The Knitting Circle


“Will the circle be unbroken Bye and bye Lord, bye and bye There’s a better home awaiting In the sky Lord, in the sky”

 I haven’t sat in a knitting/crocheting circle in at least 30 years.

I had forgotten the fun and comradery of the ladies in these groups.

It’s more than just about knitting a scarf, hat or gloves.

It’s about sharing time together.

Everyone is genuinely friendly and seem to care about the others and their lives.

They all love a project and love to share what they are doing.

They even give you instructions on how to do this!

How do I know this you ask?

Because this week I officially became a part of one of the best knitting guilds around.

And the best part is I am just learning how to knit!

I thoroughly enjoyed taking the lady I am caring for to her group.

I thought I would sit away from the group and write or read.

However I was introduced and the conversations started did not stop!

Somehow within 45 minutes of my being there, I was handed a pair of knitting needles and told to “follow her”. Her being the lovely lady who was in charge of the group. She led me into another room with a closet that held boxes and boxes of yarn.

I was told to “pick one” and the one that “spoke to me.”

 knitting

I am so thrilled!

We are making items for the Salvation Army and I will now be contributing a scarf!

For the record I will be going once a week with “Miss Candy” as it seems I am now a part of this lovely group.

Pictographs of knitting has been found on cave walls and the walls in the temples of ancient Egypt.

It has been around for thousands of years.

I learned so much from these ladies who were knitting for various reasons, a baby blanket, scarves for others and self, fingerless gloves and a few other items I did not get to examine yet.

These ladies are magical with their hands, two needles and a ball of yarn!

I somewhat feel like I am back in school as I was sent home with my starter knitting, my needles, yarn and bless them, written instructions for the most basic scarf!

They were so patient in teaching me and honestly, every one of the 14 ladies present made a point to tell me hello and say they are thrilled to see “the younger generation” taking a shine on an art that some feel is dying out.

I can see what they mean.

Home Economics used to teach knitting, cooking and home making.

Now there is “culinary arts” but not a lot of knitting and home making.

Schools don’t want to look as if they are not with the times and I get that. I really do.

But when they are cutting funding for basic things like physical education and how to live, not just sex education, they are in a way cutting off the very fiber of what has been taught for generations.

Sitting in the knitting group I fit in.

No matter what my age is, I am with kindred souls.

Knitting is good for the soul.

You can knit pretty much anywhere you can read a book which was always my escape.

But a bonus is you can talk and knit if you like. For someone like me this is a wonderful thing to keep my hands busy and my mouth busy at the same time too!

I get another lesson on Friday when I take Miss Candy to another appointment and you can bet I am looking forward to it.

I hope you all have a fabulous Wednesday!

Judge Me


Judge Me.

Please.

Point out my flaws.

I know them much more intimately than you ever will.

I know their origins, their beginnings from before my existence.

Point out the error of my ways.

How you think I wronged you so empirically that I am beneath you.

That you are superior and have no flaws.

My faults, yes they are many.

You could fill volumes with my sins.

Pointing that one accusing finger at me while you forget 4 are pointing back at you.

Who are You to judge me?

I just want to know.

I have committed no “crimes” yet you decide to play jury and Judge to sections of my life you deem are not up to your standards or are wrong to you.

Unlike you I will admit them. Apologize when needed. I will work to not make them again. I continue to improve upon myself.

Unlike you.

So please, Judge Me.

 *My “observations” on those who judge others are it seems to trend that those who are the loudest and more often those who have great pain and suffering within themselves. They tend to see the flaws in you than run far deeper in themselves, and it scares them to even admit to it a little bit, because that would mean they are not as perfect as they perceive themselves to be. That would be tragic. So they judge others.

This is only my observation.

So Cheers My Graceless Friends!

 

Another fun manic Monday


Just another manic Monday here in my graceless world!

I hope you are all having a lovely Monday and you remember to Keep Hope Alive!

Today will be a full, fun, learning kind of day with more than I should do but knowing how I am will do!

It’s so nice to be among the land of the occasional paycheck again, even if it’s dribblings it’s steady-ish dribblings and gives me the hope I need to keep moving forward!

I never know what kind of curves are coming but I am ready!

I am on countdown to less than 10 days before I am with my sister from another mister, family and those Yankees I have claimed as mine!

view on hoppe valley

The first pig roast I was preggo with the boy!

b in belly pig roast

Now he is all about running wild and the pig itself, which is beyond yummy along with the multitude of food we will all consume!

cooked pig

I will be driving with the boy and my co-pilot to TN to meet up with more famriends and then it’s all the way to PA baby!

