fabulous

Just get through it, then you can you move past it

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 10 Comments

Sometimes you see the train coming round the bend and you absolutely Know you have to jump on but you just don’t want to.

You know that once you’ve jumped you can’t stop because really, you have no other choice.

My life is like that train sometimes, only it seems the driver is on drugs and my skills in jumping may be lagging a bit.

You know that there are things you have to face no matter what it may be.

You have no choice but to move on through it and face it.

If you don’t move through it you can never get past it.

Something that I am re-learning is much easier said than done.

However, it is something for me that I have to do because I am one of those people who has to go through it before I am past it to be able to move on with my life without the feeling of knowing I didn’t end the chapter, but instead just laid down the book never to finish it.

Too many times in my life have I left things in the “past” that later caught up to me because I didn’t move “through” it, but just breezed right past something but I did it because I didn’t have the knowledge, grace or guts to do at the time.

It’s easy to place blame on your situations, your work, you family, your life, and your state of mind.

Blaming others or an outside force is a much easier path to choose than one where you have to take accountability and lay the blame at your own feet.

Even if something isn’t all your fault in a relationship or situation, chances are good that the ending isn’t solely the other party’s fault no matter how you slice it.

Yes they may have done worse.

They may have ruined your favorite book, item of clothing or something other near and dear to you.

They may have spoken badly of you and spread lies and rumors.

They may have repeatedly lied to you thinking you would forgive again and again when you had done so before.

They may have been jealous of your abilities and felt threatened so they cut you from their lives to make themselves feel better telling you, “So sorry it was just time” or some other such non-sense.

In some cases yes, you can be completely blameless.

However I have learned that in most cases you aren’t.

This is when you have to do the ooey gooey yucky moving through it part to move past it.

A while back I was laid off from my job.

Though I knew that industry wide layoffs were happening, I had deluded myself into thinking I may be demoted and I could look for a job when/if this happened. Within two months of my old co-workers, who had worked for my company’s parent company, being laid off, I too got my “pink slip”.

I was somewhat devastated. I was also a bit relieved.

And if I was honest, I did know that chances were good I would be one of the ones to go first and get laid off.

This was not my “dream” job but I always put at least 100% into every job I have. Frankly I had been in the industry for the last 3 ½ years and I still didn’t understand a lot. That was in a large part due to the nature of the industry and people not sharing information for fear you would take their job, and for the fact I was female in an industry that is roughly 80% males in the upper management roles. There were women in management roles but I do know they made less than their male counter-parts. And it was pretty cut-throat at times.

I am still moving through it.

I am past it in the sense I made peace with the situation and started looking for employment. I have done beauty sales, adult sitter work and writing, but 6 ½ months later I do not have a “real full time full paying” job.

I am good with this because I am working to achieve my dreams. I am lucky that I am blessed with family to help, savings and some financial dribbling’s monthly to make ends meet. I do not live lavishly, I coupon and save when and where I can.

Do I want to live this way forever? Hell no.

I want to be able to comfortably support myself and my boy and not worry about paying my bills each month and having enough left over to do fun things with the boy as well as put some away for our future.

I Will get there because for me there is no other option.

See, working Through it even though I moved Past the incident.

I have also been re-connecting with old friends. And believe me I am selective on that because let’s face it, we are all crazy and honestly, some crazies just don’t mix!

People can put on an “act” for who they are or aren’t only for so long.

At this stage of a relationship, you are probably back in the ooey gooey moving through it.

Whether moving “past” it means being around that person, with some type of “conditions”, or completely moving on, you will still move “past” whatever it is in your relationship with this person.

I have a close friend who is one of the most compassionate, intelligent and awesome humans on the planet. She is also slightly nuts in a take a step back and possibly adjust meds kind of way.

There have been times during the course of our decade’s long friendship when we have both had issues we had to work through in order to get past.

It wasn’t always pretty, nice or easy but because we believed in our friendship we worked through it. We remain close to this day.

I have had other relationships where it was best all-around to end it completely.

The hardest part about ending a relationship is not only moving through it, but the getting past is harder. Those kind of relationships, no matter how close or distant, are similar to when someone dies.

If someone dies, you have to move through your grief and there is no time limit on that.

