boy

Another day, need another dollar – Part 2

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

Last month I wrote an article titled “Another day, need another dollar”.

I am pretty sure a part of the reason I got so many responses was that I finally figured out I got some crazy spam emails and they were referring to god only knows what and I took that to be a response to my post.

Some actually were and others were referring to a spam post somewhere out there in cyber space. Really I have no idea how it got there. I didn’t write about clothes, sex or the other random messages I got!

Then I read and reread and read again that post.

I don’t really get it why it seems to genuinely interest people.

I mean I think it’s ok but seriously today, it is for me, another day, needing a lotta dollars!

I was reflecting back on my thoughts and how some of them I realized that I have found my way through to get on track, how my trains get derailed and how I still have now a list of over 50 “topics”, read “those thoughts running round inside of my mind” yet I end up writing about what just flows forth from my fingertips!

At least I can say with complete honesty this was a topic on my list so go me!

I have been writing a few articles for others, whooowhooo, as well as done some sitter work for a dear older lady.

Sadly I talked myself out of that job as she needed 24/7 care and I was concerned that with the group we had helping out, they would run out of steam, not have back up and a few other things. I wrote a short novel on “things to do and take care of for Ms. D”. I went from hired help to consultant quick but it was best for the patient!

It really is another day and I really do need another dollar(s)!

One of my close friends recently taught my boy to hold out his hand, look the person straight in the eye and say, “Tuition, tuition, tuition!” with enthusiasm and then he is handed money!

Every time he asks the boy, “What is the phrase that pays?!” and he diligently answers with joy in his heart and a gleam in his eyes, “Tuition, tuition, tuition!”

Thus far he has made about $10 off this little scheme.

He is tickled pink.

I then explained to the boy how this really works.

That if you save it up and put it in your little banks, a silver horse and a dog in his house, you can afford to buy…… A Transformer!

His little eyes lit up with total delight when I told him that if he keeps putting money into the banks in your room, soon he will have enough to go to the store and buy a transformer toy that he chooses!

If he keeps saving money that he can buy himself special toys!

He is now excited to learn with the play money till I got him at the dollar gentral!

I spent a dollar to teach him a lesson in how to count money while also teaching him how to save up for something he wants.

Not such bad lessons!

As for me?

Each day I move closer and closer to earning those dollars!

I got a few articles written, and I jumped across a huge hurdle I have been standing behind and took the first big step of building up some writing credits! I am also doing some home management projects because I love a challenge!

Who do you think is going to have to pick up the slack when the boy wants the bigger Transformer toy?

I never give up!

My motto is keep hope alive!

You can bet your sweet patootie I am doing just that!

Have a fabulous Thursday My Graceless Friends!

The Static

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 7 Comments

It’s always there.

The static.

Trying to seep in when I am trying to be productive.

Trying to ooze into my life and create chaos.

During those times when I am not at my best.

Those times when my body aches and my brain hurts.

Those times when I am emotionally drained and fallen.

But I still hold up.

I am not alone.

I am responsible for more than myself.

I am taken by others.

I am running out of myself.

In creeps the static.

I breathe in.

I breathe out.

I find myself again.

Even for a moment so I can regain myself.

Escaping the static yet again.

But it is always there.

Taunting me.

Teasing me.

The static.

 

“My mind is frozen and it got ice in it”

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 11 Comments

Lately I have been exhausted.

I mean it’s been crazy hectic and I am struggling to meet dates, deadlines, life lines and all kinds of things for people and myself.

Of course there is always conflict, I mean this is life so I expect a certain amount.

But sometimes I am just ready to scream and yell and basically have a tantrum like a toddler.

I am blessed to have wonderful friends and family to talk to, rant to, or just be there and say nothing but know they are there.

I am also blessed, lucky or whatever you want to call it to have my boy.

He makes me laugh and reminds me to be real without even realizing what he does.

I was asking him why he wasn’t paying attention to me, again, and reminded him of the consequences of his actions if he did not follow through on his promises and actions.

He turned to me so very serious and said, “Mommy, I’m sorry. I think my mind is frozen and it got ice in it. That’s why I wasn’t paying ‘tention to you and I’m sorry.”

He was so genuine and I tried to hold back my laughter at his very honest statement.

I got to thinking, maybe that’s what’s going on with myself and so many others.

Our brains get frozen and gets ice in it so we aren’t paying attention to what needs to be done.

I think I may be a tiny bit sleep deprived and have some discomfort (next week’s procedure can’t come soon enough I tell you – read “Mis-Procedure” if you really want to know what I am referring to) but I feel like my brain gets frozen and I can’t accomplish everything I need to because the ice sticks to it and I get zoned in on something so completely off track!

