kids

It’s my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 33 Comments

It can sometimes be hard for me to get to sleep.

I am always thinking of all of the things I need to do, people I should call, projects I should get done.

I do decent, I would guess, on judging myself about getting things done.

I try to set a schedule and follow it. I make sure I am flexible.

I love that dude Murphy of Murphy’s law because I know he sets out to wreak havoc on my life at times.

I have to even admit sometimes I have no choice but to laugh or I would run screaming and never, ever stop.

I try to plan when I am going out of town or doing something outside of my day to day normal life.

Take for example earlier this week.

I had started a new job and was getting into the grove of it.

This means the boy must also get into my new grove and fortunately it doesn’t affect him too greatly and we go along smoothly.

Monday and Tuesday go well so we are heading into Wednesday where I have plans to travel and he will go to school and then to this grandparents after and I will go take care of my business.

All I can say looking back is thank God I was off Wednesday because I so would have had to have called in after my early morning wake up.

I’m not sure why it is when something dramatic happens, it seems to happen when I am in full on REM mode and getting much needed sleep.

Through my sleep filled senses I think I hear “Mommy” but surely that can’t be happening because it is dark out and why am I feeling some kind of wetness on me that I know isn’t a night sweat and it’s kind of thick?

Is this a nightmare?

Then I hear the “sound” all parents know.

The one that you immediately jump up asleep or not because that means something disgusting is happening to your child, and you don’t want to be in the line of fire.

Yes, the dreaded puking in the bed.

Let me just say my child drinks a lot of milk and the last thing that went down is the first to come up.

It was like I was in a waking nightmare.

It was heinous.

It was on me.

I rushed to turn the light on and make sure he was ok when I looked into the mirror.

And I froze.

I look like I had on a milk mask that had splattered.

And I couldn’t breathe deep or that could go very poorly.

So I grabbed towels and washrags out from under the sink and proceed to wipe myself down when the boy says. “Mommy I got throw up on me. Oh hey you got a lot on you too that’s funny.”

And I am happy he’s ok and not still sick but I want to go “Really kid?! Cause this can’t be real!”

But I know that it is.

And it is my life.

I wouldn’t change it for the world because for every bad, gross, icky moment there are 20 more that are happy, funny, full of love and so much better.

So yeah, this is my life.

I just wish he would have aimed for the floor instead of me.

He will learn eventually.

After all when he got sick later, after I had stripped us, the bed and cleaned up and moved us to another room, he got sick in the bucket by the bed.

Bless him!

I wouldn’t change a thing because it wouldn’t be my life otherwise.

Be glad this didn’t happen to you.

If it did, I am so sorry but at least you aren’t alone!

Happy Saturday My Fabulous Friends.

Keep Hope Alive!

 

Mis-Procedure

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 14 Comments

Everyone has their bad days.

Unfortunately sometimes someone else’s bad days overlap your day in some ways, and then it becomes a part of your day so you get a bit of a bad day, depending on how you look at it.

I usually roll with the flow, because really, I don’t have much choice when life just happens while my plan is in motion.

Not to say that it doesn’t irritate or make me angry but when a situation is out of your control, you just can either deal with it calmly or get all angry and scream and yell. It’s not that you aren’t angry about it, but it is how you handle it.

Today was one of those days for me in a kind of big way, however I was able to hang with my girls so I was able to find the humor and laugh about it but I am still kind of irritated.

I went to have a procedure done on my back.

I have been going to the same doctor for over 8 years so I KNOW the majority of the staff including the director, doctors, nurses, offices manager, etc.

I was going in for a more intense procedure I can only have done every 6 months, but it helps my mobility so well that it is worth it. I have to take a full day to recover, more so than my “maintenance” procedures that I have done intermittently throughout the year.

I do certain stretches and exercises to make it easier on myself but I am truly graceless and end up overdoing something, pulling something or falling down on a somewhat regular basis.

It’s my life.

I own it!

