It is a fabulous Friday!


It truly is a fabulous Friday!

It seems that on my “new” computer hard drive, the one that gave the me black screen of death, that the contents are “recoverable”. Photos, videos, writings, things precious and dear to me are not lost!

Ohmergod! This is miraculous news to me!

I was seriously thinking of titling this post “Held Hostage by Technology” because it has been a truly challenging few weeks for this tech-me-not chic!

My main “new” computer gave me the black screen of death, however my “old” computer was brought back to life, albeit a bit slower but still Alive!

Then we started having issues with the internet in our home.

Thinking it was the router, we purchased a new router, well mom did, and I thought “no problem I can just install this, write and be on my merry way.” WRONG! I did learn the one of the reasons was due to our internet carrier and the modem. I thought I could plug in a few cords and make it work, easy peasy. Unless that jerk Murphy is involved and then I have the urge to break all the technology into tiny pieces and run over it back and forth and toss it out on I-85…but I digress!

I spent nearly 4 hours going back and forth trying to repair it, with help of course because this went well beyond my knowledge and technical abilities. A huge shout out to my friend who rode to my virtual rescue and will be going by the house to fix that for us! Along with the recovery of both the new and old computers… You, sir, rock!

Yes, that means that I could not make it work!

If I have no computer, no internet I cannot write for FabulousGracelessness nor do any other writing for that matter.

I have no problem writing with pen and paper and do so often, but mama needs money and has deadlines to meet so I needed both computer and internet.

I am able to use my iPhone as a hot spot, and I feel so cool saying I know how to do that ‘cause it wasn’t as simple as I thought at first. Now it is second nature if I don’t have internet service. I cannot go without my computer for my writing.

I cannot see me writing articles from my iPhone and iPad. I am too OCD and just no. I don’t even need to go there in the madness of my mind!

So I am now working on my old laptop, with internet and sending out this crazed article which is why I can truly say it is a Fabulous Friday!

Because I am still connected and not held hostage by the damn technology I have become so reliant on!

I think I need to stock up on my articles for a minute so I can unplug!

Oh such pretty little words that seem so simple yet will call another panic in my mind for deadlines. The joys of life!

This is such a part of my life, my writing this blog. It helps me release all the thoughts in my head and shakes the cobwebs from my soul.

I have found sometimes I have to write things but I can’t, for personal reason, just put it out there on the internet to share with everyone.

Usually that comes out in my handwritten journals, but lately I’ve found myself unloading apparent hostility I had held in and it’s flowing out in volumes onto my keyboard.

Those are kept under lock and key in the “private” section of my writings!

As I am growing I am branching out in how I “get it out” of my system. I am just happy I have encouraged and allowed myself to write it on a computer.

I don’t trust technology if you didn’t catch that above! However, it is so much easier on my hands, at times, to type rather that to write. It’s cool and frustrating to me.

But now I have this terabyte thingy that can’t get sick, and I can save all my musings, photos and anything else there. It’s got tons of space that they say even I can’t fill up! We will see about that!

So as I end this fabulous Friday ramble I wish you all the happiness and hope for a Fabulously Graceless weekend!

 

 

Have you ever had these problems with technology? The rage of feeling you were bettered by a device made with plastic, nickel and metal and a few other things?! The urge to destroy them?!

Let me know how you handled it!

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It’s Thursday!!!!


One day closer to the weekend.

Thursday is just kind of hanging out there.

Not too much is said unless you get a long weekend and it starts on Thursday!

Although it seems to usually be a pretty decent day when I think about it.

For example, tomorrow I just have to do a bit of work, drive to the country, write and enjoy life!

At least I am trying to put the positive spin on it.

The boy leaves for his camping trip today.

I did get to see him last night at karate though. He got his green belt. I’m both proud and impressed as he is a handful and most of the time he does what he’s told and follows direction. Of course not ALL the time. He’s almost 5 and is constantly on the move and in conversation!

