Life throws you curves


Sometimes life throws you curve balls and you expect it.

It still rocks you but you stand pretty firm.

Then sometimes there are those curve balls you were not expecting.

The ones that rock you to the core and leave you going, “What just happened?!”

It’s funny how an email and phone call can change your world in amazing ways you did not see coming in a million years.

Not long ago I wrote about how I have to get through a situation to get over it.

I had pull away from a situation with a friend who had stepped outside of reality for a bit.

Not that I blamed them, I just couldn’t follow their anguish and destruction down that particular rabbit hole.

I stepped away.

It seems like that was ages ago.

So many things have happened in life but I never forgot the core of that person and how good they could be. I couldn’t forget how much fun we have and how we enjoy each other’s company.

Then randomly I got an email that moved me to my core.

I knew deep down in my soul that I could no longer stay away.

I had to know if they too had been able to get through and over the hurdles of their own demons.

I called and ended up on the phone talking for an hour.

Then I got another email this morning that surprised me regarding possible employment. A friend that my friend felt I would really bond with who needed someone like me.

I received a phone call and instantly adored the lovely lady I talked too.

Bonus is I have an interview which is more like a formality due to our shared passion of helping others.

Proceeding on with my day in a better than average mood I went to my eye appointment.

I don’t think I have ever had so much fun and girl bonding at a “doctor’s appointment’!

It seems my vision has deteriorated a bit but I can still get the contacts I want but had to get new glasses due to the vision issues.

They are so cool and I can’t wait! I will be so happy to see clearly again and will definitely put up a photo or two!

My life is coming into sharper focus and now I will be able to actually see sharper and better!

After several hours I finally left and went to watch the boy do his karate thing. Since he is with his father, I went and had dinner with an old friend.

It ended up being one of those dinners that is a conversation that just keeps going. You don’t want it to end because you can’t believe that you found each other again, especially after the trauma of the past, and here you are together because you were both able to move through and past. Filling each other in on what we missed in each other’s lives and sharing those inside jokes you thought had been buried in the trunk in the attic are the stuff happiness is made of.

I got to ride in a convertible, and oh what a fabulous ride it was, with the top down, wind in my hair and just that feeling of freedom! The joy of the open road, no words needed because you’re on the same page and you can feel the universe smile.

So I have to say it was a good day.

I hope your day is fabulous too!

Here’s hoping for a fabulous week my friends!

Keep Hope Alive!

 

Advertisement

What was I thinking?!


I am wondering when I decided to try and become Martha freaking Stewart/ June Cleaver/Carol Brady – ISH?!

oldies mom

When I decided I was going to try to be so “together” and make all of these fabulous plans, cook these fabulous meals and do all of this adult stuff with “style”. What the hell am I thinking?!

I AM FABULOUSLY GRACELESS!

crazy beach me

I try to try but as my good friend says, and I concur, “That totally smacks of effort!”

I am just a “normal” (ok maybe not normal normal but somewhere maybe within 1000 miles of there) female, mother, daughter, sister, friend, human who works daily, often times moment to moment to get through this thing we call life.

Sometime after I had my boy, at the ripe “advanced maternal age” – a term I am willing to throat punch over – of 39, it was like I caught a virus of how I needed to handle moving onward with my life now that I had someone I was also responsible for and sending out into the world.

I wanted to make sure my boy’s life experience was as fun and educational, obviously filled with love which is perhaps the easiest part and no brainer, as possible.

I have OCD and accept it. I work to make it more balancing than having it control me. I try to always have “a plan”.

The first year of parenthood was awe inspiring and also something out of one of the seventh rings of hell.

My routines, logic and plans were quickly tossed out the side window in order to make room for this creature who had captured my soul the minute I found out I was pregnant but who had tossed the my existence into some crazed notion of a life I had no idea how to navigate through at times.

I think it’s fair to say every first time parent has pre-conceived notions of how they will raise their children, handles situations and how life will flow along.

