crazy mama

Off Topic

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 13 Comments

 

Greetings my fabulously graceless friends!

The term “off topic” seems to be the running theme of my life right now! From work, bills, things to do, things to clean, places to go, family, close friends, old friends, new friends and of course the boy, the way I plan or think something is going to go winds up going in a whole new direction.

Example: Today’s post. I have one of my lovely notebooks with topics I am excited to write about. The Idea was to have topics at hand to write on therefore always being able to go “oh that was my topic and my thought train” and write on. However, the mood, friends, the kid all had input in my head space and I again changed my topic for today! Not that it is some great thing or anything! Just things I want to write about I find amusing or care deeply about. Mostly!

But that is how this post came about because life throws us off topic every once in a while, or every few days depending of how the universe is feeling! Lately she’s a feeling froggy thinking my fabulously graceless self is all about change and honesty and wanting to dig deep in my mind and soul!

Can’t a girl get a break?! I went to the beach for a “vacation” a few weeks ago and I worked my booty off! Wait, that may not sound right so let me clarify. I went to the beach with my mom and my son. Mom is great and laid back. My boy, not so much! I mean we were at the beach! We needed to go, go, go whether in the condo with movie, toys, writing, walking, asking questions, making sounds he was Going. Once we hit the beach though it was GAME ON!

Of course he wanted MOMMY 90% of the time. GiGi is fun and he loves to play with her (Bless You Mom & Thank You!) but Mommy is insane enough to body surf with the kid and find sand dollars in the crazy waves. I was also a Wave Ninja fighting for good. Yeah figure that one out I am still working on it but am told “You are a brave Wave Ninja Mommy! You kicked their booty!”

When I was a kid one of my favorite things in the world to do was go to the beach and put my toes in the sand/surf as Soon as we got there. We always had to unload the car and by the time we were done it was later and then dinner and then maybe then after we could go for a quick walk that night. Never mind we would spend the next four to five days in a bliss of beach play and games and food and fun. My brother and I would start the “please let us just go out to the beach for 10 minutes when we get there!” about 30 minutes into our 5 hour drive.

Being the oldest I schooled my “little brother” on how good a united front was to the parents and sometimes it worked! My poor boy being an only child has to petition real hard to get certain things, and at times, I give him extra points for creativeness!

So when we finally Arrived at the condo the conversation began immediately began.

“Mommy, can we go see the beach Now?”

“Sure honey, go to the balcony and feel the breeze. You can see everything!”

“No. I mean we have to go down to the beach and put our toes in the sand. ‘Member?! We have to put our toes in the sand you always say that!”

“Okay fine, just help us get everything unloaded and we will go down for a few minutes. Aren’t you hungry we’re going to dinner too!”

“Yea! Thanks Mommy you’re the Best! I love you!”

“Ah thanks buddy, I love you too. Now carry this for me.”

And so it proceeded for the next 45 minutes until we could get down to the beach, he is GOOD at his craft of “buttering you up” I am telling you! Then of course his clothes “accidentally got wet” mysteriously so we had to come up, bathe and change! But it was still worth it because he made me remember that when we get thrown “off topic” it isn’t always so bad!

I am feeling the need for another beach trip!

My lucky boy gets to go this weekend with his friends and dad. I am sure he will have fun but I am only a tiny bit jealous because I know he will have fun and I know we will find a way to go again soon.

I think the next time we go his cousin will go too. He’s only 1 1/2 but they get along famously and I won’t be the only one the boy comes to do the “hard play” with. “Little brother” is going to totally earn those uncle points while I keep his kid from eating sand. It’s a fair trade off!

So maybe “off topic” isn’t always so bad. My mood is better and I am dreaming of the beach again!

Cheers and a lovely graceless evening to y’all!

Soooo lazyyyyyyyy

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 14 Comments

Happy Memorial Day my fabulously graceless friends!