Wow!

I do sound like a crazy person… goooooo me!

I do think it’s true that out of the mouths of babes we hear the truth of things.

Kids do not hold back on how they feel and their opinions of life in general.

They do not judge unless you teach them to judge.

They just say whatever is on their mind.

We have to teach them how to filter it.

Since this has been an ongoing lesson in my household, filtering as well as discretion, the boy asked me if he said something wrong.

He knew I was amused by his response but he also knew he had not being doing as told.

I told him that I was proud of him for acknowledging that he wasn’t paying attention and that the way he said it was just funny to me because it was so very true.

He then said, “Lots of people walk around with frozen brains and their not even zombies! I don’t think their mommies tell them to pay attention enough and they can’t shake the ice out!”

At this I just began laughing hysterically.

He started giggling and then told me he was “on my side like nationwide. Cause you know, they’re on your side!”

And that is a perfect ending to a challenging day!

I hope you all have a fabulous Tuesday my friends!

Keep Hope Alive!

 

Family Dynamics

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 7 Comments

I have been rolling this topic around in my mind knowing that if I chose to write about it I would probably have to be very cautious because I do not really want to offend folks.

Everyone has different family dynamics and often times, the “family” is not blood relations, but people that we chose as family in addition, or replacing, those kin folk we were born into.

My own original family was pretty basic.

Mother, father, daughter and son.

We had grandparents, great-grandparents, uncle, aunt, cousin, and many great aunts, great-uncles and cousins.

I have one son as does my brother.

I think they are “trying” for more children, well maybe one more, but my baby making days are done.

It’s sad sometimes to think I can’t have anymore and add to our family legacy, but also it can be a relief to not have to worry with it. If I get all crazy and want another child, I can adopt!

We are all pretty close, even though I don’t get to see my uncle, aunt and cousin and some family often as I would like as distance does separate us and schedules can be hard to coordinate. It doesn’t mean I don’t think of them often and still miss them.

I am close with my mom, brother and sister-in-law and we all live within 20 or so miles from each other so we do gather together on a semi-regular basis.

My son calls his cousin his “baby brother” since he is the eldest. They are the same age apart as my brother and I which is 3 ½ years.

Don’t get me wrong, I have lots of cousins and relatives I never see. I do not even know where some of them live or if they are still living.

It isn’t, that I know of, because of a family feud, but due to circumstance of just not being in each other’s life and growing apart.

My father’s father had one sister and she didn’t have children.

His mother was one of 12 children so I do have lots of cousins on that side.

My mother’s father had 2 sisters as did her mother.

I do see some of my cousins from one side but not the other.

I do not know anyone that doesn’t have some type of family drama somewhere in their trees!

They may not tell you or bring it out in the open, but I guarantee someone in everyone’s family has some type of drama!

Growing up I was fortunate I had 2 sets of grandparents and 3 great-grandmothers. It wasn’t until I was older and learned that not everyone has that family and not everyone was close to family they did have.

I am so fortunate to have so many cousins scattered around that I still am in touch with!

Though I wish I could see them more and spend time with them I am grateful for the opportunity to still be in contact, or reconnect with them.

I will admit there are a few that I have no idea what has happened to them nor does anyone else.

One cousin seems to have dropped off the face of the planet. Seriously.

It seems at times the only time I ever even see certain relatives is at weddings and funerals.

That’s pretty sad when you think about it but also, it may not be by your choice, but theirs or another relative.

I am fascinated with family dynamics.

I have friends who are twins who have an older brother.

Their parents divorced and their father remarried.

They have not only half brothers and sisters from them, but also found out their father spread his seed a bit more and have many half brothers and sisters.

I must say they have taken it quite well to find out they have half siblings the same age as them and to, for the most part, get to know several of them.

I can’t imagine finding other siblings when I was older and how I would react to that!

I have worked in assisted livings and as a caregiver for families.

It is so interesting to see who steps up during a medical crisis and who is nowhere to be found.

I know in my own family, no matter what is going on or who is not happy with each other, when a medical crisis arises, we are all there.

For me I could not imagine Not being there.

But I have realized throughout this life not everyone feels the same.

One lady I used to care for, “Miss Jane” (*names changed to protect the living), had 3 children. I never saw the children who lived in town but every few months. Then for only a brief period of time.

However her son who had moved to another country, would make the trek yearly to visit his mother and stayed at least a month. The majority of his time would be spent with his mother.

This lady had other relatives, however, during her life she wasn’t always so nice. She was diagnosed with dementia and after her husband died, was placed in an assisted living facility.

This was where I met her as I worked at the facility.

I met so many people whose family dynamics were fascinating to me to watch.

At times, it was also very sad as in the case of Miss Jane.