I think it’s also fair to say many times that idea is full of a big old diaper of the worst poo imaginable.

cartoon multi mom

I guess I have always done my marching to some random garbled beat in my own mind.

I have my oddities and own side effects, some I am working on and others I chose to keep because they are just the core of who I am.

To say my life has not gone “as planned” is a gross understatement of massive proportions.

Not to say I don’t love my life. I truly do.

That’s the crazy part.

I saw life before and after having a kid as one way.

I learned before I even had him, life did not always go as planned. Sometimes it went very poorly and how you chose to handle it makes all the difference in the world. So I would modify my flow.

After the boy came bouncing into My world, everything I knew turned upside down. From my hospital stay, to the first years, to the “un-coupling” of his dad and myself, Life freaking Changed.

This did not, however, change the file in my brain that I needed to strive to be more like the mythical TV, movie and reality moms. You know the ones that have it all?

not me cartoon mom w balance

Still having themselves, the job, the kid, the organized house and schedules with all the fluff.

And I just snorted laughing at reading that sentence because no matter how much that particular file in my brain wants and strives to be “that perfect” I Know it won’t ever happen!!

I am very okay with that!

I went from the free-spirit, flexible, OCD, semi-organized life to one where I am responsible for another human and my schedule and plans are somewhat regimented.

I am still a free-spirit and still flexible. I’ve had to work hard on my OCD and organized is all relative in how one’s perspective is!

Still the BEST part is The Boy.

b coraline

I’ve had a lot of “accomplishments” and proud moments in my life, but having my son is the absolute, hands down, most fabulously amazing creation and contribution to this planet I could have ever even hoped to offer.

So yeah, I may look a hot mess, I may not have everything as organized in my home as it “should be”, but I can guarantee my boy is happy and well-adjusted and learning to roll with the punches and accept folk for who they are. He is learning the meaning and value of doing as you say and how to treat others. He is learning while he is the top of my world, in life everyone matters and deserves respect.

He is most definitely loved by many. My love for him and the miracle that he is cannot even be articulated well because it is too vast and made up of things I didn’t know existed before him.

As for me, well I am not completely giving up the ghost of Martha, June, Carol and the other mamas, but for now, I am me.

me in beatles shirt

I will take a line or page or two from them when I can but in the end, I have to say, I think I am doing alright!

I hope that you are doing alright too!

Have a Fabulous Wednesday from the Queen of Gracelessness!

The beach is in my soul


At the time this article goes out I will have officially been gone from the beach for at least nearly 20 hours… almost a full day.

I will have woke with my last view of the beach for a while.

Of course I will photograph it but often I don’t need the visual reminders. Not of this place.

I always walk out onto the balcony, look around and then close my eyes and breathe it all in.

balcony view

The sights, the smell, the endless ocean with all of its vast adventures.

The Life.

I can be anywhere, any room, any situation and just Stop.

I can smell it. The salt and sand and tropical smells.

I can feel it. The breeze blowing off the Gulf of Mexico caressing my skin. Rain or shine it feels so different, so alive.

I can see it in my mind. I can close my eyes and see all hours of the day or night here.

For all of my existence I have come to this place.

feet beach

This body of water.

The beaches along the Gulf Coast have helped shape who I am as a human being.

As I am sure they have shaped thousands before, even now and after I am gone.

I’ve seen the sun rise, mid-day and setting sun. I have sat on the beach from dawn til dusk and dusk til dawn.

I have slept on the beach.

I have played in this ocean and learned of the creatures that live here and respect them. Even if I am not fond of some of them this is their home. Their space.

I have walked these shores with the ones I love and those that are no longer here with me to walk in the surf or sit in the sand and stare out at the beauty.

But here I feel so close to them.

I feel close to all of those I love and care for.

I love sharing this Oneness of everything with my boy.

beach crab catchin

My amazing miracle that constantly blows my mind and fills me with love.

He reminds me of this place.

We came from this place.

