It’s the middle of the week so I pretend I’m superwoman


It’s the middle of another fabulous week!

Depending on the time of day it’s either on the upward trek or the downward slope to the weekend.

I’m hoping for downward slope! Or maybe not it’s another work weekend for me. No rest for the wicked and all of that happiness.

u r u dr seuss

For me trying to juggle being mommy, relationships, work, writing, life – it can be a bit overwhelming. I don’t give up easily but I do make concessions I’ve come to realize.

I used to be so anal about making sure certain things were done. I was more organized and it sounds like a good thing but in reality I was stressing out if I didn’t follow through on the schedules and deadline I set for myself. After I became a parent it seemed to only get worse. Becoming a single parent really put the kibosh on having everything “just so”. I’m proud when I keep the boy alive, fed and happy and when I keep him and his friend alive, fed and happy I feel like I am freaking superwoman!

sometimes superhero

I know we can all be overwhelmed with the zingers life tosses us.

We just can’t give up, even when giving up seems to be the best option.

You may have more people depending on you than you realize. Just to see your face, hear your voice or know you’re still out there helps them.

So be you, have a fabulous day and keep hope alive!

 

 

Innocence


The ages of innocence

I watch them play

Carefree and unafraid

No worries today

They talk of their battles

Their games and their fun

They run wild and dance

Both inside and in the sun

There isn’t a worry

There isn’t a care

No one whining

About how life isn’t fair

Oh how I wish

Everyone could see

These children of innocence

And how loving they can be

 

 

 

Generations X & A: Parenting from the broken hips & other fun science stuff


b in lights

I often read parenting articles and parenting blogs. Let’s face it, we live in a world where technology is literally at our fingertips. I learn so much and it leads me to research other interests and ideas. It teaches me things and helps me understand different perspectives as well as learn new things that are important to my growth as a human being and as a parent.

regardless of generation still a person

I have also learned which category I, along with the boy, have been labeled/categorized into. It’s quite entertaining interesting to say the least. Parts of it I can see as true and parts I just have to laugh depending on who’s spewing the data of said labels.

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The other day we went to the local science center. It is always an adventure and my boyfriend was thankfully there to help me hobble make it through the experience without falling out! Can we say food court and I had to use threats of leaving on the boy so mommy could get some carbs so she didn’t pass out! Along with the awesomeness that he carried my bag that I insist on taking and it’s got enough in there in case some catastrophe happens. I’m weird like that. We also used the elevators instead of climbing flights of stars. Small moves Ellie. The place is just plain fun where we enjoy ourselves and I am a big kid too. I also wanted to put things in their proper places in the Itty Bitty city but yeah, I refrained for the most part.

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There is so much to take in and absorb. Even as an adult you would be hard-pressed to not find something you found “cool” in there! I did see one dude napping but that was on the 3rd floor and honestly he did have a comfy spot to sit in and I admit I was jealous of the spot as I was tired but still having fun and by the time you get there I’m sure we’d walked a few miles!

I also enjoy people watching, when I’m not trying out the experiments and checking out the exhibits.

There are multi-generational families that visit and all of us are there because we have a child in our care and we’re tired of being home and TVs and personal technology. Yes it’s a science center but it’s hands on and yes, technology is used, but it still makes it interactive for everyone. (I’m talking about you, my sciatica, acting all mean cause I needed the exercise!*sorry!)

cow (1)

This is where I realized there was also some sort of weird “grouping” of people, if you will, who handled their charges differently. I know this also can go into another area of people who just don’t pay attention to their darling ‘lil rugrats, helicopter parenting, etc but that’s a whole plethora of other topics!

gen x dates

I am referring to the categories/labels placed on those of us born in different “eras”. It seems to have started with the Baby Boomers (those born 1945-1964), followed by Generation X (those born 1963-1980), Generation Y (those born 1981-1994) and of course, Generation Z (those born 1995-2009). Now we have moved on to Generation A (those born 2010 – 2025). Just refer to here for the breakdown! http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/diet-and-fitness/talkin-bout-my-label-20110720-1ho7s.htmlI am of the Generation X and the boy is Generation A. I have friends with kids in Generations Y, Z and A…. I get so lost trying to figure it all out! It’s like my family tree with extra twist and turns!

gen a

Confused yet? I sure as hell was! I really had no idea! I just knew there were people of all backgrounds, races and ages and we were all, at some point during the fun, family outing day, having some kind of “moment” with our kids. The fun was watching it happen too!  

battle

It was obvious with the parenting styles and ways folks interacted with the kids. Heck, I was even in battle with someone else’s kids for a bit there when the boy and I were playing with the foam block and pegs… pegs make for good swords and the blocks can be used as shields or projectiles. That one got a bit dicey and I had to pull out the mommy, “Ain’t nobody got time to get injured here, be a bit more careful.” Never did see those kids’ moms but they apparently thought I was cool. It seems I always end up helping parent someone else’s kid and for the most part, I’m okay with it. Especially in small situations like that where I can bail when my kid bolts to the next area that strikes his fancy! I know they can’t leave without an adult so it’s all good! I just wonder which Generation adult they were with!

