Raw expectations and perspective


We all have expectations of some degree or another.

Many of us want/wish things would go smoothly and according to plans. If you have been on the planet any length of time you learn that is not the way that it is.

I know that money can buy many things, even make you happy for a time… did you know you can hire someone to hold your umbrella, your place in line and even carry a child for you?

What it can’t buy is true feelings of happiness deep down in your soul.

So many times we place far too much value on material items. We place expectations of our happiness on material things or things that are so far out of our reach but we are taught to reach for the stars. We forget about the lesson of what happens when we do not get what we want.

I often see people going through the motions of happiness but they are not truly happy. Maybe they are happy in some ways but not fully at peace with who they are. They feel they need more “stuff”. Maybe it isn’t the “stuff” that they need but the intangible peace that can only come from within.

I know sometimes if I get too comfortable in my own skin it becomes uncomfortable and I search for ways to stretch my creativity and my mind. I need more, but it isn’t always about material gain. If that is a by-product of the changes I choose then I consider that a bonus. I obviously have to maintain a certain criteria in order to take care of myself and the boy.

I know that there are so many times I feel that I fail to meet the expectations of others. As well as the expectations I set for myself. I feel like I can be too stubborn, too strict, too hard, too blunt, too much of all the things I should ease up on. Then I argue with myself on if not me, who will? It can become a quiet hell in my mind. On the outside, I actually appear sane and having it together. Inside it is like Armageddon and the end of the world as I know it.

The need to do good and what is right is never in question. It’s the road to getting there that can get narrow and long. It’s going about it my way when others have their perceptions of how I should be doing it. Not that there is always something wrong with their way or that I can’t see the benefits and may even incorporate all or some of their suggestions. It is when I chose what I feel is best for me and mine and I am chastised like a child or someone tries to put me down because “they know what’s best”. Maybe they do know what’s best, but I can guarantee that that don’t know what is best for me.

One of my favorite lines is “finding my way lost.” I heard the term and wrote on the line into my poems over 20 years ago. It still resonates within me all these many years later. When I first wrote on it I was in my early 20’s. I had certain perceptions of how life “should” be and how I could make it into how I thought I wanted it to work. I was so far off the mark as to how things should be and what paths I needed to take to get there. However, in taking that detour in my life, it broadened my perspective of not only me, but the wider world.

Sometimes life moves so very fast, it’s like it goes in slow motion for a short while and it is back on the train to crazy town. Your dreams either happen, change forms, or are tweaked to reflect your inner changes. Sometimes you aren’t able to achieve certain dreams. You can let that define how you go forward by wallowing in your own self-pity (been there). Try moving forward in a new direction. I’m not necessarily sure it’s the direction you need to be going but it needs to feel right. I recommend this one over the self-pity. Not that self-pity doesn’t have its moments but that is all, for me, that it needs to be is moments. I can’t get caught up repeating the same thing over and over for years and not getting anywhere close to where I want to be.

I dreamed of a family. Not only the family I was born into, but a larger, happier, crazier family mixed with both the biological and those who chose to join me on this journey. I dreamed of children, a partner to share it with, and always, those I deem famriends – friends that are family.

My famriend family is amazing. I have those I have a DNA link to as well as the other amazing humans that I have met on this incredible journey of life. People I will have in my life in some form or another until the end of this life’s journey.

I was blessed with one amazing miracle that chose me to be his mama. I was also blessed with several “nieces and nephews” prior to the boy’s arrival to help prepare me for when the time was right.

Not every part of my dream was like I expected it to be. Sometimes it was more than I could take and pain, despair, depression and misery took over. They occasionally make their appearance but I now know how to deal with them.

The best part is that I am still here, writing my story with every breath I take. I am responsible for loving and showing another human being how to start their own journey. I hope to be with him for many years but I know that whatever time I have with him, he will always know what love is and he knows how to find happiness. I pray I have the time to teach him how to nurture that and help him grow into the young man he will hopefully become.

We never know what tomorrow brings, so try and share yourself with those you love while you have the change.

Look at life from a different perspective. Step out of your comfort zone, if only a little bit. Take a chance and live! Share the joy, compassion and love with the world. Can you imagine what the world would be like if we all just made the effort to try to be kinder, more patient and understanding every day?!

These are the raw thoughts that have been on my mind. These are the things that keep me going. These things and of course, the amazing people that I share my life with.

Keep Hope Alive!

 

The perceptions of expectations


Expectation. Noun: the act or the state of expecting: to wait in expectation. The act or state of looking forward or anticipating.

Expect. Verb: to look forward to; regard as likely to happen; anticipate the occurrence or the coming of: I expect to read it. I expect him later. She expects that they will come. To look for with reason or justification: We expect obedience.