The place where I am close to everything, call it God, the Universe, all of those things we cannot articulate into words but its right there.

It is where I can and do find my soul. I nourish it.

I find it and I replenish my being.

And I can come anytime I want.

I just have to remember the way.

This time, I know that I have found it.

I will not forget it.

Life is too precious to let myself forget this and how to mend my soul.

pier balcony view

 

Storms


I love storms!

I always have loved to watch storms.

Even the scary ones.

I remember being about 4 years old and we heard on the radio there were tornado warnings in the area.

Suddenly the sky went black and the sirens went off. The power flickered and then went off.

Our family hustled to the basement to wait out the storm with a battery powered radio.

However my grandmamma loved storms too.

She felt this was the perfect time to teach me about storms and her love of nature.

So she grabbed my hand and up the stairs we went.

When she opened the front door I remember feeling the change in the pressure and the feeling of being scared but excited.

I trusted my grandmamma with all of my heart and knew she would never do anything to put me in harm’s way.

She asked me to smell the air and watch the tree tops.

We watched the swirling clouds as they built up speed and strength.

And then the coolest, most terrifying thing happened.

A tornado touched down right up the street.

I remember looking up at her with anxiety on my face.

She had the most serene expression on her face. Her body was calm, not tense.

She looked over at me and smiled.

I will never forget her words, “Storms are one of the most beautiful displays of chaos in nature. God gives us storms so we remember to appreciate the beautiful things in our lives. But if we watch them, we see storms have an intense beauty all their own. We must respect them, and even fear them a bit, but know if you take precautions you can be safe and sheltered from the storms. Never believe you are completely safe though because no one but God knows what that storm will do.”

How right she was.

To this day over 40 years later I love to watch storms.

 storms2

I treat them with the respect they deserve but still get a thrill out of watching them.

However, driving in them not so much!

Storms come in and cleanse the land.

Hurricanes and tornados can reshape the landscape.

storms1

Yes they can do unspeakable damage and destroy homes, businesses and even lives.

But they are a part of the very fabric of our existence.

The storms of life we have all suffered through.

Hopefully to come through it better than we were before.

Cleansed.

Respectful.

No matter rain nor shine I hope you all have a Fabulous Day My Friends!

Stay Graceless!

 

Hiding Out


 kid behind tree

I see you there.

Hiding out.

Hiding from me.

From everyone.

Right out in plain sight you stand.

Trying so hard to pretend you aren’t there.

Trying to pretend that your illness doesn’t exist.

Doesn’t show.

You talk and act as though nothing is wrong.

You’re the life of the party.

The one who’s always “helping” out.

Your stories are filled with all You do and Your life.

How You are Always the one “everyone” turns to.

Your adventures.

It’s always about you.

Yet you hide out when things get tough.

You hide from the confrontation.

You hide from the truth of what has taken over you.

You hide.

kitty hiding

You think that I do not see but I do.

You can keep on hiding out.

I will keep on knowing.

Because I promise you.

You aren’t the first and you won’t be the last.

I just hope you will get the help you need.

I hope you will find the way to your happiness.

Hiding out is no way to exist.

So just try to make an effort to find your way back to health.

Find your way back to happiness.

Find your way back to you.

stop hiding

 

Happy Friday Y’all!


This week has flowed to a different beat.

I left on Monday for a week at the beach.

Meeting up with a portion of our family.

There are 10 of us at the condo.

Yes 10 human beings.

8 adults and 2 kids.

Pure chaos.

More fun than you can imagine!

However, privacy is just a dream! Haha but oh so true

Having so many of us has afforded this mama something that she hasn’t had in over 6 years… a beach cocktail. Thank you my dear sweet cousin for just handing me the cup and saying, “enjoy”!

I am not a big drinker at all, however, I do enjoy a drink on occasion.

 photo 5

My view from the condo!

I forgot how much fun it is to sit back and enjoy myself as I am usually constantly “on” with the boy.

Having others around affords me the luxury of just sitting back and chilling out.

