crazy

Plugged in but not tuned in

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 5 Comments

I was going to title this “Wired in” but plugged in seemed more apropos.

The definition of apropos is “fitting; at the right time; to the purpose; opportunity”.

I say this because even as I turn on my computer to only get into Word and begin typing my thoughts, I looked the definition up on my smarter-than-me-phone to make sure I am using the word apropos correctly in my mind! Too many folks toss out words not knowing the true definition or the way to use said word.

So many people use the term wired in or Wi-Fi, most often heard, to let others know they have “instant access” to the Internet so they can flaunt themselves with the knowledge they have the power to “look up information” on the go.

I freely admit this is quite handy and helpful but sometimes it can be a bit much.

Many of these folks, I’ve discovered, think that they are “extremely intelligent” because they have this “power” at their fingertips.

Everyone shares knowledge or information or news that they gleaned from the Internet by whatever source they chose to quote their info from. Facebook, news sites, spoof news sites.

More than have of those people decided their “source” is the truth and then proceed to tell you how your “source” is false and they hereby know more than you do because they are now “tuned in” to The Right Source.

These people kill me!

“It has be to be true ‘cause I read it on the Internet!”

It used to be they saw it on the television but we’re “evolving” now… sure we are, sure we are.

I am the one who will check several news sources to see if something is authentic before I post it, and even then sometimes find out that part or all of it was not the truth but it got out before the editor fully check the content. And yes, I have even got caught up in Internet hoaxes before I learned to check, re-check and triple check and even then sometimes something may not be true but it’s so “real” it seems like it is true. (HBO teaser trailers come to mind as well as a few other entertainment stations).

I am sure than many folks have heard the phrase “turn on, tune in, drop out”.

I wonder how many people really know where that term came from.

I recently heard it from the mouth of a “kid’ who had the “I’m young and smart and know everything” attitude and asked him what that meant to him.

He looked at me funny and said, “Ya know it’s what you say when you’re ‘in the know’.”

“Very interesting. And deep.” I replied, trying so hard to keep a straight face!

“I think it was a saying from some 80’s song but it means more now. We’ve changed it. Tuned in because it’s our generation that’s going to be in charge now and we have it all figured out which is what they meant by that term. We are wired into the world at our fingertips”.

It was all I can do to keep a straight face and get out of his vision (and sound range too) because I just lost it laughing at his definition of the phrase.

I can imagine once I “shared” with him the original origins of the phrase he would write me off as a crazy, old hippie lady and not take into consideration he could be incorrect on his information.

After all this is the age of information and according to this 20-something (barely) dude, his generation has it all figured out! God help us!

They practically created the internet, not Al Gore! Ok that was just funny if you get the reference. If not, just never mind and continue reading!

I had to call my friend immediately thereafter and tell them of this hilarious conversation and how Mr. Timothy Leary may could the humor in it if he was still with us. I hope! Because it kind of scares me to think this kid could be right.

How he got all that “deep ramble of thought(lessness)” from an “80’s” song I am just at a loss.

When you can Google the term “turn on, tune in and drop out” and the First thing that pops up is “”Turn on, tune in, drop out” is a counterculture-era phrase popularized by Timothy Leary in 1966. Reading on just a tinny bit you learn that in 1967 he spoke at the Human Be-In, a gathering of 30,000 hippies in Golden Gate Park and uttered the famous phrase “Turn on, tune in, drop out.”

His actual speech was “Like every great religion of the past we seek to find the divinity within and to express this revelation in a life of glorification and the worship of God. These ancient goals we define in the metaphor of the present – turn on, tune in, drop out.”

So is he plugged in, kind of. Wired in, I am so sure because he was holding one of those large Starbucks coffees in his hand!

But tuned in? In my opinion, no.

Because he represents the epitome of what I am trying to say here.

That just because you have the “information”, you don’t apply the knowledge of it.

You may use definitions to attempt to show your “power” but if you words lack the knowledge of intelligence, you sound like some of Mr. Leary’s pals that I am sure didn’t fare as well as him, Mr. Watts and Mr. Burroughs on their drugs.

The ones I am talking about that babble in the corner to things we cannot see!

And you only half-assed read on the Internet or you would have known pretty quickly what that phrase really meant and its origins.

If you would have truly read down a bit further you might have expanded your knowledge and sound like someone worthy of being respected.

But instead you mouth off, half knowing information, acting all superior to others because “you know” about “everything” and can tell others how they are “doing things wrong” yet your source is not even factual!

I know it’s not just this generation.

No, it’s far, far worse.

People of ALL generations have decided their superiority over others because they are “Tuned in” to what is “real”. However all of their realities seem to be a bit different so then we have several opinions as to what is real and what is not.

And everyone arguing and fighting over it, harming others in the process.

Forgetting that “turn on, tune in, drop out” is a metaphor for seeking the divinity within oneself. *I am paraphrasing here and inserting my opinion of the phrase.

But I do not expect everyone to agree with me.

Nor do I expect everyone to understand or care.

I just care than when you start quoting phrases and hurling them around at folks and judging them you know what you are really saying and mean. And that you back it up by walking the walk, not just talking the talk.

Put down you beloved smart phone before you walk into a wall or fall off the curb!

When you read, actually pay attention to what the writer is saying but don’t read while walking unless it’s just a glance because you may not be getting the full facts of what you are wanting to know.