After I “came to” in recovery I was talking to the nurse and said, “You know I don’t hurt like I usually do after that procedure, you know how it feels like you’re more beat up in the back, doc has the gift.”

At this point she is looking at me with a type of concern on her face and gets another more senior nurse who I just love over to me. I will call her “Steph” because I talk to her a lot! Steph and “Julie” are my favorites I can’t help it!

“What do you think you had done?”

“You know the nerve burn thingy we can only do every 6 months. Why? Oh come on really guys is this a joke?”

They have been known to prank me because like I said I have gone there so long once one of the doctors came out when I was regaining consciousness and said, “Ready to go back and get started?” laughing at me so I thought I they were messing with me again.

Sadly they were not!

It seems even though we had talked about it, I made the appointment for it, my insurance approved it, and somehow they did the “maintenance” nerve blocks and epidural.

I was kind of pissed really.

I mean I have to take time off, make sure the boy is taken care of, get a ride to and from, because obviously I can’t drive myself for a procedure where yes, they knock me out with the Michael Jackson drug propofol, and I do Not want to be awake when they stick needles in my spine because I have done it and it is JUST PLAIN WRONG!

Which is why I have been with this group because they aren’t a pill mill, medieval or quack doctors by a long stretch.

When my dad was going through cancer treatment I talked to Dr. T for a long time about dads treatments, when I was supposed to be doing my customary office visit. We talked about my health issues and more. He is super compassionate and caring and just a good guy. We talk about our families and kids.

Just today we were talking about the boy and how he can’t believe he will be 5 soon as he remembers treating me before, during and after I had said child.

A few minutes after I came out and am eating my snack, Julie comes over and asks me how I feel.

I laughed and said, “Well I guess I will see you sooner than I thought since I get to come back and then he will make be better. By the way no pain or bruising with the IV because you and Steph rock!”

I am on heavy medication, please note this, because hopefully all of this is making sense!

She immediately walked over to Steph, who is stressed and on the phone.

I also want to say I had asked nurse #1 for pen and paper so I could write my web address down for them to visit my blog so if they are reading this MY Nurses ROCK!

Seriously I love this group!

Always will even in spite of this crazy day.

Maybe the meds are still working!

Steph comes back and tells me it was a mistake make in the office, yep knew that! And that I can come back and they will work me in and of course today is no charge.

This means so much to me as everyone knows insurance only pays so much and the facility can choose to make you pay if they wanted to. I am already on a payment plan with them because healthcare is expensive and it means a lot to me to have a medical facility work with you on payments. They know my life as I share with them if I can pay more or if I can’t. Newbies always get the director and I think he’s a great guy. Some people day he can seem like a jerk but he’s really cool and just doing his job. We end up talking about life and world events so it’s always enjoyable to chat with him!

So once again I will get to travel to my doctor as him and his colleagues are some of the best in the business and every doctor I go to (female, doc in box, general practice, ENT), I always tell them who I go to and what for, what I may be prescribed. I am always told, and they do research, this group is well respected in the medical community.

So while I get to come back in two weeks, it means I get to fight the irritating traffic but I get to see my friends again.

And I will Finally get the full relief I Need for my spine.

I guess I will file this under acceptance with a dash of happiness and sweep the irritation away as there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it.

Might as well keep hope alive and find he humor!

I am just looking forward to a weekend with friends laughing until I snort and cry most likely. Actually more because these folks make me laugh every time I am around them and I know I am lucky!

And that one friend who will most likely make me laugh so hard I wet myself!

All in all I’d say it’s been a good day!

Have a Fabulously Graceless Friday My Friends!

And a special shout out to ALL my girls, my nurses, friends and my doctors!

You all are Fabulous Human Beings!

Glad we are on this beautiful orb together!

My little parrot

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

When I found out I was pregnant, I read book, magazines, articles, blogs and specialty parenting sites.

I wanted to go in with as much information as possible and continue to research and read and learn about this small creature that is my responsibility.