Boy howdy will that be a fun ride! NOT!

It will be filled with entertainment but it is hella long. Sorry to offend but it is a true Road Trip. My Jeep, the Blue Bunny, is getting groomed and checked for the adventure.

Can anyone tell I get excited about this?!

Not to mention I now have my new contacts and glasses will be in this week!

I feel like singing, “It’s a whole new world!” out loud instead of just in my head while wearing them!

Plus I cleaned the windows in the jeep so today’s view will be fabulous!

They give a whole new meaning to sharpness and clarity!

I feel like that is a good way of looking at things on the positive spin of the maos (chaos and mayhem) of my life!

I have been seeking a clarity and working on sharpening my focus and it is not only happening, but paying off!

I worked my booty off yesterday cleaning house and organizing and playing with the boy in between.

I mean I got on a “I feel the need to do all of the laundry in the house just because” and so I did. Yes my OCD went a little overboard as you can see below!

laundry

It and the laundry room are now clean and pristine!

I am always trying to catch up and do more so that I can rest and play every once in a while.

I work harder for a day or two off but now that I’m working for myself and my freelancing, I don’t feel guilty by actually not doing any work on my days off.

Before I would feel like I needed to do “something” or else I was just being lazy!

Crazy I know but also a part of my OCD I have been working on.

Now I am working out better time management and finding ways to not feel the guilt because I don’t do some sort of work when I declare I am taking a day off!

One could truly loose one’s mind with the continuance of this kind of behavior!

I will sign off for now but want to wish Everyone a Fabulous Monday!

So much to do, so much to live, so much to be thankful for!

Always keep hope alive my friends!

 

Moments


At times I feel only have stolen moments.

There are moments I give to others

Some are obligations I give freely

Others are obligations I begrudgingly oblige

Some are wanted

Many are not

Some are unexpected

Those are both happy and sad

Good and bad

Ecstasy and terror

Moments

Brief or long it is all we have

I often forget how to give to myself

Moments I need to breathe

Moments I need for my sanity

Mere moments

Yet they yearn for more

Clamor for my precious moments

I try and I fail

I disappoint

Them, myself I am disappointment

Steal them

Take them

Rip them from me

Mere moments in time

What more do I have to give but moments?

I hope you all have fabulous moments today!

 

Life throws you curves


Sometimes life throws you curve balls and you expect it.

It still rocks you but you stand pretty firm.

Then sometimes there are those curve balls you were not expecting.

The ones that rock you to the core and leave you going, “What just happened?!”

It’s funny how an email and phone call can change your world in amazing ways you did not see coming in a million years.

Not long ago I wrote about how I have to get through a situation to get over it.

I had pull away from a situation with a friend who had stepped outside of reality for a bit.

Not that I blamed them, I just couldn’t follow their anguish and destruction down that particular rabbit hole.

I stepped away.

It seems like that was ages ago.

So many things have happened in life but I never forgot the core of that person and how good they could be. I couldn’t forget how much fun we have and how we enjoy each other’s company.

Then randomly I got an email that moved me to my core.

I knew deep down in my soul that I could no longer stay away.

I had to know if they too had been able to get through and over the hurdles of their own demons.

I called and ended up on the phone talking for an hour.

Then I got another email this morning that surprised me regarding possible employment. A friend that my friend felt I would really bond with who needed someone like me.

I received a phone call and instantly adored the lovely lady I talked too.

Bonus is I have an interview which is more like a formality due to our shared passion of helping others.

Proceeding on with my day in a better than average mood I went to my eye appointment.

I don’t think I have ever had so much fun and girl bonding at a “doctor’s appointment’!

It seems my vision has deteriorated a bit but I can still get the contacts I want but had to get new glasses due to the vision issues.

They are so cool and I can’t wait! I will be so happy to see clearly again and will definitely put up a photo or two!

My life is coming into sharper focus and now I will be able to actually see sharper and better!

After several hours I finally left and went to watch the boy do his karate thing. Since he is with his father, I went and had dinner with an old friend.

It ended up being one of those dinners that is a conversation that just keeps going. You don’t want it to end because you can’t believe that you found each other again, especially after the trauma of the past, and here you are together because you were both able to move through and past. Filling each other in on what we missed in each other’s lives and sharing those inside jokes you thought had been buried in the trunk in the attic are the stuff happiness is made of.

I got to ride in a convertible, and oh what a fabulous ride it was, with the top down, wind in my hair and just that feeling of freedom! The joy of the open road, no words needed because you’re on the same page and you can feel the universe smile.