I mean I am still “on” but it’s more laid back.

I love it!

I’m not used to having all these people watch my boy and it’s like a mini vacation.

I know everyone isn’t as blessed or as lucky as I am to have the awesome family that I do.

It is challenging somewhat space wise.

As OCD as I am this can be a hurdle I have to overcome. But it seems easier and easier with less stress and knowing I am not alone.

Family and friends you love and trust are invaluable these days.

Anyone who knows me knows I also need my quite me time.

Something a bit hard to come by sharing space and schedules with so many folks!

I must say that I have been blessed with spaces of quite time because these people Know I need it.

Like being able to write my blog and a maybe a few other articles.

It’s not like I can just go and grab some words off the web and copy and paste it and call it my own. Not only is it plagiarism but it’s just not something I can do!

So I get my time!

And like just now it got interrupted but it was just my brother, also working, while our kiddos are at the beach with everyone else so we can work.

Of course since we don’t get to spend as much time together as we would like to do. And I miss the banter of how we are. Complimenting and berating each other in the same breath! Ah sibling love!

It really is just This though that makes me so relaxed.

Being able to enjoy my family. Those I don’t get to see as much as we’d like and spend quality moments with them.

All from my happy-find-my-soul-spot!

It doesn’t get much better than this!

photo 2 

Another fabulous view

Happy Friday Y’all!

Make it Freaking Fabulous!

 

Taking a break….kid toss


Sometimes we all need a break.

Thus far this week has been somewhat of a break for me.

Enjoying the beach and family is fun.

But this writer is tired!

So I leave you with this photo.

My cousin and I tossing the boy in the pool.

Exciting I know!

 kid toss

 I hope everyone has a fabulous Thursday!

I promise more tomorrow and the days to come!

 

Run Away


Run away. Run away.

I don’t know if I can handle today.

Run away. Run away.

I will face this life come what may.

 

Dear God, please make me a bird so I can fly far. Far, far away.

Dear God, please make me a bird so I can fly far. Far. Far away.

 

Running away does not solve all your problems. It may temporarily ease your mind however, it cannot make those problems go away.
Geographically you can put yourself further away, but you cannot actually escape the problem.
When I was a child I remember I wanted to run away from home.
I packed a bag of my favorite toys and I set out on my way.
My mom watching from the door waved and told me to have a good adventure.
I went all the way down the street made a left-hand turn and walked down the big street!
Then came to me what was a huge choice in my then six-year-old life.
Do I step out onto the first busy road or do I walk back at that long hill, make a right and go home?
Going home I had to face what I didn’t want to deal with, which was most likely cleaning my room or minding my parents. 

I also wasn’t thrilled with the prospect of my little brother. He could be extremely annoying although pretty darn cute at times too
I chose to go home.
I talked to my parents and I remember them telling me that I made the right choice. Things are not always perfect but I knew they loved me, and I learned that I could solve my problems if I just faced them. Even if it wasn’t easy.
As an adult I’ve thought away thought about running away more times than I did as a child.
However it is not always that easy. Especially when you have responsibilities and understand more people, or pets, depending on you.

I admit that I have small times that I call it “running away “.
I take time for myself and I dig around inside my mind to find what I’m really thinking about and what’s troubling me
It isn’t always pretty and it isn’t always nice.

Quite often it’s painful.

I may seem distant or cold to some people, but I’m trying to find myself again.

I’m searching deep inside of my soul and what I really need to find it myself.
I even escape to parking lots while I’m driving to and from places so that I can just stop and think.
When you run away you also run away from people in your life.

When you leave with no warning or no heads up you leave them wondering if the words that they said were truly meant.

There are all kinds of forms of this behavior. Being late, not taking a call and/or not calling are just a few examples.
It can make one wonder if they are not as important to that person as they pledged they were in the first place.
Taking a breather from a person, people or situations is understandable. To seek a way for you to find yourself.

It isn’t as if I haven’t done it myself.