Here was a lady who had wealth beyond comprehension and yet her only visitors was a few times a year with random family coming to visit.

Only her one son who lived thousands of miles away came with any regularity and that was just once a year.

Another lady, “Miss Carmen”, had no children and only a niece. She had moved from Florida so her niece could care for her at our facility.

Her niece, Betty, came several times a week and always worried when she would go out of town that Carmen would need something and she wouldn’t be there.

Here Betty was worrying about how Carmen would miss her, knowing she had dementia and that prior to her moving her close did not see her aunt regularly due to distance but always talked on the phone.

She cared enough to go to her home when Carmen’s husband died and pay attention to her situation to see that she needed to step in and help.

And Jane’s “guardians” would have to be contacted when she needed new clothes because they didn’t see her on a regular basis.

Of course now we have instant access to the internet and being able to call, text or send a message on Facebook to get in touch with relatives far and wide.

However I still have to look at Jane and Carmen.

In my humble opinion, it seems that once some people get older, or aren’t as “nice” all the time, family members and even friends just stop coming around.

I did find out in Miss Jane’s case there were many friends who didn’t know where she was.

The two children who lived closer made a decision to not tell anyone because of her “condition”. Her son who lived far away rectified that after a visit and I was happy to see her have visitors.

We are all human and need the companionship and touch of others.

It does make a difference.

I understand some people chose to cut themselves off from their family and friends.

That is their choice.

But for so many, that choice is taken from them in many different ways due to their family dynamics.

I guess you can call me lucky and blessed because in my own life, I have not only my family, but a large collection of friends as well.

I know that they can send out an SOS and if I can’t be there in person, I am there for them in spirit and let them know.

Because if you don’t let people know you’re thinking about them, you care and you will do whatever you are able to do they don’t know that for sure.

You can’t assume they know.

You have to tell them.

So reach out to that random family member/friend that’s been on your mind.

Call, text, email, send a message to them just do it.

We never know how much time we have left.

We never know if that brief “hello I miss you” may be what they need to get through their day.

Always Keep Hope Alive.

I hope you all have a fabulously graceless Monday my friends!

 

Father’s Day 2015

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 6 Comments

fathers day

As I was thinking of what to write for my Sunday post I realized that today is Father’s Day.

For me this is a hard day to get through as my own daddy passed away in February of last year with stage 4 kidney cancer.

Our family was with him when he passed and that is something to be thankful for.

I was blessed to have him in my life for 43 years.

I was a “daddy’s girl”. I guess I always will be.

I am the eldest child and my brother is 3 ½ years younger than me.

I was always the rebel and the one who paved the way for him to be the “golden child” haha

My brother and I are very close and I know that on that account, I am lucky.

Father’s Day is bittersweet for him as well.

Two months after my daddy passed away my nephew was born and he became a father.

I remember walking into the hospital room seeing my little bro holding his newborn son and bursting into tears as I felt like I was in a magical place.

I was seeing a photo in my mind of our father holding me with the same look of pure love I was now seeing on the face of my brother.

Like father like son.

My own son was blessed to have known his “Pops”.

He still talks about him, misses him and promises he will tell his cousin all about Pops and how great he is.

I said “is” because that is how we keep him alive is by talking about him.

We aren’t obsessed with making sure he is in our conversations daily, however I know that a single day doesn’t go by without me thinking about him and I know my mom and brother feel the same.

My parents were married for 45 years.

A true until death us do part.

Our house was not “Leave it to Beaver” bliss but then there was Always love, even in the best and worst of times.

My daddy was ALWAYS there for me and so many others whenever needed.

He had more patience than anyone I know.

I know when he was younger he had a temper, he often told me about it and I heard stories from family and friends.

However he realized very young that a bad temper would get you nowhere and being calm even in a storm was the better way to move through life.

Often times when someone passes we tend to canonize them and make them more “saintly” than when they were living.

I can say that isn’t the case with my father.

My daddy was a well known and loved respected business man.

He knew and met people from all around the world.

The love and light he cast out to family, friends and strangers was astounding.

When he died, after the funeral, which was massive, there was a reporter from the local paper there to do an article on him.

I couldn’t find the words to describe the man who is my father.

Understanding, strong, loving, caring, compassionate, believed in equality for all humans, was the Yoda of golf, hunting and fishing, always there, never judging, always thought before he spoke knowing his words were taken to heart.

How do you really convey that?

I have said many times I do not like crowds.

I am pretty weird about it nor am I going to draw attention to myself.

However when daddy died I had made him a promise.

I keep my promises.

I sang “Amazing Grace” a Capella at his funeral.

There were hundreds of people there but I sang for him and my family as they knew it was his favorite and I would sing it for him.