To me, moving “past” a death is accepting it, no matter what the cause. You may still be moving through it even those you have moved past what caused it and have accepted you will no longer see that person ever again in this life.

But a relationship you end, depending on how it ends and the circumstances surrounding it, can be like a death but the person is still on the planet and you may actually see them again.

Instead of discomfort and hateful words you have to move through your emotions, or at least how you display yourself in public and around others, so that you do not completely go off the deep end or embarrass yourself. Or worse say something you will regret later.

If you are changing the dynamics of your relationship you have to move through how that will play out while moving past the way it was.

Maybe you were sort of friends and now you’re close. Maybe you’ve gone from friends to dating. Or from dating to friends.

All of those change the dynamics of how your relationship with that person is.

If you don’t define how you feel, people don’t always have that “daily dose of gypsy shit so now I can read your mind” mentality. They need to Know.

Even if it’s unpleasant and not what you want to do, in order to move on and past you have no choice but to know how you feel.

Sparing someone’s feelings now could cost you more than you bargain for later.

Whatever the situation or circumstance sometimes you just have to JUMP!

I am still moving though and past so many things in my life. I am sure I will continue to do so until the day that I die. I least I hope so.

I wish you all the luck in the world!

Have a fabulously graceless night my friends!

Quiet time, me time and missing the noise

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

I remember growing up we did not have all of the technology and all of the options we do today.

Yes my mom talked on the phone, but it was attached to a cord and plugged into the wall. If you wanted privacy, you went to another room or she told us kids to go outside or in our rooms.

Our rooms held our dearest treasures and outside held fun and adventures.

We lived on a cul-de-sac when I from the time I was 18 months old until I was 8. That would be the time when we acquired my younger brother!

We then moved to a newer subdivision from the time I was 8 until around 18 in which I met my best friend/sister and where the majority of my teenage years played out.

When my parents moved again, it was so my brother could go to a different school since I was graduating and he was about to go to high school.

No matter where we lived, we were required to “be creative” and let my parents have peace during the days of summer and school breaks.

We always did many things together as a family such as dinner each night, church on Sundays, vacations, family gatherings, parties – you get the idea.

But we also had “quiet times” and somehow I always treasured those times.

I don’t require “background” noise like a lot of people do.

And let me be clear, I do like to put on the radio or TV on occasion and have noise happening when I am alone, but I really do cherish quiet time. Nor am I a huge fan of TV every night.

I remember one of the first times when I was a teenager and my parents went away overnight and my younger brother went to my grandparents house.

My parents were trusting me to be an adult and not have a party or anyone over, plus there were plenty of people in the neighborhood that could “watch” our house and back then, there wasn’t all of the dangers we have today. No Facebook and smart phones to instantly update the world on your location and what you are doing. Not a lot of traffic in our area and less crime than there is now.

I did, of course, invite my best friend/sister across the street over for a little while but all we did was make a few calls to boys and watch the cable channels we normally were “limited” to watch.

Cable was the “new” thing as were microwaves! Yep, I am that old!

After she left I remember thinking “It is so Quiet.”

I could hear the house creaking and making noise, I could hear the dog outside but that was it. No TV, no one talking, walking around or making any noise.

It was Bliss!

I went up to my room and read and wrote in my journal.

I slept late because my parents weren’t coming home until later that day.

I enjoyed the peace and quite of a house alone for the first time in my life.

As the years moved forward and I grew up and moved out of my parents home, for the first time haha, I enjoyed having roommates but enjoyed the times when I was alone at home.

The quiet can be so peaceful!

I later married we and moved around a lot. Florida, Georgia, California and back to Georgia.

Many years later we divorced and at first I was living with friends, but I realized I wanted to get my “own” place.

I wanted the option of “quiet time” all the time because I had never had that.

So I got my own apartment and I reveled in being the only one who made noise, other than neighbors, which I had experienced before being an apartment dweller.

However, after a year-ish I realized I am a very social creature. I had already adopted two cats but I missed living with someone.

I set out to find a roommate. And I was “picky”! I wish I had the original ad I posted on “need a roommate” sites due to it’s “what I don’t want” content!

I finally found one person I felt “good” about meeting and happily she was the only person that came to “check out the place” and also became a friend for life!

