Thoughts, beauty and humanity


See the beauty of the sky

Taste the whisper of the lie

Smile upon the innocent child

Keep them safe, the meek and mild

Hold them close

Those you love dear

For life changes

With each passing year

Believe in yourself

And each other

For you see

We are all sisters and brothers

Human beings

We are as one

Shining brightly

Like the sun

 

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I write, I write


I write, I write it’s what I do

I write, I write it may not be for you

I write, I write I cannot stop

I write, I write until I drop

I write, I write I share thoughts of mine

I write, I write to share with human kind

I write, I write now all the world can see

I write, I write I am bit crazy

Take me as I am or walk away


Broken promises

Conditional love

Adoration

Delusions

Judgment

Forever

I am wrong

Your flaws

My flaws

My sins are greater

I’m selfish

It was my fault

Make others pay for anger against me

Selfish

Thoughtless

Then I stood up for me and mine

I said take me as I am or walk away

You walked away

I am strong

I don’t give up

I keep hope alive

I am the Phoenix

I will rise from the ashes

 

 

Falling down but I get back up, sometimes slowly


sometimes find self in middle of nowhere

I fall down and get back up.

I make mistakes and try to learn from them.

I don’t want to get caught in the repetitive cycle of repeat, yet I find myself doing that at times.

It takes more than one cycle for some things to get through my thick skull.

I may get down, I may get depressed but I lose hope.

sometimes life repeats ntil u learn

I may remove myself from people and situations that are toxic for me but I don’t give up. I see it as doing better for me.

People have advice, opinions and “how it should be done” to offer me. I do appreciate some of it. Other opinions not so much.

Ultimately it is up to me to find that place in my mind and soul that holds my peace.

I make some doozy mistakes. I accidentally hurt feelings when I don’t mean too.

I am completely human.

It is during my times of climbing back up that I find who can take me and who can’t. I have learned I am absolutely okay with that.

sometimes people not change mask falls off

If someone can’t accept me for me and handle me when I drop my basket, and I realize sometimes there is a Lot of crap in my basket, then they can’t handle me. I can respect that.

I am not perfect.

I am perfectly me. Fabulous Gracelessness.

Have a fabulous day and Keep Hope Alive!

Wants, needs and desires


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Lately I’ve been observing what I want, what I truly need and the things that I desire in my life.

I have been making a conscious effort to basically pick apart my thoughts, words, actions and deeds. I have been hard on myself as it is a painful thing to do, if I am being honest.

Seeing how I can be or can be perceived can tear at me in such a way it can leave me speechless.

Hearing how I sound at times when I communicate with others, once played back, can be looked upon as poor or plain miscommunication. Either way I know that in several relationships I need to work on conveying how I am feeling, not how I want to feel. Because if I am honest, I don’t often let people in as deep as I am due to the fact that I feel that if they truly saw ME they would run away and I would never hear from them again. It does happen. This I know.

I know that I am working to get my groove back since I started working full time plus outside of the realm of mommy, writer and homemaker diva.

I lost my crown a while back in case anyone was keeping score.

I have flaws but it’s odd that even when I state that for the record, it gets lost until I finally screw up enough that an attempt to toss it back at me ends poorly for all involved. I admit my quirks and imperfections. Take me or leave me but don’t act as if I have hidden them.

One of the things I now work into my life equations is the boy. Parenting is an amazing responsibility.

Before I had him all my thoughts, dreams and impulsions were much easier and I didn’t have to go with the flow I could swim against the current if I chose to do so. I can still swim against the currents, but I have to think about the other life I am responsible for. I have to choose what is not only best for me but him too.

Am I making it harder on me by choosing the easier path? Have I become a cop out?! Only I can answer those questions.

Only I can truly determine what I need versus my wants and desires. Something I do not take lightly. I can’t.

As I do daily, I am examining more closely me.

I try not to be so harsh on myself.

I always keep hope alive!

Fabulous Friday and dreamin’ of a lazy weekend


happy fridayHere is wishing everyone a fabulously, graceful beautiful Friday!

We have finally made it to the end of the week and I just pray that life decides to slow down, breathe, and Hope that Murphy thing eases up a bit!

After 12 days of being “on” this fabulously graceless lady is going to be “off”… and Murphy started it for me so I am just taking a hint!

deserve a medal friday

They boy and I will just chill for a few days.

