Be a better me, be a better friend…. just BEing better


friendship muhammad ali

In trying to be a better human being I have been working on me. How I react to situations, how I try to stop my mind and listen to another person, how I come across, how to have more patience and be more compassionate, how I work like hell to control my facial expressions and responses… barely over half-way into the first of 12 months and I will say some things are going fabulously well. Using my focus word/s – creative and creativity – I am viewing life from different perspectives and handling things better. In other areas I completely suck. I won’t go so far as to say complete failure but there are a few things I have let slip by that I should have already gotten done.

So here’s a newsflash, Fabulous Gracelessness is not always so fabulous. I am human and I am flawed.

Fortunately for me, so is pretty much everyone else I know. No one is immune to being flawed. No one is “perfect”. It takes some of the stress off of me, yet I still aim to be better. But definitely Not perfect.

Nope, I can’t hit that note nor am I even gonna try!

I have found those people I connect with are those people who get me and accept me for who I am. Fabulously, flaky faults and all.

The reason this works is because I accept them too.

friend weird yep i like this one

It’s a two-way street.

Let’s not get things twisted, we all have irritations and things that may or may not drive the other crazy, but it’s those very things we chose to accept about the other person. It’s saying I accept this about you and I will not hold it against you. I know you don’t do this and I don’t like that but we accept each other and respect each other. For all of the things we have in common, the differences that complement each other and the things that we don’t have to agree with but the person means more than this flaw. It isn’t a “deal-breaker”.

That level of trust and friendship. The partnerships with other human beings. That is hands down one of the coolest things about this life experience is those we share this journey with and how those relationship play out.

I have people in my life that have known me since birth and those first 10 years on the planet, to junior high and high school friends, my 20’s, 30’s and I keep finding friends. It’s just how I am. I collect people but not in the body-in-the-freezer kind of way.

frienships never change

I am fortunate in those relationships that have withstood time and situations just as I am blessed to have those new or reconnected folks in my world.

One of the things I am doing is making sure I get to get in touch and actually see some of these amazing people, my people. There are some that I don’t get to see due to distance or psycho schedules, but that I can at least talk to more on the phone.

See, it’s because I never lose hope. Keep Hope Alive. It’s my motto and it is such a part of me and who I am.

keep hope alive keeps you alive

Each day I get a little better. Each day I find my own flaws. Each day I am happy to be alive.

Have a fabulous day!

 

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Happy Veterans Day – Go Thank a Veteran for your Freedom!


ty veterans

Today is a day that we should all stop and thank our Veterans. We should give thanks daily, but especially today. We need them to hear and know that we are thankful to their service as well as all they continue to give as a result of that service for our freedom.

freedom

Because of Veterans I am able to write about anything that I want without persecution from the law.

Because of Veterans I am allowed to live freely, and as a woman, without fear of retribution walking outside my home and being about to go where ever I please. I can vote, work, volunteer and be respected as a member of the community.

I raise my son knowing he has great men and women to inspire him because they chose to live their lives for the freedom of others. I can teach him and he can/will/does learn of others who sacrificed their time, their families and even their very lives so that he could be free.

veterans day poem

Recently he asked me why we recite the Pledge of Allegiance. I told him that people had fought and died for us to have that right and so we would be free and they continue to fight and die. I told him every time you place your hand over your heart and say the pledge, it’s like talking to God and it was a time to be respectful and reflect on your freedoms and be thankful.

pledge of allegiance

I told him he was free to play and learn and grow without fear of his family being taken from him, wrongly accused or killed because we have a justice system. It may have flaws but I have to teach him about these things. He was free because of our Veterans. When I walk up and thank a soldier in uniform he sees that. He is starting to better understand why I walk up to a complete stranger and say, “Thank you.” I am a parent and I see it as my duty not only to myself and my son, but to our country and our Veterans.

some gave all

He understands that Veterans are “regular” looking people. His great grandfather, great uncles, grandfather, father, uncles, some cousins and friends (male and female) are Veterans. He is also starting to “understand” more of what it is to be a Veteran and the cost of service.

I want to Thank All of the Veterans in my life from the bottom of my heart.

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my first Veteran, my Papa – Merchant Marines 1942/3

Thank you to any Veteran who may be reading my post.

Please know there are many of us civilians out here who truly are grateful for all that you do and have done. And we are also teaching our children and the younger generation to respect and understand what you so selflessly gave up for our freedom.

Bless you All and have a Fabulous Day!

Keep Hope Alive

 

 

A Sunday well spent, reflecting and just being


sunday well spent

Greeting and a fabulously happy Sunday to you all!