She, like me, loved her quiet time but wanted someone semi-normal to live with. She had been in a bad relationship, moved in with family and now wanted to be free of the familial judgment and irritation that can come with it!

We both dated, but often joked we would probably end up being old lady roommates with cats and dogs when we moved into our 3rd residence together.

We had a house with a yard, cats, dogs and she was as OCD about cleaning as I was.

We both respected each other about our “quiet time” but would call each other out if we stayed on the couch for too long (like over a week and you aren’t dying from flu, allergies, stomach bug, surgery or anything else of the like) to touch base and generally keep each other sane.

After a few years  my gypsy spirit kicked in and I decided to move yet again.

This time my adventures led me to the state of Tennessee.

I had some wonderful roommates that I love dearly and are still wonderful friends with to this day.

I married again and had my miracle boy.

It was all so crazy and seem to happen so fast!

I had made peace, to a degree, that I wasn’t able to have children.

My friend, then later husband, and I talked about fertility treatments but honestly I wasn’t sure if I could afford the emotional blow it would cause if we paid out all that money and it didn’t work.

Then a miracle happened. I was pregnant.

We got married and I left my wonderful friends and moved in with him. It may not have been the smartest thing to do since we were such good friends but we thought we could pull it off.

I also knew my enjoyment of “quiet time” was about to be interrupted for a while!

I am not dumb but to my credit I was happy about the arrival of the human I was blessed to help create and carry. I was terrified and happier than I had ever been.

Anyone who has children know from the moment they are born your life of peace and quiet is shattered!

It is not all bad, but that is the truth!

If you’re lucky in the first year, you get “quiet time” when the kid is sleeping and the whole “you nap when they nap” actually happens sometimes because you’re dead on your feet from doing your “normal” chores and work, even if you aren’t caught up on everything you take a nap even if you aren’t a “nap person”! At least I did on occasion!

So “quiet time” shifted but I could still find it.

Life moved on and the boy grew and his dad and I realized that we didn’t need to be married. We had issues with living together and clashed on too many things. We tried counseling and we truly worked on trying to stay together but finally realized we couldn’t stay together “for the sake of the child” because we were both miserable.

So I moved again into my own place right down the road.

My father was going through cancer treatments again and I was a wreck from the emotional strains of worrying about my son, my father and the impending divorce.

I found more “quiet time” than I wanted as my son shares time with his father, which I am grateful for as often times kids get the raw end of the deal when parents are divorcing, but that first few months was Hard.

My “quiet time” was torture to think of all the things going on I had no control over and I miss my son like crazy when he’s gone.

I finally learned to accept his nights and weekends away and to enjoy the precious alone time I had.

During our divorce negotiations and mediation, we ending up deciding to move back to our home state of Alabama as both sets of parents lived here as well as extended family and friends.

It’s funny how you think you won’t move somewhere then you have a child and your whole perspective changes!

I didn’t have a lot of “quiet time” per se due to life and the happenings going on.

My friend whom I had lived with in Georgia, moved in with me to my townhouse after a failed relationship. We were happy to be together again but a bit sad of the circumstances that brought us together. She was great with my son and I once again had my friend with me.

Sadly, she passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack in her sleep.

I was heartbroken and so was Blake.

My aunt had also passed away a few months before and now my son was again losing someone he loved.

I feared there would be more to come but I had no idea how much more.

As I was packing up to move at the beginning of last year I got the call I had been dreading.

Although I had been going back and forth from TN to AL pretty much every weekend, my father had taken a turn for the worse. I threw my bags together and the boy and I set out for the motherland.

We arrived on Friday and my father passed away with our family by his side on Sunday.

I stayed on another week with my mom, family and friends. Funeral arrangements, plans and grief were the world I was in.

I have no idea how my mom made it through with the grace she did, but she is one of the strongest women I know and I have so much love, respect and admiration for her.

Her partner of 45 years had passed and she was hurting like never before, but also shared her journey with my brother and I and our family. It’s never easy when one of the rocks of a family dies, however having the love and support of your family and friends makes it bearable.

I am so blessed to have wonderful friends who while I was gone took care of my animals and also helped pack up my home.

I moved back “home” and in with my mom 2 days shy of one month after my father passed.