I completely zoned out and saw him there smiling as he always did while I sang my heart out with tears streaming down my face.

I didn’t care about if I was off key or looked strange.

I only cared that my daddy knew how much I loved him so I sang to him.

This will be my second Father’s Day without my daddy “here” with me.

I know I will shed tears.

I know I will sing his song out loud.

I know that many of my friends and family members are also thinking of their fathers, grandfathers, brothers, uncles and friends who are no longer with us.

I know I do.

But I also know my daddy would want me to remember those who are still here too.

So to all of the fathers out there, and mothers who are both mom and dad, I send out a Happy Father’s Day to you!

I hope you all have a fabulous Sunday!

I am including one of my all-time favorite photos of my son and my daddy.

It means the world to me.

It’s my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 33 Comments

It can sometimes be hard for me to get to sleep.

I am always thinking of all of the things I need to do, people I should call, projects I should get done.

I do decent, I would guess, on judging myself about getting things done.

I try to set a schedule and follow it. I make sure I am flexible.

I love that dude Murphy of Murphy’s law because I know he sets out to wreak havoc on my life at times.

I have to even admit sometimes I have no choice but to laugh or I would run screaming and never, ever stop.

I try to plan when I am going out of town or doing something outside of my day to day normal life.

Take for example earlier this week.

I had started a new job and was getting into the grove of it.

This means the boy must also get into my new grove and fortunately it doesn’t affect him too greatly and we go along smoothly.

Monday and Tuesday go well so we are heading into Wednesday where I have plans to travel and he will go to school and then to this grandparents after and I will go take care of my business.

All I can say looking back is thank God I was off Wednesday because I so would have had to have called in after my early morning wake up.

I’m not sure why it is when something dramatic happens, it seems to happen when I am in full on REM mode and getting much needed sleep.

Through my sleep filled senses I think I hear “Mommy” but surely that can’t be happening because it is dark out and why am I feeling some kind of wetness on me that I know isn’t a night sweat and it’s kind of thick?

Is this a nightmare?

Then I hear the “sound” all parents know.

The one that you immediately jump up asleep or not because that means something disgusting is happening to your child, and you don’t want to be in the line of fire.

Yes, the dreaded puking in the bed.

Let me just say my child drinks a lot of milk and the last thing that went down is the first to come up.

It was like I was in a waking nightmare.

It was heinous.

It was on me.

I rushed to turn the light on and make sure he was ok when I looked into the mirror.

And I froze.

I look like I had on a milk mask that had splattered.

And I couldn’t breathe deep or that could go very poorly.

So I grabbed towels and washrags out from under the sink and proceed to wipe myself down when the boy says. “Mommy I got throw up on me. Oh hey you got a lot on you too that’s funny.”

And I am happy he’s ok and not still sick but I want to go “Really kid?! Cause this can’t be real!”

But I know that it is.

And it is my life.

I wouldn’t change it for the world because for every bad, gross, icky moment there are 20 more that are happy, funny, full of love and so much better.

So yeah, this is my life.

I just wish he would have aimed for the floor instead of me.

He will learn eventually.

After all when he got sick later, after I had stripped us, the bed and cleaned up and moved us to another room, he got sick in the bucket by the bed.

Bless him!

I wouldn’t change a thing because it wouldn’t be my life otherwise.

Be glad this didn’t happen to you.

If it did, I am so sorry but at least you aren’t alone!

Happy Saturday My Fabulous Friends.

Keep Hope Alive!

 

My little parrot

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

When I found out I was pregnant, I read book, magazines, articles, blogs and specialty parenting sites.

I wanted to go in with as much information as possible and continue to research and read and learn about this small creature that is my responsibility.

You read about the stages of development and somewhat think you are mentally prepared for the stages.

You know deep down that anything can happen and things won’t be like the information overload you get, but you think you’re ready.

You are not.

Trust me.

It may not happen daily but, at least for me, a few times a week my offspring catches me totally off guard but something he does or says.

The past week seems to have been full of zingers!

He is four, soon to be five in September, and of course, knows “almost everything.”

He’s very self-confident and also can be shy.

He’s outgoing and loving.

He’s funny, witty and working on his jokes.

He has a slight lisp and still have the little boy voices so things he says that are beyond his years tend to throw me off and in many cases make me laugh.

He is full on boy!

He likes to “help cook” in the kitchen and with some minor adjustments, my OCD has accommodated him in his quest to help.

He helps pick up and “cleans” because he sees me do it and he wants his toys to not disappear if he leaves them scattered about.

He watches as me to see what I do and sometimes copies my actions.

He has similar facial expressions to me.

The boy can’t hardly taking a photo without sticking out his tongue… I may have taught him that!

