writing

Wednesday Writer’s Block…

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

writers block

I feel like I got the writer’s block.

Nothing is coming out.

Letters on the page but no wind in the sail.

Yet my mind never seems to stop.

Although it does pause.

Distractions like housework and random cartoons to stop the train of thoughts.

Thought nothing real seems to flow from my mind to my fingers.

Like things have gotten clogged somewhere.

Or maybe it’s exhaustion finally stopping the creativity of my words.

Maybe it’s because it’s mid-week after vacation and I can’t seem to find my groove.

I know I will get it back.

After all, I Am Fabulously Graceless!

Keep Hope Alive my friends!

 

Just a little more time

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 3 Comments

TIME meme

All I need is just a little more time.

A little more time for work.

A little more time for play.

A little more time for others.

A little more time for me.

Please.

Just help me find a little more time.

Time eye photo

Otherwise, I feel I’m slipping.

Falling.

Out of sorts.

Struggling to catch up.

time running girl

Struggling to catch all the “balls” I have in the air.

Watching some of them fall.

No way I can catch them all.

Being me I will pick up the pieces the best I can.

I will find a way.

I won’t lose hope today.

I will always keep hope alive.

But I won’t stop wishin’ for just a little more time.

time lost cannot be regained

 

Manic Monday in 3D!

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Today we have Manic Monday in 3D!

manic monday horse

This gal is on her way back home from the great northern adventures and visiting with friends and family!

I am sure there will be things that do not go according to plan, Mr. Murphy please take those laws and go!

We’ve no time for all that!

For we are going down the highway of life and living it to the fullest!

on the road

There’s no need for the dramas and the trials today!

Nor for any other!

So yes we have frantic, manic, even sometimes panic Mondays!

That does not mean we do not face them head on and break on through to the other side! Thank you Mr. Jim Morrison!

I urge you to Never Lose Hope!

Never give up!

Always Keep Hope Alive!

keep hope alive

Especially on manic Mondays!

Have a great one Y’all!

Stay Fabulous!

 

Misplaced Person

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

misplaced person1

Sometime I feel like a misplaced person.

Like I am flitting about from place to place trying to find where I belong.

I feel like I am struggling to fit in, to be accepted for who I am.

I feel like things get tough and I have to choose to live or die and I chose to live.

I know I make mistakes during these times.

I know the costs.

I know the damage I have done and the penance for these actions.

I pay them.

Gladly.

For I know in paying them I find answers and healing.

And maybe just maybe I will find my place.

person

 

On the road with technology

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Ahhh technology and the cool things I can do!

Take for instance, this post!

Today I am on the road, yet my blog is coming out like clockwork because of technology!

my road trip

It allows me the luxury of allowing my thoughts to be delivered daily, as planned, while I am not tied to a chair in front of the computer.

I write it, click when I want it to come out and voila! Instant readiness to post at a certain time!

Sure it’s simple, however this wasn’t available when I was a teenager!

Heck I remember when microwave ovens came out!

Something that could heat up food, with a little “cooking” too, in a shorter time than it took to pop a Hungry Jack TV dinner in the oven! I mean That was COOL!

Then there were the Walkman… my generation’s iPod! Sure you had to carry tapes and all but I mean we now had mobile music and large headphone!

walkman

But we still had to go into a home, business or find an outside pay phone to call our family and friends!

I remember I coveted a typewriter forever!

I always wrote, of course I was going to write a great novel! I did pen many “books” that are in boxes somewhere hand-written! And yes, I am searching for those in my house!

Now we not only have personal computers and iPads and tablets, but we have computers on our phones!

I can check emails, my blog, job posts, search the Internet and make calls from this handheld device!

iphone

Of course there is the added bonus of maps, games, and all kinds of apps too numerous to list!

I can set myself reminders, make a virtual note to myself and do so many things that seem way cooler than the “space age cartoon” of “The Jetsons”!

I mean I am ok not having a flying car at this point. I haven’t yet mastered the smarter-than-me phone!

So while this gal is trucking north with my loves, my post is coming out to you from my thoughts on Tuesday and thinking how awesome it will be to read this while I am in my smarter than me van!

Have a fabulous Thursday my Graceless Friends!

 

The Moon

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my heart moon

The other night I was taking pictures of the moon.

My little smarter-than-me phone doesn’t have the high quality of a “real” camera but I was trying.

I got some decent shots but I realized I was trying to capture something I could not get on film.

If I was being honest with myself I was trying to capture not only images my phone camera couldn’t capture, but also of the way the night felt. Maybe even how I felt.

I was able to capture an image of something I cannot explain.

It was not visible to the naked eye, but as soon as I trained my camera on the area that I wanted it would appear.

my moon face

Trust me I took several photos just to see if it was on my lens, I cleaned it, it was not.

not alone moon2

I do not know if what I saw was a “trick of the light” a “reflection of the moon” or “something else” but I know I was the only human on the porch and I did not feel alone.

