life

Life always keeps moving

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 2 Comments

Life definitely keeps on moving. Even when one life stops, the rest keep on moving. Some not as fast as others. Some closer to stopping with every breath. Yet others thrive and others get by pretty decently. Life always finds a way.

For me, life has moved both too fast and too slow lately. I know that I feel like I’ve been running races, and I do not run unless I am being chased or chasing a child for some odd reason!

My dear friend invited me to join a 30 day blogging challenge and although I failed miserably at blogging every day for 30 days, she did help me find my way back to blogging. I needed that. I can truly never thank her enough. Not that I wouldn’t have written ever again, but I just needed that kick to get going again!

So to those awesome folks who follow my blog, I have so much to say in the upcoming days, weeks and hopefully months and years.

Because life has, as always, provided me with more material than my blogging self can keep up with. Of course I have written in my journal, notebooks, post its and basically written a line or two about pretty much everything over the last 45 plus days!

The last 30 days of my life have been more challenging and emotional than I have had to deal with at once in a very long time. Some things I have handled well, others, well life can be raw and hard at times and remind you how fragile your very existence is at all times. We don’t always react and respond the way we’d like to. I can honestly say that I have completely lost my shit at times when I wish I had handled a situation with a bit more grace. But that is it though. Life isn’t always pretty. It’s not always pink and purple flowers, rainbows and unicorn farts no matter how much some would like to pretend it is. Sometimes life slaps you in the face and knocks you on your ass. Sometimes you have to crawl a long way before you can get back up. But it keeps moving. Life always keeps moving!

I hope that everyone has a fabulous day!

Keep Hope Alive!

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I’m here so why not…

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 2 Comments

I have been writing. On notepad, post it’s, my journal and in my mind but just not here.

Life has been so real, so raw lately that I have thoughts and questions. I have opinions and epiphanies, but I haven’t been able to blog. It’s like writers blog but on a larger scale.

My amazing, I can’t believe she’s still cheering us on because she’s just awesome friend, is the one who got me back. I so owe her. I had been letting a part of myself fall away without realizing it. It to a #30dayblogchallenge to get me to write finally. You should check her out! Talk about an inspiration. This is someone I completely just admire and love. We’ve known each other a long time but until recently, I didn’t realize how precious of a human being she is! Just one of those blessed moments when I Truly needed it! https://throughsinaisand.blog/

Life, death, taxes, changes in relationships on so many level, some not so good, some downright craptastic and some, well some are miracles when you get down to it. Life is happening and I have to face that. Even when there are loved ones on their way out of this journey of life. Life goes on. How I choose to handle it is up to me. Some days I do all right, and other days, well, I try to not look to hit or smell poorly!

After all this is The Ride. Most days I love the ride. Some days I just need to slow down to figure out where I am on the ride.

Keep Hope Alive.

Remember to hug your family and friends if you can. Tell people how you feel. You never know when the last time is.

My life, plans and oh yes, adulting is not for me

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 2 Comments

IMG_8706

Sometimes it is so hard to believe where I am in my life.

When you’re young you see life going a certain way. Even then I knew that life happened and I that things did not always go as plans.

I surely didn’t expect my life to be the way it is now, however although there are things I am working on improving and changing, I like where I am.

I was always one for taking the road less traveled so to speak. I seemed to think if I was told to not do it, I would do it. I still do to some degree, depending on what the situation is.

It’s hard being an adult.

Adulting is not what I thought it would be.

Sometimes it is great and other times it totally sucks.

Finding that balance is what I strive for every day.

Right now I am finding myself in new places experiencing things I didn’t think possible.

Dreams coming true in ways right out of left field.

So many responsibilities yet so much joy. Trying to find that fine line is a dance I am loving doing.

It’s all worth it.

No matter how it turns out, I know that I tried my best.

I love my life no matter how my plans turned left.

As always I keep hope alive

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Those jolts of life

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

Every once in a while I get a jolt in life. I find it quite refreshing actually.

I love living life! The good, bad, loving, ugly, boring, crazy, maotic moments that make up my life, I love all of them.

I am enjoying seeing what each day brings.

Sometimes I am like a little kid in that I want to see what happens next right now! It is hard to be patient.

When I want something to happen, it’s so hard to not push for it to move faster! Even when I know I have no control over life I still wish I could will life into picking up the pace in a few areas… having to wait something out is so very hard. It is during some waiting periods that I seem to get a jolt!

