Wants, needs and desires


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Lately I’ve been observing what I want, what I truly need and the things that I desire in my life.

I have been making a conscious effort to basically pick apart my thoughts, words, actions and deeds. I have been hard on myself as it is a painful thing to do, if I am being honest.

Seeing how I can be or can be perceived can tear at me in such a way it can leave me speechless.

Hearing how I sound at times when I communicate with others, once played back, can be looked upon as poor or plain miscommunication. Either way I know that in several relationships I need to work on conveying how I am feeling, not how I want to feel. Because if I am honest, I don’t often let people in as deep as I am due to the fact that I feel that if they truly saw ME they would run away and I would never hear from them again. It does happen. This I know.

I know that I am working to get my groove back since I started working full time plus outside of the realm of mommy, writer and homemaker diva.

I lost my crown a while back in case anyone was keeping score.

I have flaws but it’s odd that even when I state that for the record, it gets lost until I finally screw up enough that an attempt to toss it back at me ends poorly for all involved. I admit my quirks and imperfections. Take me or leave me but don’t act as if I have hidden them.

One of the things I now work into my life equations is the boy. Parenting is an amazing responsibility.

Before I had him all my thoughts, dreams and impulsions were much easier and I didn’t have to go with the flow I could swim against the current if I chose to do so. I can still swim against the currents, but I have to think about the other life I am responsible for. I have to choose what is not only best for me but him too.

Am I making it harder on me by choosing the easier path? Have I become a cop out?! Only I can answer those questions.

Only I can truly determine what I need versus my wants and desires. Something I do not take lightly. I can’t.

As I do daily, I am examining more closely me.

I try not to be so harsh on myself.

I always keep hope alive!

The perceptions of expectations


Expectation. Noun: the act or the state of expecting: to wait in expectation. The act or state of looking forward or anticipating.

Expect. Verb: to look forward to; regard as likely to happen; anticipate the occurrence or the coming of: I expect to read it. I expect him later. She expects that they will come. To look for with reason or justification: We expect obedience.

I have observed how, in my opinion, people place expectations on people and things to a great degree. Their happiness and moods seem to depend on the actions of others or things that we really have no control of.

I, myself, am guilty of putting expectations on people and places/situations/things that I have no control of. Yet I let it control my level of happiness and emotions. Sometimes I get upset that people do not meet up to expectations I believe they should be following. Sometimes I realize this is completely irrational and have to stop and remind myself that I have control of no one, with the exception, somewhat, of the boy and even he is his own being. I expect him to mind, follow directions, show respect and use manners. I also expect him to have an occasional meltdown or act out. He is after all only 5.

However, it seems when it comes to adults, I have to decide if I can live with people not living up to what I “thought” my expectations are of that person. Straight off, people who continually lie or try to bring any harm to me and mine are gone. Sorry, I can’t have that. But what about those “other” expectations that seemed so important in the beginning?

Let me share an example. When I first met a friend of mine we clicked immediately. We did things together, share our lives and had a grand time. She became another “sister” to me. Then I moved across the country. While we spent many hours in each other’s company prior to my moving, she was notorious for not using her phone, losing her phone and forgetting to call. When I moved I don’t know why I thought this would change, because by that point, we had known each other several years and I had already accepted this about her. I realized I could choose to walk away from a friendship or accept the way she was. I chose to keep her. I know I have things about me that she chose to keep me over those things that irritate. I am grateful. We have been “sisters” for nearly 20 years. We have gone through all kinds of life situations, good, bad and plain hellish, yet we have stayed friends because for better or worse. We chose to keep each other. We have both forgotten something that was important to the other and have both chose selfishly at times, yet we work to keep our friendship.

In spite of the “expectations” people have of what friendship should be like, I continue to cherish this valuable friendship in my life. We could both choose to end our friendship, but why would we when it is a treasure to have someone who truly cares and has your best interest? She has a spouse, child and family who is also there. Yet she keeps me around. Most likely for entertainment but we find each other hysterically funny and definitely find something of value in each other.

Oftentimes I find that I am not living up to expectations of others. Sometimes I realize it and will talk to the person about it. Other times I have no idea I have even “messed up.” Many times it is miscommunication or misunderstandings. Rarely do I loose friends. I see it as life is precious and the humans in this life are a part of something larger than just us. Each and every one of us are different. We all have different thoughts, feelings and beliefs. I do not agree with everything my friends and family do or say nor do they agree with everything I do or say. Yet we still choose to be around each other. We choose to continue to have relationships with each other, even when it can be hard.

I believe we choose to change those “expectations” because we love that person enough to know that we want them as a part of our life, even with the craziness, no matter what it may be.

We change our perception of what our expectations are because we don’t want to lose someone special to us over something we may not agree with or even like, but the overall person is most definitely worth it.

It may be worth taking a look at your perceptions and weighing it against the overall picture.

Sometimes, expectations are way over-rated!

I hope y’all have a fabulous day!

Keep Hope Alive!