like that!
ugh Face Book! I love connecting with family and friends, and I admit I have several groups with I check in with for Alzheimer’s, art, writing, medical and weather! Otherwise I stay away from the drama. I realized posting how you feel there is not a good idea! I’m keeping the blog for that!
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Good advice from you gracelessnessover40 and musikguru!!
I have a person like that. I just worry that time and distance would intervene.
time and distance are only relative concepts. The person I trust the most with my things; her respect for my privacy and things which I treasure is not exactly close in distance to me, and has a very busy life and a family, but I still trust without a shadow of a doubt for her to do these things for me, as I would for her, if she needed me too. Never worry too much about the future, or course it is always wise to plan for it, but do not worry; time has a way of taking care of things, and I’ve learned the Universe looks out for us in certain ways we might not quite understand, present and future. Please from experience, Do not let the worry of the future take away your TODAY. Life is a joyous, mysterious ride, and you never know where it going to take you or with whom, Buy the ticket, take the ride 🙂
Please delete the above comment I wrote. my apologizes, this is YOUR page, I shouldn’t run my jaws or put in my two cents so much.