You read about the stages of development and somewhat think you are mentally prepared for the stages.

You know deep down that anything can happen and things won’t be like the information overload you get, but you think you’re ready.

You are not.

Trust me.

It may not happen daily but, at least for me, a few times a week my offspring catches me totally off guard but something he does or says.

The past week seems to have been full of zingers!

He is four, soon to be five in September, and of course, knows “almost everything.”

He’s very self-confident and also can be shy.

He’s outgoing and loving.

He’s funny, witty and working on his jokes.

He has a slight lisp and still have the little boy voices so things he says that are beyond his years tend to throw me off and in many cases make me laugh.

He is full on boy!

He likes to “help cook” in the kitchen and with some minor adjustments, my OCD has accommodated him in his quest to help.

He helps pick up and “cleans” because he sees me do it and he wants his toys to not disappear if he leaves them scattered about.

He watches as me to see what I do and sometimes copies my actions.

He has similar facial expressions to me.

The boy can’t hardly taking a photo without sticking out his tongue… I may have taught him that!

Since I have always worked with him on manners, the age old “yes mam, no mam, thank you mam, please” phrase has been drilled into his head and still is. We also do “yes sir…” to make sure whether male or female he knows how to respond. When he burps or poots he is to say excuse me and usually does.

But it seems all boys, and some men and females, have to verbally note when they fart.

We call it barking spiders, pooter scooters and poots. Most recently he learned the phrase “passing gas.”

He finds them all hysterical.

Sounds coming from his butt are the best in his world.

I figure give him all the cleanest terms for his body and its functions as I can while he is young.

Recently he said “Mommy I had a big barking spider come out of my anus.”

Ugh! Hopefully he will still use the term booty or butt for now!

Trying to teach him the correct names for his anatomy is a challenge!

He also copies things we say.

The other night at dinner I was trying to open a container when he busts out with, “What Are you doing child?!” in a fabulous imitation of myself.

I lost it laughing.

It was one of those laughs that’s contagious and he started laughing and I started laughing harder, then I snorted and he screeched laughing and we are both crying laughing!

I am even doing the “shhhhhhhhhhhhhh” with hysterical laughter and “please quiet” trying to gain control over my laughing.

It was semi hopeless but sometimes those laughs are the BEST feeling ever!

Every word that comes out of my mouth has to be censored when he is anywhere near me.

It’s scary.

There are times when he is all up into a movie and I am talking to someone in the other room or on the phone, thinking he isn’t paying attention but dang if he doesn’t come back a bit later and ask “mommy what did you mean by this?”

Thankfully I am hyper aware of what I say around him because I really did remember reading about “the parrot effect” of young children.

I thought it would happen earlier than now and it did to a degree.

But it seems to be building and building.

I seriously need an editor before I speak in front of him because he sometimes mixes the contexts of the word and it does not sound right!

I’m just waiting for the call from his school.

I know it’s coming!

I just have to remember to breathe and pray it isn’t over anything too bad!

No matter what I will always think of my good friend “Max” and the call she got from her sweet, angelic daughter’s daycare. “Miss Max, Ally said the “F” word!”

Then I feel a little better. For now!

Have a fabulous Thursday My Graceless Friends!

I’m recovering today from a back procedure so no idea what tomorrows post will hold!

Keep Hope Alive!

 

Manual labor and the chic who forgot how it feels

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 8 Comments

Recently I agreed to clean an empty “small” garden home to help out an older gentleman who wanted to sell it as he no longer lived there. His son had moved out some time back he said, and I went over, we discussed pricing and I started the next day.  

First of all, I am so thankful he offered me more than I asked for!  

I was quoting him based on size, etc. knowing full well I would throw in some cleaning he didn’t mention because that’s how I am, and he was a single, older, gentleman who had come referred by a friend. I needed the money and he needed the help.  

Oh.My.Aching.Body.  

It’s not that I am not physically active. I have a 4 year old son and OCD. I am constantly on the move and cleaning, organizing and Running to catch him from numerous things. Trying to avoid as many doctor visits as possible!  