I hope that you are having a most excellent, relaxing, enjoyable, semi stress free day!

It can be so hard to “relax” and take it easy when you have so many responsibilities, things to do and people to see. People you want to see and some you don’t get to see as often as you would like. Plus, there are also the reminders in the back of my head to ready myself for the upcoming week and all that it brings. Sometimes the hardest part is just allowing myself to relax, enjoy and be in the moment because I tend to keep planning for things to do. It’s in the vein of “stop and smell the roses” and take time to just enjoy where you are right this minute. Not constantly being in motion like I tend to try and do.

This past weekend my body chose to make me “stop” and I had to realize I needed to just smell the roses or suffer the consequences of not taking care of myself like I gripe to others about doing! It’s frustrating when you want to do things and you just can’t. You make sure your get your main chores and duties done but anything else is a bonus at this point, even it if needs to be addressed. Sometimes you just can’t get it done. Guess what? That is OK. You will live, the earth will still turn and life will go on. Your family, friends and loved ones will understand that life happens and not always the way that you would hope for it to be.

I was originally going to write about reading the Sunday paper, of which I finally finished last Sunday’s paper on Friday, and how it can be so revealing to learn more about what is going on in your community and state. Lord have mercy I love my state but sometimes I wonder what the politicians are thinking. Are we really going back 50-ish years on certain issues? The pulse here today echoes strangely to the beat in ways as it did back in the 1960’s. Once again my home state is under public scrutiny, and rightfully so, for their stance on segregation and choosing to follow they laws through their own interpretation. Seriously. It makes me cringe.

Several months back I received a phone call about race and segregation and if I felt things were better, worse or unchanged than they were in the past. It was a poll call and I enjoyed talking to the lady who was asking my true opinion. I was my honest self. I told her I could see improvement for the better, however it wasn’t enough and I saw more disrespect from others than I stupidly thought I would see when I moved back to my home state last year. That on the surface it seems like people are more tolerant and understanding of one another and that there was more compassion for our fellow human, but I realized far too quickly that that was sadly an illusion. You can bet I have added it to my “topics” to be written on!

dont quit daydream

I am very blessed in my life to be surrounded by so many amazing humans from so many diverse backgrounds. True, quality folks that accept me and I them for who they are no matter what. These amazing humans are around the state, a state or two away, across the country and across the seas. When I say I am blessed I truly mean it. I have been able to have some of the most amazing relationships with people on so many different levels. It transcends “friendship” in so many cases. We don’t see color, flaws and short comings as “deficits” in each other, but openly discuss and talk about real life and more about building each other up than tearing each other down. We can’t always talk but when we do we pick up right where we left off, flowing smoothly into what works for us. I work to do this in every area of my life. It is not always easy. I am my own worst critic of how I should be versus how I am.

But I never give up and I always Keep Hope Alive!

And I pray to the few of you that are kind enough to read my ramblings, that you have a fabulously graceful Sunday. That you find an inner happiness and a joy in the moment. Whether it be just sitting and reading and relaxing or spending time alone or with those you love. Just find a bit of beauty. Never give up of this adventure of life. ALWAYS KEEP HOPE ALIVE!!!

lion graceful

Texting can be evil and annoying when it’s the only way you can communicate


Let’s pretend for a moment that you are having a conversation with someone through text. Let me interject my opinion here and say texting is challenging, can be misconstrued and anything lengthy should be kept for email, unless you are communicating with someone who that is the easiest method for them and you know you can get a response from them immediately.

Let’s keep pretending that there are 5 topics you addressed in this text. Then there are 6 and the 6th one is the one you didn’t see giving you any issue with. It wasn’t even on your main topics but came up when you sent the main text covering things to be taken care of. You address #6 and then ask about the main issues, just say even 1-3. Number 6 is brought up Again. Seriously.

It is at this point I am so glad I am not having a conversation with this person. As I make sure the boy isn’t around I am screeching at the phone yelling unladylike and foul words at the phone because I do not want to engage this person in an argument. Yet they are trying to drag me into one because they can’t do the very basics and care about the first topics I was referring to. The reason, you big jerk, that you keep bringing up number 6 is because you can’t see past your own selfishness and understand the other things you don’t care about, are why you have the issues with the one thing you do.

Some people will try to find fault and start fighting over their own bitterness or guilt. As adults we have to move past our emotions when there is business to take care of. Not that our emotions don’t play into the business, but we have to remember that we are supposed to be mature, responsible adults. The only way to resolve problems is to discuss it openly. Lay it out on the table. Yes there will be debates, disagreements and possible misunderstandings. But if you Listen to the other person, put your personal feelings aside and work to make a situation better, it will get better. You can resolve so many problems by open communication back and forth. Respecting the other person is one of the key aspects. You don’t even have to like them.

