Monday memories and the national championship game… Roll Tide


hppy monday

Welcome to a fabulous Monday!

I made it through a fabulous weekend and I got to visit with my family/friends over in Georgia and road trip with the boy. We used to road trip all the time but it seems as he gets older I haven’t done as many trips and we have really missed it. The shorter trips are much easier than the 4 plus hour trips and quite entertaining.

I was also on call for work, which of course I got more calls than expected so things were a bit off, but part of the joy of road tripping and visiting with this part of our “family” as there isn’t any schedule.

If I had to take a call, someone else was instantly mouthing, “I will watch the boy” so I could safely walk away and take care of work. It was refreshing as I never knew what I would walk back into!

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Of course the boy can charm them all, and he thinks he knows all the tricks, but he is our “later in life” kid in the group so everyone treats them like their own but has a bit more patience and tends to indulge him. You want to eat that candy or those chips? Here ya go. You want to watch alien videos until your eyes bleed? Here’s an iPad enjoy dude. Bedtime? Nothing close to our normal “schedule.” Sometimes you really just have to let it go and have fun. Being loved on and licked by puppies is not too bad at all and watching the boy and the dogs play was just funny!

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He had the time of his life and can’t wait to go back. It isn’t just the presents either! HA though the tiny toys and the at least 3-people-can-fit-inside space module cardboard  was a hit, he loved just being around people like his mama who he can pretty much say anything he is thinking and won’t get “in trouble” if it’s out of line. He will be told how to properly say things and context but not scolded unless he has a full on fit as he’s too big for that madness now. When he did have a “moment’ he quickly changed his attitude as he loves being around everyone so much and playing with all the dogs, being alien/zombie hunters and musicians.

But today it’s back to work for me and school for him.

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Then tonight, it is game on. Yes, I am one of “those” people. I love football and my college team, the Alabama Crimson Tide is playing the Clemson Tigers tonight for the National Championships! I am a wee bit excited!

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I am of the ilk as the one who plays the best will win. I don’t get into all of the predictions and that madness. I do have a few items of clothing I wear and little “keep hope alive! We’re gonna win” mantras I do and say but I try not to be too out there! Any more than I already am out there!

Think happy, creative thoughts and Keep Hope Alive!

And if you feel like it, send a few good vibes and Roll Tides our way! You can never have too much hope nor too many good thoughts!

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ROLL TIDE!

Merry Christmas from Fabulous Gracelessness!


mc we wish you

We wish you a Merry Christmas!

We wish you a Merry Christmas!

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

I hope that everyone gets to enjoy this day in some way. Near or far it doesn’t matter, just that you find some happiness, some peace just for a moment.

I hope that those children that believe in Santa wake up to find that Santa came! I hope the children that don’t do Santa wake up happy and healthy.

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I hope that everyone who takes the time out to read my blog will stop, just for a moment, and find a memory, or reflect on this holiday season, and find just one memory that makes you smile. The warm, fuzzy inside kind of smile. The kind of smile that lights up your whole being! Keep Hope Alive! It’s Christmas! Miracles happen!

I realize and understand that not everyone celebrates or even enjoys Christmas. Some don’t even recognize it. I am perfectly okay with that.I am sharing how Fabulous Gracelessness does Christmas.

Here in Sweet Home Alabama it is a holiday that the majority of folks Celebrate!

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It’s a day we get together with family and friends. Often times we see folks we don’t see throughout the year for whatever reason. People sometimes put away their differences to enjoy time with family and friends. Some make new traditions and others blend the old with the new.

Before I had my son, I always got together with my family, but I also would get together throughout the holiday season and visit with friends that I didn’t get to see as much. Several of us agreed that gift giving was way overrated, in fact we call it Giftsmas, due to those that tend to over give and expect the same in return. We decided that we would always buy for the kids, but for us, just all getting together, eating good food and having a few spirits were all that we needed.

Since the boy came into my world, I still try to get together with friends, though it isn’t as easy or frequent as I would like. I do still enjoy the festivities but it has changed a bit. I have made more traditions that I did in my own childhood with him. I have created new traditions with him too. We love finding new things to do. Apparently, we are now adding make a gingerbread house to our things to do! We also drive around and look at the lights. Not necessarily on Christmas night but close to Christmas. Even in the rain we go. It is so much fun to see the joy of lights and decorations through the eyes of a child.

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It is also bittersweet. There are so many that are no longer with us. It can be so damn hard to put on a happy face when the tears are falling like rivers inside. You don’t want to make everyone else sad or put a damper on the festive times. But I can’t help but think about how much my Daddy would enjoy his grandsons. How much my Grandparents would love to play with their great-grandsons. How truly amazing it would be to have everyone home for Christmas. How much it hurts knowing that can’t happen. How much we still love and miss them and always will.

