“Do not lick the door in the restroom!”

“Do not do barking spiders/pooter scooters or farts on Anyone! I don’t care how much you love them or how good of friend they are to you.”

Seriously. These are things that I have repeatedly said to my boy!

When I found out I was pregnant I was so excited. I didn’t think I could have a child. Then I found myself praying for just One in there and please let it be a boy.

So that I am not taken the wrong way, I love little girls. I love being an auntie to my niece. She rocks. She’s like me. It scares me. The thought of having a girl child like myself scared me more than the thought of having multiples (unless it was multiple girls – gah!).

I have never been into fashion, never too girly girl so I thought raising my own boy would be easy. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Um no!

I mean he is quite the cutie and we don’t argue over what he’s wearing, which I know will probably change when he gets older. His current demands at times are still negotiable. I mean I have no issue with green shirt and orange shorts with the blue hat. I don’t freak out that his chap stick is blue and it looks as if he has been eating blue candy when I go into the store.

I have had to tell him we don’t “share” his poop stories. No one wants to know that if you eat the blue frosting on the cupcakes from Kroger you have blue poop. Ok maybe a few people want that information because it’s funny but still. Every child has to learn boundaries  I just didn’t think I would be explaining why discussing body functions are off limits to everyone but close family and friends. And even then it may not be a good time!

For months after he went to the bathroom at a restaurant he would be walking back to the table with me proudly exclaiming “I peed and pooped and it was stinky!” Really kid, the wait staff at the Red Lobster does not care nor do the patrons. All they now know is don’t go in the bathroom for a bit!

I couldn’t make this up. I seriously have started writing down the things I have to say because it is just too funny and I have to share it with my friends. And apparently anyone who reads my blog!

One of my favorite quotes I recently read was “raising a kid is like watching a Tarantino movie….lots of talking and lots of violent screaming.” Truth!