Since I have always worked with him on manners, the age old “yes mam, no mam, thank you mam, please” phrase has been drilled into his head and still is. We also do “yes sir…” to make sure whether male or female he knows how to respond. When he burps or poots he is to say excuse me and usually does.

But it seems all boys, and some men and females, have to verbally note when they fart.

We call it barking spiders, pooter scooters and poots. Most recently he learned the phrase “passing gas.”

He finds them all hysterical.

Sounds coming from his butt are the best in his world.

I figure give him all the cleanest terms for his body and its functions as I can while he is young.

Recently he said “Mommy I had a big barking spider come out of my anus.”

Ugh! Hopefully he will still use the term booty or butt for now!

Trying to teach him the correct names for his anatomy is a challenge!

He also copies things we say.

The other night at dinner I was trying to open a container when he busts out with, “What Are you doing child?!” in a fabulous imitation of myself.

I lost it laughing.

It was one of those laughs that’s contagious and he started laughing and I started laughing harder, then I snorted and he screeched laughing and we are both crying laughing!

I am even doing the “shhhhhhhhhhhhhh” with hysterical laughter and “please quiet” trying to gain control over my laughing.

It was semi hopeless but sometimes those laughs are the BEST feeling ever!

Every word that comes out of my mouth has to be censored when he is anywhere near me.

It’s scary.

There are times when he is all up into a movie and I am talking to someone in the other room or on the phone, thinking he isn’t paying attention but dang if he doesn’t come back a bit later and ask “mommy what did you mean by this?”

Thankfully I am hyper aware of what I say around him because I really did remember reading about “the parrot effect” of young children.

I thought it would happen earlier than now and it did to a degree.

But it seems to be building and building.

I seriously need an editor before I speak in front of him because he sometimes mixes the contexts of the word and it does not sound right!

I’m just waiting for the call from his school.

I know it’s coming!

I just have to remember to breathe and pray it isn’t over anything too bad!

No matter what I will always think of my good friend “Max” and the call she got from her sweet, angelic daughter’s daycare. “Miss Max, Ally said the “F” word!”

Then I feel a little better. For now!

Have a fabulous Thursday My Graceless Friends!

I’m recovering today from a back procedure so no idea what tomorrows post will hold!

Keep Hope Alive!

 

Quiet time, me time and missing the noise

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

I remember growing up we did not have all of the technology and all of the options we do today.

Yes my mom talked on the phone, but it was attached to a cord and plugged into the wall. If you wanted privacy, you went to another room or she told us kids to go outside or in our rooms.

Our rooms held our dearest treasures and outside held fun and adventures.

We lived on a cul-de-sac when I from the time I was 18 months old until I was 8. That would be the time when we acquired my younger brother!

We then moved to a newer subdivision from the time I was 8 until around 18 in which I met my best friend/sister and where the majority of my teenage years played out.

When my parents moved again, it was so my brother could go to a different school since I was graduating and he was about to go to high school.

No matter where we lived, we were required to “be creative” and let my parents have peace during the days of summer and school breaks.

We always did many things together as a family such as dinner each night, church on Sundays, vacations, family gatherings, parties – you get the idea.

But we also had “quiet times” and somehow I always treasured those times.

I don’t require “background” noise like a lot of people do.

And let me be clear, I do like to put on the radio or TV on occasion and have noise happening when I am alone, but I really do cherish quiet time. Nor am I a huge fan of TV every night.

I remember one of the first times when I was a teenager and my parents went away overnight and my younger brother went to my grandparents house.

My parents were trusting me to be an adult and not have a party or anyone over, plus there were plenty of people in the neighborhood that could “watch” our house and back then, there wasn’t all of the dangers we have today. No Facebook and smart phones to instantly update the world on your location and what you are doing. Not a lot of traffic in our area and less crime than there is now.

I did, of course, invite my best friend/sister across the street over for a little while but all we did was make a few calls to boys and watch the cable channels we normally were “limited” to watch.

Cable was the “new” thing as were microwaves! Yep, I am that old!

After she left I remember thinking “It is so Quiet.”

I could hear the house creaking and making noise, I could hear the dog outside but that was it. No TV, no one talking, walking around or making any noise.

It was Bliss!

I went up to my room and read and wrote in my journal.

I slept late because my parents weren’t coming home until later that day.

I enjoyed the peace and quite of a house alone for the first time in my life.

As the years moved forward and I grew up and moved out of my parents home, for the first time haha, I enjoyed having roommates but enjoyed the times when I was alone at home.

The quiet can be so peaceful!

I later married we and moved around a lot. Florida, Georgia, California and back to Georgia.

