It is a fabulous Friday!


It truly is a fabulous Friday!

It seems that on my “new” computer hard drive, the one that gave the me black screen of death, that the contents are “recoverable”. Photos, videos, writings, things precious and dear to me are not lost!

Ohmergod! This is miraculous news to me!

I was seriously thinking of titling this post “Held Hostage by Technology” because it has been a truly challenging few weeks for this tech-me-not chic!

My main “new” computer gave me the black screen of death, however my “old” computer was brought back to life, albeit a bit slower but still Alive!

Then we started having issues with the internet in our home.

Thinking it was the router, we purchased a new router, well mom did, and I thought “no problem I can just install this, write and be on my merry way.” WRONG! I did learn the one of the reasons was due to our internet carrier and the modem. I thought I could plug in a few cords and make it work, easy peasy. Unless that jerk Murphy is involved and then I have the urge to break all the technology into tiny pieces and run over it back and forth and toss it out on I-85…but I digress!

I spent nearly 4 hours going back and forth trying to repair it, with help of course because this went well beyond my knowledge and technical abilities. A huge shout out to my friend who rode to my virtual rescue and will be going by the house to fix that for us! Along with the recovery of both the new and old computers… You, sir, rock!

Yes, that means that I could not make it work!

If I have no computer, no internet I cannot write for FabulousGracelessness nor do any other writing for that matter.

I have no problem writing with pen and paper and do so often, but mama needs money and has deadlines to meet so I needed both computer and internet.

I am able to use my iPhone as a hot spot, and I feel so cool saying I know how to do that ‘cause it wasn’t as simple as I thought at first. Now it is second nature if I don’t have internet service. I cannot go without my computer for my writing.

I cannot see me writing articles from my iPhone and iPad. I am too OCD and just no. I don’t even need to go there in the madness of my mind!

So I am now working on my old laptop, with internet and sending out this crazed article which is why I can truly say it is a Fabulous Friday!

Because I am still connected and not held hostage by the damn technology I have become so reliant on!

I think I need to stock up on my articles for a minute so I can unplug!

Oh such pretty little words that seem so simple yet will call another panic in my mind for deadlines. The joys of life!

This is such a part of my life, my writing this blog. It helps me release all the thoughts in my head and shakes the cobwebs from my soul.

I have found sometimes I have to write things but I can’t, for personal reason, just put it out there on the internet to share with everyone.

Usually that comes out in my handwritten journals, but lately I’ve found myself unloading apparent hostility I had held in and it’s flowing out in volumes onto my keyboard.

Those are kept under lock and key in the “private” section of my writings!

As I am growing I am branching out in how I “get it out” of my system. I am just happy I have encouraged and allowed myself to write it on a computer.

I don’t trust technology if you didn’t catch that above! However, it is so much easier on my hands, at times, to type rather that to write. It’s cool and frustrating to me.

But now I have this terabyte thingy that can’t get sick, and I can save all my musings, photos and anything else there. It’s got tons of space that they say even I can’t fill up! We will see about that!

So as I end this fabulous Friday ramble I wish you all the happiness and hope for a Fabulously Graceless weekend!

 

 

Have you ever had these problems with technology? The rage of feeling you were bettered by a device made with plastic, nickel and metal and a few other things?! The urge to destroy them?!

Let me know how you handled it!

Commitments & Lady Maos


It seems lately I have been going along, trying to do the right things, keep up with responsibilities and always keep hope alive.

It isn’t always easy. It seems there are people who would rather cut you down and hurt you than just walk away.

Walking away isn’t easy nor is it for the faint of heart.

Oftentimes it is not easy to just walk away, especially if one has obligations they committed to in addition to doing what is best for all involved.

When I make a commitment I do my damnedest to stick to it.

I know I have let people down; I am so far from perfect I don’t even pretend to be in that category.

I have failed at relationships. I have also learned valuable lessons and been introduced to worlds and ideas I never knew existed.

I don’t nor could I discount something so easily when it was more than that.

I still work to be communicative and open even when things are ending because chances are good that we not only shared a relationship, but also other responsibilities together.