For directions or referencing a glance is fine. But in order to “tune in” and find answers, you must first give the subject your full attention.

Otherwise we get a bunch of people who only think they know everything.

That is a terrifying thought to me!

Because those “half knowers” could be running our country one day. More of them than there already are! HA!

Seriously, our very lives depend on people who study, research and learn how to do specific things. Soldiers, police officers, fire fighters, doctors, lawyers, politicians – you get the idea. I personally want the ones who Know not the ones who glanced at the information packet to be helping me and mine!

So give humanity a break and “tune in” for a while before you start your judging and you superiority kick. It’s irritating.

As humans we claim to be superior beings, but are we really?

Deep thoughts for a fabulously graceless Monday morning!

Keep Hope Alive!!!

Just a “brief” interruption….

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 10 Comments

I just Love it when someone calls and says, “You got a minute I need to tell you something I won’t take long” so you say “yes” and 20 minutes later you’re still on the phone because said person is now telling you the other 5 things they “forgot” when they called you “for a minute.

Yeah sarcasm doesn’t always translate so well in print but I hope you could feel that one!

There are many people I know with this affliction!

I call them the “just a minute callers” because Every time they tell me “it will just take a minute” and Every time it’s at least 10 or more minutes.

How do you handle that?! I mean without being rude. Which I have been on occasion because I get tired of trying to be nice all the time!

Also those people who you talk to and when it comes time for the end of the conversation to happen, they decide to launch into any and everything they can to keep you on the phone, though saying “I know you have to go but there is just one more thing I will be quick.”

“Quick?” I want to scream at them! Really! I am already behind because your entire conversation was you drawing out your words and repeating yourself and over and over again. Please stop talking!

It really is rude to hang up on people but I seriously want to the majority of the time when I get stuck on the phone with someone like this.

Don’t get me wrong, I can do it too. Usually when I haven’t talked to someone in a while and we don’t get to talk much I try to cram everything in.

However when someone tells me they have to get off the phone, I do my best to cut it short and just tell what needs to be told not all the things I want to say.

When I talk to someone on a regular basis and they repeatedly do it to me it makes me not want to talk to them anymore!

Just because I work from home people “assume” that I have time to take their calls “anytime” and that I am free to do as I please.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Anyone who works from home can tell you that you have to be disciplined to make it work. And it is Work! I may be without makeup in my comfy clothes but I am working!

Although it is somewhat “easy” for me to come up with content for my articles and blogs, it takes concentration and work. Yes, real work!

So just remember the next time you call someone and say “I will be brief I just wanted to tell you a few things” do just That then get off the phone!
Or know that I put you in the “I will take that call later cause they Always take longer than promised” category!

Also, when someone says they are “busy”, whether they are or not, respect them please as it’s obvious that they don’t have all the time in the world to chat with you so don’t keep them on the phone. Otherwise you will be wondering why your calls go to voice mail so often! Or they may just hang up on you. It is effective!

Remember sometimes brief is better!

Stay fabulously graceless my friends!

Do what you say or tell me why you can’t

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 6 Comments

One of my all time pet peeves is people telling me they will do something and then not delivering.

It makes me crazy. Well crazier.

I know I am guilty at times of missing a deadline or forgetting to call someone back, however if I tell you, for example, I will come by at 10:00 AM you better believe I will be there and if I can’t I will let you know I can’t and why and reschedule.

I have been waiting over a week for this dude to come by the house and give me a quote to clean out the gutters.

He was referred by a friend who spoke so highly of him that the first time he “missed” our appointment I thought maybe he got tied up.

So I waited for a call back. Nothing.

Then I left him a message. Still nothing.

I called again and left another message. Nothing.

Yesterday I got him on the phone and he apologized and gave me a sob story and of course I felt bad for him and we rescheduled for 10:00 AM this morning.

Guess what? No show and no call.

This is where I say I am Done with this one!

I have another person I can call but always feel obligated to the person I originally talked to. That is over an hour later.

No I won’t call him and remind him, again, that he apologized and promised me he would be here. He didn’t call me to say, “Hey I can’t make it I am sorry when is a good time.”

I scheduled my day around him being here and have things to do myself.

Just this morning I was given the number of someone that needs some work done and I called them within 20 minutes of getting their information. They were in  bad cell area and asked me to call them back in an hour. I will definitely call back because I said that I would.

I have friends who say they are going to call and forget to call me back.

Heck I do it too.

But that is a friend and not a business.

And if we have plans and one of us forgets or gets busy it isn’t like we aren’t going to be friends anymore.

Unless it’s one of those people you’re just being nice to because another friend suggested you would get along and have “so much” in common. Then I become the “Excuse Queen” of why I can never seem to find time in my “busy” schedule! Hey, at least I am Honest!

Don’t tell me you will ‘handle it” and then I find out later you didn’t “handle it” and said situation is now much worse and I am having to handle it because you can’t seem to recall your promises!

What’s worse is if this person habitually lies to you and tells you they will do something, either for you or someone else, and never does it. When confronted they often keep lying and say “Oh I did it I don’t know why it was said it wasn’t done.” No. Just no.

You will be put on the “do not trust” list faster than my kid on a sugar high!

I understand that everyone tells “little white lies” or “fib bits” and certain circumstances do call for it.

