Finding my way back to hope

There are so many times in life when you just are going along, enjoying life and being content where you are when something changes your whole way of thinking and feeling,

For me it is like shaking up my senses. It allows me to see where I was slacking and what I want but somehow lost sight of. Because of my relationship with Murphy, of Murphy’s Law, it usually presents challenges most would chose to decline from. But sometimes, I just can’t ignore that feeling in my gut that says, “If you don’t try, you will regret it.”

So again, I find myself in a place where I am challenging the way I think. Where I question my contentment and wonder why I was settling for a ho-hum existence. Not that I was dull, just not as shiny as I know I can be. How finding one thing made me look at many things and realize, I am still living and I am constantly evolving.

I realized I was losing what I didn’t think I could lose… hope. My motto is Keep Hope Alive, yet I was allowing it to wither because I chose to settle thinking I would eventually find that which fuels my fire.

Oh how dense my mind can be. I should know better. If I ask the universe enough my answers come to me. My needs come. It may not be in the time frame that I want or when things are all rosy and perfect, but I have learned to never turn away a gift from the universe.

With all of the maos in the world and the uncertainties in my life, I feel I am finding my place again and my people. I am finding the ying to my yang. I am finding that the boy is growing up and showing a wisdom and insight that amazes me and scares me a little bit too.

Life keeps moving. It changes but it never stops.

I know I won’t stop either.

Keep Hope Alive!



Trust is something that I give easily. At least at first. I believe people. I am not naïve but I believe in “guilty until proven innocent.” I also give multiple chances to people. It can be considered a flaw but I see it as we all screw up and deserve another chance. I have hope for humans. Probably more than most.

When I love I don’t do it half-heartedly. I go all in. Many times I am disappointed or let down, but yet I still believe in people. I’m still a romantic at heart.

When I am done, I am done. Once I have been hurt over and over, I finally realize I can no longer be around someone who doesn’t respect me. At that point I remove them from my life. Sometimes I will respond to a text or email, but when said person has not changed, it is pointless.

Yet still, I sometimes have a soft spot in my heart for them. I realized it was because I didn’t want to have regrets. I wanted to find it in me of how I learned something from the experience or that even though I couldn’t be around them, maybe they weren’t that way with everyone.

Then I realize sometimes, I am deluding myself. I have to really look hard inside myself and admit to myself I was wrong. I made a huge mistake. I have regret. What’s even worse is when my mistake hurts someone else. It is unintentional but it happens. That hurts worse than when the original person hurt me.

I do not want to hurt anyone. I mean I have fantasized about hurting a few folks in my life, but it was due to their actions towards myself and others. For the most part, I just want toxic people out of my life. It doesn’t matter how much I care or cared for them. I want them gone.

If you hurt my family, I become a psycho who will hunt you down and your world will never be the same again, I can promise you. My therapist says it is because I believe and trust so openly and willingly in the majority of humans than when they go against my family, I flip out like I should have done when they were going against me and hurting me. I would say I am getting better. It is a slow process.

I still trust. I still believe. Yet I find myself wary of some. It is an intuition of sorts. For some people, I meet them, I get a good feeling and I automatically trust them. The majority of the time I am right on the money with my gut feelings. Other times I am so off I might as well be at the north pole because my compass was Wrong!

I have to say, there are people I believe in, even though trust may have been marred in some small way, if we can talk it out and acknowledge it, the trust remains.

I know I am nowhere near perfect. I have broken the trust of others, usually trying to protect them from something else. I have made mistakes and it makes me sick to thin about actually hurting someone I love. I work to rectify it.

Trust is a fine line to walk. Sometimes the lines blur and I may question myself. In the end I know I do what is right for me and mine.

I still believe.

Keep Hope Alive!


Do you believe in anything?

Do you believe in anything?

The definition of believe is “to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so”.

Do you have hope?

The definition of hope is “the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best”.

In my mind, these words mingle together. If I believe in something or someone I have hope that the best outcome will happen.

The tricky part is some may feel that believing is stronger than hoping. I get that. I totally do.

For me though, having both belief and hope, is the best and strongest intermixing in my mind.

I love the two of them together for to me they seem to make it that much more real.

Neither words are “tangible” so to speak. But together they mean having faith, of putting all of yourself and you secret hopes and dreams all in the same basket and believing that it will all work out for the best possible outcome for my life. My motto “keep hope alive” is such a part of me as it gives me a renewed strength where I believe the best is still a reality.

Yes there can definitely be instances where you have hope, but you don’t believe or have faith in a situation so you hope for the best.

Or you believe in something or someone but know deep down that it won’t be as you had hoped it would be.

Faith is a bit different. The definitions “confidence or trust in a person or thing” and “belief that is not based on proof”.

All too often we toss out the terms “I believe you.” “I have hope.” I have faith in this situation when truly we don’t. I feel that it is something that for some is learned and even expected to be said. Or you say it so often you want it to be true, but again your gut tells you that it isn’t. And no one wants to suffer the heartache and depression of no longer having their faith, their belief and their hope pounded into the sand.

Which is why I always say Keep Hope Alive.

For me, I can never give up. I can never stop believing that better things, better people, better situation are out there for me and mine.

I have faith that I will find that happiness and peace I so desperately need.

I am seeing it now in my life.

I want to be cautious yet I feel this mystical pull telling me, yes, it is right and true. Run towards it and not away.

I have had my heart broken, my trust shattered, my faith questioned.

I have also picked myself up, dusted off and got back on the ride of life because I Believe in myself. I believe in others. I have hope and faith that not everyone is bitter and angry.

If the past few months have shown me anything, it has shown me to never lose faith. Never give up hope and never stop believing.

Because sometimes dreams and peace really do come. And I can’t spend my time discounting it because of past experiences. I have to believe in myself and have faith that walking down this path will not lead to heartache and destruction.

I know that I will lose friends and loved ones. This is life and it isn’t always pretty and it’s definitely not perfect. But when I find those special people that make me happy, give me butterflies, make me feel good inside about myself, I can’t not take a chance. Have a little faith. I can’t not keep hope alive.

For where would I be if I had no belief? No hope? No faith?

Sad and lonely and most likely in a deep, dark miasma of depression I am sure.

Not that I don’t visit the dark hallways of my mind. There are many and they are vast.

It makes me appreciate all of the beauty, joy and happiness I feel when something or someone I believe in proves me right and does not only for me and mine, but also themselves.

So try to have a little belief, hope and faith in your fellow humans. Try to see the world in a different perspective. Trust me, it can change your world!

Have a fabulous day!