So I have to say it was a good day.

I hope your day is fabulous too!

Here’s hoping for a fabulous week my friends!

Keep Hope Alive!

 

The beach is in my soul


At the time this article goes out I will have officially been gone from the beach for at least nearly 20 hours… almost a full day.

I will have woke with my last view of the beach for a while.

Of course I will photograph it but often I don’t need the visual reminders. Not of this place.

I always walk out onto the balcony, look around and then close my eyes and breathe it all in.

balcony view

The sights, the smell, the endless ocean with all of its vast adventures.

The Life.

I can be anywhere, any room, any situation and just Stop.

I can smell it. The salt and sand and tropical smells.

I can feel it. The breeze blowing off the Gulf of Mexico caressing my skin. Rain or shine it feels so different, so alive.

I can see it in my mind. I can close my eyes and see all hours of the day or night here.

For all of my existence I have come to this place.

feet beach

This body of water.

The beaches along the Gulf Coast have helped shape who I am as a human being.

As I am sure they have shaped thousands before, even now and after I am gone.

I’ve seen the sun rise, mid-day and setting sun. I have sat on the beach from dawn til dusk and dusk til dawn.

I have slept on the beach.

I have played in this ocean and learned of the creatures that live here and respect them. Even if I am not fond of some of them this is their home. Their space.

I have walked these shores with the ones I love and those that are no longer here with me to walk in the surf or sit in the sand and stare out at the beauty.

But here I feel so close to them.

I feel close to all of those I love and care for.

I love sharing this Oneness of everything with my boy.

beach crab catchin

My amazing miracle that constantly blows my mind and fills me with love.

He reminds me of this place.

We came from this place.

The place where I am close to everything, call it God, the Universe, all of those things we cannot articulate into words but its right there.

It is where I can and do find my soul. I nourish it.

I find it and I replenish my being.

And I can come anytime I want.

I just have to remember the way.

This time, I know that I have found it.

I will not forget it.

Life is too precious to let myself forget this and how to mend my soul.

pier balcony view

 

A day of rest


 day of rest

Growing up I was taught Sunday is a day of rest.

Growing up in the south, Sunday was reserved for church and family.

Friends would come by for a big lunch or maybe an afternoon visit, but we were pretty low key on our Sunday’s.

I remember every spring our church would give us kites in the spring.

We always looked forward to this day because we would get to fly our kites after lunch.

It was a Sunday where my brother and I were guaranteed the adults would “play” with us outside because it was a yearly tradition.

Now days Sundays are “just another day” for so many.

I remember when there weren’t any businesses opened on Sundays. Maybe a grocery store or two and of course restaurants.

When the mall decided to open on Sundays it was not until 1:00 PM and at the time several people were outraged that you could shop on Sundays.

In the Bible belt, Sundays were for church.

You went to church, came home had a big lunch, maybe a nap and then went back to church that evening. Sometimes you spent all day at church.

For me personally, I still try to make it a day of rest.

Sometimes I take the boy to church and then we have lunch together.

I always try to find fun things for us to do together.

Anything from fishing, drawing to even watching a movie together – time just together bonding. Just spending time being.

So many people seem to forget this basic human need.

minion day of rest

You don’t have to spend money and do all of these adventurous things to bond and just be together.

You just need to truly enjoy spending time with another human being. Quality time together.

This life is too short and relationships are so precious.

Why not take one day each week to truly enjoy this life?

Whether with others or yourself.

Take a little time off to recharge or just rest up before the week starts up and the chaos begins again.

I hope you all have a happy, fabulous Sunday!

day of rest 2

 

Hiding Out


 kid behind tree

I see you there.

Hiding out.

Hiding from me.

From everyone.

Right out in plain sight you stand.

Trying so hard to pretend you aren’t there.

Trying to pretend that your illness doesn’t exist.

Doesn’t show.

You talk and act as though nothing is wrong.

You’re the life of the party.

The one who’s always “helping” out.

Your stories are filled with all You do and Your life.

How You are Always the one “everyone” turns to.

Your adventures.

It’s always about you.

Yet you hide out when things get tough.

You hide from the confrontation.

You hide from the truth of what has taken over you.

You hide.

kitty hiding

You think that I do not see but I do.

You can keep on hiding out.

I will keep on knowing.

Because I promise you.

You aren’t the first and you won’t be the last.

I just hope you will get the help you need.

I hope you will find the way to your happiness.

Hiding out is no way to exist.

So just try to make an effort to find your way back to health.

Find your way back to happiness.