But you have to be willing to work with them and respect them enough if you are going to get anything accomplished. Business, personal or otherwise unless you can communicate. Both sides. All you have to do is be mature about it. Unfortunately some cannot be mature, no matter what their age is.

Hence my mini “pretend” rant. And for the record I didn’t get any responses to 1-5 yet, but I will.

So I hope that this day is fabulous in some way for you. For you to be able to take a breath, a few minutes to listen and work to be respectful to others. No matter what the situation always keep hope alive! And for the love of Pete be cautious when texting!

 

 

 

 

I ended up watching the Republican Presidential Debates – just wow


So I chose to watch some of the Republican Presidential debate. Oh wow. It is a scary thing to view but there seems to be a common thread, they don’t like Hillary Clinton or too many members of the Democratic Party!

Since Fabulously Gracelessness is not wanting to get into a political debate or have folk bash me let me say I am just doing my research for the upcoming elections.

I am watching “the weeding” earlier than I think I have watched in a long time. I am totally fascinated. Of course I had to share my thoughts and observations.

I am the first to admit I do not know all the facts about everything that is going on in this world, nor all of the players who are running for the office of the President of the United States.

I do try to read up and learn more about world issues as well as problems and issues in our own country and my home state.

Watching the debate it is interesting to see how these men and the one woman respect each other, or not. They all cut each other off at times but how it is done and the words they use is different depending who they are addressing, snubbing or if they agree with another candidate, how they respond to them. Their body language and eye contact speaks volume of the person inside. It’s entertaining to see some of them gang up on others. Like they will leap frog over one, a wolf in sheep’s clothing agreeing, smiling, talking nice before they attempt their aggression and sparring amongst themselves. I enjoy watching the ones who can shut the others ones down. I like hearing the ones who truly know what is going on and seem to be respectful to those they are running against.

Of course before I write anything I have to fact check and do a bit of research. So I pulled up the website 2016.republican-candidates.org and the site had crashed. Seriously, so many people were looking it up apparently the site couldn’t handle the traffic, so I went to my trusty Wikipedia. I looked up the people who are running on the republican side, they were on the TV so it’s not like I am disregarding the Democratic Party candidates they were just not on at the moment. After reading about them and watching tonight I have a feeling I will be keeping a close eye on this election.

It’s fascinating to see how some people truly think they have a chance. For some of them I would love to see them get closer, if nothing else to be able to prove their worth or show their true colors. While others I feel are wasting time and shoving out people who may have otherwise had a shot.

I have laughed out loud at some and shouted at others. Seriously I wonder what medication a few were on. My 5 year old tells stories I can follow better than some of the folks running for our country’s highest office. At least follow the path from point A to point B. At first I thought it was me not understanding the topic, however the looks of the other candidates and the commentator made me feel better about that person having no idea what they were talking about.

We live in a scary world. I am raising my child in this world. I was enchanted by politics in my younger years, but was also somewhat rebellious citing “my vote doesn’t count”. I also did not moan and complain about our President like a lot of people did. I still participated in the states and communities lived in but when it came to national matters, I stayed quiet. I have voted in the last 4 elections and still don’t feel like my vote “matters” as much but I feel like I have done something more to help better society by raising my voice and saying “this is my opinion and this person is the closest match to how I feel about things.” Sadly I do feel like I can only chose the lesser of the two evils.

I remember how I would get so excited with the possibilities of the candidates and then when the final election came to pass I felt cheated. Even if the person I voted for (whether locally or nationally) won, I still felt like the ones who would have done a better job were shut out and shut down early on.

2 of the candidates are in my age bracket. That was such a sobering moment for me I actually had a few sips of an adult beverage!

I know I am an adult and I know that this is a possibility but to see it and hear it from the mouths of my generation kind of put a different perspective on things for me.

I have been more active in my community and state in a broader capacity than I ever was before. Maybe it’s my age or the fact I now have a child who will be living in the world we help mold, I don’t know but it scares the hell out of me. I now understand how my parents and grandparents felt and why it could get so volatile in conversations between the Democrats and Republicans in my family.

When in conversations with people I tread very, very lightly on the topic of politics and religion. I have seen first-hand how innocent comments can start heated debates. I have seen people who were friends look at each other with complete disgust due to their opinions and beliefs. It’s just as bad as Alabama and Auburn football feuds but on a bigger scale.