I tell my boy “sorry they don’t make batteries for that toy anymore” on those irritating cheap toys you want to smash upon said child receiving it because it makes a sound you are sure wild animals will come out of hiding to make it stop!

Or that a store is already closed so I don’t have to have him ask me 10,000 times for that Power Ranger toy that I told him would have to be a birthday or Christmas gift because it costs $80 and I don’t drop that kind of money on my kid “just for fun” because I can’t and even if I could I wouldn’t as I don’t want him to think he can have anything he wants whenever he wants it! He gets to hold his yogurt, cheeses and other random food products at the grocery and considers that a treat!

I worked for years, and still do on occasion, with patients who have Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia. Telling them “oh that person will visit later” is much easier than reminding them said person passed away 10 years ago and watching them go through the grieving phase all over again. Because honestly, the chances are good they will not remember later, which is sad, but at the same time you are giving them hope and redirecting them to do something else other than focus on the something you can’t give them. No one can.

So please just either tell me you can’t do something, you forgot, but don’t lie to me because I can promise you I won’t forget it. I will lose my faith and trust in you and that is a hard thing to recover.

I’m a pretty laid back person and if you have a good reason, even if it’s kind of kooky, I will look the other way and give you another chance to prove yourself. But after so many times I am done. Really done.

Someone that runs a “business” in this manner is only making it worse because customers do talk, word of mouth is powerful and bad press is not “good” in this instance.

So be honest with folks.

Even if it is not what they want to hear.

I guarantee they would rather hear the truth that a boatload full of lies!

Stay fabulous my friends!

 

Quiet time, me time and missing the noise

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

I remember growing up we did not have all of the technology and all of the options we do today.

Yes my mom talked on the phone, but it was attached to a cord and plugged into the wall. If you wanted privacy, you went to another room or she told us kids to go outside or in our rooms.

Our rooms held our dearest treasures and outside held fun and adventures.

We lived on a cul-de-sac when I from the time I was 18 months old until I was 8. That would be the time when we acquired my younger brother!

We then moved to a newer subdivision from the time I was 8 until around 18 in which I met my best friend/sister and where the majority of my teenage years played out.

When my parents moved again, it was so my brother could go to a different school since I was graduating and he was about to go to high school.

No matter where we lived, we were required to “be creative” and let my parents have peace during the days of summer and school breaks.

We always did many things together as a family such as dinner each night, church on Sundays, vacations, family gatherings, parties – you get the idea.

But we also had “quiet times” and somehow I always treasured those times.

I don’t require “background” noise like a lot of people do.

And let me be clear, I do like to put on the radio or TV on occasion and have noise happening when I am alone, but I really do cherish quiet time. Nor am I a huge fan of TV every night.

I remember one of the first times when I was a teenager and my parents went away overnight and my younger brother went to my grandparents house.

My parents were trusting me to be an adult and not have a party or anyone over, plus there were plenty of people in the neighborhood that could “watch” our house and back then, there wasn’t all of the dangers we have today. No Facebook and smart phones to instantly update the world on your location and what you are doing. Not a lot of traffic in our area and less crime than there is now.

I did, of course, invite my best friend/sister across the street over for a little while but all we did was make a few calls to boys and watch the cable channels we normally were “limited” to watch.

Cable was the “new” thing as were microwaves! Yep, I am that old!

After she left I remember thinking “It is so Quiet.”

I could hear the house creaking and making noise, I could hear the dog outside but that was it. No TV, no one talking, walking around or making any noise.

It was Bliss!

I went up to my room and read and wrote in my journal.

I slept late because my parents weren’t coming home until later that day.

I enjoyed the peace and quite of a house alone for the first time in my life.

As the years moved forward and I grew up and moved out of my parents home, for the first time haha, I enjoyed having roommates but enjoyed the times when I was alone at home.

The quiet can be so peaceful!

I later married we and moved around a lot. Florida, Georgia, California and back to Georgia.

Many years later we divorced and at first I was living with friends, but I realized I wanted to get my “own” place.

I wanted the option of “quiet time” all the time because I had never had that.

So I got my own apartment and I reveled in being the only one who made noise, other than neighbors, which I had experienced before being an apartment dweller.

However, after a year-ish I realized I am a very social creature. I had already adopted two cats but I missed living with someone.

I set out to find a roommate. And I was “picky”! I wish I had the original ad I posted on “need a roommate” sites due to it’s “what I don’t want” content!

I finally found one person I felt “good” about meeting and happily she was the only person that came to “check out the place” and also became a friend for life!

She, like me, loved her quiet time but wanted someone semi-normal to live with. She had been in a bad relationship, moved in with family and now wanted to be free of the familial judgment and irritation that can come with it!

We both dated, but often joked we would probably end up being old lady roommates with cats and dogs when we moved into our 3rd residence together.

We had a house with a yard, cats, dogs and she was as OCD about cleaning as I was.

We both respected each other about our “quiet time” but would call each other out if we stayed on the couch for too long (like over a week and you aren’t dying from flu, allergies, stomach bug, surgery or anything else of the like) to touch base and generally keep each other sane.

After a few years  my gypsy spirit kicked in and I decided to move yet again.

This time my adventures led me to the state of Tennessee.

I had some wonderful roommates that I love dearly and are still wonderful friends with to this day.

I married again and had my miracle boy.

It was all so crazy and seem to happen so fast!

I had made peace, to a degree, that I wasn’t able to have children.