5 days after moving back, my beloved fur bebe golden retriever, Jethro a.k.a. Big Love, passed away. See, it did get a bit worse.

We were already grieving and now we grieved another.

Neither mom nor I were sure how things would work out.

I was over 40 with a 3 year old and living with my mom!

Fortunately I was able to transfer with my job and mom and I found out that we not only could live together but enjoyed it in a way we never had before.

We help each other out and one of the things we share is enjoying our “quiet time” or “me time” and help each other find it.

The boy loves living at GiGi’s house with mommy and we talk about Pops, my dad, too. It’s still “their” home but now it’s ours too.

We talk about heaven a lot with the boy because how else are you going to explain so many losses to a 3, now 4 year old? He has Great Wink, Aunt Bicky, Pops and Jethro having parties in heaven and I tend to enjoy his view on it as it eases my sadness to see the world through his eyes.

I know I am fortunate, blessed and pretty darn lucky.

It isn’t always easy but mom and I know we have each other.

Recently she went on a little vacation and the boy went on vacation at the same time.

I forgot about how much I Need and Cherish “quiet time” and me time.

It’s nice to wake up on your schedule, eat cereal for dinner if you want and not have to worry about anyone else.

But you know what? I miss them both! I can’t wait until everyone’s “Home” and the chaos and noise is again filling the house up.

Because as much as I love the quiet time, I miss my family! Noise and all!

Have a fabulously graceless Friday my friends!

 

 

Those darn squirrels

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 6 Comments

Some days I wake thinking “I will get so much done today!”. And for a few hours I actually do.

Then it seems I veer off course.

“Squirrels” to me means some sort of distraction usually hits me.

I’m not sure if you are familiar with the move “Up” but when Doug the dog is talking to the man and boy and suddenly he gets distracted and says “squirrel” it cracked me up because that is so how life is.

People are more like animals than they chose to admit!

I have my lists, my chores, my “things to do” but like a lot of people that work from home or have a bit of time on their hands, managing that time is harder than it seems!

It is easy to get lost in the “randomness” of things we would rather do than what needs to be done!

I am so guilty of this!

I find myself checking things off of my list and thinking I have a little bit of extra time, so I decide to change course “for a few minutes” and minutes/hours later I am now behind on what I really Need to do!

Instead of doing all of my chores/work and then letting the randomness happen I have let the randomness slide in-between and get in front of my productivity.

I really am working on this with some actual success.

I want more than anything to write and also get paid to write. I do this blog so I can just write! I want to spend more time with friends and family. I want to keep volunteering. I want to be able to travel whenever I feel like it.

In order to make these things possible I realize I have to focus and be accountable for my time.

Jeez accountability.

That’s such an “adult” word in my mind. Ironically I am an adult and sometimes I have to remind myself of that. Not that my boy doesn’t jog my memory daily that I have to be not only accountable but responsible. But the times when he isn’t with me are when I am supposed to be working  towards my dreams and our future. I do get breaks and have to make the most of my time.

So I made a vow to myself that I am keeping.

It doesn’t matter how anyone else but myself feels about it. Well it does but I am lucky in that those the people who matter support me and believe in me.

I don’t like to let people down. It’s a lot of weight to carry but you know what? It is totally worth it!

So don’t let the “hard stuff” and fear stand in your way of your dreams.

Don’t let the “squirrels” get you distracted. Go For It!

Always Keep Hope Alive!

I know I am and I know I Can Do It.

I Believe in Me!

Have a fabulously graceless day friends!

Just going to plant some flowers….

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 17 Comments

Recently a friend posted on her Face Book page she had some daylilies and if anyone wanted them to come on by and get some.

I talked to my mom and asked because I though the front yard could use a little color in the garden and she whole heartedly agreed.

Of course I would go get them, dig them up and replant them.

That sounds So SIMPLE!

The reality is I went and dug up the plants 2 days ago.

I didn’t think I dug too many up and had put them in 2 bags, one for mom and I and another from another set of friends.

I was sore in places I forgot I had muscles! I was feeling all “nature girl” or something.

I gave my friends theirs on Sunday afternoon on the way to family dinner and had put ours in the yard. I knew they’d be fine for a day or two.

Monday was not a good day. No flower planting.

