crazy

Breaking up is hard to do…

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

IMG_4219

When you’re in a relationship for a long period of time and you realize that it can’t continue the way it has been going, it can be hard to address the issues with the person you love.

Or maybe you aren’t in love with them anymore but you do love them and you don’t want to hurt them.

Or maybe it is a friendship or business relationship and it is time to end it.

Either way addressing your feelings can be hard because, if you are like me, you don’t want to hurt the other person.

Unless of course they have hurt you and then you’re trying to get back at them, and that becomes a vicious cycle that I can go on and on about but that isn’t where I am going today!

It can be hard to talk to someone who doesn’t acknowledge the problems you’re having, or worse to acknowledges certain parts, but brushes it off with either empty promises to actually do something about it or pretend it isn’t as big of an issue as it is.

That’s when things become frustrating, and could turn to “well you’ve done this to me I will get back at you this way.”

That is an easy way out in my humble opinion.

Also not very mature.

What is harder is trying, sometimes repeatedly, to address the problems and getting brushed off, lied to or shut down.

I recently had to break up with my son’s daycare, then after talking to them realized I may not want to do that. So now I am in research mode to see what the best option is for him.

I love his currently daycare but thought the other school would be better. Digging deeper I have found they aren’t all they said they were and now I am trying to do what is best for him.

A breakup is very much like that.

You try to do the best for all involved yet you know someone will be hurt no matter what you do.

You try and try and talk and talk.

But in conclusion you know it’s time to end it in some way.

You never know, maybe one day you will be able to be in each other’s life again.

Or maybe you never want to see that person again.

Personally I have been through both business and personal breakups.

Friends or lovers it doesn’t matter, it does hurt.

I have been called cold and uncaring.

Sometimes you have to shut yourself down so you don’t hurt even more than you have been. And I don’t want that person to see how hurt I am. How I allowed myself to hurt that much.

People don’t realize how deeply their words can cut.

They don’t realize that you may can take something 527 times but the 528th time you can’t do it anymore.

They often don’t realize that their actions affect more than just the two of you.

“Sorry” no longer will work when the actions happen over and over again, like a hamster in a wheel.

saying sorry

And just because you broke up with someone doesn’t mean you stop caring about them. At least not for me.

I do know some people that are like that and that is great.

I am just not wired that way.

So when they say, “breaking up is hard to do” I have to agree.

Especially when you care.

So if you have to end a relationship know it isn’t easy on either of you.

Try to give the person some credit for respecting how you feel and take into consideration what you have contributed to the demise of this situation. You may have no fault. Or you may be the reason.

But be honest. Not matter what just be honest.

Have a fabulous Wednesday my friends!

Running late…again

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 6 Comments

running late who i am

Calm down.

Breathe.

Anyone notice that those words have been written by me in other posts?! If you haven’t read them and are only seeing them now from me for the first time, know these words are part of my daily mantra of my “keep hope alive” attitude!

I am seriously OCD and strive to also relax.

Yes it is challenge for me but it’s also how I am.

I put routines into my life to ease off the OCD and try to relax while getting all my work and chores accomplished so I can enjoy my “time off”.

Time off is not only a coveted vacation with no responsibilities, however I see time off as that special time when I can spend quality time with myself, the boy, friends and family and just enjoy life without having to worry about working, deadlines, bill and the like.

I am Not a morning person.

I have to set at least 2 alarms to make sure I get up and going! Yes, it’s annoying but I love my sleep and I know myself and know I need the extra help of getting up!

I always have the best of intentions.

I even make sure to lay out everything I need the night before (ah my lists!) so that when I crawl from the covers I am ready to get going.

Of course I have to have at least a cup of coffee and most mornings, have to put it in a travel mug as I never have time to finish the first cup before leaving the house!

But sometimes, like today, I run late and though I try, it seems to throw everything off!

I have to work hard to make sure I get back on schedule and not so distracted from being late.

Hence why my lists are so important to me.

If I didn’t have them, I could literally wander around doing parts of things but never accomplishing what I really need to do.

Fortunately I give myself a bit of leeway so that if I do run late, all will not be lost!

I have to say when I was working a “real job” being late wasn’t an option. I had to be there on time or else I could lose my job. I always factored in variables so that I wouldn’t be late. I may come screeching in with 5 minutes to spare but I was there!

Working for myself is more challenging because when I run late, I am harder on myself than any boss I have ever had. And I always feel worse and beat myself up for a while before I remember that I did wake up.

Not everyone does.

I will catch up eventually.

late excerise lady

Life is too short for all the stress, which can kill you too.

So the next time you get off schedule, just remember to calm down and breathe.

And always Keep Hope Alive!

Cheers for a better day!

Stay fabulous my friends!

 

 

Monday, oh Monday, what will you bring today?

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 2 Comments

 

tree

In my grade school yearbook there was a quote, “Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.”

I have thought of that quote often in my life, and heck to be honest, oftentimes agree with it!

However, I don’t think going into my day thinking, “I will be down because it’s raining or Monday” is isn’t healthy.