My friend, then later husband, and I talked about fertility treatments but honestly I wasn’t sure if I could afford the emotional blow it would cause if we paid out all that money and it didn’t work.

Then a miracle happened. I was pregnant.

We got married and I left my wonderful friends and moved in with him. It may not have been the smartest thing to do since we were such good friends but we thought we could pull it off.

I also knew my enjoyment of “quiet time” was about to be interrupted for a while!

I am not dumb but to my credit I was happy about the arrival of the human I was blessed to help create and carry. I was terrified and happier than I had ever been.

Anyone who has children know from the moment they are born your life of peace and quiet is shattered!

It is not all bad, but that is the truth!

If you’re lucky in the first year, you get “quiet time” when the kid is sleeping and the whole “you nap when they nap” actually happens sometimes because you’re dead on your feet from doing your “normal” chores and work, even if you aren’t caught up on everything you take a nap even if you aren’t a “nap person”! At least I did on occasion!

So “quiet time” shifted but I could still find it.

Life moved on and the boy grew and his dad and I realized that we didn’t need to be married. We had issues with living together and clashed on too many things. We tried counseling and we truly worked on trying to stay together but finally realized we couldn’t stay together “for the sake of the child” because we were both miserable.

So I moved again into my own place right down the road.

My father was going through cancer treatments again and I was a wreck from the emotional strains of worrying about my son, my father and the impending divorce.

I found more “quiet time” than I wanted as my son shares time with his father, which I am grateful for as often times kids get the raw end of the deal when parents are divorcing, but that first few months was Hard.

My “quiet time” was torture to think of all the things going on I had no control over and I miss my son like crazy when he’s gone.

I finally learned to accept his nights and weekends away and to enjoy the precious alone time I had.

During our divorce negotiations and mediation, we ending up deciding to move back to our home state of Alabama as both sets of parents lived here as well as extended family and friends.

It’s funny how you think you won’t move somewhere then you have a child and your whole perspective changes!

I didn’t have a lot of “quiet time” per se due to life and the happenings going on.

My friend whom I had lived with in Georgia, moved in with me to my townhouse after a failed relationship. We were happy to be together again but a bit sad of the circumstances that brought us together. She was great with my son and I once again had my friend with me.

Sadly, she passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack in her sleep.

I was heartbroken and so was Blake.

My aunt had also passed away a few months before and now my son was again losing someone he loved.

I feared there would be more to come but I had no idea how much more.

As I was packing up to move at the beginning of last year I got the call I had been dreading.

Although I had been going back and forth from TN to AL pretty much every weekend, my father had taken a turn for the worse. I threw my bags together and the boy and I set out for the motherland.

We arrived on Friday and my father passed away with our family by his side on Sunday.

I stayed on another week with my mom, family and friends. Funeral arrangements, plans and grief were the world I was in.

I have no idea how my mom made it through with the grace she did, but she is one of the strongest women I know and I have so much love, respect and admiration for her.

Her partner of 45 years had passed and she was hurting like never before, but also shared her journey with my brother and I and our family. It’s never easy when one of the rocks of a family dies, however having the love and support of your family and friends makes it bearable.

I am so blessed to have wonderful friends who while I was gone took care of my animals and also helped pack up my home.

I moved back “home” and in with my mom 2 days shy of one month after my father passed.

5 days after moving back, my beloved fur bebe golden retriever, Jethro a.k.a. Big Love, passed away. See, it did get a bit worse.

We were already grieving and now we grieved another.

Neither mom nor I were sure how things would work out.

I was over 40 with a 3 year old and living with my mom!

Fortunately I was able to transfer with my job and mom and I found out that we not only could live together but enjoyed it in a way we never had before.

We help each other out and one of the things we share is enjoying our “quiet time” or “me time” and help each other find it.

The boy loves living at GiGi’s house with mommy and we talk about Pops, my dad, too. It’s still “their” home but now it’s ours too.

We talk about heaven a lot with the boy because how else are you going to explain so many losses to a 3, now 4 year old? He has Great Wink, Aunt Bicky, Pops and Jethro having parties in heaven and I tend to enjoy his view on it as it eases my sadness to see the world through his eyes.

I know I am fortunate, blessed and pretty darn lucky.

It isn’t always easy but mom and I know we have each other.

Recently she went on a little vacation and the boy went on vacation at the same time.

I forgot about how much I Need and Cherish “quiet time” and me time.

It’s nice to wake up on your schedule, eat cereal for dinner if you want and not have to worry about anyone else.

But you know what? I miss them both! I can’t wait until everyone’s “Home” and the chaos and noise is again filling the house up.

Because as much as I love the quiet time, I miss my family! Noise and all!

Have a fabulously graceless Friday my friends!

 

 

Those darn squirrels

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 6 Comments

Some days I wake thinking “I will get so much done today!”. And for a few hours I actually do.

Then it seems I veer off course.

“Squirrels” to me means some sort of distraction usually hits me.

I’m not sure if you are familiar with the move “Up” but when Doug the dog is talking to the man and boy and suddenly he gets distracted and says “squirrel” it cracked me up because that is so how life is.

People are more like animals than they chose to admit!

I have my lists, my chores, my “things to do” but like a lot of people that work from home or have a bit of time on their hands, managing that time is harder than it seems!

It is easy to get lost in the “randomness” of things we would rather do than what needs to be done!