I told him I would come and he would go home with daddy or his other grandmother and he was fine with it. I told him when he came back from his week vacation with them that we would go to the beach and he ran yelling though the house, “We’re going to the beachhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” Yes, just a touch excited and loving the beach like his mama!

But then he cried and said he didn’t want me to go home without him.

Even though I KNOW he is going through this phase of turning on the tears to get what he wants, it kills me a little inside to not be able to say, “Ok kiddo, let’s go with me.” It isn’t how it works with this scenario and he knows it too. And not that he gets away with it around me, I invented the “turn on the tears” to try and get what I wanted when I was his age!

So I sat in the car and shed a few tears, then went and got my mama and we had a lovely dinner at the Olive Garden,

The boy is camping with his other family, probably being like lord of the flies and eating the filling out of the Oreos and putting them back in the package and having a blast.

I am working and writing and trying to find a bit of peace in my mind.

I hope you are able to find a bit of peace and/or sanity today as well.

Or if you’re starting your weekend early, please have 2 for me!

We are almost to the end of this crazy week!

Never forget to Keep Hope Alive!

Have a fabulous Thursday and stay graceless my friends!

 

Commitments & Lady Maos


It seems lately I have been going along, trying to do the right things, keep up with responsibilities and always keep hope alive.

It isn’t always easy. It seems there are people who would rather cut you down and hurt you than just walk away.

Walking away isn’t easy nor is it for the faint of heart.

Oftentimes it is not easy to just walk away, especially if one has obligations they committed to in addition to doing what is best for all involved.

When I make a commitment I do my damnedest to stick to it.

I know I have let people down; I am so far from perfect I don’t even pretend to be in that category.

I have failed at relationships. I have also learned valuable lessons and been introduced to worlds and ideas I never knew existed.

I don’t nor could I discount something so easily when it was more than that.

I still work to be communicative and open even when things are ending because chances are good that we not only shared a relationship, but also other responsibilities together.

For anyone, whether it’s a child, home, furniture, CD/s, books, vehicles or any other random obligation, once you end a relationship with someone, you should finalize and complete your commitments.

I realize this can be hard.

It can be harder to do when feelings are hurt and one only wants to hurt another to make them feel the pain they are feeling.

Sadly, this is something I have witnessed and have had done to me.

Again, I never said I was perfect, but I do always work to honor those other factors that were put in place, in the “no matter what” category, to make sure no one else is responsible for something I said I would do. If I can’t make it happen, I am the one letting them know why and what I can do to try and make it better.

I have been told I am brutally and painfully honest at times.

I bite my tongue so often that the pain of it reminds me how much I can hurt others with not only my words but my actions or inactions.

Oftentimes my inactions are due to the very fact that if I did take action and spoke my mind I fear the repercussions would be far, far worse than not saying anything at all.

I have seen the dark side of humanity. I understand it and have a healthy fear of it.

Words and promises can be said a million times over but actions speak louder than words. “I’m sorry.” “I promise.” Words with power behind them to Mean something but overused and excused so often it becomes the patent response to shut one up.

When you’ve said or written something of importance and the response is “OK” sends me over the edge. Really? I tell you something important or how I feel and all you can muster up in that big brain of yours is “OK’?!

“OK” is fine for short texts when you’re planning dinner, meeting up, finalizing plans, etc. However, “Ok” when everyone knows more than one word is needed in the reply… even a “will talk more later” means worlds. “Ok” to me, means you don’t really care enough to respond. But you said you did.

I am so very fortunate and blessed to have so many amazing humans in my life that “get me”. That it seems no matter what happens they are there for me. Whether they be family, friends, past or new, I know that these people are There for me. In their own ways and as much as they can be.

I know that they accept me flaws and all.

Because they have proved to me time after time they are committed to our relationship.

They have flaws too. Every one of them. And will admit it, although not publically some of them and I don’t blame them.

After all, this is my blog. My thoughts. MY putting it out there into the world.

And I do it cautiously but also with a wild abandon glee that is like swinging high on the swings at the park when you’re a kid. That feeling of flying and not knowing what’s going to happen next but you pump your legs higher and you keep going because you know deep down this is what you love to do.

