I have been writing several personal pieces and of course for my blog, but I came across this piece “So Puzzling a life” by my dear, sweet soul sister, Vicky Lynn Mowrer written July 12. 2013. Also known as “Unreally Real” and “HemFoo” by many, Vicky was one of the most beautiful, tortured souls who would give the clothes off her back and last dollar to help a friend or loved one.
We met when I needed a roommate back in 2005 and put an ad on Craigslist of all places! She was the only one I spoke on the phone with and the only one who I allowed to visit. Of course we knew immediately upon meeting that we were destined to be “roommates” with a whole lot of family love thrown in. And we were for 4 years. Then I moved off, she moved, I had a child, and moved out. She wanted to move back to the south so it was an easy decision for us. My soul sister moved back in with me in May of 2013. Four short months later, she died in her sleep unexpectedly. My heart was shattered.
We had always both written poetry and short stories and shared them. I can’t recall who sent this to me again after her death, but I remember her sending it to me previously. We often talked of people seeing the “whole” of us, and how we hid so much of who we were and how we needed to trust more and love more and BE more. So with that I share a piece of Vicky and me with you all.
Please remember you are not alone, keep hope alive and you are fabulous.
“So Puzzling A Life”
I am a jig saw puzzle….
Turned mostly upside down.
Everyone knows bits of me, no one knows the whole.
Even an upside down puzzle, you can see kind of how the pieces fit, but with no picture to follow, how do you really know?
Worse yet, is when some are upside down, and some are right side up.
I want to be right side up again. Show the flaws, show the beautiful pieces. Have those little tags of paper that don’t lay flat. I want to be one of those puzzles glued back together and hung on a wall. To be admired even for all my traces, punches and turns.
All I need is for one person to see me clearly, understand and accept the broken reality that has been my life.
It’s a hard task, any puzzle, and variables such as upside down, half right up, would confound anyone. And when it’s a real life… unfathomable
But to know the solution to the problem is to know me, all of me, from the time I was born, to the me I am now, and accept that life is more about survival than relationships. I survived by living out of dumpsters when I was a teen. I survived as an adult by pretending to fit into normal mores… I survive now by asking for help.