No sleep with children


My side of the bed was invaded by another human 5 years ago. That would be when I gave birth to the boy.

It doesn’t seem to matter that he has his own room, complete with his very own bed, somehow it seems he always ends up in mine. On my side no less! The nerve! I had no idea what all I was giving up when I became a parent. I knew a lot of things, or so I thought. I did not realize that giving a part of my side of the bed was part of the deal!

Before the boy came into my life one of the luxuries I enjoyed was sleeping. Like any time I wanted and for as long as I wanted provided I didn’t have to work… so I could pay for my overhead and sleep! I never knew how much I loved sleeping. Adored it actually until it was somewhat taken from me.

What they didn’t teach in parenting class was after you have a child you don’t ever sleep the same.

Whether they are with you or not, you still don’t sleep right. If they aren’t with you then you worry about them and when they are with you chances are good you aren’t sleeping because the offspring has decided to slip into your bed.

Your space.

Only it is no longer your space because when you became a parent, a tiny tidbit left out of everything you could have possibly read, you lose a part of yourself and the creature that you gave birth to is the one that took that.

Look at that sweet face! How could you not want to give it your all?

I say, give them everything but my sleep space.

And the time I need to sleep. Yes I said need versus want because I am willing to compromise.

Before the boy I would never compromise on my sleep. I was quite bitchy about it at times.

I am guessing this is my karma!

Oh sweet sleep if I could only have you when I need you! But alas, I jumped on the parenting train and I am certain it will be a while before we can join up again. For now I will take what I can get here and there and I will be grateful for it.

I seriously have got to get this kid out of my bed again!

*note that “No sleep til Brooklyn” by the Beastie Boys was playing in my head as “No sleep with children”!

*for those of you who have managed parenthood without sleep interruption and deprivation, I salute you!

 

thoughts from my mind…


Staring into space I forget what I’m doing

Goals to accomplish, life’s going on, it’s time for me to get moving

My brain will stop and fade out and in

Conversing can be hard, I’m so thankful for my friends

The ones, along with some family, who understand my oddities

And who accept the quirks of me

It’s not to say I don’t come with irritations

Life, we understand, comes with certain limitations

Sometimes we push too much, we try to go too far

Forget we need to stop and rest, like fuel needed in a car

I go and go and run and run and keep going ‘til I can’t

Then I stop and breathe, take a rest and I listen to the rants

I laugh; I cry and sometimes try to reason

I forget that in this journey of life, everything has a season

I wonder if in finding mine I will lose more than I’ll gain

The words that creep into my mind is “there is no joy without the pain”

It fills me with awe, these words from me, that fall right from my mind

Straight to my finger tips to share my thoughts in kind

Those meant to share will walk with me this journey all the way

Others will walk a while with me then find their place to stay

My gypsy soul, my warped, sweet mind guides me on my path

The karma, love and things I see, protect me from the wrath

Of those who lives who set a course in life to hurt and harm others

For me I see us all as one family, with many sisters and brothers

Of course, there’s mothers and fathers too along with friends and lovers

We all are one big family, this interwoven cover

To live, to love and show compassion

To keep hope alive and take action

To stand for those who cannot stand and follow through

To bare my soul for all to see and to do what I say I will do

 

 

Front row seating on the karma parade


Sometimes life hands you that moment you have dreamed about, watching karma in action.

No matter if you have forgiven the person for the wrongs against you, you wonder how it can be that some people can be so cruel and mean but they seem to glide on through life, not caring about the havoc they reek on others and getting away with it seemingly without consciousness nor concern for anyone but themselves.

While you continue on the path, no matter how hard and how painful, of the right and moral way to get through this havoc and hell that you allowed yourself into because you cared.

You are not the only casualty of this war, but you are at the top of the hit list.

In order to have peace of mind you have to move forward in a healthy way, not giving into the rage and anger because you know how easily you could become like the person who continues to fuel the fires though the title fight is over.

It is not easy but you have no choice to focus on making your life better and keep hope alive. The process is slow, painful and exhilarating. You find you are stronger than you ever imagined. You find patience where you thought there was no patience and strength you thought had long gone.

You finally reach that point where you no longer have any feelings… no fear, nausea, anxiety. It has all gone. You realize you are free.

You can even be around them without stressing and feeling ill.

Their power over you is gone.

You are always watchful. You know to not trust this person. But you have a place of peace now.

Then, when you are not expecting it, karma falls into your lap and gives you first row seating to one of the main events.

There are so many tentacles of what it could be but this one, oh yes this one, somehow, deep down, you knew the universe could not let them get a free pass. You knew one day this would have to surface. They will have no choice but to face the music.

Although you thought about it, dreamed of it, now that it is transpiring you do feel a tug in your mind, guilt of feeling any kind of happiness that it’s finally being stopped. They can’t hurt you in that way anymore but you still feel a tiny bit bad that it is going to be so rough for them. Then you think about all that you paid for, the heartache, tears and years. You think of how you no longer harbor hatred and wonder if they will ever find that peace.

Sadly, you realize that they may never find their compassion or peace in this life. You realize this could be just the first wave of the karma parade.

How are you supposed to feel? It isn’t up to me. I didn’t make it happen. I feel that I am supposed to be happy or relieved but honestly, I am just more in awe. The universe takes care of those who take care of others in its own time.

I know I believe.

Keep hope alive.