Writing is like that for me.

And those who know me, and the ones getting to know me seem to keep coming back and giving me constructive criticism and praise and I can’t tell you what it means to me.

Because it’s a commitment you see. A commitment to share my life, one day at a time my writing this “blog”. A commitment I made to myself and no one else.

I am growing more and more and hopefully becoming a better human being by doing this.

I don’t write the answers to the world’s problems, or even things that fit everyone. Each day is different. Each day is new. Each article is another part of me that I let out into the world.

Some days I have verbal diarrhea, haha like maybe today, and I write/vent/ramble more.

Other days I find humorous things, or interesting things or sometimes it is something I feel compelled to write. My writing may be lengthy with “not enough” videos, photos or whatever. It may be shorter articles with crazy photos and sayings I find on the internet, or better yet, real life photos from my world.

A very close friend, I will call them Captain Pogo, called me Lady Maos.

I laughed so hard I snorted! Since I love the word maos, chaos and mayhem, and use it as often as possible, being called Lady Maos made my day.

It also made me realize it’s so much a part of me just like being fabulously graceless is that I will be using it in my writings.

I know y’all are just thrilled!

So I will wrap up this long winded Wednesday thought provoking, insightful post by telling you all to Keep Hope Alive my Fabulously Graceless Friends!

I could not do this without the support of my loved ones and those of you who are seemly to become like family through the wonderful writings and musings of the world wide web!

Love and happiness to all!

Stay Fabulous!

Lady Maos aka Fabulous Gracelessness!

lady maoe

 

Just Keep Swimming!


*If you haven’t seen finding Nemo I am just sorry. I can’t help it. Things get stuck in my head and become part of my mind.

 dory swimming*Dory’s song in “Finding Nemo”

 In my mind this is my Keep Hope Alive motto on another level.

I love this song and I love the movie.

I love Dory.

One of my favorite exchanges between Dory and Marlin are when they are in pitch darkness looking for the mask)

Dory: “Are you my conscience?

Marlin” sighs “Yes, I’m your conscience. We haven’t spoken for a while. How are you?

Dory: “eh can’t complain.”

Marlin: “Good. Now. Dory, do you see anything?”

Dory: Yes, I see… a light. Hey, conscience, am I dead?”

Merlin: “No. I see it too.

I love Dory’s outlook, her friendliness and eagerness. Just the way she zips through life. Caring but sometimes missing a few details. But always happy!

I know people aren’t like characters from a movie, especially a talking fish with memory issues, but there are some folks that do share a few or three of similar traits as movie and TV characters.

We’ve all known Spicolis, Carries (both the scary one and SATC), our Rick’s and Blanche’s and Sauls. There are hundreds of characters and people we’ve admired and laughed with onscreen.

Ironically we find them, or a version of them in real life.

From absolutely the coolest folks you’ve ever met to bat shit crazy put up cameras to see if they are coming!

However instead of focusing on the crazy ones or the righteous ones, why not find the fun ones. The ones maybe a bit off but so endearing and well-meaning they sometimes get overlooked by the bigger fishes out there. Pun intended sort of!

Like Dory. Or at least adopt the attitude she has.

Never give up and just keep on swimming!

What do we do? We Swim Swim Swim!

Keep hope alive my fabulously graceless friends!

Enjoy your day and find a bit of happiness if you can!

And please, enjoy the song “Just Keep Swimming”!

You’re welcome!

 

It’s a Marvelous Monday!


Ah Monday we meet again!

The beginning of another work week, the start of a brand new week…. What do you have in store for me?!

I know I get to work, knit and clean, but what other jewel will you offer up to me?!

For you see, I have decided to have a Marvelous Monday.

I’ve had enough of manic Mondays. There will always be manic Mondays because that is a part of life.

I thought I would find the positive and go with the good flow, happiness and memories to carry me through the day, if not the week.

I am trying another perspective on the Monday thing.

A more positive spin if you will.

