He grows so fast


As he sleeps I watch him.

He has grown so much. It seems I see changes in him daily.

Where has my baby gone?

He still snuggles and loves his mama, but he is getting so big.

I know all children grow up.

I know my son will grow up. He will start to not need me as much. I understand it is the way of life.

I want him to grow up. I want him to be healthy and happy.

I have no expectations that I place on him other than to be kind to others and true to himself. To love completely, to be honest, to be compassionate. I do my best as he is the greatest gift I have ever been given and my greatest contribution to this world.

Those responsibilities are awesome.

I want to freeze time. He is my only baby and I could never imagine not having him in my life now that he’s here. Even when I am, now repeating, things I never thought I would hear myself say, I can’t imagine not having him. “You have to wear clothes at the table, including pants.” It is now hard to not grin when I say it. I get it little man. Being naked is fun but you’re 5 now and it’s ok at home, with no company sometimes, but you know you have to wear clothes to the table!

He is truly a miracle. I was told I couldn’t have children or that it would be a “miracle” if I conceived without treatments. Needless to say he is a miracle.

At one of my baby showers, my cake said “Better you than me!” and I completely understood. After all I was 39, my friend, my same age, had a 14-year-old at the time. But we all knew this child was a miracle. And the universe has a sense of humor!

The Boy sighs and turns over. Like he knows I am here he stretches out his little arm and I hold his hand. He smiles in his sleep. I whisper, “Mommy loves you always, no matter what.” He smiles and murmurs.

This is beautiful. This is paradise.

No matter what else is going on in my life or the world, the moments like this make every crappy day, all the painful moments, everything that that may be bad in the world, completely fade out and all that I feel is this overwhelming love.

He no longer looks so baby-ish and it seems his arms and legs grew longer in just the past 24 hours.

But watching him sleep, I see him as I saw him 5 years ago. My tiny baby miracle boy.

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I am so glad he chose me to be his mommy.

Have a wonderful day and keep hope alive!

Paradise is all about perception


Recently I got the chance to escape my surroundings and life for a weekend. All I knew was that I was riding shot gun and going to see another friend who lived in a tiny town in FL. My friend and I rode with the top down for the majority of the miles, singing and laughing and just enjoying the view. I must say my fabulously graceless hair style that day was wild wind and I couldn’t have been happier.

As we pulled into town after stopping at the local seafood mart, Piggly Wiggly and liquor store it was pointed out to me the new, and only, stop light in town. It was fancy for a town that had previously only had caution lights.

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We pulled off the “main road” onto the road which lead to our friend’s home. Red dirt road no pavement. Yes I had reached what I had been longing for.

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Paradise from the loud noises of the world. A few miles later we turned onto a driveway of sorts with fencing marked “Private Property” and the final leg of our journey to paradise. The beautiful pond with lily pads was on my left while two roads were in front with pasture on the right. I could barely make out a house on the right hill but we took a left, then another left and bounced down the sandy road to the compound we were staying in.

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By this time I was bouncing happily in my seat and already noting how little cell reception I was getting. Maybe it sounds crazy but I knew the only way for me to find my paradise was to be so far out that I could only use my phone if needed and then I had to open a door or stay outside. And outside was a beautiful landscape nearly untouched with groves of trees, a pond and trails that looked as if they were naturally placed to roam about the property.

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Of course we had a “Mule” to ride around in and view the beauty. View the beauty I did. I only cursed myself 100 times for not grabbing the camera prior to my adventures. Dogs, ducks, deer and other creatures were all that were around us. The only thing missing was they boy but I will most definitely be bringing him here. It is a boy’s paradise!

This country girl was having a blast stomping around in my boots checking out the flora and fauna of the area.

There was no shortage of good food, beverages (and yes adult beverages because hey, what’s a vacation if you can’t enjoy if you would like but not get sloppy stupid?), music, quiet, amazing views and beyond fabulous company. We sat on the front porch for hours and, at times, didn’t say a word but enjoy the companionship and the view.

There was no bellman, concierge, and hustle and bustle of many but complete contentment of just being. I watched a car be pulled apart and part of a room constructed. I helped out when I could but I had an abundant amount of me time which I thoroughly enjoyed. Making lists of to-do items didn’t take me long. Writing was easier without so many distractions and I was about to pound out a few pieces and write down outlines for a couple of series I plan to do. Of course I wrote just for me too. It’s not an option for me it just happens so I was just glad I brought so many notebooks to write in!

It was also therapeutic for me in that I wasn’t expected or required to actually physically participate and do anything other than assist as I wanted so I didn’t injure my spine or hips any worse. This is huge for me as I tend to overdo when I am home and always when I have the boy to a degree. Two of my new friends were Molly and RD, I almost took RD home with me as he is just so full of life! See how adorable they are?

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So my weekend getaway I have to say was a success.

It was one of my kinds of paradise. I see paradise as a perception of each individual person. I may see it as a paradise but someone else my see it as boring or even “dumb”. That is perfectly fine as I am talking about My Paradise.

I am beyond blessed to be able to find paradise in the little things and enjoy those getaways when I can. When I can’t I find the paradise in life whatever the circumstances may be. I sometime have to search but it is worth it.

I believe everyone has it in them, sometimes you just have to find it.

I will leave you with this… try to find a little bit of paradise in your life. Just a tiny bit, at home, at work, while driving, on vacation – whatever it is just find it. You will be happier in your soul for it.

I wish everyone a fabulous day!

Keep Hope Alive!

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