It’s why I love making new memories. To bridge the past with the present and look forward to the future.

This year I haven’t felt the Christmas spirit like I have in the past. I am so thankful for the boy as he pulls me from the abyss just knowing how much joy he has and his love for the holiday. I love that he has an elf named Jerry that magically found us and how he watches throughout the year and shows up after Thanksgiving. He comes with a letter and a tiny gift and moves about the house during the season. He doesn’t make messes or sit on a shelf. He is a different kind of elf. I love that we call Santa every year and he talks to him on the phone. We make reindeer treats as well as treats for Santa. I love the pure joy and glee in his eyes when he sees that Santa came. It isn’t the volume of the gifts it’s the magic of Christmas. It’s everyone getting along for the day when he goes from Mommy’s to Daddy’s house knowing he is loved by so many and it is a day where everyone is present. No distractions just the enjoyment of those around him.

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Through the eyes of a child is how I wish everyone could see Christmas.

Keep Hope Alive my fabulous friends!

And may all of your Christmas’ be bright!

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*Fabulous Gracelessness does not want to offend those who do not celebrate this holiday. I hope you enjoyed reading how me and mine celebrate Christmas. I hope you understand that for us, Christmas isn’t just gifts and decorations. It is a time for us to come together. It is a time when we feel everyone should share their joy and their compassion for others. Be kind. Be patient. Remember everyone does not get to enjoy it like we do. Even if some years it isn’t as “lavish” as you would like it to be, but that you may be blessed with peace and joy.

Christmas Eve is Here!!!!


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It’s Christmas Eve and throughout the motherland

Folks are running about, loud as marching bands

Last minute shopping and baking as such

Errands and visiting can be a bit much

Trying to hold on to the last thread of sanity

Knowing my actions don’t affect just me

Holding my tongue and smiling real big

Once it’s all done I may dance a jig

I pray for some peace and a little more sleep

But there’s so much to do as I’m in here quite deep

All at once I stop, take a breath, just breathe

The calm washes over me like the breeze in the trees

I’ll make it through this with joy in my heart

And tomorrow we do the loving Christmas part

Please take the day, if you can, and relax and enjoy

For I know I will be with my family and boy

I hope you all have a true fabulous day

Keep hope Alive and enjoy Christmas Eve play

ce santa

Happy Birthday Daddy… dreams do come true and I miss you


Dear Daddy,

Today is 6 months of writing my blog on a daily basis! I am so proud of myself. You always taught me I could do anything and to do right by others. I am trying so hard and feel you around me all the time. Because of my writing I feel I have unlocked a door that I had forgotten about. One crucial to my essential being. By telling me to be true to myself I have found myself again. I found strength I didn’t know I had. Thanks to encouragement from family and special friends, remembering you and Grandmama always telling me to follow my heart and dreams, I am living my dream!

Today is your birthday. The second one since you’ve been gone. To say I miss you and your love and wisdom is an understatement. I would give anything for a hug and a kiss from my daddy just one more time. The words you always to me, to hear your voice again and feel your arms around me always made me know I was going to be ok.

There is so much going on in my life and in the world and I need your guidance and love more than ever. I hope you are proud of me and what I am doing. I remember your words of always stand up for others and to not be afraid because you knew deep down when you are doing the right thing.

I take comfort in our conversations we shared at random times throughout my life. Some were short, some were long but all were of value. All of the wisdom and the stories you shared with me, the way you understood and even respected my rebel side, I miss these things. I miss you.

You let me fly and also taught me how to be humble and respect every living being. You encouraged me when I know it had to be hard to do so. You also always loved me no matter what I said or did. I know there were times you didn’t like me as much and looking back, I can’t blame you. I wasn’t the easiest child to raise and I can be a bit stubborn and willful I know! You taught me to control my temper when I was young and I know that was no cake walk. You showed me how to channel my anger to find solutions to help myself and others along the way. You shared with me how to work through hurt, rage and fear. You always stood up for me even when it was hard to do. You never gave up on me and you always were there for me.

I wish you were here with us, our family. You have two amazing grandsons and my boy has already started telling his cousin about Pops and how wonderful you are. We all miss you and feel the ache so deeply. We are taking care of Mom as we would have no matter if we promised or not. You instilled in us the joy and challenges of family and how we stick together no matter what.

The legacy of family, friends and business you left is awe inspiring.

Oh Daddy I wish we could spend another day, another hour together. I know I would want more time. We all do.

I am so thankful and grateful you were always there for me for 43 years of my life.