One of those out of the blue type thunderbolts that somewhat shock me into a new perspective and place on my journey. I never know what it will be.

It has always proven to be some sort of adventure though once it happens.

For now I am just riding this latest jolt and seeing where it takes me.

I am definitely enjoying the currents of this one!

Keep hope alive!

 

 

Surviving, thriving or a bit of both

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

I miss it so much

Even for a day when the boy is away

It’s too quiet

I have a life and things I can do when he’s gone

Yet nothing compares to the space he fills in my heart

Nor does anything compare to having him with me

My heart splits in two

This feeling is more than any other I have felt in life before

I wonder if I am learning to survive or is this thriving

 

Tuesday after Springing forward

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

ahh tuesday do what i forgot mon

Waking up to the second day of the work week after the springing forward is always a challenge.

Life seems to come at you with full force, adding a few new surprises as a bit of a bang for your buck.

I work to find my happy place. Sleep, wildflowers, music and laughter. Playing and hugs.

Then the phone rings and I am slapped back into this reality.

But it lingers there, my happy place.

I know that I will make it through the day as I am a survivor.

I keep hope alive.

Lately I also ingest a lot of caffeine. It’s worth it to get things done.

Plus it’s the day to do all those extra bangs from yesterday and put the others in the tomorrow pile… you never know Ed McMahon could show up at my door! If he’s still around! Or in ghost form, whichever! Just bring me the check!

Have a fabulous day!

I should know by now but sometimes I forget on finding my way back to me

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

I should know by now to not expect life to go as I planned or scheduled but sometimes I just have to question my sanity… or maybe I am question the sanity or lack thereof regarding others.

Life definitely keeps me on my toes.

I think I am going to turn right and end up having to go left. A whole over the river and through the woods adventure complete with mini personal stops tossed in. Add in lack of substance and it makes for caffeine infused and filterless Lady Maos! Yee-haw friends welcome to the week!

Of course the bonus is the boy is home! Seems he had an adventurous weekend as well! It’s so entertaining to hear him tell me what he does when he isn’t with me. He’s working on details and it’s hilariously amusing to see what he will say before reverting to potty talk… literally!

Lately it seems so many people are ill with some form of sickness or another. Loved ones and friends, myself included, by age, illnesses – some worse than others but everyone’s a fighter.

We are also getting more clients, which is great, but I’m required to keep everything within this “hourly” thing when I prefer “salary” because then any extras I do it doesn’t matter when I do an average of at least 4 extra hours a week but don’t necessarily care for the monetary gain.

It’s more than that. It’s the fulfillment of helping others and making lives gel. It’s helping others to remember their own humanity. It is beyond humbling and personal when you are helping someone with their activities of daily living… cleaning, bathing, grooming, bathroom, meal preparation, feeding – those are only a few of the things we do. We dance lightly through tangled webs of family dynamics to make sure our clients are cared for, no matter what is going on around them. Some are for a few hours a week, others are 5 days a week, and then there are those we are with 24/7.  Some people see us more than their own family. I love what I do. It is a part of who I am.

I also have my personal relationships and of course, the boy. The shining beacon in my world who keeps me much more grounded and helps somewhat in that filter thing I have issues with.

It is like I have to go through and around, down and under to get back to me. Re-set and go! Not starting over, just back on the path to where I am supposed to be.

I should know by now but sometimes I forget finding my way back to me.

I may slow down however, I never give up. I always keep hope alive!

Have a fabulous day!

Try not to get lost finding your way back to you my fabulously graceful friends!

Life, adventures and wicked sense of humor

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

imagination tinkerbell

It seems like life has a wicked sense of humor. Or either I have a really skewed perspective. One of the two but I haven’t figure it out yet. It’s fine by me right now.

I am just trying to survive at this point! It’s been a bit of a maotically challenging week. Who am I kidding? It’s been stressful, exhausting and draining. My body hurts more than it has in ages and all I want to do is sleep.

IMG_8257

I have so much to do so I decided the boy and I are going on an adventure today… I am sure I will need medications and maybe a scooter to get through it. Sometimes it can be hard keeping up with a 5 year old boy when your body is falling apart. However, I will not give up that easily.

See?! My pity party only lasted seconds… more or less!

My motto is always keep hope alive!

I hope we all get through this day with a little faith, hope and pixie dust!

Art courtesy of the boy *African art which he translated into a zombie art project with the zombie spiders along with he and I… he’s so creative and his teacher was impressed with his imagination and color choices!