I was blessed to spend the weekend with some absolutely fabulous humans and I want to carry their awesomeness with me through this week.

Their outlooks on life shared with me, and they were all from all walks of life, and these wonderful humans also shared their time and space with me.

We ate, talked, danced and even shared comfortable silence together.

Just humans being.

Too often we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and forget to take in those jewels of life. We get caught up in the routines and schedules, yes they are needed, but we also need to remember to breathe and reflect for just a moment when we are running through life. I found that’s when those jewels are discovered.

So I challenge you to try and have a Fabulous Marvelous Monday.

Or even a Terrific Tuesday if you are all about skipping Monday. There is nothing wrong with that!

But try to try and find a way to catch that needed jewel in your life, whatever it may be.

I know I am sending out the hope!

Keep Hope Alive and have a fabulous and fantastic Marvelous Monday my Fabulously Graceless Friends!

*me channeling my Loretta Lynn “do”!

k as ll blk white

But the child born on the Sabbath Day…


Monday’s child is fair of face,

Tuesday’s child is full of grace,

Wednesday’s child is full of woe,

Thursday’s child has far to go.

Friday’s child is loving and giving,

Saturday’s child works hard for a living,

But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day

Is bonny and blithe and good and gay.

*first recorded in A.E. Bray’s Traditions of Devonshire in 1838

 

I remember this poem from childhood and wanted to share it with my readers.

I was born on the Sabbath Day, a cold winter day in the wee hours of the morning.

I remember my grandmother reciting this poem to me when I was a little girl.

I wanted to know what “bonny” and “blithe” meant and was told bonny meant pretty, or easy on the eyes, and blithe meant joyous and merry.

It sounded good to me and of course I believed everything she ever told me.

It was in my head again when I had my son, born on a Tuesday, and recently in a discussion with a friend.

We were discussing whether there was any “truism” to this poem.

I have to laugh because I don’t know about the “easy on the eyes” nor the joyous and merry! I was informed I had all the qualities of this poem which was a very sweet thing to say.

However, my graceless son, who is just like his mama, I wonder if he is considered by others to be “full of grace.” But when I looked up the meaning of “full of grace” it stated that it means the person is much kinder than a person would expect them to be.

I would have to agree as he is very kind for a boy his age. He is a compassionate child and truly cares about others.

It got me to thinking, is this myth or could there be truth to these old poems?

What do you think?

What day were you born on?

Do you think you match up to this poem?

Things to ponder on this lovely day.

Have a fabulous Sunday my friends!

Stay fabulous!

FG

 

Wishin’ on my kinda stars


Surrounded by the dark I smile.

Night has fallen and I am currently alone waiting for the meteor shower to begin.

I can’t help but recall a night oh so many years ago when my friend and I woke up around 2:00 AM to watch the meteors in her yard.

Wrapped up in sleeping bags and all available blankets, we set up camp in her front yard.

Everyone thought we were a bit nuts, no one disputes that, but I know that we laughed, talked and watched the meteors for what seemed like hours.

The only thing better would be to be laying on the beach or in the grass at Hoppe Valley PA.

Places close to my soul.

But here in the country I also feel like I am “home”.

I love the quiet and the darkness.

I love just hearing the animals of the night and seeing the Milky Way.

The cicadas and crickets are like a lullaby.

I close my eyes and drift away as I wait.

Suddenly I see a streak in the sky.

It has begun.

The Perseid meteor shower is giving a spectacular showing.

I know they aren’t stars, but I always make a wish!

 

 

When you wish upon a star

Makes no difference who you are

Anything you heart desires

Will come to you

If your heart is in your dreams

No request is too extreme

When you wish upon a star

As dreamers do

Fate is kind

She brings to those to love

The sweet fulfillment of

Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue

Fate steps in and sees you through

When you wish upon a star

Your dreams come true

*written by Leigh Harline & Ned Washington for Walt Disney’s 1939 adaptation of Pinocchio

 

TGIF?! Don’t Panic!