I am so guilty of this!

I find myself checking things off of my list and thinking I have a little bit of extra time, so I decide to change course “for a few minutes” and minutes/hours later I am now behind on what I really Need to do!

Instead of doing all of my chores/work and then letting the randomness happen I have let the randomness slide in-between and get in front of my productivity.

I really am working on this with some actual success.

I want more than anything to write and also get paid to write. I do this blog so I can just write! I want to spend more time with friends and family. I want to keep volunteering. I want to be able to travel whenever I feel like it.

In order to make these things possible I realize I have to focus and be accountable for my time.

Jeez accountability.

That’s such an “adult” word in my mind. Ironically I am an adult and sometimes I have to remind myself of that. Not that my boy doesn’t jog my memory daily that I have to be not only accountable but responsible. But the times when he isn’t with me are when I am supposed to be working  towards my dreams and our future. I do get breaks and have to make the most of my time.

So I made a vow to myself that I am keeping.

It doesn’t matter how anyone else but myself feels about it. Well it does but I am lucky in that those the people who matter support me and believe in me.

I don’t like to let people down. It’s a lot of weight to carry but you know what? It is totally worth it!

So don’t let the “hard stuff” and fear stand in your way of your dreams.

Don’t let the “squirrels” get you distracted. Go For It!

Always Keep Hope Alive!

I know I am and I know I Can Do It.

I Believe in Me!

Have a fabulously graceless day friends!

Suck It Up

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 32 Comments

Sometimes you aren’t in a mood to do Anything.

There is work to do, errands to run, music to face but you find yourself doing any and everything to avoid doing that one task you would rather clean the floorboards than face.

This is when you have to Suck It Up!

On this journey down the river of life we often times find ourselves dodging what needs to be done. Even rationing like Scarlett O’Hara, “Tomorrow is another day” does you no good because if you’re lucky, tomorrow comes and that whole “what you put off today” yesterday becomes “just do it” today. It’s a vicious cycle to be sure!

Hiding your “to do list” doesn’t help and if you are OCD like me the darn thing is practically chiseled into your brain so even though you are physically seeing it the list mocks you in your head.

“You Need to get that organizing done.”

“You need to call about that job.”

“You need to pay that bill” Ok that one may be easier to ignore if you don’t have the funds at the moment, however it still calls out to you in that sick sing song voice “Pay attention I won’t let you forget!”. Ugh!

Which reminds me I need to organize my list.

Guess I will add that when I remember where I put it!

At least I can finally scratch off “Get to post office ASAP your girl needs her products!” Go Me!

I think I got 4 out of like 27 things done!

Seriously I don’t put numbers on the items of things to do or I would really lose it! I just write down the page and put a “-” dash for new entries and leave a few lines because then the sub-entries of things to do gets tacked on!

Then sometimes you run out of time and have no choice but to “face the music” so to speak and this is where one must Suck It Up.

I really dislike having those “Suck It Up” items on my list, but if I am honest, it is a natural part of life.

Like having to go to my boy’s school and figure out why I have a balance showing on the new sign in screen of fancy gadgetry they have. Because no matter what else is going on my kid is taken care of first and foremost.

The director was on vacation for a few weeks (use it or lose it policy and I don’t blame her a bit), but her “temporary replacement” told me I had past due fees, I was paying the wrong amount, etc. I do not know this person but I do know nearly All of the wonderful ladies taking care of my child so for her to sort of treat me like I had done wrong really rubbed me the wrong way. I did not want to show my ass in front of the rest of the teachers, but I wanted to very badly let this woman know she had messed with the wrong crazy mama.

You know how you get a vibe for people who either just don’t like you or really just don’t like other people at all?! Yeah she was one of them. She would also push it off onto the assistant, who is a wonderful lady and great with the kids and family.

I could tell “Jenny” (obviously not her real name) was uncomfortable telling me I was “past due” because she Knows I come in at the first of Every month and pay the Whole month in advance and not week by week. You get a discount doing so and I truly never had a thought about it until this new system came in and showed “balance due” and was told “it’s the system you pay fine I wish everyone did.” To me, that meant all was good.

Then this person comes in telling me in her hoity toity attitude that I needed to pay because the regional director “said so” and why hadn’t I addressed the “late fees”.

Excuse me? Late Fees? I have no idea in hades what she is talking about and told her as much. I said “maybe you should look at my payments since I have Always paid them on time, same amount every month and No One has ever said I was late nor did I get a notice.”

You know when you put it like that, when you Suck It Up and speak the truth they have no choice but to take a step back and re-access. So back to the books we went and she showed her side, of course I disagreed but knew once the director came back I could work it out.

So now I have to go in Monday, like going to the principal’s office, and sit down with her and work it all out again. I only dread it because the boy is on vacation with other family and I miss him so going to his school makes me miss him more. I know sappy Suzie! At least I know I will be getting a discount because he is out all week and I will ask about the “late fee” I paid and since he was also out a few weeks ago, of which they knew in advance, maybe I will get another discount. No one was real thrilled about how this other woman handled things!

So that is one instance of which one has to Suck It Up.

There are so many!

That conversation you need to have with a loved one or friend that you are dreading.

The actual cleaning and organizing of rooms because, let’s be honest, another month and you might qualify for an episode of hoarders!

We all have to Suck It Up during our lives and face and do things we would prefer not to do.