I leave you with the magic of my boy’s Jedi mind, he hands down relaxed his mind to “beat” 2 adults in the move the ball with your mind game. He even switched sides to make sure he really was that cool! He closed his eyes and meditated to get that ball there! Have to admit I was pretty impressed on that one! It also showed your brainwaves…way cool exhibit and a fabulous way to get him thinking deeper!

mindgames

Have fabulous day and Keep Hope Alive!

 

 

Tis the season for joy and thieves


Tis the season of giving, of hope, of friendships and of love and family.

Sadly, it is also the season of lies, greed, deceit and thievery.

I got home late the other night after dropping off gifts and playing Santa’s ghetto elf. I was tired, but feeling so blessed and happy to be a part of helping children who wouldn’t have Christmas and knowing their parents/guardians would be able to breathe a bit easier and their little ones would have presents on Christmas day. I had driven many miles to drop presents off for 18 children. It was dark and I had worked a full day. I was exhausted but also excited. These sweet children were going to have Christmas!

I then learned that the previous day a home in our neighborhood had been broken into. This happened in the middle of the day when the son went out for a few hours and not turned on the alarm. He came home to find the house had been ransacked and many items were stolen. Presents, jewelry, TV’s, computers… basically anything of value that they could grab they took.

Having been robbed myself several years ago around Christmas time I know how they felt. Shocked, sick and violated. I believe the ones who robbed my home went out the back window as I pulled into the driveway. They had also stolen a spare key. Needless to say my roommate and I had the locks re-keyed that night and took turns keeping watch as we were both freaked out. These idiots came back a week later. We guessed it was to finish off the bottle of the good booze we had in the cabinet. I’m sure they were surprised they couldn’t get back in.

The first time “visited” they had helped themselves to a few drinks out of our coffee cups. Classy thieves. We had, of course, dumped the rest of the bottle as it felt dirty. They had ransacked our bedrooms, pulling everything out of drawers, flipping mattresses over and even drew on the bathroom mirror with my makeup. I tossed what was left because it felt unclean. The local law enforcement chalked it up to kids and the holidays. They only became more interested when they realized one of our legal, registered guns was taken. Even then, they weren’t too concerned. Neither was our landlord. We promptly moved out within 3 weeks to a home where we at least felt safer and got a big dog. It seems many thieves are deterred by large dogs and I had been wanting a dog so I got my Christmas wish on that. But the things we lost that couldn’t be replaced just made us sick. Family heirlooms and jewelry, our cameras and computers. We were by no means well off but they robbed us of things that we couldn’t place monetary value on because it was sentimental to us.

The thieves were finally caught about a year or so later. It was a ring of teens who had apparently been hitting homes and taking the items and selling them for cash. Several of the kids came from good homes. Of course, nothing of ours was recovered even though we had been regularly checking pawn shops and the like as had our friends for months in the hopes of recovering at least a few of the items that were taken from us.

Why do people feel the need to take from others? I mean don’t they have some kind of voice inside their head that says, “This is wrong. Karma’s a bitch & I don’t need to do this”?

I was an absolute wreck all day until I delivered those gifts for the kids. I had put them all in bags, then in large black plastic garbage bags to try and conceal what was inside. I was so worried someone would break into my jeep and try to steal the clothes and toys that had been collected and purchased for these babies.

What is sad is that I even felt that way at all. That I had to worry about someone breaking into my old beat up jeep and taking from children who wouldn’t have anything for Christmas if I did not get these gifts to their parents.

I ask you to please remember to be safe this holiday season. Lock your cars and your homes. Watch when you are out and about, even in broad daylight. It seems these people are getting bolder and not caring about the time of day, just that they have the “opportunity” to take something from others.

Tis the season to be joyful. It is also the time when, if we don’t do it all year as I think we should, we should be watching out for each other. Not taking from each other.