However, when I clean something, especially for someone else, I CLEAN It.  

I scrub and put my whole body into that scrub. I spray, scrub, wash, scrub and scrub some more. I become somewhat obsessed I admit.  

I will get bathrooms, kitchen, doors, laundry room, windows, floors, fans, floorboards Cleansed. 

I was thinking 4-5 hours maybe close to 6, broke down over 2 days, no problem. 

I did get it done in 2 days but it took 9 ½ hours! 

Yes I used muscles that I haven’t used in a long, long time. I had blisters on my hands. My spine, hips, back and booty feel like I went dancing for at least 10 hours solid.  

I wanted to crawl around but that is frowned upon in places and I can’t catch the boy crawling. Or just lying there.  

My son jumped into my arms earlier today and I struggled not to drop him and fall over.  

He asked me if I was “Ok mama? You seem shaky.” Very good observation young boy! I told him mommy had been working hard and her body was sore.  

He then asked if it was because I had cleaned the screened in porch yesterday. I had forgotten about that!  

That explained it!  

In addition to my house cleaning and new job duties (taking care of a lovely older lady who needs help in her home, including getting up and down), I had also cleaned a roughly 10 x 20 area top to bottom. And all the furniture – think Pollen build up from all season long. Nasty! OCD here it was bad!  

I do not mind cleaning and helping. I enjoy making money and helping family and friends clean. I am a freak, this I know.  

But I forgot that I am no longer a spring chicken and that my spine, for real, is not at its peak, and I am, in fact, having a procedure done later this week to burn those irritating nerves back there and get a spinal block and maybe something else my fabulous doctor will throw in. Because he feels sorry for me being all jacked up knowing how I live my life! And I do bend at the knees like I’m told Trust Me! I couldn’t do anything otherwise!  

I mean I go in every three months for maintenance! Seriously! 

Manual labor I can do, I just have to pace myself.  

To those who do it daily, my respect goes out to you!  

It is hard on a body!  

But I love it and of course I will be doing similar cleansings again… once my spine is fixed!

And that house I did? It is Cleansed! The owner said he hadn’t seen it that clean since he had been living there! Score for the gimpy girl!

 Have a Fabulously Graceless Tuesday my friends!

 Keep Hope Alive!

 

Sometimes sleep is the best medicine ever

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 9 Comments

This has been one of those all out, keep moving, doing more than the “norm” kind of week.

So my plan is simple for a beautiful, hot Saturday morning.

SLEEP!

Rejuvenate the bod, keep the kid up so he will sleep in too and enjoy it!

I’m so mentally and physically exhausted right now I am impressed I can even type words onto the screen!

Since I am going to bed soon, and blessedly set this post to post in just a few hours, I will be enjoying my favorite past time that I do not get as often as needed.

Oh sleep how I love thee!

I have over 20 topics I want to write on, however I can’t make my brain work to put words on the screen and my mind to form coherent sentences at this point.

I was watching power rangers with the kids earlier and one of the characters went “uh uhhhhh uhhhhhh”. Literally all it said.

I can totally relate at this point.

My friend and I were commiserating on how crazy busy this week has been, and as we watched our boys play, we marveled at all their energy. And were also a bit jealous because we needed more than to become one with the couch!

So we made the joint decision to let them watch another power ranger episode, have one more jump on the trampoline and then put their wild booty’s in the bed.

Fabulous endings for all!

If I make no sense just forgive me!

Some days are like that. And usually I am better prepared and equipped to at least post something more interesting .

But I have sleep deprivation like I did when the boy was tiny and my mind became jello though not from jello shots but from over doing it.

So this fabulously graceless gal will be snoozing away, hopefully, when y’all are read this!

Forgive me as I am merely a human.

It’s time for lights out and oh these lovely sheets are divine, the room is frigid and will be dark soon.

Tomorrow we will wake up, eat, play and visit friends.