Please do take a moment to reflect on this holiday and those who gave their ALL so that we can enjoy a day off. That’s the point of Memorial Day to reflect on the sacrifices given for our freedom and then ENJOY the freedoms we do have.

I Always thank my veterans and also with extra emphasis on their special holiday in November, Veterans Day!

Being lazy has it’s perks though. We set low expectations for fun so when something great happens like the Transformer on sale at Walmart & new Scooby Doo movie on HBO we haven’t seen (score!) it’s that much sweeter!

So my boy and I discussed why we have this holiday (aka a no school day yes for him but he got schooled on the reason!) and then made a pizza, cooked together, cleaned up and plan to just enjoy each other’s company today.

There were “plans” to go to the pool, the zoo, try to find fireworks but in 5 minutes of discussing it we had a new plan that has worked out nicely for us both!

We had also planned to be driveway artist (sidewalk chalk and paint) but the rain kept us in. Hence why Scooby Doo movie on HBO was a score! Fortunately the boy is go with the flow for the most part. With me as his mama, he has little choice!

We cook, clean up, watch Ninja Turtles (ok here is where I get to write but we are in the same room together so it counts in my book!), eat, bath, dinner and a new movie together later. So exciting I know right?!

My OCD will have me doing more than that I “planned” for sure since I can’t seem to keep up with my own demands!

Since we went into Wally world, and yes I did it of free will with a 4 1/2 year old that I had told he could get a toy (“mommy did we win the lottery?” yes he really asked me this bless him!), I grabbed a cheese pizza and we came home and “made our own pizza”. We also scored popsicle makers on the clearance isle and should have some “interesting” mixes of popsicle’s!

This is my kind of lazy day! Now if only I had a maid, butler and chef! I could really be lazy!

As it stands I have to go get us ready for tomorrow back to the grind! Then I can semi get back to my lazy afternoon/evening!

Enjoy this fabulous day!

Can I please get your side effects listed?

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 10 Comments

 

I think when you become friends, began dating and knowing people you will be around often (work, friends, etc.) that one of your first acts should be to give a list to the other your side effects. Openly and honestly.

You can do the “Hi I am Sam, I’m a Virgo, I am a bit OCD, I hate it when you fold napkins the wrong way in fact, when we are preparing for people to come over if they aren’t folded right I may have a breakdown and end up in the state hospital again. I love unicorns and puppies and I put mustard on my popcorn.”

See? Simple! Hahahahaha

Ok I know it isn’t that easy but you can tell people about yourself.

I understand that you don’t want to give away all of your crazy up front, no need to run them off, but it is fair to tell people about you. For example, say if you spend a lot of time together in any capacity that you’re on medication for seizures, heart issues, because you sometimes here the dust mites chattering away. Those are kind of important things to share if you are sharing chunks of time with someone. What if you have a reaction or need medical attention with your friend? This is crucial information to share.

Later you can tell them about how you don’t always answer your phone or how you only go out every 3rd day. Again not sharing all the oddities right away but building up to it. That is fine as long as it doesn’t involve say body parts stored in the freezer or a fetish for hurting others.

We all have oddities and things we do that may annoy, irritate or frighten others depending on what it is. And by frighten I mean that it could be something small or something pretty big that you need to get out there.

People have patterns. You can only “pretend” to be a certain way for so long unless you’re like that chick in that book/movie “Gone Girl” or that dude in “The Talented Mr. Ripley” or “Catch Me if you can”.

Not that there aren’t  people out there like that but to me that’s more extreme. I have met quite a few people that are very adept at “hiding” parts of who they really are. They can be quite persuasive and manipulative. It’s a fascinating thing to watch and scary at the same time.

If someone you become friends with suddenly becomes a close talker and a bit too much into your personal life, you have to look back and see that the signs were there, she was just refraining from being her true to not scare you off. Can you live with that as a friend? Do you approach her about it? Do you slowly back away and disappear?