For anyone, whether it’s a child, home, furniture, CD/s, books, vehicles or any other random obligation, once you end a relationship with someone, you should finalize and complete your commitments.

I realize this can be hard.

It can be harder to do when feelings are hurt and one only wants to hurt another to make them feel the pain they are feeling.

Sadly, this is something I have witnessed and have had done to me.

Again, I never said I was perfect, but I do always work to honor those other factors that were put in place, in the “no matter what” category, to make sure no one else is responsible for something I said I would do. If I can’t make it happen, I am the one letting them know why and what I can do to try and make it better.

I have been told I am brutally and painfully honest at times.

I bite my tongue so often that the pain of it reminds me how much I can hurt others with not only my words but my actions or inactions.

Oftentimes my inactions are due to the very fact that if I did take action and spoke my mind I fear the repercussions would be far, far worse than not saying anything at all.

I have seen the dark side of humanity. I understand it and have a healthy fear of it.

Words and promises can be said a million times over but actions speak louder than words. “I’m sorry.” “I promise.” Words with power behind them to Mean something but overused and excused so often it becomes the patent response to shut one up.

When you’ve said or written something of importance and the response is “OK” sends me over the edge. Really? I tell you something important or how I feel and all you can muster up in that big brain of yours is “OK’?!

“OK” is fine for short texts when you’re planning dinner, meeting up, finalizing plans, etc. However, “Ok” when everyone knows more than one word is needed in the reply… even a “will talk more later” means worlds. “Ok” to me, means you don’t really care enough to respond. But you said you did.

I am so very fortunate and blessed to have so many amazing humans in my life that “get me”. That it seems no matter what happens they are there for me. Whether they be family, friends, past or new, I know that these people are There for me. In their own ways and as much as they can be.

I know that they accept me flaws and all.

Because they have proved to me time after time they are committed to our relationship.

They have flaws too. Every one of them. And will admit it, although not publically some of them and I don’t blame them.

After all, this is my blog. My thoughts. MY putting it out there into the world.

And I do it cautiously but also with a wild abandon glee that is like swinging high on the swings at the park when you’re a kid. That feeling of flying and not knowing what’s going to happen next but you pump your legs higher and you keep going because you know deep down this is what you love to do.

Writing is like that for me.

And those who know me, and the ones getting to know me seem to keep coming back and giving me constructive criticism and praise and I can’t tell you what it means to me.

Because it’s a commitment you see. A commitment to share my life, one day at a time my writing this “blog”. A commitment I made to myself and no one else.

I am growing more and more and hopefully becoming a better human being by doing this.

I don’t write the answers to the world’s problems, or even things that fit everyone. Each day is different. Each day is new. Each article is another part of me that I let out into the world.

Some days I have verbal diarrhea, haha like maybe today, and I write/vent/ramble more.

Other days I find humorous things, or interesting things or sometimes it is something I feel compelled to write. My writing may be lengthy with “not enough” videos, photos or whatever. It may be shorter articles with crazy photos and sayings I find on the internet, or better yet, real life photos from my world.

A very close friend, I will call them Captain Pogo, called me Lady Maos.

I laughed so hard I snorted! Since I love the word maos, chaos and mayhem, and use it as often as possible, being called Lady Maos made my day.

It also made me realize it’s so much a part of me just like being fabulously graceless is that I will be using it in my writings.

I know y’all are just thrilled!

So I will wrap up this long winded Wednesday thought provoking, insightful post by telling you all to Keep Hope Alive my Fabulously Graceless Friends!

I could not do this without the support of my loved ones and those of you who are seemly to become like family through the wonderful writings and musings of the world wide web!

Love and happiness to all!

Stay Fabulous!

Lady Maos aka Fabulous Gracelessness!

lady maoe

 

It’s a Marvelous Monday!


Ah Monday we meet again!

The beginning of another work week, the start of a brand new week…. What do you have in store for me?!

I know I get to work, knit and clean, but what other jewel will you offer up to me?!

For you see, I have decided to have a Marvelous Monday.

I’ve had enough of manic Mondays. There will always be manic Mondays because that is a part of life.

I thought I would find the positive and go with the good flow, happiness and memories to carry me through the day, if not the week.

