friday

9/11/01 – I can never forget

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 3 Comments

never forget 9 11 01

As I started to write my post I remembered the date. September 11, 2015.
It’s Friday. I usually write about happy Friday randomness or whatever strikes my fancy to let flow.
However, I can’t Not acknowledge what this date means to me. How my life and my perspective on life change that fateful day, September 11, 2001, as I am sure it did for countless others.
I have/do write in journals. I keep all of my journals from the past 15ish years close by me and read them randomly. Sometimes they call to me to re-read certain time periods or situations. I feel it is so I can reflect and maybe even learn from them. Or maybe I am to share them.
In January of 2001 I moved to California, specifically the Berkeley area. I lived with my then husband and several friends as it wasn’t cheap living out there, but it seemed so much more “free” in many ways than living in the south. I can’t explain it. I was 30 years old and felt like I needed a new adventure in my life. We had friends out there so why not just go? So we packed up our home, put it in storage and took a tiny trailer and our cat and moved to California. I have read and re-read that journal so many times the cover is starting to fall apart. So many experiences of life and seeing things through a different perspective. Also reading it now 14 years later still blows my mind. One of my favorite books I read that year was the “Tibetan Art of Parenting”. I was into trying to find out who I was and praying for a child. I was also writing but only in my journal. I was stepping outside of my comfort zone, trying new things, meeting new people.
Three days before the fateful events of 9/11/01 I had written in my journal about truly living life and that many things of this world were an illusion. How time is valuable but we don’t always notice it until there is a time limit placed on your life to force you to get on with things.
Direct excerpts from my journal 9/11/01 – please forgive the fragmented sentences:
“AM – west coast – the World Trade Center is no more. Part of the Pentagon has collapsed, terror attack on the U.S. – can’t even think of going into work. No one is. Always knowing your country wasn’t “secure” yet being told it was… I don’t like being right. It’s getting later, almost 11AM here, and nothing as of yet on the west coast. Will there be? Questions. Everyone is jumpy and edgy. News of joy over what happened to the US in Gaza. Now we know what it is like for them.
This has happened before, it will happen again unless we do something.
A dream fragment from being ripped awake this morning by roomie, “weird stuff going on I am sorry you need to get up”.
Flash of a plane, a man of maybe middle eastern decent screaming with “important brass& Showing the world.” Time wasn’t there.
Later – I finally talked to several friends and family on the east coast and everyone is freaked. Fragments of this day pass through my mind. This tragedy of Armageddon is bringing folks together. Over 10,000 dead they are saying… that is horror. Life continues but change has happened. I am drained. I have cried off and on all day. I cannot imagine what it is like for others. The death and destruction. The United States of American has been shaken to the core. I am freaked out, but not terrorized because I cannot let them have my faith, my soul. I am touched by the humanity shown all over the US. The fact we were “impenetrable” was just an illusion. Maybe this was needed. We are far from blemish free.”
Today I feel that no words can articulate how I feel yet I know that I can say 9/11/01 We will NEVER forget.
I know for me the course of my life changed. I know that my prayers and dreams of being a mother finally happened. I know that I was able to do the things in the following pages, “apologize to your parents, send letters and call friends and family and tell them you love them, never give up on your dreams, keep in touch with those you love, never forget 9/11/01 and always keep hope alive.” I know that my dream of writing is happening now. I know I can remind you to never forget.
Sending out thoughts of peace, hope and tranquility,
I remain the Fabulously Graceless Lady Maos

9 11 remember childs hand

Fabulous Friday with a touch of nostalgia

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 4 Comments

fantastic friday

The beginning of the weekend is here! We wait all week for this… or some of us do! School kids look forward to the weekend, and if they are lucky, 2 days of no “learning” and sitting in a classroom. Parents are happy, if they are of the Monday through Friday jobs, to have 2 days with their family. Or maybe it’s a dreaded thing, 50/50 chance there I guess. But I digress! Overall it’s 2 days free of the “normal weekday grind.” Songs are written about it, there are videos about it, poems, ditties and memes galore.

Also it’s officially football season again. Living in the south, high school and college football are a big deal. I know all over the US Friday night football is back and fans are all into football weekends, with high school games on Friday and college games on Friday and Saturdays. Of course since I am bringing up football, one can’t forget the NFL and Sunday games! It’s like Friday kicks off football too.

football

And since school is back in session, there are all types of sports, arts and other weekend activities to do.

I miss the Friday night dinners followed by family TV time of Dallas and Falcon Crest or friends coming over and card games and laughter.

We often would go to the high school football games and then out to dinner at the local Pizza Hut. We would see friends and family and enjoy spending time with them and each other. It was amazing how well my brother and I would get along during these times for the most part! Like we knew we were in the moment of something special and would get along and actually like each other to keep that good, happy feeling going!