It’s here! It’s here! Friday is finally here!

I hope you find a bit of happiness no matter what your week was like.

We all go through tough weeks and tough times.

We have to remember to keep hope alive!

Take for instance the fact that I am trying to not completely freak out over my main computer showing me the black screen of death… that I can’t get to my files and photos nearly sends me over the edge, but I have been assured it can be “recovered” therefore I will believe.

I mean I am writing on my old, old computer that was finally restored and I thought I would never be able to use again! That is proof in and of itself miracles can happen! (And to never let your child around electronics with milk!)

So I will squeak through my writing this weekend with my old school laptops and with hopes and prayers my newer model can be repaired and all the data retrieved.

Last Friday I was so removed from technology (and had a fabulous photo to go with this post but alas it is living in the black death for now with all my photos on my other computer) and I couldn’t be happier.

I do miss it though. Both the gathering of friends in the valley and the technology!

I am also finding a balance between having a life and being tied to electronic devices!

I hope you can get out and soak up a bit of vitamin D, if it isn’t 7th ring hot and you can breathe, and enjoy the day!

I hope you can find some fun and maybe a spot of peace if needed.

I am never giving up hope!

I hope you all have a fabulous and wonderful Friday!

 

Missing my boy


I hate this emptiness.

My boy goes to his dad’s for a few days every other week.

You’d think I would be used to it after 2 years but I’m not.

I am already dreading his 2 weekends in a row away from me.

God knows I do need a break.

I know he will have fun.

I can’t help but worry.

It isn’t like we didn’t try to make it work.

We went to couples therapy before we even got married, however in hindsight, I realize we shouldn’t have married just because I got knocked up.

But it was a miracle I was able to have a child, our families felt it was right and we had been best friends for so long.

I was in a whirlwind of shock.

I tried so hard and I know he did too.

But if we are honest, it wasn’t the best idea.

And a treasured friendship was shattered.

But we got a beautiful, smart, willful, amazing child from it.

So I work on the “co-parenting” thing.

But my arms ache for my little mini me in male form.

And I breathe.

Because I can’t do anything else.

I write for him too so that one day he knows how much it hurt me to let him go but that I had to.

I know he will understand.

He just came to me, put his little arms around my neck, and said, “Mommy, I know you’re working but I just had to tell you I love you and you’re the bestest mommy I ever had.”

How could I not miss that?!

I have written how much it meant to me to be his mommy. How I never thought I would be a mommy. How happy I am he chose me to be his mommy “this time” as he puts it.

His journals from his mommy.

Stories and poems of my life before him, my thoughts and dreams and how he was a part of my dreams.

Later I will be mom or even mother, but for now I am mommy.

When he is not with me I miss him more than I ever knew was possible.

I love this child with a feral intensity that I didn’t know I was capable of.

I’m thankful he has family on both sides that love him and want to be with him.

I know how precious that is.

I know I want only the best for him but I can’t do everything.

I know I make mistakes and that I am far from perfect.

I know I can’t control how everything plays out.

I know I will never stop loving him no matter what he chooses.

I know I will never stop fighting for him and being his strongest supporter.

I know I will never stop teaching him how to be a better human being.

I know I will never stop disciplining him, even when he’s 30 because I know I will always be his mama. No matter where I am.

So now I will write in his journal and look at pictures of this beautiful creature I created and be thankful I have him for the time I am given.

Because I am thankful I have him at all.

b run

Wednesday Writer’s Block…


writers block

I feel like I got the writer’s block.

Nothing is coming out.

Letters on the page but no wind in the sail.

Yet my mind never seems to stop.

Although it does pause.

Distractions like housework and random cartoons to stop the train of thoughts.

Thought nothing real seems to flow from my mind to my fingers.

Like things have gotten clogged somewhere.

Or maybe it’s exhaustion finally stopping the creativity of my words.

Maybe it’s because it’s mid-week after vacation and I can’t seem to find my groove.

I know I will get it back.

After all, I Am Fabulously Graceless!

Keep Hope Alive my friends!