Once we get out of the bed!

It’s been too long since we got to sleep in and now is the time!

Have a fabulous Saturday morning and I promise more once I fill myself with caffeine and become coherent!

Stay fabulous and graceless my friends!

Keep hope alive!!!

The “soul mate” predictor

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 16 Comments

There is a new “quiz” out on the Face book that’s called “who is your true soul mate?”.

You’ve no idea how much this amuses me, because if it were true it could help a lot of folks out!

However since it is by http://www.Captainquizz.com I am so sure it’s legit! *Can ya feel the sarcasm drip here?!

I had seen it but don’t do a lot of those “quizzes”, although sometime I admit that I do it just for fun.

I really wasn’t into it but was amused to see my friends enjoying doing it, and who it said their soul mate was. I admit a few friends and their mates were shown as soul mates when both of them did theirs. Kind of impressive when you think of how it matches you to your Facebook friends list!

Some friends were amused to note that their “soul mates” were, as in real life, a true, stand by you through anything friend.

Apparently, I am my sister from another mister’s soul mate! She took the test three times so it must be real!

I laughed so hard I wet myself! Just a little.

We have been in each others lives for over 35 years, since we were kids. Literally.

We went through growing up, puberty, those heinous teen years, after graduations, marriage, kids, moving far way, long distance trips, marriage, kid, divorce, death – you get the picture we are from birth to earth Steel Magnolias.

So yes I was Very amused and entertained by this.

Of course we’re soul mates! We didn’t need a dumb quiz to tell us that!

We’ve been through more madness than I will ever tell but always come out of it together!

Soul mate predictor. Ha!

Ok, I will admit I was intrigued to see if she was my soul mate so I took the quiz. Twice.

The first person was one of my moms best friends and though I love her dearly and all I just don’t see it.

Amused by it all I tried again.

This time I got said friends daughter!

I was laughing so hard I spit out my tea!

I thought it would give me the same answer but no, apparently when I take the test I have more than one soul mate.

And you know something?

I realized we do have more than one soul mate on this journey of life if we are truly lucky. Or blessed, however you see fit to look at it.

We define “soul mate” in loose terms to mean the person we are meant to spend our life with as in being a “couple”.

I know I hadn’t really thought about all of the people who are friends and family that I have “clicked” with instantly and jump straight up into their crazy and them to mine and haven’t looked back since as a “soul mate”.

It actually makes sense to me in my twisted, strange mind.

Some of these people I have known all of my life, others I have known anywhere from a few months to years (a lot of those in the 10 plus year category).

I am a collector of people, friends, if you will.

And not in a body part in the freezer kind of way, but in the relationship kind of way!

I have friends from all walks of life, all backgrounds, colors, religions and each one of them views the world from a different perspective. Each one of them near and dear to me in very different ways.

Some of them would never get along but for some of us, we tend to clump together.

No one is jealous of time spent with the others because we are secure in our relationships and where we are on this wild and insane journey together.

So if this Face book “Soul Mate” predictor can’t tell me who my soul mate is, I am sure I will be ok because I already know.

I’m fortunate to have so many I can call my soul mates on this fabulous life experience!

Have a fabulously graceless Friday! I Know I will!

 

Quiet time, me time and missing the noise

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

I remember growing up we did not have all of the technology and all of the options we do today.

Yes my mom talked on the phone, but it was attached to a cord and plugged into the wall. If you wanted privacy, you went to another room or she told us kids to go outside or in our rooms.

Our rooms held our dearest treasures and outside held fun and adventures.

We lived on a cul-de-sac when I from the time I was 18 months old until I was 8. That would be the time when we acquired my younger brother!

We then moved to a newer subdivision from the time I was 8 until around 18 in which I met my best friend/sister and where the majority of my teenage years played out.

When my parents moved again, it was so my brother could go to a different school since I was graduating and he was about to go to high school.

No matter where we lived, we were required to “be creative” and let my parents have peace during the days of summer and school breaks.

