Sometimes you see the train coming round the bend and you absolutely Know you have to jump on but you just don’t want to.
You know that once you’ve jumped you can’t stop because really, you have no other choice.
My life is like that train sometimes, only it seems the driver is on drugs and my skills in jumping may be lagging a bit.
You know that there are things you have to face no matter what it may be.
You have no choice but to move on through it and face it.
If you don’t move through it you can never get past it.
Something that I am re-learning is much easier said than done.
However, it is something for me that I have to do because I am one of those people who has to go through it before I am past it to be able to move on with my life without the feeling of knowing I didn’t end the chapter, but instead just laid down the book never to finish it.
Too many times in my life have I left things in the “past” that later caught up to me because I didn’t move “through” it, but just breezed right past something but I did it because I didn’t have the knowledge, grace or guts to do at the time.
It’s easy to place blame on your situations, your work, you family, your life, and your state of mind.
Blaming others or an outside force is a much easier path to choose than one where you have to take accountability and lay the blame at your own feet.
Even if something isn’t all your fault in a relationship or situation, chances are good that the ending isn’t solely the other party’s fault no matter how you slice it.
Yes they may have done worse.
They may have ruined your favorite book, item of clothing or something other near and dear to you.
They may have spoken badly of you and spread lies and rumors.
They may have repeatedly lied to you thinking you would forgive again and again when you had done so before.
They may have been jealous of your abilities and felt threatened so they cut you from their lives to make themselves feel better telling you, “So sorry it was just time” or some other such non-sense.
In some cases yes, you can be completely blameless.
However I have learned that in most cases you aren’t.
This is when you have to do the ooey gooey yucky moving through it part to move past it.
A while back I was laid off from my job.
Though I knew that industry wide layoffs were happening, I had deluded myself into thinking I may be demoted and I could look for a job when/if this happened. Within two months of my old co-workers, who had worked for my company’s parent company, being laid off, I too got my “pink slip”.
I was somewhat devastated. I was also a bit relieved.
And if I was honest, I did know that chances were good I would be one of the ones to go first and get laid off.
This was not my “dream” job but I always put at least 100% into every job I have. Frankly I had been in the industry for the last 3 ½ years and I still didn’t understand a lot. That was in a large part due to the nature of the industry and people not sharing information for fear you would take their job, and for the fact I was female in an industry that is roughly 80% males in the upper management roles. There were women in management roles but I do know they made less than their male counter-parts. And it was pretty cut-throat at times.
I am still moving through it.
I am past it in the sense I made peace with the situation and started looking for employment. I have done beauty sales, adult sitter work and writing, but 6 ½ months later I do not have a “real full time full paying” job.
I am good with this because I am working to achieve my dreams. I am lucky that I am blessed with family to help, savings and some financial dribbling’s monthly to make ends meet. I do not live lavishly, I coupon and save when and where I can.
Do I want to live this way forever? Hell no.
I want to be able to comfortably support myself and my boy and not worry about paying my bills each month and having enough left over to do fun things with the boy as well as put some away for our future.
I Will get there because for me there is no other option.
See, working Through it even though I moved Past the incident.
I have also been re-connecting with old friends. And believe me I am selective on that because let’s face it, we are all crazy and honestly, some crazies just don’t mix!
People can put on an “act” for who they are or aren’t only for so long.
At this stage of a relationship, you are probably back in the ooey gooey moving through it.
Whether moving “past” it means being around that person, with some type of “conditions”, or completely moving on, you will still move “past” whatever it is in your relationship with this person.
I have a close friend who is one of the most compassionate, intelligent and awesome humans on the planet. She is also slightly nuts in a take a step back and possibly adjust meds kind of way.
There have been times during the course of our decade’s long friendship when we have both had issues we had to work through in order to get past.
It wasn’t always pretty, nice or easy but because we believed in our friendship we worked through it. We remain close to this day.
I have had other relationships where it was best all-around to end it completely.
The hardest part about ending a relationship is not only moving through it, but the getting past is harder. Those kind of relationships, no matter how close or distant, are similar to when someone dies.
If someone dies, you have to move through your grief and there is no time limit on that.
To me, moving “past” a death is accepting it, no matter what the cause. You may still be moving through it even those you have moved past what caused it and have accepted you will no longer see that person ever again in this life.
But a relationship you end, depending on how it ends and the circumstances surrounding it, can be like a death but the person is still on the planet and you may actually see them again.
Instead of discomfort and hateful words you have to move through your emotions, or at least how you display yourself in public and around others, so that you do not completely go off the deep end or embarrass yourself. Or worse say something you will regret later.
If you are changing the dynamics of your relationship you have to move through how that will play out while moving past the way it was.
Maybe you were sort of friends and now you’re close. Maybe you’ve gone from friends to dating. Or from dating to friends.
All of those change the dynamics of how your relationship with that person is.
If you don’t define how you feel, people don’t always have that “daily dose of gypsy shit so now I can read your mind” mentality. They need to Know.
Even if it’s unpleasant and not what you want to do, in order to move on and past you have no choice but to know how you feel.
Sparing someone’s feelings now could cost you more than you bargain for later.
Whatever the situation or circumstance sometimes you just have to JUMP!
I am still moving though and past so many things in my life. I am sure I will continue to do so until the day that I die. I least I hope so.
I wish you all the luck in the world!
Have a fabulously graceless night my friends!
fabulousgracelessness 