However, I do let the people closest to me, or that I am indebted to or responsible for, know that I am “checking out” for a mental moment or moments.

But to think that you can “run away” from your problems and not face them?

I don’t understand that.

If you have obligations and responsibilities with others, you just running away is cowardly in my eyes.

I understand not wanting to “deal” with that person, but for the love of Pete, put your big girl panties on and Deal With It.

Adults that do things like this, to me, show lack of respect and compassion for others.

They are selfish.

Yes you have become an adult.

Welcome.

You committed to certain things and people, but since there have been waves in the order of your life and you aren’t happy with it, you chose to run away like a child instead of confronting and handling said situation.

You get petty and cruel with your words, yet don’t use your words to convey and communicate your plan to take care of your obligations while you go find yourself.

When I hear someone say, “I am going to run away” I smile.

They are saying out loud what they are doing, not caring who judges but also letting others know they will be out of touch. Whether metaphorically or not they are saying it.

But those who literally run away because they can’t or don’t want to face their problems, chose to push out people in their lives they may have kept if only they had done things differently.

Those people don’t respect everyone as most of them claim to do.

I’ve learned they are afraid of themselves more than anyone else.

Although they would never admit it.

As for me, I enjoy my little “run aways.”

Although I am not trying to disappear, I just like go off the grid. Usually it’s only for 30 minutes but sometimes I get to escape for longer!

There have been times in my life where I have told others to run away!

I am sure I have been the cause of some people to actually go away too.

Always their choice! I’m not like a mafia don or anything!

But choosing to run away, I really hope you have a good reason.

As for me, I am running to the beach.

But I am not alone.

My family is here.

My boy.

He understands why I tell him, “I want to run away to the beach. It’s my happy place. Want to go with me?!”

And he now always says, “Oh yes mommy, I will run anywhere with you. I love you.”

So we run away to the beach.

To smell the salt air and feel the sand between our toes.

Pure bliss.

We find ourselves even if we didn’t know we were looking.

 

Have a fabulous Wednesday My Friends!

 

Me and the “smart phone”


 It has now been 2 1/2 years since I got my first smart phone.
Prior to that I did have a cell phone but I only had a cell phone that was for calls & limited texts only for the last 12 years!
I went kicking and screaming into getting a smart phone and now I don’t know how I lived without it! Sadly I am serious!

I mean not only can I call and text, but I can check emails, the weather, get directions and the recipe for that awesome cake I need! I even have robot Suri who lives in my phone and who has a dude’s voice because I mean I had a phone that talked to me why not make the voice male if I am female?!

And no, I have no idea how I changed the voice!

I have a few apps but I am too OCD to have all those icons on that little screen and I don’t need to keep looking at my dang phone!
My first phone was gifted to me by a close friend because I desperately needed a phone as I was very financially challenged.

One week into it I broke it.

I had no idea how costly they were and my first response when told the cost, was why in the hell would you buy me a $600 phone or get me a $600 phone even if it is insured?

And for the love of all that is holy tell me how much it costs even if we are not “technically” paying for it! I am klutzy but do try to be extra careful with costly items! (Vehicles, nice clothes, appliances, etc.).

I ended up buying it one of those otter box case devices for it so that I could at least drop it without the screen shattering.

I have smaller heart attacks now every time it gets bumped, or god forbid, accidentally dropped.

I should have known.

There are times I feel like I am a slave to my phone.

I know I do not use it to the full extent of what it can do but then, I don’t think I really want to!

The fact that I could, if I desired, to download MS Word and Excel freaks me out.

I want more screen to do that kind of stuff on! My eyes don’t see so good!

It’s bad enough that I can not only type to text message, but also to respond to emails.

The screen of my iPhone isn’t large enough to really type paragraphs.

No I won’t upgrade to those small notepad size “phones”. It is not for me. I can only imagine how much that costs and again, size, me and klutz factor… Not good!