It’s been one year, eight months and 11 days since we last saw you. I know you are free and whole again. I have to believe it. I know that your body is no longer ravaged by an insidious disease that could no longer be controlled. I know you no longer hurt.

They say time heals all wounds and that it gets easier. I’m sorry if I can’t see it that way. I didn’t always live in the same state and sometimes we would go a bit before talking or seeing each other but you were always There. I am better about not breaking down or breaking down in front of everyone, though sometimes it happens. I get overwhelmed by the fact that the first love of my life is no longer on this planet. It hurts my heart and soul.

They boy talks about you all the time with me. He believes we should be able to get you in heaven and go over the rainbow bridge and see Jethro. He tells me that Jethro has you throwing tennis balls to him and he’s sure you are giving him slices of the square cheese because he loves it. I love that he keeps your memory alive by talking about you.

I need to end this letter now but I know you are watching over us. I feel you with me and us so many times.

I love you, Daddy, with all my heart.

Thank you for always believing in me and my dreams and never giving up on me.

I miss you more than I will ever be able to put into words.

Always,

Your little girl

A Sunday well spent, reflecting and just being


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Greeting and a fabulously happy Sunday to you all!

I hope that you are having a most excellent, relaxing, enjoyable, semi stress free day!

It can be so hard to “relax” and take it easy when you have so many responsibilities, things to do and people to see. People you want to see and some you don’t get to see as often as you would like. Plus, there are also the reminders in the back of my head to ready myself for the upcoming week and all that it brings. Sometimes the hardest part is just allowing myself to relax, enjoy and be in the moment because I tend to keep planning for things to do. It’s in the vein of “stop and smell the roses” and take time to just enjoy where you are right this minute. Not constantly being in motion like I tend to try and do.

This past weekend my body chose to make me “stop” and I had to realize I needed to just smell the roses or suffer the consequences of not taking care of myself like I gripe to others about doing! It’s frustrating when you want to do things and you just can’t. You make sure your get your main chores and duties done but anything else is a bonus at this point, even it if needs to be addressed. Sometimes you just can’t get it done. Guess what? That is OK. You will live, the earth will still turn and life will go on. Your family, friends and loved ones will understand that life happens and not always the way that you would hope for it to be.

I was originally going to write about reading the Sunday paper, of which I finally finished last Sunday’s paper on Friday, and how it can be so revealing to learn more about what is going on in your community and state. Lord have mercy I love my state but sometimes I wonder what the politicians are thinking. Are we really going back 50-ish years on certain issues? The pulse here today echoes strangely to the beat in ways as it did back in the 1960’s. Once again my home state is under public scrutiny, and rightfully so, for their stance on segregation and choosing to follow they laws through their own interpretation. Seriously. It makes me cringe.

Several months back I received a phone call about race and segregation and if I felt things were better, worse or unchanged than they were in the past. It was a poll call and I enjoyed talking to the lady who was asking my true opinion. I was my honest self. I told her I could see improvement for the better, however it wasn’t enough and I saw more disrespect from others than I stupidly thought I would see when I moved back to my home state last year. That on the surface it seems like people are more tolerant and understanding of one another and that there was more compassion for our fellow human, but I realized far too quickly that that was sadly an illusion. You can bet I have added it to my “topics” to be written on!

dont quit daydream

I am very blessed in my life to be surrounded by so many amazing humans from so many diverse backgrounds. True, quality folks that accept me and I them for who they are no matter what. These amazing humans are around the state, a state or two away, across the country and across the seas. When I say I am blessed I truly mean it. I have been able to have some of the most amazing relationships with people on so many different levels. It transcends “friendship” in so many cases. We don’t see color, flaws and short comings as “deficits” in each other, but openly discuss and talk about real life and more about building each other up than tearing each other down. We can’t always talk but when we do we pick up right where we left off, flowing smoothly into what works for us. I work to do this in every area of my life. It is not always easy. I am my own worst critic of how I should be versus how I am.

But I never give up and I always Keep Hope Alive!

And I pray to the few of you that are kind enough to read my ramblings, that you have a fabulously graceful Sunday. That you find an inner happiness and a joy in the moment. Whether it be just sitting and reading and relaxing or spending time alone or with those you love. Just find a bit of beauty. Never give up of this adventure of life. ALWAYS KEEP HOPE ALIVE!!!

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A blue bunny kind of Thursday


So my jeep has been in the shop for a while now. I am worried that the “Blue Bunny” may not be suitable for me any longer and I dearly love that vehicle!

It is far from a luxury car, but it is mine, bought and paid for. It seems, however, that it’s days of carting me and mine around are limited.

