Today is the first day of May
According to the rhymes and stories we should begin seeing the May flowers if we aren’t already seeing those beautiful blooms springing up after all of the April showers
Depending on where you live you may have had rain or snow… or maybe it was dry where you are
I felt the rains of April deep in my bones
I know the storms aren’t over but I am looking forward with hope and faith
I’m looking for those May flowers and the beauty they hold
To live my life without filters. I wonder how that would go? If I actually said every thought that crossed my mind, how many people would be offended/mad/happy/laugh? I wonder.
If every piece I wrote was put out on display for all to see, would some be offended? Would there be backlash? Would I get calls/texts/emails asking if I was “OK”? I know I would get, “Who are you talking about?” I know some people would think it was them… they may be right and they may be wrong. I take my experiences and wrap them together. They could span days or years and be a culmination of my feelings as a whole, not for a particular circumstance. Or I could be taking the experience shared by another and writing about it.
I am working very hard to tear down the walls of my filter. I have the problem of when I speak letting my thoughts just roll straight out of my mouth, however I find myself censoring my writing. I’m strange that way. Somehow I need to find that balance.
I need to not worry so much when I write that someone may be offended or concerned. I need to worry more when I speak than when I write.
I need to stop this censorship of self. I need to let go of the filters. I need to be me.
Ch-ch-changes are happening in my life right now!
It is exciting, maotic and crazy all at once… like I expect my life any other way!
My office is finally going to be more than a shoe box! I have been working hard since I started to help grow the company I work with and grow we have – doubled what was going on when I started! It’s exciting and a bit terrifying at the same time. Better office, more responsibilities and I am sure a bit more stress! But that is what life is all about right?! Personally I am excited!
My personal life is always so up in the air but I am in a happy place right now. In fact, it is nice to not have to worry about someone being upset with me for not being where they feel I need to be. Being accepted for who and what you are makes life easier to handle. Of course the boy always accepts me for me, no matter what. That is a beautiful thing to know that someone loves you no matter what and that it is an unconditional love. I have wonderful family and friends both near and far away. I miss those who aren’t as close, but we know we have each others backs when needed even if we can’t physically be there for each other.
Yes I can feel the changes in the air and I see the changes on the horizon.
All I can say is Keep Hope Alive and bring it on!
Change, be it good or bad, is going to happen. It’s all in how you deal with it. I chose to go into the day with hope, happiness and of course my own fabulously graceless style!
Have a beautiful day!
The emotions, actions, love, loss, keep on swimming, struggle is real and general maos of the last week and weekend have been a bit overwhelming.
Today as we head into a new week I hope and pray for just a bit of peace for everyone.
We have all been through, and probably still going through some crazy life changes/challenges. Big or small and sometime both – making it hard to breathe and harder still to just be calm and be. It’s like something in the air making every being susceptible to its sorcery. Maybe it’s just this time of year.
They say April showers bring May flowers.
And sometimes it snows in April. Sometimes it feels so right.
Other times it just feels off.
You know those quizzes and psychological questions that ask you where you will be in 10 years? Or where you see yourself in 10 years? I was thinking about that recently and realized where I thought I would be and where I am are totally different. Like apples and Twinkies kind of different.
I guess the nostalgia of past memories and life coupled with the reality, awe and sometimes shock at where I am now hits me. It wraps around me like a woolen blanket making me slightly uncomfortable yet it opens my mind to a better view of where I thought I would be, where I am and where I realistically hope to be sooner rather than later.
Life moves pretty fast. It seems the older I get the faster it moves. I am thinking I may need knee, hip, and spine replacement along with some good shoes to run in to keep up. Or I just need to win the lottery and get a personal assistant! Ya gotta have dreams!
So on this fabulous Monday I want to wish you all a Fantastically Fabulous Day from one Fabulously Graceless Lady Maos!
Keep Hope Alive!
I write how I feel and what I am thinking.
I write goofy poems, rhymes and sometimes nonsense.
I write stories and thoughts from other’s lives and things they’ve shared with me or that I have observed.
Often my words have been taken out of context.
Some have tried to use my own words against me.
Some have contacted me and thanked me for sharing as it reflected their own life.
I have received calls, texts and emails asking if I am okay. I can promise you, if it is here, I have most likely processed it and I am doing just fine…probably. Sometimes I allow myself to write raw. That can be dangerous as I just “let it go” and spew onto the paper. Sometimes I keep those and don’t let anyone see it. Sometimes it’s better that way.
When I chose to start a blog, I just did it. I had been told I couldn’t do it or I couldn’t commit to it for even a month. Most of those people aren’t around me anymore. The others I guess are eating their words.
I didn’t know how easy it was but also it is harder too. It’s like a double edge sword.
I still feel somewhat censored but I am working on that. Sometimes saying how you feel is a good thing. Other times even though it is cathartic for me, I may not sound so nice to others. That I even care is impressive to me.