I have observed how, in my opinion, people place expectations on people and things to a great degree. Their happiness and moods seem to depend on the actions of others or things that we really have no control of.

I, myself, am guilty of putting expectations on people and places/situations/things that I have no control of. Yet I let it control my level of happiness and emotions. Sometimes I get upset that people do not meet up to expectations I believe they should be following. Sometimes I realize this is completely irrational and have to stop and remind myself that I have control of no one, with the exception, somewhat, of the boy and even he is his own being. I expect him to mind, follow directions, show respect and use manners. I also expect him to have an occasional meltdown or act out. He is after all only 5.

However, it seems when it comes to adults, I have to decide if I can live with people not living up to what I “thought” my expectations are of that person. Straight off, people who continually lie or try to bring any harm to me and mine are gone. Sorry, I can’t have that. But what about those “other” expectations that seemed so important in the beginning?

Let me share an example. When I first met a friend of mine we clicked immediately. We did things together, share our lives and had a grand time. She became another “sister” to me. Then I moved across the country. While we spent many hours in each other’s company prior to my moving, she was notorious for not using her phone, losing her phone and forgetting to call. When I moved I don’t know why I thought this would change, because by that point, we had known each other several years and I had already accepted this about her. I realized I could choose to walk away from a friendship or accept the way she was. I chose to keep her. I know I have things about me that she chose to keep me over those things that irritate. I am grateful. We have been “sisters” for nearly 20 years. We have gone through all kinds of life situations, good, bad and plain hellish, yet we have stayed friends because for better or worse. We chose to keep each other. We have both forgotten something that was important to the other and have both chose selfishly at times, yet we work to keep our friendship.

In spite of the “expectations” people have of what friendship should be like, I continue to cherish this valuable friendship in my life. We could both choose to end our friendship, but why would we when it is a treasure to have someone who truly cares and has your best interest? She has a spouse, child and family who is also there. Yet she keeps me around. Most likely for entertainment but we find each other hysterically funny and definitely find something of value in each other.

Oftentimes I find that I am not living up to expectations of others. Sometimes I realize it and will talk to the person about it. Other times I have no idea I have even “messed up.” Many times it is miscommunication or misunderstandings. Rarely do I loose friends. I see it as life is precious and the humans in this life are a part of something larger than just us. Each and every one of us are different. We all have different thoughts, feelings and beliefs. I do not agree with everything my friends and family do or say nor do they agree with everything I do or say. Yet we still choose to be around each other. We choose to continue to have relationships with each other, even when it can be hard.

I believe we choose to change those “expectations” because we love that person enough to know that we want them as a part of our life, even with the craziness, no matter what it may be.

We change our perception of what our expectations are because we don’t want to lose someone special to us over something we may not agree with or even like, but the overall person is most definitely worth it.

It may be worth taking a look at your perceptions and weighing it against the overall picture.

Sometimes, expectations are way over-rated!

I hope y’all have a fabulous day!

Keep Hope Alive!

 

expectations


Often times in life we have so many expectations placed on us.

It seems like they are there daily to keep you on your course or drive you out of your mind.

I know I place expectations on myself.

I often wonder if I am too hard on myself or not hard enough.

I know that others have expectations of me and I know that I let them down sometimes.

I hate letting people down.

Some matter more than other, but to me, they all matter to varying degrees.

I love being told I should raise or lower my expectations.

Please tell me about the how and why I should!

For general things, movies, going out in public, etc. I have placed lower expectations so that when I have a pleasant experience I am often surprised and happy that they met and exceeded my original expectation.

With people I place a higher expectation. Though I realize it is not more than I place on myself.

We all have quirks, issues and faults.

It isn’t about that.

More of the basic human decency to communicate, respect and not take each other for granted.

Lately I am finding that many friends and family have gone above and beyond when it comes to me and my own expectations.

I am constantly amazed when someone tells me I inspired them or I performed much better than anticipated.

I recently found myself facing the first time of not being able to meet a deadline. I physically could not do it.

One of my fabulous friends stepped up to the plate and just offered, no strings, to help me.

This is how my friends and I are. We just step in and help.

I can’t tell you how much this meant to me.

Another friend knew I was upset about having to go for a medical procedure and offered, again, to take off work and to the appointment. She had just done it and was offering to ask off again to take little old me downtown again and wait while I have the procedure done. She will then take me back to another mutual friend’s home where I will recover for the day.

These people don’t have to do these things for me.

I do not expect it.

Yet they show me they care by stepping up and going beyond “the basics”.

I am so blessed to be around folks like this the majority of the time.

I must say when I collect my friends, I only collect the best!

Have a fabulously graceless Friday my friends!