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So I lost it on my kid…

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

It finally happened… I lost it on the boy. And by lost it, I don’t mean I went all off screaming, hollering and beating the child, although it crossed my mind in a fit of hysterical laughter.

Yes, I lost it through hysterically laughing for at least 10 minutes.

With my kid doing the airplane thing on my legs and then sniffing me. As in like a dog sniffing me. Or one of those wild children you hear about raised by wolves with the slight crazed look in their eyes.

I thought of the Chucky doll.

I told him to “Stop it please” but by then I was already falling into the “I’m totally losing it with my kid and I have no urge to harm so this is probably good” vibe.

Pshaw all of y’all thinking I beat my kid and wrote a blog about it!

Then again, there are some serious nut bags out there. I mean I am crazy but I would never purposefully harm my child.

He is my everything but, I really get the whole, “I brought you in and I will take you out” mentality. I understand why some creatures eat their young. I really, truly do.

It isn’t those embarrassing in public moments necessarily either, although that does happen. It’s more like the 10th time you’ve told said offspring to do something and they either suddenly became deaf or all together leave the situation because apparently if I can’t see him, he isn’t there to get in trouble. The logic is perfectly fine for a 5 year old. In fact, 5 year old logic can make more sense at times than adults. Those are the moments I question my sanity.

So here I am laying on my bed laughing so hard I nearly spritz. My kid is on top of me and laughing so hard he is drooling on me, I’m getting grossed out but can’t move him because I am paralyzed with laughter. It really hurt.

I was torn.

I was laughing harder than I had in a while and I was also at my wits end because he won’t listen.

This is what they refer to as parenting hell. At least one form of it.

I was finally able to regain my composure and somewhat actually parent the boy. It’s hard to give a straight face when your face hurts from laughing so hard.

The good thing is that he knows he can always laugh with me and he loves making me laugh.

He knows he had better start listening or mommy may really loose it!

He also knows that I love him no matter what.

I think that is what this parenting thing is all about.

Keep hope alive!

 

Like the waves, Tuesday crashes in

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

It seems like Tuesday is just crashing in behind Monday. The waves non-stop. Forget calm waters it seems it’s like a storm.

Must be time for the storms of life to do another cleansing. I do love a good cleansing.

Cleansings are good for the soul.

Maybe that’s what I need right now.

I know I am not alone in that need. Life moves so fast that I am often surprised when what I have been needing or searching for actually appears. I am so fortunate to realize the moments and recognize that this is the moment that I was looking for, the one my soul craved.

It’s funny how when you are working to make things better and you get all up into looking for it sometimes you don’t see it beginning because you are so into looking.

Maybe, just maybe, it just happens and you need to slow down and enjoy life. When you least expect it to, it happens.

Meanwhile, the waves crash into the next day just like they did yesterday. Maybe I can catch just one.

No sleep with children

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

My side of the bed was invaded by another human 5 years ago. That would be when I gave birth to the boy.

It doesn’t seem to matter that he has his own room, complete with his very own bed, somehow it seems he always ends up in mine. On my side no less! The nerve! I had no idea what all I was giving up when I became a parent. I knew a lot of things, or so I thought. I did not realize that giving a part of my side of the bed was part of the deal!

Before the boy came into my life one of the luxuries I enjoyed was sleeping. Like any time I wanted and for as long as I wanted provided I didn’t have to work… so I could pay for my overhead and sleep! I never knew how much I loved sleeping. Adored it actually until it was somewhat taken from me.

What they didn’t teach in parenting class was after you have a child you don’t ever sleep the same.

Whether they are with you or not, you still don’t sleep right. If they aren’t with you then you worry about them and when they are with you chances are good you aren’t sleeping because the offspring has decided to slip into your bed.

Your space.

Only it is no longer your space because when you became a parent, a tiny tidbit left out of everything you could have possibly read, you lose a part of yourself and the creature that you gave birth to is the one that took that.

Look at that sweet face! How could you not want to give it your all?

I say, give them everything but my sleep space.

And the time I need to sleep. Yes I said need versus want because I am willing to compromise.

Before the boy I would never compromise on my sleep. I was quite bitchy about it at times.

I am guessing this is my karma!

Oh sweet sleep if I could only have you when I need you! But alas, I jumped on the parenting train and I am certain it will be a while before we can join up again. For now I will take what I can get here and there and I will be grateful for it.

I seriously have got to get this kid out of my bed again!

*note that “No sleep til Brooklyn” by the Beastie Boys was playing in my head as “No sleep with children”!

*for those of you who have managed parenthood without sleep interruption and deprivation, I salute you!

 

Those jolts of life

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

Every once in a while I get a jolt in life. I find it quite refreshing actually.

I love living life! The good, bad, loving, ugly, boring, crazy, maotic moments that make up my life, I love all of them.

I am enjoying seeing what each day brings.

Sometimes I am like a little kid in that I want to see what happens next right now! It is hard to be patient.

When I want something to happen, it’s so hard to not push for it to move faster! Even when I know I have no control over life I still wish I could will life into picking up the pace in a few areas… having to wait something out is so very hard. It is during some waiting periods that I seem to get a jolt!

One of those out of the blue type thunderbolts that somewhat shock me into a new perspective and place on my journey. I never know what it will be.

It has always proven to be some sort of adventure though once it happens.

For now I am just riding this latest jolt and seeing where it takes me.

I am definitely enjoying the currents of this one!

Keep hope alive!

 

 

Surviving, thriving or a bit of both

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

I miss it so much

Even for a day when the boy is away

It’s too quiet

I have a life and things I can do when he’s gone

Yet nothing compares to the space he fills in my heart

Nor does anything compare to having him with me

My heart splits in two

This feeling is more than any other I have felt in life before

I wonder if I am learning to survive or is this thriving

 

Another procedure bites the dust!

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

And another one down

And another one down

Another one bites the dust

Finally another back procedure in the books!

I can only hope this one goes smoothly.

It’s been a while and my body can tell that it’s past time.

I like to try and push things when I can.

Life happens and before I know it I am behind on what I need to do to take care of me.

So today I am taking a time out to help me move better.

If I am really lucky I will get to see my favorite SA!

Keep hope alive for a fabulous day!

 

 

Clock watching

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

clock

Clock watching is what I do when I work.

I watch to make sure that people clock in and out as lives depend on it.

I watch to make sure everyone that I’m responsible for is taken care of.

The things that can happen in minutes on a clock watch can change lives.

It can change situations and it can change realities.

With one phone call I can go from calm and cool to chaos and mayhem.

All on a watch.

Clock watching.

It’s what I do.

Clock watching.

Am I watching you?

 

Life is short have fun on the way out

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 2 Comments

What you don’t expect to hear from someone regarding a patient on hospice who is bed bound, “They’re having a poker party with booze and blank checks!”

My only thought was “Oh please Lord let him have fun, but don’t let it kill him!”

Or maybe that’s how they want to go out.

Who am I to judge or chose their way?

I say if you’re going out of this world, have fun on the way.

I wouldn’t mind playing a hand or two with them.

Life is short.