I handled this with the “heyyyyy friend, you are all up in my personal space. I like you and respect you but you need to understand my life is mine and I will share a lot with you but you don’t need to research or “assume” things because you will most likely be wrong and make me mad. Ask me. If it’s too personal I will tell you as much and we can move on.” And yes, I am still friends with this person!

What if you’ve been friends with someone and suddenly the don’t seem to answer the phone as much as they once did? You still hang out but the whole answering the phone when you call doesn’t happen as much. They still call you occasionally to make sure plans are in place (after you’ve left messages) but they just don’t take your calls. Do you get mad or confront and/or accept it?

I am seriously referring to several of my super close inner group of friends. The truth is we all love each other and hate to talk on the phones at times. Not that we won’t go for a marathon or sometimes just 5 minutes. I just Asked if I had done anything wrong and when we talked, we realized that we had grown in our relationships and didn’t feel the Need to talk all the time.

Of course we still do talk, more so now that we aren’t living in the same state for some, but still not as much as some people feel people need to talk or it makes them not “friends”. **I don’t have/know of too many folks like this because I get irritated with the phone in general & if you feel like I have to talk to you every few hours or we aren’t being what you deem “friends” then you will have a problem with me! The only person that gets that much attention is the boy because he is mine and even then I tell him “mommy needs some time away from it all for just a few minutes” (and that usually leaves me hiding in the bathroom for only 10-15 minutes if he is distracted by playing or watching a movie!).

Or you’ve been friends with someone and known each other a while. When you were younger you maybe drank together, and as you aged you went through stages of partying and both seemed to come out alive and ok. Then you notice they are drinking or on something because they are acting like they did when you partied together “back in the day” but this is no longer “back in the day” and you’re older and have responsibilities. Do you ignore it, accept it, confront them? Do you decide they aren’t worth it because “they know better”? Do you judge?

I can say I have done all of the above. And yes, there have been some regrets I admit.

In various stages of our lives we don’t always make the best decisions and then again sometimes it is for the best but may not feel like it them.

I know that I always talked to my friends before I did anything “rash”, well at least after about the age of 20! Before then I just didn’t understand people as well and what I could, would and could not tolerate.

I wish everyone well but I am sorry I can’t go down that rabbit hole with you. Sometimes some journeys are meant to go on alone. If you are very, very lucky you may get to see them again on this journey of life!

What about the friends you make and some life event shakes you both up and you realize you have nothing more in common anymore but the time you have known each other?

You have years of being around this “friend” but nothing else anymore as this event has shown you the glaring differences in the core of who you both are.

And you realize, all along you saw the signs, the side effects. You Knew the words on the warning labels yet you chose to ignore them because you truly felt this friend was worth it.

That they would be there with you for the zombie apocalypse.

When the time came and the world as you know if fell apart, you both let each other down in some ways.

You never expected them to fall so far and when you confronted them, they tore you apart emotionally because they knew they couldn’t take away the core of the true you and that made them jealous because maybe, just maybe you were a stronger person than they were.

And if we are honest you are a bit less selfish than they were.

But you, in your ways of the thoughts of the universe, thought that just because they didn’t want to list their “side effects” to you out loud; that it was understood you both Knew and that you acknowledged it but also had expectations of them being Human and admitting their shortcomings as you admitted yours to them.

It didn’t happen.

You never know how things will end up. Maybe the spin around the sun will make you friends once more and maybe they will become someone you once knew.

So if we could just be honest and share the not so pretty side effects/warning labels about ourselves with each other, it would just make things so much easier, ya know?! It couldn’t hurt much!

What do I know? I’m just a chick that enjoys blogging about the thoughts in her head!

Have a Fabulously Graceless Sunday My Friends!

Fly your freak flag proudly!

 

TGIF yeah….

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 58 Comments

Greeting and fabulous thoughts to everyone!

Do y’all ever have those days where you are all keyed up to get things done (for me it’s my LISTS haha), but don’t quite hit the mark on the timing? That is my day!

And though it is a beautiful day it’s a “crap I am so running behind!” kind of day!