Tuesday, today, I woke up thinking “I got this.”

I tend to be delusional at times and this is so one of those times!

I go out into the yard where I originally thought I would plant them. Realizing they may not get enough sunlight at all, I changed locations to the front flower bed where there was a gap and a fabulous spot for my flowers!

So I start digging. And digging. And cutting away the cloth laid down years ago to control the weed population. I got 4 good holes dug. Then I went around and got the flowers.

After looking at the plants I realized there were way more than I thought and were clustered together. I needed more holes!

So I cut the fabric and started to get my shovel for more holes when I feel a piercing pain in my foot. I won’t lie. I hollered out a word not fit for small children to hear!

I thought I had been stung or somehow had gotten a sharp rock in my shoe. Nope, the “tacks” they use for the “weed cloth” was in my foot and a lovely shade of crimson was now showing on my foot!

Mentally I did the math and I am good on the tetanus shot (less than 5 years), however it Hurts!

So now I am hobbling in the house to “treat my wound” and feel sorry for myself! Only 5 minute pity party allotted today though!

But this is Life so I have to Suck It Up!

I am taking a small break and thought I would check emails, my posts, etc and see what’s happening in general in the virtual world and realized I could do a post about this.

In life, you plan to just “plant some flowers”, use that for whatever you need to do (organize, clean, plan a party, whatever), but somehow the time constraints and plans you put into place don’t always work out the way you want them to.

Heck Life sometimes just won’t Allow it to happen no matter what you do!

But remember you have a choice in Many things.

You have a choice in how you handle your situations.

For me, I am going to hobble back out there, get my holes dug and plant those flowers!

Hoping of course they live, this is my life after all, I am looking forward to seeing those beauties for years to come.

Because no matter how hard it turned out or how long it takes me, those flowers are worth it!

As are a lot of things in life we don’t want to take the time to do because it becomes more difficult than we expected. Those things are most likely worth it. We don’t need anymore regrets so don’t give up easily!

Always remember to keep hope alive!

Have a fabulously graceless Tuesday my friends!

My gracelessness is already shining bright today!

For Aaron

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 11 Comments

Today has been truly like a bizarre nightmare.

I woke up early to talk to my sister because we don’t get to talk often enough as she lives up in “Yankee” country and married a Yankee and has 2 half yankee, have southern kids…. well they’re not kids anymore at 25 & 26, if they’re older I don’t just no, they are still my babies too! So we chatted, partly while I was still hiding under the covers because I was going to sleep in just a little today but you never know when it could be the last time you talk to someone.

I had no idea what to do as a post. I had grabbed my List o Topics where I constantly write down ideas but I wasn’t sure as my emotions and ideas have been all over the place since earlier in the day.

My “to do” list, which I write nightly, yes with a pen and paper not keyboard to screen, had 5 things to do not at home and 4 or 5 for home including writing my blog and other articles.

So I got up, got my coffee, read a little, started doing home chores and getting ready to go out and run my errands on my to do list. “Normal” stuff. I made a few calls, did some research, pretty boring normal stuff.

Then shortly before I am out the door I receive a text from my girlfriend that one of the “kids” we raised with her and twin sister’s sons had died.

He was 17 and had just graduated barely a week ago. He was a triplet, had an older sister, parents, awesome grandparents and the world ready and waiting for him. He was genuinely a Good Kid.

But it seems that Life wasn’t meant to be.

Shock. I was definitely in shock.

There are 7 definitions for shock as a noun on dictionary.com but I’m only listing 4 as 5-7 are about regarding the pathology, electricity and the informal “shocks” as in suspension for automobiles.

  1. sudden or violent blow; collision
  2. sudden or violent disturbance or commotion – as in: “shock of battle” or in my case “shock of news”
  3. a sudden shock or violent disturbance of the mind, emotions, or sensibilities – as in “the burglary was a shock to her sense of security. The book provide shock. nothing else. In my case “the news of his death was a shock to her as she had helped nurture and care for him as a young boy.”
  4. the cause of such a disturbance – as in “the rebuke came as a shock”. For me – “News of his death came as a shock.”

I continued talking with my friend and left for my errands. I could handle this.