I felt like someone was there with me but it was comforting.

not alone mooon 1

The big moon in the sky with light so bright it felt like everyone, everything, every being was exposed and in harmony.

I wanted to run in the field light up so bright it felt magical.

As it was I danced in the light to tunes in my head.

Knowing I was not alone and knowing how peaceful I felt.

Yes, the man in the moon is smiling, smiling on a girl in the world.

I can SEE!!!!!

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

“I was blind but now I see.”

I am not singing Amazing Grace here today but I can now see!

I did not realize how poor my vision is!

Wow!

This fabulously graceless chic is now a member, there probably is such a thing, of the trifocal club! Yes my left eye, it seems, is blinder than the right. It also has stigmata… I mean stigmatism!

Geez, I follow an amazing writer, Aging Gracefully My Ass, and her name fits my mood!

I guess this is where I should say I am thankful I can still rock my contacts for at least another year before staying in my glasses full time. I am, however, I am not thrilled to know that my eyeballs have to be re-evaluated again next year to see if I can keep them!

I cannot wear glasses all the time! It isn’t a fashion thing, it’s a safety and a graceless thing!

I am getting used to wearing a stronger contact in the left eye than my right. Supposedly it will be easier and that seems to be true but they make my eyeballs kind of tired. I am sure it will pass. I hope!

I love my new glasses, they are quite cool in my opinion.

I am also having to get used to those too.

I wanted to use my old glasses but it seems when you go into the trifocal club you have to have larger lenses.

I so suck at picking things out like that!

I am grateful to the fabulous ladies my local eyeball fixer upper palace for helping me chose a pair, they said, looked good on me.

I’ve gotten a lot of compliments so maybe it’s not just everyone being nice!

I have had to get used to making sure I look “with my nose” because otherwise it feels like the floor is somewhat tilting and I have grabbed out more than once to make sure I wasn’t falling.

It IS a common occurrence in my world!

Like I need one more thing that messes with me!

I was cleaning the tiled kitchen floor the other day and wondered why it had a dip in it. There was no dip other than me. I was not looking at the spot head on!

In case you didn’t know, dear reader, when you get prescription lenses, you have 3 choices.

Choice A you get the center of the lens only for your prescription. It cost a bit but you have to see.

Choice B you get over half of the lens, but you pay way more than choice A.

Choice C you get most of the lens covered but you need a small loan to cover the cost of just seeing out of the entire lens.

It’s a conspiracy I tell you!

Of course I choose A!

I did not have this issue before becoming a member of this detestable trifocal club!

I know I should shut up and be happy I could afford at all to get contacts and glasses, but I just had to rant a little.

But boy howdy how sparkly and sharp are things again!

I forgot how clearly I can see when I have the right prescription!

That part is awesome!

I can see, I can see! Who the hell’s in the mirror? Oh my god it’s me!

new glasses

 

Sunday Reflections

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 3 Comments

sun 8 2 15

As I sit staring out at the beauty of the country side I pause to reflect.

If think of where I have been and where I am going.

I wonder what will happen next.

Life is so full of surprises you never know what is coming.

Some are good and some are plain awful.

I needed to reboot and recharge my mind, body and soul.

I know I recently went to the beach for family vacation, however once I returned and got a job and started working again, I realized how crazy busy I am.

I love it dearly.

I love spending time with my son, my family and friends.

But sometimes I need a time out.

So when I was offered a chance to stay at a friend’s country cottage for the weekend, you can bet I jumped at the chance.

I love being totally surrounded by nature.

I am far enough off the main road that you really don’t hear too many cars.

At night the sky is lit up only from the moon and the heavens.

I bathed in the light of the blue moon.

I slept in and woke up to come out onto the porch with my coffee to watching the humming birds and squirrels.

I hear no one.

I kept my communication very limited so that I can just be in my mind.

Sometimes I just need to drop out.

With the boy visiting family, I decided I would drop out for a few days.

It is bliss, but I miss my boy.

So while I soak up the moon rays, the sunshine and the sounds of nature, I will plan for my re-entry back into the maos.

But for now, I will enjoy just being.

As the sun sinks on another beautiful Alabama day, I bid you a fabulous Sunday my graceless friends!

sun 8 2 15 b

 

 

 

My lifetime love of books and reading

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

I love to read.

I love to read just about anything really.

When I don’t read I feel like I am lost.

A ship set adrift on an ocean of silence.

I can get lost in a book.

Yes a real, honest to God book with paper pages.

I do read on the computer, the kindle, my smarter-than-me phone and iPad.

I still enjoy the newspaper and magazines.

But a book is what can calm me.

Can make me loose myself for hours. Days.

I get so caught up in them I feel as though I am a part of another world.

I find my moods sometimes run the course of the characters while I am reading.

So reading something soul scathing or “horrifying” can twist my mind.

My train of thought never strays far from the pages I am reading and I find myself talking and thinking in the manner of the characters I absorb.