I purchased that jeep when it was just me and my big love dog, Jethro. It has a manual transmission, aka manny tranny, and lots of quirks but I was in love from the test drive.

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I started receiving recall notices, little things like windows, buttons, etc. after the boy was born and took it in the first time when the passenger rear window got stuck in the down position. At first the dealership tried to claim my kid had worn it out, but seeing as how I had him in a carrier and he had limited head control, much less the ability to repeatedly push the button to roll down the window they conceded it was probably due to the defect of the system. Ya think?!

Then, about a year and a half after the first time I had the window repaired, the same thing happened. It got stuck on the passenger side in the down position. It was winter and cold, like 23 degrees outside cold. I took it back to the dealership and told them of the problem.

Let’s just say things did not go well for either of us, and I had to pay for a new part for the window they “repaired” with the recalled parts they were given to “replace the bad ones”. Whatever. My kid is still in a car seat and can’t reach the button for the window. *Ahem.

Of course I had to do the usual maintenance, fluid changes, tires (several times as I drive a lot and yeah, I think I am an Andretti descendant at times), even a new windshield, which I lived with for quite a while before I dropped the cash to fix that.

Moving along I came to the decision to move back to the motherland with the boy and dog. I figured it would be easier to do the majority of it myself to save funds.

Logical right?

So I started packing and planning and realized I needed a hitch on my jeep as I figured I would at some point need a trailer for my move.

I take it to the local U-Haul and schedule a time for the hitch to be installed. Since it was during the week and I worked, I had a co-worker take me up there so I could have them install the hitch while I am at work, go back to work and come back when they finished as it was less than 5 minutes away.

I get to the U-Haul, walk in and tell all these “young” guys why I am there. The cockiest one walks up, snags my keys and smirks, “I got this.”

I just smiled at his other 2 co-workers and said, “He’s kind of confident. That’s going to be a good thing to have in life.”

As they looked at me oddly, he returned via the back entrance with a sheepish look on his face. His co-workers quickly inquired as to if he was ok and if the vehicle was ok. Of course the vehicle was fine. The problem? He couldn’t drive a manual transmission, stick shift or anything like it. If it wasn’t “automatic” he couldn’t drive it!

It turns out only one of them had ever even attempted driving a vehicle that wasn’t an automatic. All of the trucks they rented were automatic.

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Wow, just wow!

There was only one that had attempted to drive a stick, and yes, I let him attempt it again but he couldn’t do it. He had the true humor to tell me he was temporarily turning in his man card because he now knew he needed to know how to drive one.

The other two pretty much hid from me more or less.

I had to back my own vehicle up the ramp so they could install the hitch. Their manager was coming over from another store to get it down and they would call to let me know when to pick it back up.

I had to say I laughed long and hard about that one as did several of my co-workers and friends! I still do. I mean, really, you take your vehicle to get something done to it and all of the employees working that shift could not drive it because it is not an automatic?! I cannot make this up!

I’ve had so many great adventures and good memories in my “blue bunny” so named for its color and general happy feel!

My boy had one of those walkers that had the jeep look on it and that was done randomly and not because of my jeep. I have a photo somewhere of him in his walker behind my actual parked jeep. See below.

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I have lived in 2 states and driven through 7 in the bunny.

I know her quirks and oddities like I know my own.

Of course I paid it off last year so it’s just Murphy and his laws again messing with me telling me it’s time to move on. But this one is hard for me.

I have so many great memories.

My dog, Jethro, who is no longer on the planet with me, rode all over the southeast in that jeep.

My dad got a kick out of it and we talked about how I always wanted a jeep when I was younger, but he was worried then that I would flip it with my driving skills at the time. My dad is no longer here either.

I got the Blue Bunny and 14 months later had my boy so I carried both boy and dog in the jeep back and forth from the park to the house and to visit family.

I know that sometime soon I am going to have to make a decision on what to do about her.

I’ve been blessed to have a “loaner” minivan that is quite cool. Words I never thought I could ever put into a sentence and mean! It’s “loaded” as they say and my boy likes it better than the jeep. I mean ALL of the windows roll up and down, there’s a sun roof, space, good on gas and oh yeah it has DVD players in it.

We took it on our trip to PA and even with 6 humans and all of our crap we had space. We even discussed, other than hitting laundry mats and grocery stores, we could just keep driving and take a trip around the country. It is that comfy and cool.

But still, I will miss the Blue Bunny once she goes.

For now, I can still keep hope alive that I can squeeze a bit more time out of her.

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For nostalgia’s sake if nothing else.

Memories last forever.

Have a fabulous graceless day!

 

 

 

 

 

The Mid-Week Hustle


Welcome to the midweek hustle!