Sleep, oh blessed sleep, I hope to get much this weekend! I hope to enjoy the hopeful warmer, sunny weather and also sleep! HA!

look at sky how amazing

At least the boy is at the age where he is content watching movies being lazy if he happens to get up before 9! Hey, I’m honest! I make sure he is taken care of but oh I love/need/gotta have some sleep!

So I’m making it through this day with thoughts of family, love, joy, hope and sleep! Because I have hope and I am fabulous! *these are the delusions I tell myself! Sometimes I even believe me!

tgi fabulous

Keep Hope Alive!

 

 

Fabulous Friday and still going


happy friday forget the bad.png

Even though I have to work this weekend, I am so thankful it’s Friday! Celebrate!

It hopefully won’t be as active as this past week and I can maybe not go as much  because this fabulously graceless chick is a wee bit tired.

wk wkend batmans

Sometimes you are expecting things to be hectic and maotic. You expect Murphy to show up and life to change your plans.

What you may not be expecting is so much of it all in a 4 day period! You aren’t expecting the extras, though you should as you know how this game of life works. You definitely didn’t need that little memo about more things to do and people flat out disrespecting others and the cruelty of some.

We made it to Friday! That my friends is why Keep Hope Alive is my mantra. Because even in the storms I will find a silver lining. The phone calls I got to make and talk to those near and dear. The time with the boy, even when he’s having a moment and it’s unpleasant, the full on love and hugs he freely gives. Time with new people and being able to see things from a different perspective. Those moments that can make you stop and have to catch your breath and then plan on how you get through it.

The fact that we woke up this morning and are facing the day. The miracle of something as “simple” as that.

I hope you all have a wonderful and fabulous Friday!

have a beautiful friday

Keep Hope Alive!

Fun, Fabulous and Finally Friday!


Halleluiah it’s Finally Fabulous Friday!

finally friday

It’s not that I don’t have work to do but it’s the hope that I will be “done” when this workday is over. As in, off the clock kind of done. I do love my job but I feel like I have been “on” for two weeks and I guess technically I have. The type of work I do, I get too into it and really need to step away sometimes. It doesn’t mean I won’t still worry, but it means I am not the one who is responsible for our clients and I am not the one on call after 5:00! Carrying the weight of being responsible for someone else’s welfare is stressful.

I can promise you I am not in it for the money because this calling I have to take care of others does not pay as much as my project management job in telecom that I had previously. I love what I do now and before I didn’t love what I did but I needed the paycheck.

When I got laid off due to industry wide layoffs in the fall of 2014, I was a little freaked about not getting a regular paycheck, not counting unemployment for a few months, but I was actually relieved. The stress and the plain meanness of some people in the industry had done me in after only 3.5 years.

It is sad that the industry of taking care of others pays so little. Our daycare workers, teachers and caregivers get paid the lowest amounts yet they are the ones we entrust the very lives of our loved ones with. I know in caregiving in general, even in private pay, the average person can only allot so much for care.

I have families that need someone 24/7 but can only afford 8-10 hours a day. I have people who have no one and just need someone to take them to an medical appointment because you can’t drive yourself if you have anesthesia. I have people who can no longer drive and need someone to take them places. I have others who just need companionship for their loved ones. I have others that should be under medical care but can’t, or won’t, go the extra mile so they get someone to come in and “sit” with their loved one to “help out”.

4 types of people

I work with people who have loved ones who need the care, but want to tell me how it needs to be done and they don’t listen to the person receiving the care of how they want it done. Awkward!

I have employees who don’t show, walk off or quit calling in. I wonder if they would do it if the roles were reversed. I wonder how they made it as long in the industry as they have. I wonder why they ask for work only to turn it down or not show. I question, if I hired them, why I didn’t pick up on those flaws.

One of the people I work with, after talking to me and hearing me answer several other calls and taking care of caregivers and client needs, said, “Well I guess that’s why they pay you the big bucks.” I calmly looked at her and said, “We don’t discuss pay with each other but I can guarantee I am not in this for the money, therefore I am not making the big bucks.” She thought I was offended but I was amused.

Anytime you say the word “manager” in your title it is automatically assumed that you make a lot of money. I am not sure why this is. I do know several management jobs that don’t pay squat and others that pay mega bucks. I am closer to the squat side that the mega side and I am truly okay with that because in my soul I am at peace with what I do every day.