Many years later we divorced and at first I was living with friends, but I realized I wanted to get my “own” place.

I wanted the option of “quiet time” all the time because I had never had that.

So I got my own apartment and I reveled in being the only one who made noise, other than neighbors, which I had experienced before being an apartment dweller.

However, after a year-ish I realized I am a very social creature. I had already adopted two cats but I missed living with someone.

I set out to find a roommate. And I was “picky”! I wish I had the original ad I posted on “need a roommate” sites due to it’s “what I don’t want” content!

I finally found one person I felt “good” about meeting and happily she was the only person that came to “check out the place” and also became a friend for life!

She, like me, loved her quiet time but wanted someone semi-normal to live with. She had been in a bad relationship, moved in with family and now wanted to be free of the familial judgment and irritation that can come with it!

We both dated, but often joked we would probably end up being old lady roommates with cats and dogs when we moved into our 3rd residence together.

We had a house with a yard, cats, dogs and she was as OCD about cleaning as I was.

We both respected each other about our “quiet time” but would call each other out if we stayed on the couch for too long (like over a week and you aren’t dying from flu, allergies, stomach bug, surgery or anything else of the like) to touch base and generally keep each other sane.

After a few years  my gypsy spirit kicked in and I decided to move yet again.

This time my adventures led me to the state of Tennessee.

I had some wonderful roommates that I love dearly and are still wonderful friends with to this day.

I married again and had my miracle boy.

It was all so crazy and seem to happen so fast!

I had made peace, to a degree, that I wasn’t able to have children.

My friend, then later husband, and I talked about fertility treatments but honestly I wasn’t sure if I could afford the emotional blow it would cause if we paid out all that money and it didn’t work.

Then a miracle happened. I was pregnant.

We got married and I left my wonderful friends and moved in with him. It may not have been the smartest thing to do since we were such good friends but we thought we could pull it off.

I also knew my enjoyment of “quiet time” was about to be interrupted for a while!

I am not dumb but to my credit I was happy about the arrival of the human I was blessed to help create and carry. I was terrified and happier than I had ever been.

Anyone who has children know from the moment they are born your life of peace and quiet is shattered!

It is not all bad, but that is the truth!

If you’re lucky in the first year, you get “quiet time” when the kid is sleeping and the whole “you nap when they nap” actually happens sometimes because you’re dead on your feet from doing your “normal” chores and work, even if you aren’t caught up on everything you take a nap even if you aren’t a “nap person”! At least I did on occasion!

So “quiet time” shifted but I could still find it.

Life moved on and the boy grew and his dad and I realized that we didn’t need to be married. We had issues with living together and clashed on too many things. We tried counseling and we truly worked on trying to stay together but finally realized we couldn’t stay together “for the sake of the child” because we were both miserable.

So I moved again into my own place right down the road.

My father was going through cancer treatments again and I was a wreck from the emotional strains of worrying about my son, my father and the impending divorce.

I found more “quiet time” than I wanted as my son shares time with his father, which I am grateful for as often times kids get the raw end of the deal when parents are divorcing, but that first few months was Hard.

My “quiet time” was torture to think of all the things going on I had no control over and I miss my son like crazy when he’s gone.

I finally learned to accept his nights and weekends away and to enjoy the precious alone time I had.

During our divorce negotiations and mediation, we ending up deciding to move back to our home state of Alabama as both sets of parents lived here as well as extended family and friends.

It’s funny how you think you won’t move somewhere then you have a child and your whole perspective changes!

I didn’t have a lot of “quiet time” per se due to life and the happenings going on.

My friend whom I had lived with in Georgia, moved in with me to my townhouse after a failed relationship. We were happy to be together again but a bit sad of the circumstances that brought us together. She was great with my son and I once again had my friend with me.

Sadly, she passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack in her sleep.

I was heartbroken and so was Blake.

My aunt had also passed away a few months before and now my son was again losing someone he loved.

I feared there would be more to come but I had no idea how much more.

As I was packing up to move at the beginning of last year I got the call I had been dreading.

Although I had been going back and forth from TN to AL pretty much every weekend, my father had taken a turn for the worse. I threw my bags together and the boy and I set out for the motherland.

We arrived on Friday and my father passed away with our family by his side on Sunday.

I stayed on another week with my mom, family and friends. Funeral arrangements, plans and grief were the world I was in.

I have no idea how my mom made it through with the grace she did, but she is one of the strongest women I know and I have so much love, respect and admiration for her.

Her partner of 45 years had passed and she was hurting like never before, but also shared her journey with my brother and I and our family. It’s never easy when one of the rocks of a family dies, however having the love and support of your family and friends makes it bearable.

I am so blessed to have wonderful friends who while I was gone took care of my animals and also helped pack up my home.