I passed one store on the way to the school (payments have to be made even if the boy’s on vacation) plus I could hit it on the way back. I had started crying and needed a few minutes to “collect myself”.

I made it to the school, sun glasses on and ran in and dropped off the tuition.

Back in the car, tears again. Crap. Breathe.

Made it to the health food store and chatting with the sweet girl working there, but the conversation turned weird as I blurted out “Sorry I am not quite right in my mind as one of the kids I helped raise died and I am obviously not handling this well.” Yeah awkward! I got my potassium and got out of there!

I could not go anywhere for at least 15 minutes and all I had left in that area was to drive through at the bank. No “public” oh joy! I got this one.

I still had the grocery store but I could make it, I knew I could.

Then I realized I left the list for the grocery at home so I called mom to ask her what I had said earlier, I knew I needed 4 items but was only coming up with 3. Go figure.

She was happy to help me remember for a change (haha you’re welcome mom!) but having that mother’s intuition, asked me something if I was ok and I told her about our suave little man Aaron.

Surprisingly I held it together as I told her and recounted the details I had seen in print.

That him and family and friends had gone to the beach on vacation.

How a bunch of them swam out but he got caught up in the rip tide.

How it took so many hours to find his body. His tough little body.

How I could not imagine if it were my son.

How I could even have such a selfish thought like that when I know his mommy is mourning for him as are his brothers, sister, father, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and more friends than a lot of kids had – both young and old.

He was such a truly special little guy.

He is gone forever.

Death is always hard no matter what the circumstances whether you knew the person who died or not. It is also hard when you hear about it and you may not be close to the person, but a family member or close friends. Or sometimes it’s when it is a situation that hits close to home for you.

For me it was a triple whammy.

I knew Aaron.

I know his family and a lot of his friends.

I now have a child the same age he was when I met him and his brothers.

So my afternoon has been kind of “spotty” as to getting things done.

I let the waves of grief come as they will for I have learned some things you can’t hold back.

There are times when you really shouldn’t try to hold it in for it can become like a cancer inside you that you don’t notice if you have “compartmentalized” your feelings for too long. I have learned this too.

So today, tonight, as soon as you see or talk to someone you care about at all, just let them know it.

Friends, lovers, family – just tell that person they mean something to you even if it’s “glad you’re still sucking in oxygen” or “I love you”. Just tell them.

You never know if you will have that chance again so make sure they know.

So Thank You to Each and Every Human who reads this post.

You are Fabulous in your own way.

You made my day by reading this.

And I really truly needed to get this out there.

AARON MILLER may you Rest In Peace. Pain is temporary, Glory lasts forever and Chicks dig scars my Little Suave Friend. We will all miss you and your sweet, funny spirit so much!

Maybe now I can pull it together enough to get a few more things done.

Keeping Hope Alive through the laughter and the tears!

Stay Fabulously Graceless My Friends!

 

Suck It Up

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 32 Comments

Sometimes you aren’t in a mood to do Anything.

There is work to do, errands to run, music to face but you find yourself doing any and everything to avoid doing that one task you would rather clean the floorboards than face.

This is when you have to Suck It Up!

On this journey down the river of life we often times find ourselves dodging what needs to be done. Even rationing like Scarlett O’Hara, “Tomorrow is another day” does you no good because if you’re lucky, tomorrow comes and that whole “what you put off today” yesterday becomes “just do it” today. It’s a vicious cycle to be sure!

Hiding your “to do list” doesn’t help and if you are OCD like me the darn thing is practically chiseled into your brain so even though you are physically seeing it the list mocks you in your head.

“You Need to get that organizing done.”

“You need to call about that job.”

“You need to pay that bill” Ok that one may be easier to ignore if you don’t have the funds at the moment, however it still calls out to you in that sick sing song voice “Pay attention I won’t let you forget!”. Ugh!

Which reminds me I need to organize my list.

Guess I will add that when I remember where I put it!

At least I can finally scratch off “Get to post office ASAP your girl needs her products!” Go Me!

I think I got 4 out of like 27 things done!

Seriously I don’t put numbers on the items of things to do or I would really lose it! I just write down the page and put a “-” dash for new entries and leave a few lines because then the sub-entries of things to do gets tacked on!

Then sometimes you run out of time and have no choice but to “face the music” so to speak and this is where one must Suck It Up.