Ah well, I have been working on the need another dollar end of my life and can see the light at then end of the tunnel. I’m pretty sure it’s not a truck and it’s tiny but it’s there!

You have to want it and oh boy do I want it!

Interviews and talking to folks who I have no idea if what just came out of my mouth is what they are laughing about because I am clever or because they think I am psycho and maybe a tad afraid because I look so “normal”!

Maybe I just want to think I am clever and they feel sad for me so they are nice, either way I know I will end up back in the saddle again. Maybe this time with a whole wagon loaded down. Yeah a wagon train! That’s what I am going for! Of course with all the modern comforts so one of those carts will have an AC unit powered by magic! And there she goes folks off into the abyss!

My personal goal is to write one post a day on my blog. So far I have been beating my goal and plan to continue to do so. For example I learned I can write and queue my post to post at a certain time. This is what they tell me so I guess later I will see if it works or not! This post right now will go live when I complete it.

The whole blogging experience is a wild learning curve for me. One I am happily jumping into off the cliff to find out about. I mean where else can I put up MY thoughts and have them read by complete strangers who apparently agree and like what I say?! It gives me hope for the humans! YEA!!!!

But seriously it is a joy to be able to “put it out there” so to speak and share your thoughts, dreams, views and craziness with “the world”.

I feel so old sometimes as I remember as a child watching movies with computers and of course the Jetsons, and thinking it would be so awesome to just have a typewriter and cars that flew! If you don’t get my Jetsons reference google it! It was a cartoon! Ha!

Now I am blogging on the world wide web for all to experience. Kinda a little bit scary in that good kinda way!

Now I am off to finish my chores and my Lists because I am behind but happy I am still breathing and still going!

Keep Hope Alive My Friends!

Have a Fabulously Graceless Friday!

P.S. I have been going through my journals as well as writing down “topics” for posts and came across this little jewel. It is a quote from “Odd Thomas” by  Dean Koontz that I can totally relate to and ask for so I am sharing it with you.

“These days, all I ask of fate is that the people she hurls into my life, whether they are evil or good, or morbidly bi-polar, should be amusing to one degree or another.”

Amen Brother Odd, Amen!

 

sometimes my headline goes away so I made a new one up

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 13 Comments

Greetings my FabulouslyGraceless folks!

Today has been quite high on the “how much of my stuff did I really get done today” meter!

I am a “bit” OCD and always have a jillion things to do but can somehow manage to get through a whole day with the feeling of nothing accomplished! Anyone else like that?!

So I started back on my “daily lists”.

I fully admit I have a post it note and notebook problem. I have them everywhere and can’t find one when I need it because someone (most likely my offspring or maybe even my other personality) moved it. Then I loose my mind for a few minutes, calm down and move on to that scrap of paper I found under the seat or in my purse. I keep pens and crayons on me at all times so I can write somehow! Oops I digressed a bit so back to my “topic”…

I make a List of Everything I can think of I need to get done. It’s always intimidating trust me! From go to the post office, check accounts, pick up items boy child needs, grocery, blog, bills – yes it gets overwhelming! *girl if you’re reading this I just put “go to the post office” on list for tomorrow!

The I make sub-list and from that a sub-sub list. At this point I wonder, does the person reading this think I am crazy or can they totally relate?! Because I also have colored tabs for different subjects (home, work, kid, other work, bills, etc.) – I said I was OCD! It’s not a bad thing to be organized!!

I have always worked the full time job since I graduated from high school. Only briefly in the last 25 plus years have I not received a “regular” paycheck. That is until recently when I was laid off. Of course I am getting an income, a tiny one, and I am working to make it better trust me. I’m not high maintenance (hehehe in my humble opinion) but I have standards!

So now we have a work ethic and “schedule” of over 25 years in the making and no concrete day to day job to go to with one very OCD mama who needs that structure in her life! Desperately! For her own sanity!