I try to recreate, to a degree that fun, weekend feeling with the boy. If we are going out to dinner I find somewhere fun we both like, aka not necessarily a place with a playground, and will enjoy the food as well as the company but not break the bank. Depending on how long we are out, when we get home we may play a game before finding a new movie on Netflix to watch together. I love that he loves watching “classic” older kid’s movies that I loved when I was a kid… and an adult too but that’s ok it’s not TMNT or Frozen over and over as I can’t do that!

Last summer he watched Pinocchio for the first time, the original one, and loved it. Watching it for the first time with him I was taken back to when I saw it with my grandfather at the Alabama Theater oh so many years ago.

al theatre

Of course then I had to take him to the same theater to see a movie there and experience the feeling of awe and “how cool” it was compared to the “regular” theaters he was accustomed to. We went at Christmas and saw the Charlie Brown Christmas movie classic, which he’d of course seen, but not in that setting. Even though he had a mini meltdown before the movie, he told me later that was one of the best times he had watching a movie knowing I had been there as a little girl seeing movies there too. The kid can get me!

al theatre sign

So Friday I welcome you and know that somehow, somewhere, happiness and joy will be found in you some way by many! I know for myself and mine we will enjoy this Friday, rain or shine, because after all, it’s the start of our weekend!

I hope you all have a fabulous Friday!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Writing a blog can be a dangerous thing!

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

Writing a blog can be a dangerous thing.

I have always written since I was a little girl and kept a diary. I have written in journals, short stories, articles, essays, poems – you get the idea.

Oftentimes when I am writing a post I just write and don’t always think about how it is taken on the other end. I mean it is my blog and my thoughts. I try not to offend too badly.

I’ve been contacted by some people asking if I was writing about specific people or why I wrote about them because “they knew” that I was.

It isn’t about “you”. That’s why it’s called FabulousGracelessness.

Writing and maintaining a public blog is something I always wanted to do but wasn’t sure if I could.

I knew I could write. I write and get paid when I can and I write letters and poems and of course in my journal. I have been published, a small publication in the National Library of Poetry, but still published. I’ve written articles as a ghostwriter and for organizations where my name was actually listed as the author.

I have found in writing a blog I love the challenge I set for myself to write one post a day. I love stretching my mind to find things to write about and pulling from my mind, my thoughts and opinions.

I have also learned friends and family will tell me “don’t post this on your blog, it’s personal.” I completely respect that. I do. For the most part, I honor their wishes. I do end up writing about them but never names, places or any pertinent information about them.

So many of my life situations I find hysterically funny or completely fascinating and I want to share it.

But I also censor myself.

Because if I truly said everything that was on my mind, in my thoughts and heart I would be in a level of hell I do not want to venture through.

I do put a large part of my life “out there for anyone to see.”

Judge me as you will, but don’t forget the saying “Judge not lest ye be judged” and “he/she that is without sin cast the first stone.” *Please see my post “judge me” to see how I really feel!. https://fabulousgracelessness.com/2015/07/28/judge-me/

Believe me when I say I keep a lot to myself. Literally. I have my written journals and electronic writings, but if I don’t write things, I feel like I will fester up from the inside and explode. I sometimes feel I would lose my mind if I didn’t write it out.

There will always be critics and haters. There will always be those who think they know more about me than I do. Those people are amusing and also quite annoying.

There are also folks out there who genuinely enjoy my writings and ramblings and to y’all I say THANK YOU!

Thank You for allowing me to live my dream of writing and knowing others read, comment and sometimes even enjoy! If I am truly blessed, they will take something positive away or know they aren’t alone in their feelings and beliefs.

That is the best feeling of knowing that you made someone’s day a little brighter or helped a complete stranger with your words.

So I continue to write and to share.

I can’t not do it.

But know, it’s not about “you”, it’s about ME getting my thoughts and feelings Out.

Was that clear enough? If you don’t like it, don’t read it.

As for the rest of you I truly hope you enjoy getting a glimpse of this maotic (that’s mayhem and chaos all together) mind of mine!

Hence why I say, writing a blog can be a dangerous thing. Good thing I like a bit of danger!

Here’s to Keep Hope Alive and following your dreams!

Have a fantastically fabulously graceless Friday my friends!

It is a fabulous Friday!

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

It truly is a fabulous Friday!

It seems that on my “new” computer hard drive, the one that gave the me black screen of death, that the contents are “recoverable”. Photos, videos, writings, things precious and dear to me are not lost!

Ohmergod! This is miraculous news to me!