I moved back “home” and in with my mom 2 days shy of one month after my father passed.

5 days after moving back, my beloved fur bebe golden retriever, Jethro a.k.a. Big Love, passed away. See, it did get a bit worse.

We were already grieving and now we grieved another.

Neither mom nor I were sure how things would work out.

I was over 40 with a 3 year old and living with my mom!

Fortunately I was able to transfer with my job and mom and I found out that we not only could live together but enjoyed it in a way we never had before.

We help each other out and one of the things we share is enjoying our “quiet time” or “me time” and help each other find it.

The boy loves living at GiGi’s house with mommy and we talk about Pops, my dad, too. It’s still “their” home but now it’s ours too.

We talk about heaven a lot with the boy because how else are you going to explain so many losses to a 3, now 4 year old? He has Great Wink, Aunt Bicky, Pops and Jethro having parties in heaven and I tend to enjoy his view on it as it eases my sadness to see the world through his eyes.

I know I am fortunate, blessed and pretty darn lucky.

It isn’t always easy but mom and I know we have each other.

Recently she went on a little vacation and the boy went on vacation at the same time.

I forgot about how much I Need and Cherish “quiet time” and me time.

It’s nice to wake up on your schedule, eat cereal for dinner if you want and not have to worry about anyone else.

But you know what? I miss them both! I can’t wait until everyone’s “Home” and the chaos and noise is again filling the house up.

Because as much as I love the quiet time, I miss my family! Noise and all!

Have a fabulously graceless Friday my friends!

 

 

Suck It Up

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 32 Comments

Sometimes you aren’t in a mood to do Anything.

There is work to do, errands to run, music to face but you find yourself doing any and everything to avoid doing that one task you would rather clean the floorboards than face.

This is when you have to Suck It Up!

On this journey down the river of life we often times find ourselves dodging what needs to be done. Even rationing like Scarlett O’Hara, “Tomorrow is another day” does you no good because if you’re lucky, tomorrow comes and that whole “what you put off today” yesterday becomes “just do it” today. It’s a vicious cycle to be sure!

Hiding your “to do list” doesn’t help and if you are OCD like me the darn thing is practically chiseled into your brain so even though you are physically seeing it the list mocks you in your head.

“You Need to get that organizing done.”

“You need to call about that job.”

“You need to pay that bill” Ok that one may be easier to ignore if you don’t have the funds at the moment, however it still calls out to you in that sick sing song voice “Pay attention I won’t let you forget!”. Ugh!

Which reminds me I need to organize my list.

Guess I will add that when I remember where I put it!

At least I can finally scratch off “Get to post office ASAP your girl needs her products!” Go Me!

I think I got 4 out of like 27 things done!

Seriously I don’t put numbers on the items of things to do or I would really lose it! I just write down the page and put a “-” dash for new entries and leave a few lines because then the sub-entries of things to do gets tacked on!

Then sometimes you run out of time and have no choice but to “face the music” so to speak and this is where one must Suck It Up.

I really dislike having those “Suck It Up” items on my list, but if I am honest, it is a natural part of life.

Like having to go to my boy’s school and figure out why I have a balance showing on the new sign in screen of fancy gadgetry they have. Because no matter what else is going on my kid is taken care of first and foremost.

The director was on vacation for a few weeks (use it or lose it policy and I don’t blame her a bit), but her “temporary replacement” told me I had past due fees, I was paying the wrong amount, etc. I do not know this person but I do know nearly All of the wonderful ladies taking care of my child so for her to sort of treat me like I had done wrong really rubbed me the wrong way. I did not want to show my ass in front of the rest of the teachers, but I wanted to very badly let this woman know she had messed with the wrong crazy mama.

You know how you get a vibe for people who either just don’t like you or really just don’t like other people at all?! Yeah she was one of them. She would also push it off onto the assistant, who is a wonderful lady and great with the kids and family.

I could tell “Jenny” (obviously not her real name) was uncomfortable telling me I was “past due” because she Knows I come in at the first of Every month and pay the Whole month in advance and not week by week. You get a discount doing so and I truly never had a thought about it until this new system came in and showed “balance due” and was told “it’s the system you pay fine I wish everyone did.” To me, that meant all was good.

Then this person comes in telling me in her hoity toity attitude that I needed to pay because the regional director “said so” and why hadn’t I addressed the “late fees”.

Excuse me? Late Fees? I have no idea in hades what she is talking about and told her as much. I said “maybe you should look at my payments since I have Always paid them on time, same amount every month and No One has ever said I was late nor did I get a notice.”

You know when you put it like that, when you Suck It Up and speak the truth they have no choice but to take a step back and re-access. So back to the books we went and she showed her side, of course I disagreed but knew once the director came back I could work it out.