I am trying another perspective on the Monday thing.

A more positive spin if you will.

I was blessed to spend the weekend with some absolutely fabulous humans and I want to carry their awesomeness with me through this week.

Their outlooks on life shared with me, and they were all from all walks of life, and these wonderful humans also shared their time and space with me.

We ate, talked, danced and even shared comfortable silence together.

Just humans being.

Too often we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and forget to take in those jewels of life. We get caught up in the routines and schedules, yes they are needed, but we also need to remember to breathe and reflect for just a moment when we are running through life. I found that’s when those jewels are discovered.

So I challenge you to try and have a Fabulous Marvelous Monday.

Or even a Terrific Tuesday if you are all about skipping Monday. There is nothing wrong with that!

But try to try and find a way to catch that needed jewel in your life, whatever it may be.

I know I am sending out the hope!

Keep Hope Alive and have a fabulous and fantastic Marvelous Monday my Fabulously Graceless Friends!

*me channeling my Loretta Lynn “do”!

k as ll blk white

TGIF?! Don’t Panic!


It’s here! It’s here! Friday is finally here!

I hope you find a bit of happiness no matter what your week was like.

We all go through tough weeks and tough times.

We have to remember to keep hope alive!

Take for instance the fact that I am trying to not completely freak out over my main computer showing me the black screen of death… that I can’t get to my files and photos nearly sends me over the edge, but I have been assured it can be “recovered” therefore I will believe.

I mean I am writing on my old, old computer that was finally restored and I thought I would never be able to use again! That is proof in and of itself miracles can happen! (And to never let your child around electronics with milk!)

So I will squeak through my writing this weekend with my old school laptops and with hopes and prayers my newer model can be repaired and all the data retrieved.

Last Friday I was so removed from technology (and had a fabulous photo to go with this post but alas it is living in the black death for now with all my photos on my other computer) and I couldn’t be happier.

I do miss it though. Both the gathering of friends in the valley and the technology!

I am also finding a balance between having a life and being tied to electronic devices!

I hope you can get out and soak up a bit of vitamin D, if it isn’t 7th ring hot and you can breathe, and enjoy the day!

I hope you can find some fun and maybe a spot of peace if needed.

I am never giving up hope!

I hope you all have a fabulous and wonderful Friday!

 

Wednesday Writer’s Block…


writers block

I feel like I got the writer’s block.

Nothing is coming out.

Letters on the page but no wind in the sail.

Yet my mind never seems to stop.

Although it does pause.

Distractions like housework and random cartoons to stop the train of thoughts.

Thought nothing real seems to flow from my mind to my fingers.

Like things have gotten clogged somewhere.

Or maybe it’s exhaustion finally stopping the creativity of my words.

Maybe it’s because it’s mid-week after vacation and I can’t seem to find my groove.

I know I will get it back.

After all, I Am Fabulously Graceless!

Keep Hope Alive my friends!

 

Misplaced Person


misplaced person1

Sometime I feel like a misplaced person.

Like I am flitting about from place to place trying to find where I belong.

I feel like I am struggling to fit in, to be accepted for who I am.

I feel like things get tough and I have to choose to live or die and I chose to live.

I know I make mistakes during these times.

I know the costs.

I know the damage I have done and the penance for these actions.

I pay them.

Gladly.

For I know in paying them I find answers and healing.

And maybe just maybe I will find my place.

person

 

The Moon


my heart moon

The other night I was taking pictures of the moon.

My little smarter-than-me phone doesn’t have the high quality of a “real” camera but I was trying.

I got some decent shots but I realized I was trying to capture something I could not get on film.

If I was being honest with myself I was trying to capture not only images my phone camera couldn’t capture, but also of the way the night felt. Maybe even how I felt.

I was able to capture an image of something I cannot explain.

It was not visible to the naked eye, but as soon as I trained my camera on the area that I wanted it would appear.

my moon face

Trust me I took several photos just to see if it was on my lens, I cleaned it, it was not.

not alone moon2

I do not know if what I saw was a “trick of the light” a “reflection of the moon” or “something else” but I know I was the only human on the porch and I did not feel alone.