We ALL have different opinions, beliefs and feelings. Some are more personal than others. The problem is we forget our manners, as do politicians, and begin the judging and mudslinging more suited to high school than running for the office of President of the United States.

Maybe as I age I am more cynical but I am not sure that is it.

I truly do have hope. I continue my motto of Keep Hope Alive.

Sometimes hope is all we have.

I am sure I will have a few more thoughts on these topics as the elections continue.

I will keep watching the “weeding” following up to the primaries. It is always interesting and entertaining. Also a bit scary.

Keep Hope Alive!

Have a wonderfully fabulous day my graceless friends.

Sunday Reflections


sun 8 2 15

As I sit staring out at the beauty of the country side I pause to reflect.

If think of where I have been and where I am going.

I wonder what will happen next.

Life is so full of surprises you never know what is coming.

Some are good and some are plain awful.

I needed to reboot and recharge my mind, body and soul.

I know I recently went to the beach for family vacation, however once I returned and got a job and started working again, I realized how crazy busy I am.

I love it dearly.

I love spending time with my son, my family and friends.

But sometimes I need a time out.

So when I was offered a chance to stay at a friend’s country cottage for the weekend, you can bet I jumped at the chance.

I love being totally surrounded by nature.

I am far enough off the main road that you really don’t hear too many cars.

At night the sky is lit up only from the moon and the heavens.

I bathed in the light of the blue moon.

I slept in and woke up to come out onto the porch with my coffee to watching the humming birds and squirrels.

I hear no one.

I kept my communication very limited so that I can just be in my mind.

Sometimes I just need to drop out.

With the boy visiting family, I decided I would drop out for a few days.

It is bliss, but I miss my boy.

So while I soak up the moon rays, the sunshine and the sounds of nature, I will plan for my re-entry back into the maos.

But for now, I will enjoy just being.

As the sun sinks on another beautiful Alabama day, I bid you a fabulous Sunday my graceless friends!

sun 8 2 15 b

 

 

 

My lifetime love of books and reading


I love to read.

I love to read just about anything really.

When I don’t read I feel like I am lost.

A ship set adrift on an ocean of silence.

I can get lost in a book.

Yes a real, honest to God book with paper pages.

I do read on the computer, the kindle, my smarter-than-me phone and iPad.

I still enjoy the newspaper and magazines.

But a book is what can calm me.

Can make me loose myself for hours. Days.

I get so caught up in them I feel as though I am a part of another world.

I find my moods sometimes run the course of the characters while I am reading.

So reading something soul scathing or “horrifying” can twist my mind.

My train of thought never strays far from the pages I am reading and I find myself talking and thinking in the manner of the characters I absorb.

No I don’t get all psycho crazed serial killer, motherless, faithful, happy human on people… like I said I read a bit of everything!

But I can’t help but wonder how they would think, talk or react in situations or conversations I am in.

It’s like they become real.

Maybe it’s because I started reading at such a young age.

My imagination took me to magical places. Dark places. Places most of my friends didn’t visit mostly due to the things I learned in the books I read.

I read The World Book Encyclopedias and others of the same genre because I had access to them.

Before the internet I remember sneaking into the adult section in the library.

Not to read the love stories or the erotica, though I did read those, but to real the real life stories they didn’t necessarily allow in the kids section.

It’s like they wanted to hide us from the realities of life.

I remember reading Amityville Horror when I was around 12. I had to hide it because I would have bad dreams and it was definitely not something this 12 year old girl needed to be reading with my vivid imagination! I remember I would jump when the house would creak. I was a rebel hiding my books so I wouldn’t get in trouble!

It was close to the time when the original “Poltergeist” movie came out. Yeah, I totally freaked myself out! Between that and Cujo I was definitely on my way to loving horror movies and books were something I could do anytime and almost anyplace.

I learned to read in the car to tune out my brother.

When I got in trouble and had to go to my room I read.

Can’t watch TV? Read a book.

I can actually say I read more than I watch TV.

I went years without cable only watching the occasional movie and TV at friend’s homes. This was when I was an adult!

I also have no choice but to finish a book. I can’t not finish. Maybe it’s my OCD or maybe it’s because I started it and I have to finish it. Even when it’s horrible writing and painful to get through I have to finish.

When I read I learn. I look up things that I don’t understand and still have a dictionary, not dictionary.com, to look up words if I am unsure of the meaning.

Some call me odd and that’s ok.

I would rather read than talk to people some days!

I urge you to read something.

An article, a book, whether printed on paper or electronic reading just read!