I decided to “take the reigns” so to speak and get my life back on track and I am happy to report that today I got the Big List started and several of the sub & sub subs done – go me! I even was able to scratch off “complete”! *Celebrate! Holiday! Oh yeah! **another one of my little “endearing qualities” is I have random moments of happy dances and bits of songs in my head that I just let out for no reason…. welcome to my mind!

All of this means that I am happy in my soul and I am keeping hope alive that my next “job” is what I want to do and can support me and my boy. (*note: I am in no means destitute, I am fortunate to have a wonderful family and fabulous friends who help me out and I help them back! My mama is the best so I’m just throwing that out there because without my mama, my dreams of following my dreams of writing for a living would not be happening right now! Ahhhh tender moment!)

Did I mention I have on my robe and no make up cause that’s how I am rockin’ it – getting in done in comfort and my own style! Dreams do come true!

I hope you all have had a fabulous gracelessness Thursday!

WOW

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 8 Comments

 

 

So I decided to blog because I have been a person who reads all my life. I read everything, books, back of products, magazines, blogs, newspaper, on-line articles – I READ! I also keep a journal – in fact I have so many spanning my lifetime it’s like a mini library of crazy!

Starting this blog was something I wanted to do for fun.
It is fun but it is work!

I will admit I can be technically challenged so working on the back end is a bit intimidating but I am up for it.

It is so amazing to me how many comments I have about “stumbling” onto my blog and liking it!

This makes my week people!!!

I just started posting my thoughts and WOW!

Now I have “followers” and people calling, texting, emailing me about my blog.

This is so awesome!

If I can do this Anyone can!

Do something you love! Overcome the fear by facing it!

So someone doesn’t like what I write, fine. They don’t have to read it!

I love reading others blogs myself and follow about 20 at least!

The best way to start is to just DO IT!

Always keep hope alive!

Be fabulous! Embrace your inner Gracelessness!

SPAM

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

Ok I will say it – I. Hate. SPAM!

It’s one thing when it’s in my inbox, I can scan it and dump it. However I am learning when one has a blog, nearly every comment is considered SPAM.

How bad could it be? Over 300 comments with a good 90% spam! And since the rules, that would be the ones in my head, say I need to respond to comments related to my post I started going through the SPAM section. Holy crap! It’s just as bad as SPAM in your emails! If not worse!

Apparently online casinos are big as well as some kind of muscle workout enhancement. I don’t CARE! I don’t need any enhancements and if I want to do the gamblin’ I will go hang with my friends for an entertaining evening of poker.

This, of course, means I get to learn more about filtering and how to weed out the crap and find the good. Like the nice person who said they liked my writing – yes I checked they were legit! And a few others with comments genuinely related to what I wrote. I SO APPRECIATE IT!!! IT IS AWESOME!

But the SPAM – Holy Guacamole – this is insane!

I really had the thought, “do they have nothing better to do that post comments about stuff completely unrelated to anything here?” and then I remembered, “I am now a blog writer. If I have time for this, I am so sure they have time to that.” And oh how it irritates me!

For the love of Pete and as I am sure many writers everywhere agree, pay attention to the content. I would rather get “this post so sucked” than to have to check and delete something that is totally unrelated to my blog. Because it is my blog.

Gee I grin when I say that! Maybe I can tackle this SPAM crap!

Then I will write a real post! HA!

Keep hope alive and have a fabulous morning!

A few things I never thought I would say….

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

“Do not lick the door in the restroom!”

“Do not do barking spiders/pooter scooters or farts on Anyone! I don’t care how much you love them or how good of friend they are to you.”

Seriously. These are things that I have repeatedly said to my boy!

When I found out I was pregnant I was so excited. I didn’t think I could have a child. Then I found myself praying for just One in there and please let it be a boy.

So that I am not taken the wrong way, I love little girls. I love being an auntie to my niece. She rocks. She’s like me. It scares me. The thought of having a girl child like myself scared me more than the thought of having multiples (unless it was multiple girls – gah!).