This greediness and self-entitlement needs to stop. Not just during the holidays, but all throughout the year. There is nothing worth dying for or going to prison for in someone else’s home, car or that doesn’t belong to you.

Let’s work to do the right thing. Not only for others but for yourself too. Because remember, what goes around comes around. Karma really is a bitch!

Keep an eye out but also keep your spirits high too.

Keep hope alive my fabulous friends!

 

 

He grows so fast


As he sleeps I watch him.

He has grown so much. It seems I see changes in him daily.

Where has my baby gone?

He still snuggles and loves his mama, but he is getting so big.

I know all children grow up.

I know my son will grow up. He will start to not need me as much. I understand it is the way of life.

I want him to grow up. I want him to be healthy and happy.

I have no expectations that I place on him other than to be kind to others and true to himself. To love completely, to be honest, to be compassionate. I do my best as he is the greatest gift I have ever been given and my greatest contribution to this world.

Those responsibilities are awesome.

I want to freeze time. He is my only baby and I could never imagine not having him in my life now that he’s here. Even when I am, now repeating, things I never thought I would hear myself say, I can’t imagine not having him. “You have to wear clothes at the table, including pants.” It is now hard to not grin when I say it. I get it little man. Being naked is fun but you’re 5 now and it’s ok at home, with no company sometimes, but you know you have to wear clothes to the table!

He is truly a miracle. I was told I couldn’t have children or that it would be a “miracle” if I conceived without treatments. Needless to say he is a miracle.

At one of my baby showers, my cake said “Better you than me!” and I completely understood. After all I was 39, my friend, my same age, had a 14-year-old at the time. But we all knew this child was a miracle. And the universe has a sense of humor!

The Boy sighs and turns over. Like he knows I am here he stretches out his little arm and I hold his hand. He smiles in his sleep. I whisper, “Mommy loves you always, no matter what.” He smiles and murmurs.

This is beautiful. This is paradise.

No matter what else is going on in my life or the world, the moments like this make every crappy day, all the painful moments, everything that that may be bad in the world, completely fade out and all that I feel is this overwhelming love.

He no longer looks so baby-ish and it seems his arms and legs grew longer in just the past 24 hours.

But watching him sleep, I see him as I saw him 5 years ago. My tiny baby miracle boy.

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I am so glad he chose me to be his mommy.

Have a wonderful day and keep hope alive!

Missing my boy


I hate this emptiness.

My boy goes to his dad’s for a few days every other week.

You’d think I would be used to it after 2 years but I’m not.

I am already dreading his 2 weekends in a row away from me.

God knows I do need a break.

I know he will have fun.

I can’t help but worry.

It isn’t like we didn’t try to make it work.

We went to couples therapy before we even got married, however in hindsight, I realize we shouldn’t have married just because I got knocked up.

But it was a miracle I was able to have a child, our families felt it was right and we had been best friends for so long.

I was in a whirlwind of shock.

I tried so hard and I know he did too.

But if we are honest, it wasn’t the best idea.

And a treasured friendship was shattered.

But we got a beautiful, smart, willful, amazing child from it.

So I work on the “co-parenting” thing.

But my arms ache for my little mini me in male form.

And I breathe.

Because I can’t do anything else.

I write for him too so that one day he knows how much it hurt me to let him go but that I had to.

I know he will understand.

He just came to me, put his little arms around my neck, and said, “Mommy, I know you’re working but I just had to tell you I love you and you’re the bestest mommy I ever had.”

How could I not miss that?!

I have written how much it meant to me to be his mommy. How I never thought I would be a mommy. How happy I am he chose me to be his mommy “this time” as he puts it.

His journals from his mommy.

Stories and poems of my life before him, my thoughts and dreams and how he was a part of my dreams.

Later I will be mom or even mother, but for now I am mommy.

When he is not with me I miss him more than I ever knew was possible.

I love this child with a feral intensity that I didn’t know I was capable of.

I’m thankful he has family on both sides that love him and want to be with him.

I know how precious that is.

I know I want only the best for him but I can’t do everything.

I know I make mistakes and that I am far from perfect.

I know I can’t control how everything plays out.

I know I will never stop loving him no matter what he chooses.

I know I will never stop fighting for him and being his strongest supporter.

I know I will never stop teaching him how to be a better human being.

I know I will never stop disciplining him, even when he’s 30 because I know I will always be his mama. No matter where I am.