We always did many things together as a family such as dinner each night, church on Sundays, vacations, family gatherings, parties – you get the idea.

But we also had “quiet times” and somehow I always treasured those times.

I don’t require “background” noise like a lot of people do.

And let me be clear, I do like to put on the radio or TV on occasion and have noise happening when I am alone, but I really do cherish quiet time. Nor am I a huge fan of TV every night.

I remember one of the first times when I was a teenager and my parents went away overnight and my younger brother went to my grandparents house.

My parents were trusting me to be an adult and not have a party or anyone over, plus there were plenty of people in the neighborhood that could “watch” our house and back then, there wasn’t all of the dangers we have today. No Facebook and smart phones to instantly update the world on your location and what you are doing. Not a lot of traffic in our area and less crime than there is now.

I did, of course, invite my best friend/sister across the street over for a little while but all we did was make a few calls to boys and watch the cable channels we normally were “limited” to watch.

Cable was the “new” thing as were microwaves! Yep, I am that old!

After she left I remember thinking “It is so Quiet.”

I could hear the house creaking and making noise, I could hear the dog outside but that was it. No TV, no one talking, walking around or making any noise.

It was Bliss!

I went up to my room and read and wrote in my journal.

I slept late because my parents weren’t coming home until later that day.

I enjoyed the peace and quite of a house alone for the first time in my life.

As the years moved forward and I grew up and moved out of my parents home, for the first time haha, I enjoyed having roommates but enjoyed the times when I was alone at home.

The quiet can be so peaceful!

I later married we and moved around a lot. Florida, Georgia, California and back to Georgia.

Many years later we divorced and at first I was living with friends, but I realized I wanted to get my “own” place.

I wanted the option of “quiet time” all the time because I had never had that.

So I got my own apartment and I reveled in being the only one who made noise, other than neighbors, which I had experienced before being an apartment dweller.

However, after a year-ish I realized I am a very social creature. I had already adopted two cats but I missed living with someone.

I set out to find a roommate. And I was “picky”! I wish I had the original ad I posted on “need a roommate” sites due to it’s “what I don’t want” content!

I finally found one person I felt “good” about meeting and happily she was the only person that came to “check out the place” and also became a friend for life!

She, like me, loved her quiet time but wanted someone semi-normal to live with. She had been in a bad relationship, moved in with family and now wanted to be free of the familial judgment and irritation that can come with it!

We both dated, but often joked we would probably end up being old lady roommates with cats and dogs when we moved into our 3rd residence together.

We had a house with a yard, cats, dogs and she was as OCD about cleaning as I was.

We both respected each other about our “quiet time” but would call each other out if we stayed on the couch for too long (like over a week and you aren’t dying from flu, allergies, stomach bug, surgery or anything else of the like) to touch base and generally keep each other sane.

After a few years  my gypsy spirit kicked in and I decided to move yet again.

This time my adventures led me to the state of Tennessee.

I had some wonderful roommates that I love dearly and are still wonderful friends with to this day.

I married again and had my miracle boy.

It was all so crazy and seem to happen so fast!

I had made peace, to a degree, that I wasn’t able to have children.

My friend, then later husband, and I talked about fertility treatments but honestly I wasn’t sure if I could afford the emotional blow it would cause if we paid out all that money and it didn’t work.

Then a miracle happened. I was pregnant.

We got married and I left my wonderful friends and moved in with him. It may not have been the smartest thing to do since we were such good friends but we thought we could pull it off.

I also knew my enjoyment of “quiet time” was about to be interrupted for a while!

I am not dumb but to my credit I was happy about the arrival of the human I was blessed to help create and carry. I was terrified and happier than I had ever been.

Anyone who has children know from the moment they are born your life of peace and quiet is shattered!

It is not all bad, but that is the truth!