But they say that which does not kill you makes you stronger.

I say that which does not kill you makes you stranger. And strange is good!

Have a Fabulous Saturday My Graceless Friends!

 

“Me” Time

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

Do you ever have those times when you just want to be alone but don’t ever seem to have the time?

You never quite take time for yourself but you don’t really pay attention to those warning sirens in your head that say “STOP YOU PSYCHO YOU HAVE TO SLOW DOWN AND TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF OR I WILL MAKE YOU STOP!” Complete with cymbals, fireworks and other loud noises to make you Listen… Or some kind of something like that!

Yeah welcome to my world!

There’s always something or somebody that needs or wants your attention. Bills, laundry, errands, jobs, family, friends, the list is endless. You may feel guilty for even thinking about it because you feel a responsibility to take care of things ASAP and not consider the importance of You.

It can be overwhelming at times.

Sometimes you do just have to STOP.

For me I have to stop, re-group, attempt to re-organize and remember to Breathe!

I have to let the memories and feelings wash over me and let them do as they may.

I have to embrace them, examine them and try to figure out why I sometimes feel I am ever so slowly losing more of my mind than I feel I have already lost.

I HAVE to have “me” time and have been accused or more than 10 occasions of being “selfish”.

Maybe I am.

Maybe I give and give and go and go and really do need to just stop.

Either way I know I am not alone in feeling this way.

I was talking to a very good friend the other day. We live about 11 miles apart and haven’t seen each other in person in a year.

We have known each other for 20-ish years and we do keep in touch. They are very dear to me and I can’t imagine life without them but yet we don’t “see” each other that much and talk sometimes but not your weekly conversation, more like every few months and we text. We care about each other like siblings. We are there when it counts.

We were talking about this very thing. “Me” time and really how a person NEEDS it.

How yes, you are often considered selfish when you “take it” as if your time belongs to someone other than yourself.

You designate the “me” time.

You give your time to your job, your spouse/significant other, your children, your family and friends. You may spend extra time with charities and hobbies that usually involve others but you don’t always remember to take “time out” for yourself.

And by golly it’s so Important to have “ME” if we are to grow as a human beings.

If you can’t take time, whether it be a few hours a week (even broken down into minutes here and there if you have a family, children or relationship), a day or days if you can to get yourself some quality “ME” time you Will start to unravel.

That is scary. Scarier if you don’t even recognize it.

Because then you start to affect those very people you share your other time with. You start to “float off” when you should be paying attention.

Maybe it affects your health, your relationships, your job.

Maybe it begins as a tiny tear but slowly it begins to eat away at the very fabric of who you are.

Then people ask why your cranky, distant, acting “weirder than normal”. Why you don’t call them back, why you aren’t you your crazy, goofy, demented self.

Then you realize.

I have lost myself.

I have forgotten who I am.

And you Find the time for You.

Because without some me time, there is no Life time.

You can’t share with others what you don’t have.

Find some time for the “me” in You.

I know I am.

Have a fabulously graceless Friday my friends!

Can I please get your side effects listed?

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 10 Comments

 

I think when you become friends, began dating and knowing people you will be around often (work, friends, etc.) that one of your first acts should be to give a list to the other your side effects. Openly and honestly.

You can do the “Hi I am Sam, I’m a Virgo, I am a bit OCD, I hate it when you fold napkins the wrong way in fact, when we are preparing for people to come over if they aren’t folded right I may have a breakdown and end up in the state hospital again. I love unicorns and puppies and I put mustard on my popcorn.”

See? Simple! Hahahahaha

Ok I know it isn’t that easy but you can tell people about yourself.

I understand that you don’t want to give away all of your crazy up front, no need to run them off, but it is fair to tell people about you. For example, say if you spend a lot of time together in any capacity that you’re on medication for seizures, heart issues, because you sometimes here the dust mites chattering away. Those are kind of important things to share if you are sharing chunks of time with someone. What if you have a reaction or need medical attention with your friend? This is crucial information to share.

Later you can tell them about how you don’t always answer your phone or how you only go out every 3rd day. Again not sharing all the oddities right away but building up to it. That is fine as long as it doesn’t involve say body parts stored in the freezer or a fetish for hurting others.

We all have oddities and things we do that may annoy, irritate or frighten others depending on what it is. And by frighten I mean that it could be something small or something pretty big that you need to get out there.

People have patterns. You can only “pretend” to be a certain way for so long unless you’re like that chick in that book/movie “Gone Girl” or that dude in “The Talented Mr. Ripley” or “Catch Me if you can”.

Not that there aren’t  people out there like that but to me that’s more extreme. I have met quite a few people that are very adept at “hiding” parts of who they really are. They can be quite persuasive and manipulative. It’s a fascinating thing to watch and scary at the same time.

If someone you become friends with suddenly becomes a close talker and a bit too much into your personal life, you have to look back and see that the signs were there, she was just refraining from being her true to not scare you off. Can you live with that as a friend? Do you approach her about it? Do you slowly back away and disappear?

I handled this with the “heyyyyy friend, you are all up in my personal space. I like you and respect you but you need to understand my life is mine and I will share a lot with you but you don’t need to research or “assume” things because you will most likely be wrong and make me mad. Ask me. If it’s too personal I will tell you as much and we can move on.” And yes, I am still friends with this person!