So now I will write in his journal and look at pictures of this beautiful creature I created and be thankful I have him for the time I am given.

Because I am thankful I have him at all.

b run

Manic Monday in 3D!


Today we have Manic Monday in 3D!

manic monday horse

This gal is on her way back home from the great northern adventures and visiting with friends and family!

I am sure there will be things that do not go according to plan, Mr. Murphy please take those laws and go!

We’ve no time for all that!

For we are going down the highway of life and living it to the fullest!

on the road

There’s no need for the dramas and the trials today!

Nor for any other!

So yes we have frantic, manic, even sometimes panic Mondays!

That does not mean we do not face them head on and break on through to the other side! Thank you Mr. Jim Morrison!

I urge you to Never Lose Hope!

Never give up!

Always Keep Hope Alive!

keep hope alive

Especially on manic Mondays!

Have a great one Y’all!

Stay Fabulous!

 

Songs, music and the patchwork of my life


Anyone who knows me knows I have an issue with matching songs to artists and vice versa. Heck, I may not even know all of the words to a song but it’s got a loop so I will sing said loop and often learn that is not what is being said at all. Also said loop will get stuck in my head and drive me crazy!

That all said I am not the one you want for musical trivial pursuit!

However I do love music and of course songs will play somewhere, the grocery store maybe, and I recall that time of my life.

Like memories, we have songs that can do place you somewhere else in time.

Both good and bad memories, some even bittersweet.

Like the song “Yellow” by Cold Play.

Go on those who really know me be impressed!

I love that song.

I also associate it with heartbreak and the ending of a time in my life that I thought would never end. I also see it differently as it was played at a close friend’s funeral. So fitting really. He was a DJ and it was one of his favorite songs. He was also engaged to my then sister-in-law.

So yes, it has a deep meaning for me.

The boy and I love Queen, pretty much everything as I am educating him as I can and his dad has a greater collection and introduces him to other musical genres as well.

We love “We will Rock You”, “We are the Champions” and “Another One Bites the Dust”. Yes I am all about the classics.

We rock out to those some mornings going to school.

It’s one of the few times he gets to hold my phone! But whenever it comes on the radio or in the store, he squeals out “Mommy our song!” so we sing and dance if possible!

Recently it was “Ice Ice Baby.” Oh yeah word to ya mother!

We had video and a dance party.

A part of me was dancing like I was in a club, yet dancing in the kitchen with my kid! I was laughing at the hilarity of our dance and the memories and knowing I am making new memories with him now from songs I enjoyed.

I have learned I have to pull up the lyrics as some songs aren’t quite appropriate for a 4 year old!

Some radio station was playing NIN “Closer” and bleeped out the inappropriate parts.

He caught that. So he asked me what they were saying. Oh joy!

I actually had to pull up the lyrics because, again, I could not recall them word for word and they play it on the local rock station often.

Talk about getting creative!

The “I want to f*%$ you like an animal” became “I want to play with all the animals”.

“I want to feel you from the inside” became “I want to see you inside” like the house because that’s rational for him, he was 3 when he first heard it. Fortunately through the whole song I make up and sing loudly new words to cover the blank spaces if he asks!

I never thought a lot of the “profane” language in songs until I had my child.

It never really bothered me and it still doesn’t. I just have to really censor what he listens to!

I had to change a fabulous Tool song recently because there was no way I could fill in all the blanks they left out on the fly and he was upset because it had a “really good beat of the rock and roll” as he puts it! Yes it does my son, but I really don’t want to explain why you heard certain words and I definitely am not ready to explain certain adult content to you yet! He may be almost 5 but really I am just not ready to subject some things on him. He will already hear and learn more about the world than I did at 5 because there is so many outlets to get information!

Another favorite of mine is “Me and Bobby McGee” by the late, great Janis Joplin. I am a huge fan and even do karaoke with that one and a few others.

It reminds me of my youth and life in general.

How I once could just GO if I wanted to and how people can slip away in the blink of an eye.

It also comforts me to sing and it’s one of my go-to songs.

Like “Amazing Grace”. I always sing it acapella but can play it on the piano.

It was one of the first songs I learned on the piano and my daddy’s favorite song.

I long ago stopped singing in public, other than the occasional karaoke or family/friends gatherings, but I sang that song in front of a few hundred people at my daddy’s funeral last year.

He had asked me if I would sing it at his funeral and I promised I would.

I sang acapella and I sang it to him, to my family and friends.

I blocked out everyone else and just sang my heart out through my tears.