I have always been the one marching to her own beat and being a bit of a rebel.
My blog is MY BLOG. Yet I find myself filtering myself. How ironic is that?
I am seeing what I really need to work on through my writing.
In writing, I find myself again.
Happy birthday to my beautiful, amazing mama!
The world is a little brighter, a little better and a lot more awesome because of you!
You have loved me, tolerated and put up with my maos for 45 years and you still look barely 50! That’s good looks right there!
The lady that can and does, run circles around me and her grandsons! She’s athletic, graceful and the best dancer!
She is an amazing wife, mother, grandmother, family and friend.
I truly and blessed to have her as mine.
I often say my brother is her favorite and I am second or third if my “sister” is here. I say it jokingly and with love.
It is hard between mothers and daughters. I completely understand that more so now that I have a son of my own. But I am so grateful for all that she taught me about being a mama and loving your child no matter what.
I am thankful she is in my life and loves me, no matter what. I know it’s not easy!
Happy Birthday Mama!
Happy Earth Day to you all!
Keep Hope Alive!
*I don’t post mama’s photo because she is too beautiful to see and because that may be the very thing I send her over the edge with, but take my word she is a beautiful lady inside and out!*
I don’t go out to eat too often. Well, let me amend that. I don’t go out to fancy restaurants often!
Usually when I go out, unless it’s some overpriced trendy place that serves micro portions, I end up with a leftover box/doggy bag.
Throughout the years I have left my leftovers at the table in the restaurant, made it inside with it but never ate it, left it in the fridge for day and left it in the car overnight among other things. However, recently food was left in my car for 3 days! We thought we had left it at the restaurant plus there were children involved…anything is understandable with kids!
But one has to wonder why did I not smell it?! I wondered the same thing until I realized how awesome those to-go containers are they have these days in nicer restaurants! Also, I did NOT open said container. A bloomin’ onion from Outback had been in there for days. Temperatures had risen to above 80 so that means it was hotter in the jeep for several days. Nope, not even gonna torture myself with that one!
So that leftover went into the trash.
Sadly it had been wanted the night we had purchased it and thought it had been left behind in the madness.
Anyone else do this?!
I know I am not the only one!
Keep Hope Alive!
For the last 11 months I have been writing this blog daily.
It is my personal challenge to write daily for a year. I have made it 11 months and as of today, I have plans to keep writing through daily until May 20, 2016.
I wonder what I will do once I reach that year milestone.
I know I can’t stop writing. I also wonder if I can keep it up daily! I had no idea how hard it would be.
There is so much I have to do that I didn’t have when I started writing FabulousGracelessness.
Yet I am unsure of what I will do as far as on a daily basis.
I love writing so very much. I love pouring my soul into my blog; however I also love pouring my soul into life!
I guess whatever path I chose I know that I will not stop writing.
It’s in me to put my thoughts out there. They can no longer be contained! I’m not so sure it’s best for everyone but I know that it works for me. Plus, www.fabulousgracelessness.com just auto-renewed for another year so why not?!
Keep Hope Alive!
Oh how much joy I get from a “rock”!
Rocks, quartz, crystals I get excited!
I am aware I am a bit of a nerd and I am okay with that.
I realized this has passed to the boy and it is something beautiful to behold to me.
I have a rule of no sticks in the house. Unless it is something truly special, do not bring a stick up in my house! Swords, canes, staff and walking sticks: these are fine.
Bring a cool looking rock, quartz or crystal and I’m all “well bring it in and let’s look at it!” Pure amusement and delight for hours.
Recently we were gifted with a beautiful Crystal, the boy’s says it’s The Crystal. I had not even pulled it out of the wrapping he exclaims, “ohmygosh mommy it’s The Crystal!!!” He had zero idea I even had it or that it had been given to us. He just knew.
It’s like the rock calls to us. You can feel the buzz when it touches your hand.
You can feel the oneness with the earth so solid and tangible that you can just feel the connections.
I know I am a freak but I am not alone. There are others like me including my own offspring who share the same love as I do. I am not alone!
Keep hope alive!
I watched it begin to crumble.
A few years ago I noted the bricks that had fallen from your structure.
After my relentless questions, I under stood that you were under fire. I also knew you would protect yourself and do all you could to fortify your stronghold.
Caring for each other always came naturally as did sharing those things that hurt us to the core.
We talked of ways to reinforce, to rebuilt and make it better.
Each year I noted the decay.
We openly talked about renovations and solutions.
We always had hope.
Last year I saw the cracks in the foundation. I knew the writing was on the proverbial wall.
We talked, we screamed, we cried, we prayed.
Sometimes even the oldest and the strongest of the structures must be torn down.
We can’t keep making repairs when no one helps with the leaks.
We have to know when it’s time to rebuild on our own.
We have to know we will stand by each other.
Brick by brick.
fabulousgracelessness 