Trust

Trust is something that I give easily. At least at first. I believe people. I am not naïve but I believe in “guilty until proven innocent.” I also give multiple chances to people. It can be considered a flaw but I see it as we all screw up and deserve another chance. I have hope for humans. Probably more than most.

When I love I don’t do it half-heartedly. I go all in. Many times I am disappointed or let down, but yet I still believe in people. I’m still a romantic at heart.

When I am done, I am done. Once I have been hurt over and over, I finally realize I can no longer be around someone who doesn’t respect me. At that point I remove them from my life. Sometimes I will respond to a text or email, but when said person has not changed, it is pointless.

Yet still, I sometimes have a soft spot in my heart for them. I realized it was because I didn’t want to have regrets. I wanted to find it in me of how I learned something from the experience or that even though I couldn’t be around them, maybe they weren’t that way with everyone.

Then I realize sometimes, I am deluding myself. I have to really look hard inside myself and admit to myself I was wrong. I made a huge mistake. I have regret. What’s even worse is when my mistake hurts someone else. It is unintentional but it happens. That hurts worse than when the original person hurt me.

I do not want to hurt anyone. I mean I have fantasized about hurting a few folks in my life, but it was due to their actions towards myself and others. For the most part, I just want toxic people out of my life. It doesn’t matter how much I care or cared for them. I want them gone.

If you hurt my family, I become a psycho who will hunt you down and your world will never be the same again, I can promise you. My therapist says it is because I believe and trust so openly and willingly in the majority of humans than when they go against my family, I flip out like I should have done when they were going against me and hurting me. I would say I am getting better. It is a slow process.

I still trust. I still believe. Yet I find myself wary of some. It is an intuition of sorts. For some people, I meet them, I get a good feeling and I automatically trust them. The majority of the time I am right on the money with my gut feelings. Other times I am so off I might as well be at the north pole because my compass was Wrong!

I have to say, there are people I believe in, even though trust may have been marred in some small way, if we can talk it out and acknowledge it, the trust remains.

I know I am nowhere near perfect. I have broken the trust of others, usually trying to protect them from something else. I have made mistakes and it makes me sick to thin about actually hurting someone I love. I work to rectify it.

Trust is a fine line to walk. Sometimes the lines blur and I may question myself. In the end I know I do what is right for me and mine.

I still believe.

Keep Hope Alive!

 

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5 thoughts on “Trust

  1. I could have written this. Not as well as you, but still it reflects me and my habit of trusting people. It annoys my husband because I have fallen for people over and over and still manage to get hurt on a regular basis, but I don’t want to turn into the kind of person who is overly wary and never trusts. I don’t want to be a closed off and distant person. I just recently took a job and was working with a person that I thought was great at first, really believed in her. She took advantage of me and in the end did something that I’m still having trouble processing. She hurt me with her actions and I’m trying to not react in anger, hurt or bitterness. I’m with you, I still just don’t like to believe people can be like that. Even though they prove it over and over.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can so relate. I do keep hope alive that not everyone is “bad”. I trust too easily. I give people a chance when maybe I shouldn’t but then, who else will? I hate being hurt because I believed in someone. In their words which were basically a pack of lies and deception. I do exactly as you! I fall for people over and over and I get hurt.
      I have to say I am still not giving up on humanity just yet though! It is hard but I do believe and I do have hope. Not only for myself but for my son. I just pray he doesn’t have to suffer the heartaches like I have but sadly I have seen it happen to him already in his young life by people who should be there for him and are not. Unfortunately, I am quicker to react in anger when it comes to him that I am if I am hurt. I am working on that but I think it’s the mama bear syndrome!
      I hope you have a fabulous day and I am so happy to know that there are others who still have a bit of faith in humanity. I am not alone!
      Keep Hope Alive!

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  2. I totally concur, and I don’t think I could have written that post any better myself, I feel the exact same way. I trust and believe in people to easily and take them for their word. I am an understanding person, and realize that things in life come up, and we are not always able to do what we say we will do even though we have the best of intentions. Honest communication is the key as long as it is on both parts. People can only trust and believe in someone to a certain point before they have to face the fact they are deluding themselves in many different forms. People can tell you over and over again how much they love you and want you in their lives, but when their actions never match their words, promise after promise is broken, and excuses become common place, when better things or people come along , you really have to consider whether or not it is worth sticking around or whether it is time to move on. No one is perfect or expected to be in this life, we are all flawed and make mistakes, but someone doesn’t bother to acknowledge their mistakes or acknowledge or even realize they did something to hurt you, and blame someone for expecting too much from them when that is not even the case and has been proven time and time again. The best thing for anyone one to do, male or female, is to realize their self worth, have some self respect and hard as it may be, move on in the other direction, wishing the other person well and the best of luck and love in their live without you. To me, that seems the right thing to do even if the other person cannot see the mistakes or hurt they have caused you. Sometimes people worry so much about the ones that hurt them and are untrustworthy, they are blinded to the ones that that love them the most, and by then, most often it is too late.

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