Find your way back to you.

stop hiding

 

Taking a break….kid toss


Sometimes we all need a break.

Thus far this week has been somewhat of a break for me.

Enjoying the beach and family is fun.

But this writer is tired!

So I leave you with this photo.

My cousin and I tossing the boy in the pool.

Exciting I know!

 kid toss

 I hope everyone has a fabulous Thursday!

I promise more tomorrow and the days to come!

 

Run Away


Run away. Run away.

I don’t know if I can handle today.

Run away. Run away.

I will face this life come what may.

 

Dear God, please make me a bird so I can fly far. Far, far away.

Dear God, please make me a bird so I can fly far. Far. Far away.

 

Running away does not solve all your problems. It may temporarily ease your mind however, it cannot make those problems go away.
Geographically you can put yourself further away, but you cannot actually escape the problem.
When I was a child I remember I wanted to run away from home.
I packed a bag of my favorite toys and I set out on my way.
My mom watching from the door waved and told me to have a good adventure.
I went all the way down the street made a left-hand turn and walked down the big street!
Then came to me what was a huge choice in my then six-year-old life.
Do I step out onto the first busy road or do I walk back at that long hill, make a right and go home?
Going home I had to face what I didn’t want to deal with, which was most likely cleaning my room or minding my parents. 

I also wasn’t thrilled with the prospect of my little brother. He could be extremely annoying although pretty darn cute at times too
I chose to go home.
I talked to my parents and I remember them telling me that I made the right choice. Things are not always perfect but I knew they loved me, and I learned that I could solve my problems if I just faced them. Even if it wasn’t easy.
As an adult I’ve thought away thought about running away more times than I did as a child.
However it is not always that easy. Especially when you have responsibilities and understand more people, or pets, depending on you.

I admit that I have small times that I call it “running away “.
I take time for myself and I dig around inside my mind to find what I’m really thinking about and what’s troubling me
It isn’t always pretty and it isn’t always nice.

Quite often it’s painful.

I may seem distant or cold to some people, but I’m trying to find myself again.

I’m searching deep inside of my soul and what I really need to find it myself.
I even escape to parking lots while I’m driving to and from places so that I can just stop and think.
When you run away you also run away from people in your life.

When you leave with no warning or no heads up you leave them wondering if the words that they said were truly meant.

There are all kinds of forms of this behavior. Being late, not taking a call and/or not calling are just a few examples.
It can make one wonder if they are not as important to that person as they pledged they were in the first place.
Taking a breather from a person, people or situations is understandable. To seek a way for you to find yourself.

It isn’t as if I haven’t done it myself.

However, I do let the people closest to me, or that I am indebted to or responsible for, know that I am “checking out” for a mental moment or moments.

But to think that you can “run away” from your problems and not face them?

I don’t understand that.

If you have obligations and responsibilities with others, you just running away is cowardly in my eyes.

I understand not wanting to “deal” with that person, but for the love of Pete, put your big girl panties on and Deal With It.

Adults that do things like this, to me, show lack of respect and compassion for others.

They are selfish.

Yes you have become an adult.

Welcome.

You committed to certain things and people, but since there have been waves in the order of your life and you aren’t happy with it, you chose to run away like a child instead of confronting and handling said situation.

You get petty and cruel with your words, yet don’t use your words to convey and communicate your plan to take care of your obligations while you go find yourself.

When I hear someone say, “I am going to run away” I smile.

They are saying out loud what they are doing, not caring who judges but also letting others know they will be out of touch. Whether metaphorically or not they are saying it.

But those who literally run away because they can’t or don’t want to face their problems, chose to push out people in their lives they may have kept if only they had done things differently.

Those people don’t respect everyone as most of them claim to do.

I’ve learned they are afraid of themselves more than anyone else.

Although they would never admit it.

As for me, I enjoy my little “run aways.”

Although I am not trying to disappear, I just like go off the grid. Usually it’s only for 30 minutes but sometimes I get to escape for longer!

There have been times in my life where I have told others to run away!

I am sure I have been the cause of some people to actually go away too.

Always their choice! I’m not like a mafia don or anything!

But choosing to run away, I really hope you have a good reason.

As for me, I am running to the beach.

But I am not alone.

My family is here.

My boy.

He understands why I tell him, “I want to run away to the beach. It’s my happy place. Want to go with me?!”

And he now always says, “Oh yes mommy, I will run anywhere with you. I love you.”

So we run away to the beach.

To smell the salt air and feel the sand between our toes.

Pure bliss.

We find ourselves even if we didn’t know we were looking.

 

Have a fabulous Wednesday My Friends!