What if you’ve been friends with someone and suddenly the don’t seem to answer the phone as much as they once did? You still hang out but the whole answering the phone when you call doesn’t happen as much. They still call you occasionally to make sure plans are in place (after you’ve left messages) but they just don’t take your calls. Do you get mad or confront and/or accept it?

I am seriously referring to several of my super close inner group of friends. The truth is we all love each other and hate to talk on the phones at times. Not that we won’t go for a marathon or sometimes just 5 minutes. I just Asked if I had done anything wrong and when we talked, we realized that we had grown in our relationships and didn’t feel the Need to talk all the time.

Of course we still do talk, more so now that we aren’t living in the same state for some, but still not as much as some people feel people need to talk or it makes them not “friends”. **I don’t have/know of too many folks like this because I get irritated with the phone in general & if you feel like I have to talk to you every few hours or we aren’t being what you deem “friends” then you will have a problem with me! The only person that gets that much attention is the boy because he is mine and even then I tell him “mommy needs some time away from it all for just a few minutes” (and that usually leaves me hiding in the bathroom for only 10-15 minutes if he is distracted by playing or watching a movie!).

Or you’ve been friends with someone and known each other a while. When you were younger you maybe drank together, and as you aged you went through stages of partying and both seemed to come out alive and ok. Then you notice they are drinking or on something because they are acting like they did when you partied together “back in the day” but this is no longer “back in the day” and you’re older and have responsibilities. Do you ignore it, accept it, confront them? Do you decide they aren’t worth it because “they know better”? Do you judge?

I can say I have done all of the above. And yes, there have been some regrets I admit.

In various stages of our lives we don’t always make the best decisions and then again sometimes it is for the best but may not feel like it them.

I know that I always talked to my friends before I did anything “rash”, well at least after about the age of 20! Before then I just didn’t understand people as well and what I could, would and could not tolerate.

I wish everyone well but I am sorry I can’t go down that rabbit hole with you. Sometimes some journeys are meant to go on alone. If you are very, very lucky you may get to see them again on this journey of life!

What about the friends you make and some life event shakes you both up and you realize you have nothing more in common anymore but the time you have known each other?

You have years of being around this “friend” but nothing else anymore as this event has shown you the glaring differences in the core of who you both are.

And you realize, all along you saw the signs, the side effects. You Knew the words on the warning labels yet you chose to ignore them because you truly felt this friend was worth it.

That they would be there with you for the zombie apocalypse.

When the time came and the world as you know if fell apart, you both let each other down in some ways.

You never expected them to fall so far and when you confronted them, they tore you apart emotionally because they knew they couldn’t take away the core of the true you and that made them jealous because maybe, just maybe you were a stronger person than they were.

And if we are honest you are a bit less selfish than they were.

But you, in your ways of the thoughts of the universe, thought that just because they didn’t want to list their “side effects” to you out loud; that it was understood you both Knew and that you acknowledged it but also had expectations of them being Human and admitting their shortcomings as you admitted yours to them.

It didn’t happen.

You never know how things will end up. Maybe the spin around the sun will make you friends once more and maybe they will become someone you once knew.

So if we could just be honest and share the not so pretty side effects/warning labels about ourselves with each other, it would just make things so much easier, ya know?! It couldn’t hurt much!

What do I know? I’m just a chick that enjoys blogging about the thoughts in her head!

Have a Fabulously Graceless Sunday My Friends!

Fly your freak flag proudly!

 

Public Profanity and Censorship

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 13 Comments

I always thought I was so cool. I mean I thought I was weird, could be adopted (grant it I look very much like my dad’s mom but that’s just coincidence I’m sure), left by aliens but I was “cool” in my mind, the best and scariest of places, because I could and can say anything I wanted and No One could tell me I was wrong, the timing was bad, I shouldn’t have said that, etc.

Oh but the happiness of being able to “shout it out in my head is a good thing! Probably could get me in a coat that helps me hug myself but we won’t go any further on that one right now!

I was a teenage rebel. I am surprised my parents didn’t disown me though I am sure it had to have crossed their mind a time or ten. I got good grades but had no “one” group I was in. I was friends with everyone. I dressed normal and weird. I didn’t judge people based on who their family was. I spoke my mind, often to my detriment but also in defense of others. I truly tried to be a “good person”. I also skipped school, said mean things I usually instantly regretted and did things I would probably not do again. However I can’t help but wonder if it didn’t help mold me into understanding life a bit better.

I feel for the most part that I have survived and thrived and I am continuing to build on who I am. It’s neat to find more of myself all the time.

I have a WIDE variety of friends and family from ALL walks of life, races, colors, religions and I love them all for who they are. I call out friends or family who speak ill of another “type” of person as 98% of the time it is stereotypical and just plain wrong.

I Believe in Freedom for ALL Human Beings regardless of the color of their skin, their sex, their religion or whom they chose to love and call family.

I believe in saying how you feel without the repercussions of family, friends and society tearing you down. I don’t want to be censored.

Yet I censor myself. In life, in conversations and even here on my blog.

Sometimes I am too damn nice.

See, that’s the thing, just using the word damn may offend some people. I don’t want to do that but That is Just ME. A layer of me. Like an onion (Love Shrek!). Because peeling it down I am not so sure all that is meant for the masses! It could be scary!