I still sing it now, I have sang it to the boy too since he was a wee one, but it can be bittersweet.

I’ve gotten better singing it to him, I don’t cry as much, but sometimes the tears still happens.

He will always take my hand, kiss me on the cheek and tell me, “You know Pops and I love that song and we love you singing it, right Mommy?!” To which I cry a little more but they are happy tears. And somewhat a little bittersweet too.

I guess you could say music is the patchwork in my life that fills the void with sounds of my memories.

Have a fabulous day!

The beach is in my soul


At the time this article goes out I will have officially been gone from the beach for at least nearly 20 hours… almost a full day.

I will have woke with my last view of the beach for a while.

Of course I will photograph it but often I don’t need the visual reminders. Not of this place.

I always walk out onto the balcony, look around and then close my eyes and breathe it all in.

balcony view

The sights, the smell, the endless ocean with all of its vast adventures.

The Life.

I can be anywhere, any room, any situation and just Stop.

I can smell it. The salt and sand and tropical smells.

I can feel it. The breeze blowing off the Gulf of Mexico caressing my skin. Rain or shine it feels so different, so alive.

I can see it in my mind. I can close my eyes and see all hours of the day or night here.

For all of my existence I have come to this place.

feet beach

This body of water.

The beaches along the Gulf Coast have helped shape who I am as a human being.

As I am sure they have shaped thousands before, even now and after I am gone.

I’ve seen the sun rise, mid-day and setting sun. I have sat on the beach from dawn til dusk and dusk til dawn.

I have slept on the beach.

I have played in this ocean and learned of the creatures that live here and respect them. Even if I am not fond of some of them this is their home. Their space.

I have walked these shores with the ones I love and those that are no longer here with me to walk in the surf or sit in the sand and stare out at the beauty.

But here I feel so close to them.

I feel close to all of those I love and care for.

I love sharing this Oneness of everything with my boy.

beach crab catchin

My amazing miracle that constantly blows my mind and fills me with love.

He reminds me of this place.

We came from this place.

The place where I am close to everything, call it God, the Universe, all of those things we cannot articulate into words but its right there.

It is where I can and do find my soul. I nourish it.

I find it and I replenish my being.

And I can come anytime I want.

I just have to remember the way.

This time, I know that I have found it.

I will not forget it.

Life is too precious to let myself forget this and how to mend my soul.

pier balcony view

 

Happy Friday Y’all!


This week has flowed to a different beat.

I left on Monday for a week at the beach.

Meeting up with a portion of our family.

There are 10 of us at the condo.

Yes 10 human beings.

8 adults and 2 kids.

Pure chaos.

More fun than you can imagine!

However, privacy is just a dream! Haha but oh so true

Having so many of us has afforded this mama something that she hasn’t had in over 6 years… a beach cocktail. Thank you my dear sweet cousin for just handing me the cup and saying, “enjoy”!

I am not a big drinker at all, however, I do enjoy a drink on occasion.

 photo 5

My view from the condo!

I forgot how much fun it is to sit back and enjoy myself as I am usually constantly “on” with the boy.

Having others around affords me the luxury of just sitting back and chilling out.

I mean I am still “on” but it’s more laid back.

I love it!

I’m not used to having all these people watch my boy and it’s like a mini vacation.

I know everyone isn’t as blessed or as lucky as I am to have the awesome family that I do.

It is challenging somewhat space wise.

As OCD as I am this can be a hurdle I have to overcome. But it seems easier and easier with less stress and knowing I am not alone.

Family and friends you love and trust are invaluable these days.

Anyone who knows me knows I also need my quite me time.

Something a bit hard to come by sharing space and schedules with so many folks!

I must say that I have been blessed with spaces of quite time because these people Know I need it.

Like being able to write my blog and a maybe a few other articles.

It’s not like I can just go and grab some words off the web and copy and paste it and call it my own. Not only is it plagiarism but it’s just not something I can do!

So I get my time!

And like just now it got interrupted but it was just my brother, also working, while our kiddos are at the beach with everyone else so we can work.

Of course since we don’t get to spend as much time together as we would like to do. And I miss the banter of how we are. Complimenting and berating each other in the same breath! Ah sibling love!

It really is just This though that makes me so relaxed.

Being able to enjoy my family. Those I don’t get to see as much as we’d like and spend quality moments with them.

All from my happy-find-my-soul-spot!

It doesn’t get much better than this!

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Another fabulous view

Happy Friday Y’all!

Make it Freaking Fabulous!