If you’re reading this, you’re still breathing so be happy!

You may be going through a rough patch, hell, it may be a rough month/year but you are still on this planet breathing in and out, so be grateful.

So many have not made it this far.

I know personally it has been a challenging week for me.

I have been blessed to have wonderful humans in my life to help drag me from the brink and take care of me. Even when I think “I’m fine” and I am being stubborn they seem to keep sticking around.

I spent part of my weekend with my girls in Atlanta and oh how I needed it!

We didn’t “do” much, we did have a birthday party for a dear friend, but as far as getting out and doing things, no that didn’t happen other than dinner one night.

I didn’t go to sleep before 3:00 AM either night I was there!

I wish I could say I was up dancing and partying, however since I was up late 2 nights, anyone that knows me knows that isn’t possible!

I did, however, enjoy awesome, silly conversations with my friends, covering every topic we could think up! From our fashion faux pas, relationship, politics to what were are planning to eat, we discussed it all. We laughed until we cried and kept going. Let’s just say I was not an early riser those days!

I spent the rest of my child free time working, cleaning and with my someone special. We will see where it leads but I have a lot of hope this time around!

The best part of today is my boy comes home!

I have missed that little booger!

He’s went for his final week with his dad and grandparents and I know he had fun as I got updates, but golly gee do I miss him when he is gone.

Also today will be crazy hustle as early scheduling for work and then karate with my boy, then we again go to our happy place at the beach. Another fun family vacation! I wish I had my cousins and brother, sister-in-law and nephew going too as it is a lot of fun with so many helping hands, but we will have fun no matter what.

So I wish to end this on a happy, full of hope kind of note.

Always remember to Keep Hope Alive!

Stay fabulous my graceless friends!

Lady Maos

Missing my boy


I hate this emptiness.

My boy goes to his dad’s for a few days every other week.

You’d think I would be used to it after 2 years but I’m not.

I am already dreading his 2 weekends in a row away from me.

God knows I do need a break.

I know he will have fun.

I can’t help but worry.

It isn’t like we didn’t try to make it work.

We went to couples therapy before we even got married, however in hindsight, I realize we shouldn’t have married just because I got knocked up.

But it was a miracle I was able to have a child, our families felt it was right and we had been best friends for so long.

I was in a whirlwind of shock.

I tried so hard and I know he did too.

But if we are honest, it wasn’t the best idea.

And a treasured friendship was shattered.

But we got a beautiful, smart, willful, amazing child from it.

So I work on the “co-parenting” thing.

But my arms ache for my little mini me in male form.

And I breathe.

Because I can’t do anything else.

I write for him too so that one day he knows how much it hurt me to let him go but that I had to.

I know he will understand.

He just came to me, put his little arms around my neck, and said, “Mommy, I know you’re working but I just had to tell you I love you and you’re the bestest mommy I ever had.”

How could I not miss that?!

I have written how much it meant to me to be his mommy. How I never thought I would be a mommy. How happy I am he chose me to be his mommy “this time” as he puts it.

His journals from his mommy.

Stories and poems of my life before him, my thoughts and dreams and how he was a part of my dreams.

Later I will be mom or even mother, but for now I am mommy.

When he is not with me I miss him more than I ever knew was possible.

I love this child with a feral intensity that I didn’t know I was capable of.

I’m thankful he has family on both sides that love him and want to be with him.

I know how precious that is.

I know I want only the best for him but I can’t do everything.

I know I make mistakes and that I am far from perfect.

I know I can’t control how everything plays out.

I know I will never stop loving him no matter what he chooses.

I know I will never stop fighting for him and being his strongest supporter.

I know I will never stop teaching him how to be a better human being.

I know I will never stop disciplining him, even when he’s 30 because I know I will always be his mama. No matter where I am.

So now I will write in his journal and look at pictures of this beautiful creature I created and be thankful I have him for the time I am given.

Because I am thankful I have him at all.

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Manic Monday in 3D!


Today we have Manic Monday in 3D!

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This gal is on her way back home from the great northern adventures and visiting with friends and family!

I am sure there will be things that do not go according to plan, Mr. Murphy please take those laws and go!

We’ve no time for all that!

For we are going down the highway of life and living it to the fullest!

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There’s no need for the dramas and the trials today!

Nor for any other!

So yes we have frantic, manic, even sometimes panic Mondays!

That does not mean we do not face them head on and break on through to the other side! Thank you Mr. Jim Morrison!

I urge you to Never Lose Hope!

Never give up!

Always Keep Hope Alive!

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Especially on manic Mondays!

Have a great one Y’all!

Stay Fabulous!