So now I have to go in Monday, like going to the principal’s office, and sit down with her and work it all out again. I only dread it because the boy is on vacation with other family and I miss him so going to his school makes me miss him more. I know sappy Suzie! At least I know I will be getting a discount because he is out all week and I will ask about the “late fee” I paid and since he was also out a few weeks ago, of which they knew in advance, maybe I will get another discount. No one was real thrilled about how this other woman handled things!

So that is one instance of which one has to Suck It Up.

There are so many!

That conversation you need to have with a loved one or friend that you are dreading.

The actual cleaning and organizing of rooms because, let’s be honest, another month and you might qualify for an episode of hoarders!

We all have to Suck It Up during our lives and face and do things we would prefer not to do.

But they say that which does not kill you makes you stronger.

I say that which does not kill you makes you stranger. And strange is good!

Have a Fabulous Saturday My Graceless Friends!

 

Off Topic

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 13 Comments

 

Greetings my fabulously graceless friends!

The term “off topic” seems to be the running theme of my life right now! From work, bills, things to do, things to clean, places to go, family, close friends, old friends, new friends and of course the boy, the way I plan or think something is going to go winds up going in a whole new direction.

Example: Today’s post. I have one of my lovely notebooks with topics I am excited to write about. The Idea was to have topics at hand to write on therefore always being able to go “oh that was my topic and my thought train” and write on. However, the mood, friends, the kid all had input in my head space and I again changed my topic for today! Not that it is some great thing or anything! Just things I want to write about I find amusing or care deeply about. Mostly!

But that is how this post came about because life throws us off topic every once in a while, or every few days depending of how the universe is feeling! Lately she’s a feeling froggy thinking my fabulously graceless self is all about change and honesty and wanting to dig deep in my mind and soul!

Can’t a girl get a break?! I went to the beach for a “vacation” a few weeks ago and I worked my booty off! Wait, that may not sound right so let me clarify. I went to the beach with my mom and my son. Mom is great and laid back. My boy, not so much! I mean we were at the beach! We needed to go, go, go whether in the condo with movie, toys, writing, walking, asking questions, making sounds he was Going. Once we hit the beach though it was GAME ON!

Of course he wanted MOMMY 90% of the time. GiGi is fun and he loves to play with her (Bless You Mom & Thank You!) but Mommy is insane enough to body surf with the kid and find sand dollars in the crazy waves. I was also a Wave Ninja fighting for good. Yeah figure that one out I am still working on it but am told “You are a brave Wave Ninja Mommy! You kicked their booty!”

When I was a kid one of my favorite things in the world to do was go to the beach and put my toes in the sand/surf as Soon as we got there. We always had to unload the car and by the time we were done it was later and then dinner and then maybe then after we could go for a quick walk that night. Never mind we would spend the next four to five days in a bliss of beach play and games and food and fun. My brother and I would start the “please let us just go out to the beach for 10 minutes when we get there!” about 30 minutes into our 5 hour drive.

Being the oldest I schooled my “little brother” on how good a united front was to the parents and sometimes it worked! My poor boy being an only child has to petition real hard to get certain things, and at times, I give him extra points for creativeness!

So when we finally Arrived at the condo the conversation began immediately began.

“Mommy, can we go see the beach Now?”

“Sure honey, go to the balcony and feel the breeze. You can see everything!”

“No. I mean we have to go down to the beach and put our toes in the sand. ‘Member?! We have to put our toes in the sand you always say that!”

“Okay fine, just help us get everything unloaded and we will go down for a few minutes. Aren’t you hungry we’re going to dinner too!”

“Yea! Thanks Mommy you’re the Best! I love you!”

“Ah thanks buddy, I love you too. Now carry this for me.”

And so it proceeded for the next 45 minutes until we could get down to the beach, he is GOOD at his craft of “buttering you up” I am telling you! Then of course his clothes “accidentally got wet” mysteriously so we had to come up, bathe and change! But it was still worth it because he made me remember that when we get thrown “off topic” it isn’t always so bad!

I am feeling the need for another beach trip!

My lucky boy gets to go this weekend with his friends and dad. I am sure he will have fun but I am only a tiny bit jealous because I know he will have fun and I know we will find a way to go again soon.

I think the next time we go his cousin will go too. He’s only 1 1/2 but they get along famously and I won’t be the only one the boy comes to do the “hard play” with. “Little brother” is going to totally earn those uncle points while I keep his kid from eating sand. It’s a fair trade off!

So maybe “off topic” isn’t always so bad. My mood is better and I am dreaming of the beach again!

Cheers and a lovely graceless evening to y’all!