I felt like someone was there with me but it was comforting.

not alone mooon 1

The big moon in the sky with light so bright it felt like everyone, everything, every being was exposed and in harmony.

I wanted to run in the field light up so bright it felt magical.

As it was I danced in the light to tunes in my head.

Knowing I was not alone and knowing how peaceful I felt.

Yes, the man in the moon is smiling, smiling on a girl in the world.

I can SEE!!!!!


“I was blind but now I see.”

I am not singing Amazing Grace here today but I can now see!

I did not realize how poor my vision is!

Wow!

This fabulously graceless chic is now a member, there probably is such a thing, of the trifocal club! Yes my left eye, it seems, is blinder than the right. It also has stigmata… I mean stigmatism!

Geez, I follow an amazing writer, Aging Gracefully My Ass, and her name fits my mood!

I guess this is where I should say I am thankful I can still rock my contacts for at least another year before staying in my glasses full time. I am, however, I am not thrilled to know that my eyeballs have to be re-evaluated again next year to see if I can keep them!

I cannot wear glasses all the time! It isn’t a fashion thing, it’s a safety and a graceless thing!

I am getting used to wearing a stronger contact in the left eye than my right. Supposedly it will be easier and that seems to be true but they make my eyeballs kind of tired. I am sure it will pass. I hope!

I love my new glasses, they are quite cool in my opinion.

I am also having to get used to those too.

I wanted to use my old glasses but it seems when you go into the trifocal club you have to have larger lenses.

I so suck at picking things out like that!

I am grateful to the fabulous ladies my local eyeball fixer upper palace for helping me chose a pair, they said, looked good on me.

I’ve gotten a lot of compliments so maybe it’s not just everyone being nice!

I have had to get used to making sure I look “with my nose” because otherwise it feels like the floor is somewhat tilting and I have grabbed out more than once to make sure I wasn’t falling.

It IS a common occurrence in my world!

Like I need one more thing that messes with me!

I was cleaning the tiled kitchen floor the other day and wondered why it had a dip in it. There was no dip other than me. I was not looking at the spot head on!

In case you didn’t know, dear reader, when you get prescription lenses, you have 3 choices.

Choice A you get the center of the lens only for your prescription. It cost a bit but you have to see.

Choice B you get over half of the lens, but you pay way more than choice A.

Choice C you get most of the lens covered but you need a small loan to cover the cost of just seeing out of the entire lens.

It’s a conspiracy I tell you!

Of course I choose A!

I did not have this issue before becoming a member of this detestable trifocal club!

I know I should shut up and be happy I could afford at all to get contacts and glasses, but I just had to rant a little.

But boy howdy how sparkly and sharp are things again!

I forgot how clearly I can see when I have the right prescription!

That part is awesome!

I can see, I can see! Who the hell’s in the mirror? Oh my god it’s me!

new glasses

 

Sunday Reflections


sun 8 2 15

As I sit staring out at the beauty of the country side I pause to reflect.

If think of where I have been and where I am going.

I wonder what will happen next.

Life is so full of surprises you never know what is coming.

Some are good and some are plain awful.

I needed to reboot and recharge my mind, body and soul.

I know I recently went to the beach for family vacation, however once I returned and got a job and started working again, I realized how crazy busy I am.

I love it dearly.

I love spending time with my son, my family and friends.

But sometimes I need a time out.

So when I was offered a chance to stay at a friend’s country cottage for the weekend, you can bet I jumped at the chance.

I love being totally surrounded by nature.

I am far enough off the main road that you really don’t hear too many cars.

At night the sky is lit up only from the moon and the heavens.

I bathed in the light of the blue moon.

I slept in and woke up to come out onto the porch with my coffee to watching the humming birds and squirrels.

I hear no one.

I kept my communication very limited so that I can just be in my mind.

Sometimes I just need to drop out.

With the boy visiting family, I decided I would drop out for a few days.

It is bliss, but I miss my boy.

So while I soak up the moon rays, the sunshine and the sounds of nature, I will plan for my re-entry back into the maos.

But for now, I will enjoy just being.