Yes, I love my job but today, I am thankful it is Friday!

never give up

It is a fantastically, fabulous, rainy Friday but we made it!

And all because I always Keep Hope Alive!

 

 

Genderless toy aisles, George Carlin and raising my boy


It seems lately George Carlin is running back through my head again. I like remembering George and all of his rants and insights.

I loved his creativity of being able to convey and articulate his thoughts and views into monologues that were not only hysterically funny, but also made you think.

So often now we have everyone being politically correct so they don’t “offend” groups of people. I understand that some PC is needed; however it really gets out of hand for some things.

A perfect example, in my humble opinion, is the “genderless” toy aisles at Target. No more pink and blue to” jump” out at you as to make you go to one aisle or the other. Now you just wander up and down the aisles looking for that certain toy. I do wonder if they are going to just put a bland background as I still see all the pink Barbie stuff and the My Little Pony sets aren’t exactly oozing with “gender neutral” colors. Neither are the Ninja Turtles or Jurassic World toys. I have to wonder does it really matter?

My son who is 5 and very much a boy will sometimes, when I let him in the toy department, cruise up and down all of the isles of toys as he wants to see what there is. He often stops at the Doc McStuffins section as he loves the show and I have no problem with him imagining being a vet or doctor. It does not matter to me that Doc McStuffins is a girl or that the majority of the toys are pink and it doesn’t matter to him either. We look at everything including the little kid toys. We talk about what he likes and what you

We wander down most of the aisles when I allow him to go into that department. Seriously, when we go to a super Target or if I have to go to Walmart instead of the local grocer, there is no going to check out the toy department unless there is extra time, and there is an agreement sealed in blood that he will not ask for Anything. Period, nothing, nada.

Life is challenging enough and he has to learn you don’t get a treat just for going into a store that sells toys. I don’t get a treat for going to get the basics.

Not to say we don’t have fun or I don’t give him a “treat”,

Here, hold your go-gurt and be happy! Oh look, the good string cheese! You can totally hold that whilst we cruise the store to get the things we need.

We have wants and we have needs.

We do not need a toy. We need milk and cheese. Sometimes we need ice cream so we have that stocked too. It doesn’t mean that he gets ice cream all the time either, or popcorn. Yes we have it if needed, sometimes as a dessert and sometimes just because we want it.

Maybe I see things differently now because of him. I have always tried to be aware of how others are and be considerate of others without leaving out who I am. I admit I now tone myself down a bit. Just a tish, but not too much.

He watches me and studies how I react and view things. It’s kind of freaky and I am still in shock they just let me take him home after I had him. “Here you go! Have fun with him and try not to screw him up too bad!” No manual or instructions. It isn’t easy but it’s worth every second.

I guess that’s why teaching him empathy and compassion are top priority for me. Along with a dash of sarcasm and how to handle it when life isn’t as fabulous as we would like it to be. And always about love. No matter what.

As far as being PC, we will just have to see what the situation is.

And for me, I am always keeping hope alive!

 

sweet sleep


sleep

So many nights I wish for sleep and though my body and being is tired, sometimes exhausted more than usual, I cannot sleep.

I can close my eyes and my mind goes. It’s like a movie that changes from scene to scene every few seconds. Maos.

Sleep restores the body and soul.

Sometimes it is so hard to just slow my mind and make my body completely relax. I get so keyed up and often for no reason. Okay I admit, I do a lot of “my things” at night after everyone is in bed and often my brain is more creative and flexible. I can usually get things done and go right into REM pretty darn quick because I most likely will have to be up for something!

I usually can just fall asleep because I know sleep is precious and it heals and helps me. If a situation calls to be dealt with the next day, I can usually handle what I can and then go to bed and pass out.

mothers no sleep

Maybe it’s one of the side effects of having a child but when he’s sleeping and it’s late and I know I have to get both of us up in the morning, I will sleep. If I know I have to be at work or get something done I go to sleep as early as I can, like by 11-ish cause I am a night owl, because I am Not a morning person.

I can be cordial and polite, heck I can even get things accomplished and be around other people without saying something rude early in the mornings but oh it’s so much easier and better with just a little sleep!

So my wish for everyone today is to get some fabulous sleep in because believe me it’s precious! I need sleep in order to live better!

Keep Hope Alive!

Oh and I put this little gem on my nightstand, a bit of artwork from the boy that just speaks to me!

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