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Hellooooooooooooo Monday!

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

hello monday

Ah Monday my old friend, I’m hoping it’s good to see you again.

I have hopes that you will be, more than yesterday and kind to me.

I worked my tail off all weekend long. I feel today I need a song.

I will work all day that’s true. I hope the night is better too.

Starting a new week can be hard. Reading this you know I’m no bard.

But writing is a freeing of my heart and soul and sometimes I can get on a roll.

I work so hard to make words mesh. My heart and soul pour from this flesh. Sometimes things may be quite deep and other times I write half asleep.

Life comes out, melded experiences too and no I don’t write about “you”.

The words I write come from deep within and from places others have been.

If you can relate to what I write, I’m happy to share my odd insight.

For those who know me and those who don’t have a clue, I have to write it’s just what I do.

So go into this day and Keep Hope Alive! For see this Monday has fully arrived.

keep hope alivw

Remember to breathe and never give up… someone’s always willing to help their fellow humans

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

never give up what you love to do

Trying to remember to stop and just breathe can be a challenge. Believing all things happen for a reason can be hard at times. So can Keep Hope Alive, but I will never give up. Life is too short. You never know that it could be the last time you will talk to someone, hear their voice or hug their neck. Life happens.

We are told” this is the way it is” and “God has a plan” and “it’s life”. All true but it still doesn’t make it any easier.

Not being able to handle things the way you want them to be or having a curve ball thrown your way just when you thought the game was done can cause chaos in the soul. How you react and handle yourself speaks volumes of the person you are deep inside.

be perfectly human

You may see yourself as being able to hand you anything, but believe me, there are things in this world that can take you to your knees. It can knock the “I can handle anything” right out of your vocabulary because newsflash… WE ARE ALL HUMAN. WE HAVE FLAWS. WE ARE NOT INVINCIBLE. No matter how hard we strive and wish to be.

What I can handle someone else may be unable to and what someone else can handle I may can only deal with some of it or I have a complete come apart on my hands. It isn’t a case of someone being better than someone else, it means we are all human and each and every experience is different for each and every one of us.

I’ve have quite a few different jobs in my life and my hands down favorite is taking care of others.

charlie b being ther for someone

Whether it’s helping out around the house, driving and running errands, being with someone who has memory issues or taking care of someone who is terminal and handling the ugly ins and outs of that, I love to take care of others.

I am not the only one of my kind. However, there are levels to what I can and can’t do. Just like many others in my field, there are some that can help give someone a shower and some that can’t. I happen to be one that can. It becomes very personal when you are helping someone do something very basic that most of us take for granted. Most people never even think about it as it isn’t exactly everyday conversation for them. I completely understand and get that.

That is why I do what I do. I’m not in it for the money, but people think that because I have “office manager” in my title and I do marketing I’m making the “big bucks”. So far from the reality but I love finding the fit between clients and caregiver. It can be challenging but I love helping people make the human connection. I believe in where I work and promote it, as in marketing. I also fill in on cases, hard ones, when people call out and I need to be making sure everyone is being cared for but I know this person NEEDS our help and I can do it so I do.

This weekend I have been on call. My phone didn’t ring at all after 4:30 PM Friday afternoon. It started ringing Saturday morning at 9:12 and hasn’t stopped. I will be making sure folks are taken care of today. It’s what I do. Sometimes it gets overwhelming. I feel on the edge of panic. What if someone is left alone that I’m responsible for? I really don’t have control of other people and I can only count on maybe 1/3 of those people to be truly “available” when they say they will be. Heck just getting them to answer their phones can be challenging some days!

caring is being htere whenu want to be somewhere lese

My boss and I joked that when I’m on call things always happened. Multiple calls (right after we put an ad in the papers for help – who calls on a Saturday at 7 in the freaking morning or at 9 at night for a job?!), people calling out, clients needing care, caregivers having to leave due to sickness/family emergency in mid-shift, clients going to hospital – yeah it’s going to happen on my watch!   

So I am going forth this day with a prayer for hope, peace and calm. I hope I handle this day with a boatload of fabulousness and maybe even a bit of grace for this graceless chick.

hope keeps you going

As always, my motto is KEEP HOPE ALIVE!!!

*Also, I have 42 WordPress followers, 42 is the answer to everything in the universe per The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy which means Life is Fabulous Things are Happen’ Train!*

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