I have recently, like in the past 2 months, realized how handy that talk to text button is. I have also learned Suri and I need a communication class so he doesn’t make up new words to replace the words he obviously can’t understand! I speak just fine with maybe a tish of a southern drawl.

I have found fun apps but don’t have anywhere near as many as most of my friends do.

I also got an iPad several years ago for Christmas.

Did you know you can link those two devices?!

They have a fluffy cloud that stores all of your info too, but there are glitches in that!

I don’t want my boy watching movies on my phone for instance.

That is iPad only.

I do a decent job of keeping them separate since he basically commandeered the iPad! It has more games on it but the majority of those he actually learns things, but don’t tell him that!

It isn’t the Jetsons yet but we are pretty darn close.

I about freaked out when I did face time for the first time with my parents after my son was born. So very cool!

I do actually do a lot of research on my phone. I love the ease of it.

It is smarter than me!

But, you see, I have a confession.

I love my computer, and yes it’s a PC.

I know they have issues, I have dealt with them since the early 90’s but it’s like an old car I know how to repair.

I have a lap top that is so much easier for me to write on.

Plus I can see the screen on a larger detail!

I love typing.

I grew up in the age of typewriters – yes the electric ones that were not computerized!

I have also used an old school typewriter.

Maybe I am a geek but I love putting my fingers on the keys and writing!

Just as I still love putting pen to paper.

I will admit that the “smart phone” has made my life easier.

I will also admit I don’t totally trust it!

I will say that the ratio of wanting to throw it out the window due to malfunction is much less than it was with the old school phones!

I still regularly think of tossing it.

I wish life wasn’t so complicated because we literally have the world at our fingertips.

We forget to slow down, and sometimes we have to even schedule “down time.”

That’s pretty sad.

So while I do love my smarter-than-me phone and I am very, very grateful for it, I miss the old school world.

The ones where you wrote letters, called on the land line phone and if you didn’t get someone, had to call back.

The world where you had to drive around to find places or if you’re feeling adventurous and use a real honest to God map with latitude and longitude.

You went to the library to research information.

Video games were Atari and Nintendo. Yes I am that old and I wasn’t a gamer.

But life is about changes and how we adapt to the world around us.

We now have smart watches, smart homes and all kinds of smart gadgets.

For now I am sticking to the phone, iPad and computer.

I may go dig the old Wii out of the attic for the boy and me to play on rainy days when we are done drawing or crafting and I am sick of movies.

He will have plenty of technology growing up.

He already has way more than I did at his age!

So I try to slow it down when he’s with me.

Watching a movie, mostly on TV but sometimes the iPad, is my worst offense.

And we recently got Netflix!

I do have to keep up with technology so that I can keep up with him.

Like I will need one more pass word to remember!

The boy can already figure out stuff faster on the smart phones and iPads than most adults.

It’s scary but exciting in the big brother/aliens kind of way.

I can do it.

But I can still turn it off whenever I chose.

I am glad we’ve moved “forward” but sometimes we need to take the time to remember the “now.”

How smart is That?!

Stay fabulous my graceless peeps!

P.S. I am listening to the waves crash into shore… we made it to the beach!!!!

 

Happy Monday My Friends!!


One of the best things about blogging is that I can set it up to post for me in advance…. I mean I don’t get up at whatever early hour I send them out!

I am not a morning person!

However I do write daily for my blog as well as other articles.

That said HAPPY MONDAY MY PEOPLE!!!

I am going to the beach!!!

Yes by mid-day I will be headed south with the boy to meet the family!

So this post will be short but cheerful!

Enjoy the photos from past trips!

This is Freddie the seagull.

seagulls

I am going to my happy place.

The place where I find myself and my soul sings.

beach sunset

So I am sending out my happy thoughts to you all!

I hope you have a fabulous Monday and a wonderful week!

Tomorrow’s post will be fueled by me breathing in the salt air after sticking my toes in the Gulf of Mexico!

beach sweet home AL

Stay fabulous my friends!