I was seriously thinking of titling this post “Held Hostage by Technology” because it has been a truly challenging few weeks for this tech-me-not chic!

My main “new” computer gave me the black screen of death, however my “old” computer was brought back to life, albeit a bit slower but still Alive!

Then we started having issues with the internet in our home.

Thinking it was the router, we purchased a new router, well mom did, and I thought “no problem I can just install this, write and be on my merry way.” WRONG! I did learn the one of the reasons was due to our internet carrier and the modem. I thought I could plug in a few cords and make it work, easy peasy. Unless that jerk Murphy is involved and then I have the urge to break all the technology into tiny pieces and run over it back and forth and toss it out on I-85…but I digress!

I spent nearly 4 hours going back and forth trying to repair it, with help of course because this went well beyond my knowledge and technical abilities. A huge shout out to my friend who rode to my virtual rescue and will be going by the house to fix that for us! Along with the recovery of both the new and old computers… You, sir, rock!

Yes, that means that I could not make it work!

If I have no computer, no internet I cannot write for FabulousGracelessness nor do any other writing for that matter.

I have no problem writing with pen and paper and do so often, but mama needs money and has deadlines to meet so I needed both computer and internet.

I am able to use my iPhone as a hot spot, and I feel so cool saying I know how to do that ‘cause it wasn’t as simple as I thought at first. Now it is second nature if I don’t have internet service. I cannot go without my computer for my writing.

I cannot see me writing articles from my iPhone and iPad. I am too OCD and just no. I don’t even need to go there in the madness of my mind!

So I am now working on my old laptop, with internet and sending out this crazed article which is why I can truly say it is a Fabulous Friday!

Because I am still connected and not held hostage by the damn technology I have become so reliant on!

I think I need to stock up on my articles for a minute so I can unplug!

Oh such pretty little words that seem so simple yet will call another panic in my mind for deadlines. The joys of life!

This is such a part of my life, my writing this blog. It helps me release all the thoughts in my head and shakes the cobwebs from my soul.

I have found sometimes I have to write things but I can’t, for personal reason, just put it out there on the internet to share with everyone.

Usually that comes out in my handwritten journals, but lately I’ve found myself unloading apparent hostility I had held in and it’s flowing out in volumes onto my keyboard.

Those are kept under lock and key in the “private” section of my writings!

As I am growing I am branching out in how I “get it out” of my system. I am just happy I have encouraged and allowed myself to write it on a computer.

I don’t trust technology if you didn’t catch that above! However, it is so much easier on my hands, at times, to type rather that to write. It’s cool and frustrating to me.

But now I have this terabyte thingy that can’t get sick, and I can save all my musings, photos and anything else there. It’s got tons of space that they say even I can’t fill up! We will see about that!

So as I end this fabulous Friday ramble I wish you all the happiness and hope for a Fabulously Graceless weekend!

 

 

Have you ever had these problems with technology? The rage of feeling you were bettered by a device made with plastic, nickel and metal and a few other things?! The urge to destroy them?!

Let me know how you handled it!

TGIF?! Don’t Panic!

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

It’s here! It’s here! Friday is finally here!

I hope you find a bit of happiness no matter what your week was like.

We all go through tough weeks and tough times.

We have to remember to keep hope alive!

Take for instance the fact that I am trying to not completely freak out over my main computer showing me the black screen of death… that I can’t get to my files and photos nearly sends me over the edge, but I have been assured it can be “recovered” therefore I will believe.

I mean I am writing on my old, old computer that was finally restored and I thought I would never be able to use again! That is proof in and of itself miracles can happen! (And to never let your child around electronics with milk!)

So I will squeak through my writing this weekend with my old school laptops and with hopes and prayers my newer model can be repaired and all the data retrieved.

Last Friday I was so removed from technology (and had a fabulous photo to go with this post but alas it is living in the black death for now with all my photos on my other computer) and I couldn’t be happier.

I do miss it though. Both the gathering of friends in the valley and the technology!

I am also finding a balance between having a life and being tied to electronic devices!

I hope you can get out and soak up a bit of vitamin D, if it isn’t 7th ring hot and you can breathe, and enjoy the day!

I hope you can find some fun and maybe a spot of peace if needed.

I am never giving up hope!

I hope you all have a fabulous and wonderful Friday!

 

Happy Friday Y’all!

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

This week has flowed to a different beat.

I left on Monday for a week at the beach.

Meeting up with a portion of our family.

There are 10 of us at the condo.

Yes 10 human beings.

8 adults and 2 kids.

Pure chaos.

More fun than you can imagine!

However, privacy is just a dream! Haha but oh so true

Having so many of us has afforded this mama something that she hasn’t had in over 6 years… a beach cocktail. Thank you my dear sweet cousin for just handing me the cup and saying, “enjoy”!