As the sun sinks on another beautiful Alabama day, I bid you a fabulous Sunday my graceless friends!

sun 8 2 15 b

 

 

 

Songs, music and the patchwork of my life


Anyone who knows me knows I have an issue with matching songs to artists and vice versa. Heck, I may not even know all of the words to a song but it’s got a loop so I will sing said loop and often learn that is not what is being said at all. Also said loop will get stuck in my head and drive me crazy!

That all said I am not the one you want for musical trivial pursuit!

However I do love music and of course songs will play somewhere, the grocery store maybe, and I recall that time of my life.

Like memories, we have songs that can do place you somewhere else in time.

Both good and bad memories, some even bittersweet.

Like the song “Yellow” by Cold Play.

Go on those who really know me be impressed!

I love that song.

I also associate it with heartbreak and the ending of a time in my life that I thought would never end. I also see it differently as it was played at a close friend’s funeral. So fitting really. He was a DJ and it was one of his favorite songs. He was also engaged to my then sister-in-law.

So yes, it has a deep meaning for me.

The boy and I love Queen, pretty much everything as I am educating him as I can and his dad has a greater collection and introduces him to other musical genres as well.

We love “We will Rock You”, “We are the Champions” and “Another One Bites the Dust”. Yes I am all about the classics.

We rock out to those some mornings going to school.

It’s one of the few times he gets to hold my phone! But whenever it comes on the radio or in the store, he squeals out “Mommy our song!” so we sing and dance if possible!

Recently it was “Ice Ice Baby.” Oh yeah word to ya mother!

We had video and a dance party.

A part of me was dancing like I was in a club, yet dancing in the kitchen with my kid! I was laughing at the hilarity of our dance and the memories and knowing I am making new memories with him now from songs I enjoyed.

I have learned I have to pull up the lyrics as some songs aren’t quite appropriate for a 4 year old!

Some radio station was playing NIN “Closer” and bleeped out the inappropriate parts.

He caught that. So he asked me what they were saying. Oh joy!

I actually had to pull up the lyrics because, again, I could not recall them word for word and they play it on the local rock station often.

Talk about getting creative!

The “I want to f*%$ you like an animal” became “I want to play with all the animals”.

“I want to feel you from the inside” became “I want to see you inside” like the house because that’s rational for him, he was 3 when he first heard it. Fortunately through the whole song I make up and sing loudly new words to cover the blank spaces if he asks!

I never thought a lot of the “profane” language in songs until I had my child.

It never really bothered me and it still doesn’t. I just have to really censor what he listens to!

I had to change a fabulous Tool song recently because there was no way I could fill in all the blanks they left out on the fly and he was upset because it had a “really good beat of the rock and roll” as he puts it! Yes it does my son, but I really don’t want to explain why you heard certain words and I definitely am not ready to explain certain adult content to you yet! He may be almost 5 but really I am just not ready to subject some things on him. He will already hear and learn more about the world than I did at 5 because there is so many outlets to get information!

Another favorite of mine is “Me and Bobby McGee” by the late, great Janis Joplin. I am a huge fan and even do karaoke with that one and a few others.

It reminds me of my youth and life in general.

How I once could just GO if I wanted to and how people can slip away in the blink of an eye.

It also comforts me to sing and it’s one of my go-to songs.

Like “Amazing Grace”. I always sing it acapella but can play it on the piano.

It was one of the first songs I learned on the piano and my daddy’s favorite song.

I long ago stopped singing in public, other than the occasional karaoke or family/friends gatherings, but I sang that song in front of a few hundred people at my daddy’s funeral last year.

He had asked me if I would sing it at his funeral and I promised I would.

I sang acapella and I sang it to him, to my family and friends.

I blocked out everyone else and just sang my heart out through my tears.

I still sing it now, I have sang it to the boy too since he was a wee one, but it can be bittersweet.

I’ve gotten better singing it to him, I don’t cry as much, but sometimes the tears still happens.

He will always take my hand, kiss me on the cheek and tell me, “You know Pops and I love that song and we love you singing it, right Mommy?!” To which I cry a little more but they are happy tears. And somewhat a little bittersweet too.

I guess you could say music is the patchwork in my life that fills the void with sounds of my memories.

Have a fabulous day!