In enriches your world!

Have a fabulously graceless day!

 

Judge Me


Judge Me.

Please.

Point out my flaws.

I know them much more intimately than you ever will.

I know their origins, their beginnings from before my existence.

Point out the error of my ways.

How you think I wronged you so empirically that I am beneath you.

That you are superior and have no flaws.

My faults, yes they are many.

You could fill volumes with my sins.

Pointing that one accusing finger at me while you forget 4 are pointing back at you.

Who are You to judge me?

I just want to know.

I have committed no “crimes” yet you decide to play jury and Judge to sections of my life you deem are not up to your standards or are wrong to you.

Unlike you I will admit them. Apologize when needed. I will work to not make them again. I continue to improve upon myself.

Unlike you.

So please, Judge Me.

 *My “observations” on those who judge others are it seems to trend that those who are the loudest and more often those who have great pain and suffering within themselves. They tend to see the flaws in you than run far deeper in themselves, and it scares them to even admit to it a little bit, because that would mean they are not as perfect as they perceive themselves to be. That would be tragic. So they judge others.

This is only my observation.

So Cheers My Graceless Friends!

 

Courting Nostalgia


Currently I am courting nostalgia of only 2 short years ago.

I had dropped an email into the wrong file and I clicked onto another file, still not the right one but this was much, much better.

I tumbled into my memories from where I was and what was happening in my life.

I stepped back into a world where my loved ones had not departed this plane and my big love dog was loping around the house to dance party time. The boy was yet to be potty trained and I was on the wild ride of life.

I was learning how to be a single parent.

I was employed and one of my best friends and I had reunited for another go as roomies.

I was preparing to head north for our yearly trek for the annual pig roast at my sister’s home.

I was driving back and forth from Tennessee to Alabama to spend time with my family, my parents, and my daddy.

So much of my life felt like it was on hold or in a holding pattern due to circumstances beyond my control.

Two years doesn’t seem like long but now seems like a lifetime.

I dig deeper into my memories.

I remember laughing hysterically with my roomie, my boy, big dog and the kitties.

She taught the boy goofy games and silly things to do and how to eat with clothespins.

I remember going to the lake with my family and watching my son and my daddy “fish” together. The boat ride we went on and how I knew that time was precious and I took none of it for granted.

I remember the trip to Pennsylvania with 3 adults and a kid in diapers and how we laughed so hard we cried and even had to pull over, a flawlessly executed maneuver in major traffic, so my girl could get sick and then felt better. Our trip was sorely needed and I got to see my sister, brother in law, niece and nephew along with the rest of my Yankee family.

No I did not take this for granted. Not one minute of the time.

The movies in my mind of this time of my life seem almost like old black and whites now.

I allow them all to wash over me and assault me for I will never forget them.

I hold them close to my heart, these precious memories.

For you see, my wonderful roomie passed away peacefully, but unexpectedly in her sleep one night. I still miss my sister and the woman who was tiny yet impossibly strong and would give you the clothes off her back and help anyone who needed it.

My strong daddy, my rock, finally lost his brave battle to the insidious cancer that ravaged his body in the end. I miss him daily and sometimes so much that it pains me physically.

Big Love aka Jethro aka our fur bebe doggy passed because it was just his time.

My career path has changed along with my state of residence.

My son is now well potty trained along with growing up to no longer be considered by son as my “little” boy.

One of my happy constants is our annual pilgrimage to PA for the pig roast with my sister and the Yankees.

But as I dip my toes into the memories of my past I remember the happiness, the conversations, and the love.

I pull from my family and friends, old and new, and new again.

I harness the love, hope and prayers and I make it through another day.

I watch my boy grow into a young man, slowly but it’s happening far faster than I would like.

So I slide back into this warm pool of my past.

I close my eyes and hear the laughter, the advice, feel the love and happiness, taste the worry but always I keep hope alive.

The bridge from then to now is my hope.

Have a fabulous Sunday!

 

Moments


At times I feel only have stolen moments.

There are moments I give to others

Some are obligations I give freely

Others are obligations I begrudgingly oblige

Some are wanted

Many are not

Some are unexpected

Those are both happy and sad

Good and bad

Ecstasy and terror

Moments

Brief or long it is all we have

I often forget how to give to myself

Moments I need to breathe

Moments I need for my sanity

Mere moments

Yet they yearn for more

Clamor for my precious moments

I try and I fail

I disappoint

Them, myself I am disappointment

Steal them

Take them

Rip them from me

Mere moments in time

What more do I have to give but moments?

I hope you all have fabulous moments today!