I am not a big drinker at all, however, I do enjoy a drink on occasion.

 photo 5

My view from the condo!

I forgot how much fun it is to sit back and enjoy myself as I am usually constantly “on” with the boy.

Having others around affords me the luxury of just sitting back and chilling out.

I mean I am still “on” but it’s more laid back.

I love it!

I’m not used to having all these people watch my boy and it’s like a mini vacation.

I know everyone isn’t as blessed or as lucky as I am to have the awesome family that I do.

It is challenging somewhat space wise.

As OCD as I am this can be a hurdle I have to overcome. But it seems easier and easier with less stress and knowing I am not alone.

Family and friends you love and trust are invaluable these days.

Anyone who knows me knows I also need my quite me time.

Something a bit hard to come by sharing space and schedules with so many folks!

I must say that I have been blessed with spaces of quite time because these people Know I need it.

Like being able to write my blog and a maybe a few other articles.

It’s not like I can just go and grab some words off the web and copy and paste it and call it my own. Not only is it plagiarism but it’s just not something I can do!

So I get my time!

And like just now it got interrupted but it was just my brother, also working, while our kiddos are at the beach with everyone else so we can work.

Of course since we don’t get to spend as much time together as we would like to do. And I miss the banter of how we are. Complimenting and berating each other in the same breath! Ah sibling love!

It really is just This though that makes me so relaxed.

Being able to enjoy my family. Those I don’t get to see as much as we’d like and spend quality moments with them.

All from my happy-find-my-soul-spot!

It doesn’t get much better than this!

photo 2 

Another fabulous view

Happy Friday Y’all!

Make it Freaking Fabulous!

 

Friday’s Manual Labor – Part 2 of the Challenges of this Chic

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 5 Comments

So I have “formally” taken a position as house manager.

I really am Graceless so this has taken me to new bouts of laughter.

Recently the drain in one of the bathrooms was clogged.

I know hair and product build up can get in the pipes and I am a believer in the draino and even like the ones that have the danger signs on them… I figure my clog has no chance against it!

Boy can I be wrong!

This particular shower was redone about 2 years ago and has only been in regular use for the past year.

I found a similar product on the premises and tried it. Nothing. Still standing water.

So I headed to my local Lowe’s and began to look at all of the cool things I could use.

I tend to become a geek when I get in that store!

I was referred to a zip-it device and got the heavy duty Max Draino.

Oh.my.gosh.

The zip-it tool pulled up hair, gunk, etc. but I was challenged by the way the drain is. I think it is an elbow pipe but don’t have the drawing to make sure.

Here is a photo of what I pulled out of the drain – it was not an animal but reminds me of a rat!

 drain

After a most of the rest of the Draino bottle, it is no longer standing water but I can still see water when I remove the cover.

This means more intense cleaning.

I already fell on my face in the shower, hitting my head while trying to avoid the deadly Draino.

Then today I noticed a couple of bruises on my shins. Must have been the lip of the shower. Oh well, I never said I was Graceful!

Today I decided to not only dust again, but polish the furniture.

Remember doing that? I love to rub and clean the wood so it shines and the marks go away. Especially on antique furniture.

I was getting all the knick knacks no one wants to dust due to their fragileness.

Fortunately no one was around when I knocked one of the glass decanters over and I screamed because leave it up to me to be the one to break it! Luckily it wasn’t broken but again, my klutziness took over.

I moved to another room to polish and dust the pretty stuff.

I can’t catch a break!

I managed to hit my head no less than 4 times on the glass dining table with the beautiful wooden base!

Seriously I was thinking concussion but I was not giving up!

Next up is polishing the wooden floors.

I am the goof that will put on socks so that no footprints will be seen.

The same goof that runs down the hall and slides on said sock feet because it is fun.

I have taught the boy this game.

Sadly, like me, he tends to fall, crash into the wall and generally beat himself up.

Yet we do it again and again because let’s face it, sliding is fun!

Magic erasers work wonders on those marks left on the wall!

Let’s hope I don’t end up on vacation at the beach in a cast or leg brace.

Though I am so sure I would rock it!

I would let the boy put sticker on it and decorate it for me.

Yes I do enjoy doing manual labor, however at times it can get the best of me!

I am trying to finish up all the cleaning so I just have my writing and volunteer chores left.

Saving the best for last!

Here’s hoping to have a non-injury day!

At least I hope I won’t get injured just getting my hairs cut today. My treat for me plus with all my crazy hair, I am closing resembling a fuzzy Q-tip with the way it looks when it’s down!

Keeping hope alive for a fabulous Friday!

Stay Graceless my friends!