I really dislike having those “Suck It Up” items on my list, but if I am honest, it is a natural part of life.

Like having to go to my boy’s school and figure out why I have a balance showing on the new sign in screen of fancy gadgetry they have. Because no matter what else is going on my kid is taken care of first and foremost.

The director was on vacation for a few weeks (use it or lose it policy and I don’t blame her a bit), but her “temporary replacement” told me I had past due fees, I was paying the wrong amount, etc. I do not know this person but I do know nearly All of the wonderful ladies taking care of my child so for her to sort of treat me like I had done wrong really rubbed me the wrong way. I did not want to show my ass in front of the rest of the teachers, but I wanted to very badly let this woman know she had messed with the wrong crazy mama.

You know how you get a vibe for people who either just don’t like you or really just don’t like other people at all?! Yeah she was one of them. She would also push it off onto the assistant, who is a wonderful lady and great with the kids and family.

I could tell “Jenny” (obviously not her real name) was uncomfortable telling me I was “past due” because she Knows I come in at the first of Every month and pay the Whole month in advance and not week by week. You get a discount doing so and I truly never had a thought about it until this new system came in and showed “balance due” and was told “it’s the system you pay fine I wish everyone did.” To me, that meant all was good.

Then this person comes in telling me in her hoity toity attitude that I needed to pay because the regional director “said so” and why hadn’t I addressed the “late fees”.

Excuse me? Late Fees? I have no idea in hades what she is talking about and told her as much. I said “maybe you should look at my payments since I have Always paid them on time, same amount every month and No One has ever said I was late nor did I get a notice.”

You know when you put it like that, when you Suck It Up and speak the truth they have no choice but to take a step back and re-access. So back to the books we went and she showed her side, of course I disagreed but knew once the director came back I could work it out.

So now I have to go in Monday, like going to the principal’s office, and sit down with her and work it all out again. I only dread it because the boy is on vacation with other family and I miss him so going to his school makes me miss him more. I know sappy Suzie! At least I know I will be getting a discount because he is out all week and I will ask about the “late fee” I paid and since he was also out a few weeks ago, of which they knew in advance, maybe I will get another discount. No one was real thrilled about how this other woman handled things!

So that is one instance of which one has to Suck It Up.

There are so many!

That conversation you need to have with a loved one or friend that you are dreading.

The actual cleaning and organizing of rooms because, let’s be honest, another month and you might qualify for an episode of hoarders!

We all have to Suck It Up during our lives and face and do things we would prefer not to do.

But they say that which does not kill you makes you stronger.

I say that which does not kill you makes you stranger. And strange is good!

Have a Fabulous Saturday My Graceless Friends!

 

Can I please get your side effects listed?

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 10 Comments

 

I think when you become friends, began dating and knowing people you will be around often (work, friends, etc.) that one of your first acts should be to give a list to the other your side effects. Openly and honestly.

You can do the “Hi I am Sam, I’m a Virgo, I am a bit OCD, I hate it when you fold napkins the wrong way in fact, when we are preparing for people to come over if they aren’t folded right I may have a breakdown and end up in the state hospital again. I love unicorns and puppies and I put mustard on my popcorn.”

See? Simple! Hahahahaha

Ok I know it isn’t that easy but you can tell people about yourself.

I understand that you don’t want to give away all of your crazy up front, no need to run them off, but it is fair to tell people about you. For example, say if you spend a lot of time together in any capacity that you’re on medication for seizures, heart issues, because you sometimes here the dust mites chattering away. Those are kind of important things to share if you are sharing chunks of time with someone. What if you have a reaction or need medical attention with your friend? This is crucial information to share.

Later you can tell them about how you don’t always answer your phone or how you only go out every 3rd day. Again not sharing all the oddities right away but building up to it. That is fine as long as it doesn’t involve say body parts stored in the freezer or a fetish for hurting others.

We all have oddities and things we do that may annoy, irritate or frighten others depending on what it is. And by frighten I mean that it could be something small or something pretty big that you need to get out there.

People have patterns. You can only “pretend” to be a certain way for so long unless you’re like that chick in that book/movie “Gone Girl” or that dude in “The Talented Mr. Ripley” or “Catch Me if you can”.