No I don’t get all psycho crazed serial killer, motherless, faithful, happy human on people… like I said I read a bit of everything!

But I can’t help but wonder how they would think, talk or react in situations or conversations I am in.

It’s like they become real.

Maybe it’s because I started reading at such a young age.

My imagination took me to magical places. Dark places. Places most of my friends didn’t visit mostly due to the things I learned in the books I read.

I read The World Book Encyclopedias and others of the same genre because I had access to them.

Before the internet I remember sneaking into the adult section in the library.

Not to read the love stories or the erotica, though I did read those, but to real the real life stories they didn’t necessarily allow in the kids section.

It’s like they wanted to hide us from the realities of life.

I remember reading Amityville Horror when I was around 12. I had to hide it because I would have bad dreams and it was definitely not something this 12 year old girl needed to be reading with my vivid imagination! I remember I would jump when the house would creak. I was a rebel hiding my books so I wouldn’t get in trouble!

It was close to the time when the original “Poltergeist” movie came out. Yeah, I totally freaked myself out! Between that and Cujo I was definitely on my way to loving horror movies and books were something I could do anytime and almost anyplace.

I learned to read in the car to tune out my brother.

When I got in trouble and had to go to my room I read.

Can’t watch TV? Read a book.

I can actually say I read more than I watch TV.

I went years without cable only watching the occasional movie and TV at friend’s homes. This was when I was an adult!

I also have no choice but to finish a book. I can’t not finish. Maybe it’s my OCD or maybe it’s because I started it and I have to finish it. Even when it’s horrible writing and painful to get through I have to finish.

When I read I learn. I look up things that I don’t understand and still have a dictionary, not dictionary.com, to look up words if I am unsure of the meaning.

Some call me odd and that’s ok.

I would rather read than talk to people some days!

I urge you to read something.

An article, a book, whether printed on paper or electronic reading just read!

In enriches your world!

Have a fabulously graceless day!

 

Migraine Me

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

Since I was a teenager I have had migraines.

Sometimes they are so intense I have to lie down in a dark, cold room and just lay there because I can’t really function. To walk feels like nails piercing my brain through the souls of my feet.

They used to make me so sick physically, but now I only have a bit of nausea, which I will take over praying to the porcelain god any day, thank you.

I’ve tried various medications and home remedies.

I have finally found a combination of both that help me at least get through one better but sometimes medication and sleep are the only relief.

The worst ones last for more than a day and yes, I have considered the Botox shot more than a few times due to the torture. I never thought I would be all for sticking a needle full of botulinum toxin into my head, but now there are times when I would happily pay to have someone shoot me up if it got rid of this 7th ring of hell in my head!

I sometimes put my hair, if I can bend over without getting sick or falling over, under freezing water until it penetrates my scalp and cools my brain off.

Often I will pull my hair from the roots to take the tension off my head.

Yes life with migraines is not all fun and games.

Though sometimes it is like a video game with the lights and auras I would prefer not to see with nails and knives digging into my brain.

I feel like I am disassociated with my body and that I am looking from the outside in.

I can function most of the time, but I know people that don’t know me and know how they affect me must think I am drinking or on drugs (I am but not the fun kind trust me) due to my slower responses. Or my really off the wall comments.

“You don’t feel well do you?”

“Oh just another migraine, is that a cat climbing up the wall? Wait that wasn’t what I meant!” That is an actual conversation I had with the boy’s teacher one morning! Once she realized I had a migraine she and I both laughed at my response. We get along very well and I always speak how I feel to her and vice versa but that one was new for her!

I guess I “look” normal to a degree.

I feel like I look crazed and would immediately look to see if there was a hospital band on my arm like I had escaped from a mental health facility!

I am actually writing this article while in the mists of a migraine.

I was scheduled to work and my patient was taken to the hospital. My first response was she ok. My new boss said I was really thoughtful as I’m sure there are those caregivers whose first response would be to ask if that meant no work. I can’t imagine not asking about the person taken to the hospital! And I don’t know the reason but I do know she is 94. I don’t care that she is 94 people live longer and have better quality of life I pray she is going to be fine. If my services are needed by her at a later time I do hope I get to meet her. If not it was meant to be. I can’t look at it any other way.

I told my boss I had a migraine and that I would be happy to fill in elsewhere if needed. She thanked me but the need was not there at the moment. And to take care of myself.

Now I am going over in my head the conversation because really, what if I said something about cat on the wall?! Not too cool!

I think all will be ok as when we got off the phone I remember us talking about my next job so keeping hope alive it is all good! I love this job!

So I finally put some food in me, a breakfast sandwich, go me! The photo shows proof I ate and also how it spills out is a bit how my head feels!

migraine brain breakfast

Yes food and coffee and water. My diet plan for the time being!

migraine coffee

Now I am off to try to work and get things done. Slowly that is!

Just saying a little prayer that tomorrow there is no migraine hangover! Ugh!

Keep hope alive!

Have a fabulous day my friends!