I have never been into fashion, never too girly girl so I thought raising my own boy would be easy. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Um no!

I mean he is quite the cutie and we don’t argue over what he’s wearing, which I know will probably change when he gets older. His current demands at times are still negotiable. I mean I have no issue with green shirt and orange shorts with the blue hat. I don’t freak out that his chap stick is blue and it looks as if he has been eating blue candy when I go into the store.

I have had to tell him we don’t “share” his poop stories. No one wants to know that if you eat the blue frosting on the cupcakes from Kroger you have blue poop. Ok maybe a few people want that information because it’s funny but still. Every child has to learn boundaries  I just didn’t think I would be explaining why discussing body functions are off limits to everyone but close family and friends. And even then it may not be a good time!

For months after he went to the bathroom at a restaurant he would be walking back to the table with me proudly exclaiming “I peed and pooped and it was stinky!” Really kid, the wait staff at the Red Lobster does not care nor do the patrons. All they now know is don’t go in the bathroom for a bit!

I couldn’t make this up. I seriously have started writing down the things I have to say because it is just too funny and I have to share it with my friends. And apparently anyone who reads my blog!

One of my favorite quotes I recently read was “raising a kid is like watching a Tarantino movie….lots of talking and lots of violent screaming.” Truth!

 

 

Plans, dreams and reality

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 2 Comments

We all have that picture in our head of how something is supposed to work or flow. Whether it is getting out of bed, a meeting, a relationship or any random thing you are doing most of us can picture it in our mind of how it will go down.

You may even go so far as to say 75% of the time we are right. (Yes, I am being generous here I know but Hope people!).

It’s the 25% that can knock you into a “what just happened?” moment.

In high school I thought I had my life planned out. Where I would go to college, who and when I would get married and how many children I would have. I must have been delusional! NOTHING went how I had it planned in my mind! I got a few college credits but no degree. I gained so much learning from life itself I did not feel the need for more education. That “married and kids thing”? Yeah it didn’t work out so hot either. I was married and I did have a child but again nothing went as planned!

However I would not change it a bit. I have asked myself that very question many times. Maybe before “the boy” was born my answers may have been different but now? I wouldn’t trade a thing because I have him.

Yes being a parent is Hard. Yes it is work. Yes I no longer know what “regular” sleep is and forget being alone in the bathroom. But he is so worth it!

If everything had “worked out” the way I had “planned” it, this adventure of my life would have been totally different. It may have been better. Or worse. Who knows?

I do know my life is far from perfect but I look at it as I have fabulous friends and family who will be there for me no matter what and a wonderful little boy who thinks I’m the coolest thing ever. It doesn’t get much better than that!

 

Another day, need another dollar

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 514 Comments

Running my errands this morning I came up with so many grand ideas to write about, then I forgot to write them down! Yes this is my life!

I am so OCD I plan with contingency plans and then have mini freak outs when I something so off happens I have no plan. Such is the world. Life happens while you’re making plans! This a true statement!

But the sun is shining, I am alive and thankful to have my coffee!

Seriously we often wake cranky and irritable because this or that doesn’t go the way we “planned” it to.

While we are in said pity party/irritation spot/mini rage we do not consider we woke up most likely in our bed (or couch or chair) that we enjoy sleeping in or at least have the option to sleep in. We don’t consider those who have no place to sleep, no shower and no coffee. They may not even have food. I am not a “morning eater” meaning I can’t eat food when I first open my eyes. But I have that option. And I am grateful for it. I do however consume coffee. I am grateful for that as should anyone who comes into contact with me should be grateful I have it as well!

So just take a minute out of your own bubble to think about and be grateful for what you do have. There are so many out there that don’t have anything.

And if you’re feeling a bit fine share your happiness by giving your time or a few dollars to those who need it more than you. If you are buying a coffee buy one for the next person. The whole pay it forward concept is awesome!

As for me I am going to now earn those dollars I so desperately need!

Have a fabulous day!