In today’s world “damn” is really not a bad word. It wasn’t too bad in the 80’s even though some folks would say any profanity would send you straight to the pits of hell. 30 years later we say and hear far, far worse and see even more so what is then beyond that pit of hell to them I wonder?!

So I “censor” myself in my speech as I do not know who all will be reading my post and I am sure that in the future, stronger language will be used in some posts and I will probably go back and add *strong language may be unsuitable for young readers and those who can’t handle the truth because it’s just how I roll.

Because if I am real about how I truly am, when I am so emotionally charged up or angry or hurt or sad or even with my girls & close friends when I don’t have to “check what I say as not to offend” I say Bad Words!

A lot of them and artistically I might add. I used to call my good friend and ho (an endearing term as not to be confused as to something ugly here) and go on complete rants about Atlanta traffic and drivers. I would come up with some damn creative names for folks.

I also, in my mind, invented a ray gun that I could point at said folk that made the profane language flow from my face and made me feel terror for my life and turn them into a beautiful flower grouping by the side of the road for 5 minutes and then return them to the road in a better frame of mind without having lost any time. All of that from being able to “let it loose” with my speech to my friend!

I have mentioned before I hate crowds. Hate is a strong word but all crowds of Any kind make me a bit jittery. I can go with friends and family, have a fabulous time but I still get a wee bit nervous in a crowd. (They make medications for that ya know! Makes it a bit easier!). And I seem to find myself in crowds as is such with life. By crowds I mean 25 or more people unless it is a really cool gathering of a bunch of people I know and not people they know we just all know each other and it’s fun. Because then even though you’re in a “crowd” it’s of all friends. You still in the safe space where you don’t have to censor yourself too much, depending on the group. But once in the PUBLIC you have to censor yourself.

Have you ever been alone in your dwelling and something scare you and you scream out something you don’t want your mama or grandmama to hear? Or your priest, rabbi, nosey neighbor…you get the idea. Or you just found out something about someone or your own life and you just want to say words and scream out loud because it sometimes makes you feel better so you do.

But once you cross that threshold from personal space to public property you are in full on Censorship mode!

I know we aren’t supposed to care what others think. But then again why aren’t we? It’s a fine line to walk. Caring but not. Being yourself but not.

When I am in public I try to censor what I say due to others around me who do not like the language and for the sake of small children. In some instances if no kids are around, all bets are off and words are said. Sometimes it’s funny, other times I probably should have kept my mouth shut.

A phrase I heard often as a child and teen was “if you can’t say it around your mother or in church you shouldn’t be saying it.” And how well did that work out for the majority of us?!

I guess what I am getting at is I am not perfect and neither is my language. I cuss more in my head than I allow to come out of my mouth. But it does come out!

But I try to respect others and realize that just by overhearing something I say that is considered “profanity” that it could offend them in a way I do not even understand. And even know I may not know them I would still feel bad. I am the person who has been known to be at a restaurant late after having a few drinks with friends, say something crude then look around to see if anyone heard me and then apologize to them! Yep I am that person.

So even though I am still being free and being me, I censor myself. Because frankly I think everyone needs to a tiny bit just to try and show a little respect for others. You never know how that person could affect your life and how you could affect theirs.

This is however, just my humble opinion. And it doesn’t matter because if you cuss like a sailor, I am still your friend. If you do it in front of my mama, I will ask you to try and clean it up a bit. But once we are where I know we won’t offend anyone, I can match you word for word in that “sailor talk”!

That is enough deep thinking for one night and I am damn tired!

Goodnight my Graceless Friends!

 

It’s a holiday weekend…

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 15 Comments

This means the masses will be out in droves clogging up the streets, driving crazy, doing the jeckyl & hyde thing of nice/evil and genuinely “freaking me out” because so there are so many folks out and about.

Not that there aren’t on a “normal” basis but holiday weekends tend to bring out the crazies even more I have noticed.

It is not just here in sweet home Alabama, but everywhere I have lived – coast to coast.

I have to wonder, is it like the full moon and high tides that have proven effects on people? Because that is real I know it. I’ve seen it firsthand. I have witnessed the crazy and been the crazy.

So no judging here! In my world it’s just a scale of how crazy. I mean there are the extremes: Just crazy (and oh there are variances there) and Kill you in your sleep crazy. Seriously.

But back to the holiday weekend theory, again we “celebrate” a day off on Monday.

Memorial Day.

I saw it pointed out some people think that Memorial Day is for all that have served and continue to serve our country.

It is not.

However, you should Always thank those daily for those who have and continue to serve!

Just so you’re in the know we honor them formally in November on Veterans Day. Keep up folks!

Memorial Day is for remembering those service men and women who gave ALL. Who gave their life up for our country. It is a day of respect and reflection.

It is a federal holiday but it is for Remembering those millions of service people who gave their lives so that we could have our freedoms.

Originally it was named Decoration Day after the American Civil War for  folks would go out to the cemeteries to clean and decorate the graves of those servicemen who had died for their country . The name was changed to Memorial Day in the twentieth century to include all service men and women who had died for their country while serving.

So while you are enjoying your day off work, or eating your bar-b-q and baked beans remember why we “get” this holiday.

Take a moment, just a brief moment, to give thanks to those who gave us this freedom to do as we please and say how we feel.

Try to respect your fellow human and not throttle them. Try to be of the just crazy variance please!

Here’s to a fabulous “holiday” weekend!

The United States of America: Land of the Free. Home of the Brave.