Not that there aren’t  people out there like that but to me that’s more extreme. I have met quite a few people that are very adept at “hiding” parts of who they really are. They can be quite persuasive and manipulative. It’s a fascinating thing to watch and scary at the same time.

If someone you become friends with suddenly becomes a close talker and a bit too much into your personal life, you have to look back and see that the signs were there, she was just refraining from being her true to not scare you off. Can you live with that as a friend? Do you approach her about it? Do you slowly back away and disappear?

I handled this with the “heyyyyy friend, you are all up in my personal space. I like you and respect you but you need to understand my life is mine and I will share a lot with you but you don’t need to research or “assume” things because you will most likely be wrong and make me mad. Ask me. If it’s too personal I will tell you as much and we can move on.” And yes, I am still friends with this person!

What if you’ve been friends with someone and suddenly the don’t seem to answer the phone as much as they once did? You still hang out but the whole answering the phone when you call doesn’t happen as much. They still call you occasionally to make sure plans are in place (after you’ve left messages) but they just don’t take your calls. Do you get mad or confront and/or accept it?

I am seriously referring to several of my super close inner group of friends. The truth is we all love each other and hate to talk on the phones at times. Not that we won’t go for a marathon or sometimes just 5 minutes. I just Asked if I had done anything wrong and when we talked, we realized that we had grown in our relationships and didn’t feel the Need to talk all the time.

Of course we still do talk, more so now that we aren’t living in the same state for some, but still not as much as some people feel people need to talk or it makes them not “friends”. **I don’t have/know of too many folks like this because I get irritated with the phone in general & if you feel like I have to talk to you every few hours or we aren’t being what you deem “friends” then you will have a problem with me! The only person that gets that much attention is the boy because he is mine and even then I tell him “mommy needs some time away from it all for just a few minutes” (and that usually leaves me hiding in the bathroom for only 10-15 minutes if he is distracted by playing or watching a movie!).

Or you’ve been friends with someone and known each other a while. When you were younger you maybe drank together, and as you aged you went through stages of partying and both seemed to come out alive and ok. Then you notice they are drinking or on something because they are acting like they did when you partied together “back in the day” but this is no longer “back in the day” and you’re older and have responsibilities. Do you ignore it, accept it, confront them? Do you decide they aren’t worth it because “they know better”? Do you judge?

I can say I have done all of the above. And yes, there have been some regrets I admit.

In various stages of our lives we don’t always make the best decisions and then again sometimes it is for the best but may not feel like it them.

I know that I always talked to my friends before I did anything “rash”, well at least after about the age of 20! Before then I just didn’t understand people as well and what I could, would and could not tolerate.

I wish everyone well but I am sorry I can’t go down that rabbit hole with you. Sometimes some journeys are meant to go on alone. If you are very, very lucky you may get to see them again on this journey of life!

What about the friends you make and some life event shakes you both up and you realize you have nothing more in common anymore but the time you have known each other?

You have years of being around this “friend” but nothing else anymore as this event has shown you the glaring differences in the core of who you both are.

And you realize, all along you saw the signs, the side effects. You Knew the words on the warning labels yet you chose to ignore them because you truly felt this friend was worth it.

That they would be there with you for the zombie apocalypse.

When the time came and the world as you know if fell apart, you both let each other down in some ways.

You never expected them to fall so far and when you confronted them, they tore you apart emotionally because they knew they couldn’t take away the core of the true you and that made them jealous because maybe, just maybe you were a stronger person than they were.

And if we are honest you are a bit less selfish than they were.

But you, in your ways of the thoughts of the universe, thought that just because they didn’t want to list their “side effects” to you out loud; that it was understood you both Knew and that you acknowledged it but also had expectations of them being Human and admitting their shortcomings as you admitted yours to them.

It didn’t happen.

You never know how things will end up. Maybe the spin around the sun will make you friends once more and maybe they will become someone you once knew.

So if we could just be honest and share the not so pretty side effects/warning labels about ourselves with each other, it would just make things so much easier, ya know?! It couldn’t hurt much!

What do I know? I’m just a chick that enjoys blogging about the thoughts in her head!

Have a Fabulously Graceless Sunday My Friends!

Fly your freak flag proudly!