If you’re lucky in the first year, you get “quiet time” when the kid is sleeping and the whole “you nap when they nap” actually happens sometimes because you’re dead on your feet from doing your “normal” chores and work, even if you aren’t caught up on everything you take a nap even if you aren’t a “nap person”! At least I did on occasion!

So “quiet time” shifted but I could still find it.

Life moved on and the boy grew and his dad and I realized that we didn’t need to be married. We had issues with living together and clashed on too many things. We tried counseling and we truly worked on trying to stay together but finally realized we couldn’t stay together “for the sake of the child” because we were both miserable.

So I moved again into my own place right down the road.

My father was going through cancer treatments again and I was a wreck from the emotional strains of worrying about my son, my father and the impending divorce.

I found more “quiet time” than I wanted as my son shares time with his father, which I am grateful for as often times kids get the raw end of the deal when parents are divorcing, but that first few months was Hard.

My “quiet time” was torture to think of all the things going on I had no control over and I miss my son like crazy when he’s gone.

I finally learned to accept his nights and weekends away and to enjoy the precious alone time I had.

During our divorce negotiations and mediation, we ending up deciding to move back to our home state of Alabama as both sets of parents lived here as well as extended family and friends.

It’s funny how you think you won’t move somewhere then you have a child and your whole perspective changes!

I didn’t have a lot of “quiet time” per se due to life and the happenings going on.

My friend whom I had lived with in Georgia, moved in with me to my townhouse after a failed relationship. We were happy to be together again but a bit sad of the circumstances that brought us together. She was great with my son and I once again had my friend with me.

Sadly, she passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack in her sleep.

I was heartbroken and so was Blake.

My aunt had also passed away a few months before and now my son was again losing someone he loved.

I feared there would be more to come but I had no idea how much more.

As I was packing up to move at the beginning of last year I got the call I had been dreading.

Although I had been going back and forth from TN to AL pretty much every weekend, my father had taken a turn for the worse. I threw my bags together and the boy and I set out for the motherland.

We arrived on Friday and my father passed away with our family by his side on Sunday.

I stayed on another week with my mom, family and friends. Funeral arrangements, plans and grief were the world I was in.

I have no idea how my mom made it through with the grace she did, but she is one of the strongest women I know and I have so much love, respect and admiration for her.

Her partner of 45 years had passed and she was hurting like never before, but also shared her journey with my brother and I and our family. It’s never easy when one of the rocks of a family dies, however having the love and support of your family and friends makes it bearable.

I am so blessed to have wonderful friends who while I was gone took care of my animals and also helped pack up my home.

I moved back “home” and in with my mom 2 days shy of one month after my father passed.

5 days after moving back, my beloved fur bebe golden retriever, Jethro a.k.a. Big Love, passed away. See, it did get a bit worse.

We were already grieving and now we grieved another.

Neither mom nor I were sure how things would work out.

I was over 40 with a 3 year old and living with my mom!

Fortunately I was able to transfer with my job and mom and I found out that we not only could live together but enjoyed it in a way we never had before.

We help each other out and one of the things we share is enjoying our “quiet time” or “me time” and help each other find it.

The boy loves living at GiGi’s house with mommy and we talk about Pops, my dad, too. It’s still “their” home but now it’s ours too.

We talk about heaven a lot with the boy because how else are you going to explain so many losses to a 3, now 4 year old? He has Great Wink, Aunt Bicky, Pops and Jethro having parties in heaven and I tend to enjoy his view on it as it eases my sadness to see the world through his eyes.

I know I am fortunate, blessed and pretty darn lucky.

It isn’t always easy but mom and I know we have each other.

Recently she went on a little vacation and the boy went on vacation at the same time.

I forgot about how much I Need and Cherish “quiet time” and me time.

It’s nice to wake up on your schedule, eat cereal for dinner if you want and not have to worry about anyone else.

But you know what? I miss them both! I can’t wait until everyone’s “Home” and the chaos and noise is again filling the house up.

Because as much as I love the quiet time, I miss my family! Noise and all!

Have a fabulously graceless Friday my friends!