In fact, I question why it was put into a school yearbook because looking back, it’s kind of a negative quote. I mean it would be fine to be said by a cartoon character, but this was grade school as in K-6!

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately and working to figure out some semblance of what I truly need to be doing that I am not.

I have learned that since I don’t have a “normal” 9-5 job I take on way more than I can get done because I think I don’t have the same time constraints.

I will think I can somehow get more done and end up running around in circles getting only 2 of 10 items done that need to get done!

There are the things that I always get done, dinner for the boy, bath, etc. but then there are things I have let slip through the cracks like getting the closets cleaned out and getting rid of clothes and toys that are no longer needed. (I “started” the clothes and toy project many months ago! Nowhere close to finished!)

One of my friends who works from home suggested I start a list.

Now those that know me know this is ironic because Lists are my thing!

I do write them for things I need to get done, besides the grocery list, and do get things check off.

However I haven’t been doing a “work” list and I am happy to say I actually outlined and started one for this upcoming week.

It’s hard to balance working for yourself, helping others, volunteering and of course raising my son.

Often I will think I can move one project to another day and then I forget that I moved it and the project doesn’t get done. Clothes and toys are a fine example!

Trying to line up my priorities has been chaotic and at times painful.

I am a people pleaser. Sometimes to my detriment.

Recently, I was told I waste too much time on my writing, my child and taking care of others.

That statement stopped me in my tracks though.

Saying I “waste too much time” on my child will get you a one way ticket to “you need to go. Now. Far away from me.”

As far as my writing and taking care of others, well, the same person told me that too. I don’t want or need that type of negativity in my life.

Looking back I think they were jealous that I spent time other than with them and so they set out to say hurtful things to me.

Why do we feel the need to tear others down when we don’t get what we want?

It seems far more common these days than in the past.

We live in a more fast paced and disposable society.

People expect everything “right now” and “made to order” and if something or someone isn’t how they perceive it should be it is immediately “wrong” and needs to be “fixed” and they should be “compensated” for their time.

What about my time?

I remember being taught “patience is a virtue” and it’s a hard one believe me!

I’m trying to teach my 4 almost 5 year old son this now.

And kids don’t always have a lot of patience at times!

Lately he seems to be getting it though.

Last week we were having dinner and I realized I was supposed to have a conference call, was trying to wrap up dinner, get him in the tub and ready for bed and I got a bit snappy with him. “Hurry up we have a schedule to follow.”

“Calm down. Breathe mommy. Is it worth it for you to get so upset?”

Wow. Having a 4 year old genuinely ask you the same question I have asked him took me off guard.

I did calm down and breathe. I told him he was right and it wasn’t worth it to get upset and be snappy to him and apologized. He replied with, “It’s ok mama, you’re always doing stuff for me and everyone else and making sure I’m ok, someone has to take care of you too and I am going to do that.”

Talk about making me tear up!

Maybe I am getting this parenting thing.

I know I will inevitably make mistakes, but I am praying that I can keep on with this progress of teaching him to be a good human being.

Kids learn by example so I must be doing a decent job!

So Monday, whatever you throw my way, I will conquer and succeed!

For all of the mistakes, screw ups and mishaps I make, I seem to be doing something right!

For me it’s one of the most important “something’s” I can do!

I chose to take Monday as a new slate, a fresh start and move forward… Always keepin’ hope alive!

Have a fantastically fabulous Monday my friends!

 

How do you look at Monday’s? I’m curious as to how others face a new week!

 

Have a Lovely Sunday

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 7 Comments

Sometimes less is more.

Today is one of those day.

I am not going to tell a story, write a poem or any such thing.

Today I am going to sleep in, clean up and have dinner later with friends.

I am letting my brain rest! I’ve been shaking it a lot lately!

I hope that you will enjoy your Sunday!

Stay fabulous my graceless friends!

shake the world blog friend

Happy 4th of July Y’all!

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 3 Comments

I want to take a minute to THANK all of those service men and women who give all for our country.

I want you to please take a minute out of this national holiday to give a moment of thanks and gratitude to those currently serving, those who have served and those who paid the ultimate price for our freedom.

The world is changing and as Americans, we are changing in both in good and bad ways.

I would ask that each and every person strive for the GOOD.

Our nation was founded on freedom and differences.

It was founded on separation of church and state.

It was founded so that we may have free thought, free speech and the freedom to be who we are, as long as we are not harming others, without persecution.

We can pray to who we want.

We can say what we want.

We are still working on equality across the board but as a country, we have come a Long Way!

We no longer have slavery, women are no longer second class citizens, we can marry whomever we choose, but we still have so many cases where others are treated wrongly because they are not just like us.

So I beg you.

Today, July 4th, Independence Day, be Independent and respect your fellow American.

You don’t have to like them or even agree with them.

Just respect them.

And maybe we can all celebrate together as one nation.

Be kind to your fellow American and PLEASE THANK A SOLIDER!!

They are the ones who fight for our rights!

I wish you all a happy, healthy and fabulous 4th of July!

As for me and mine, I will leave you with the photo of our fabulous American pies!

Have a fabulous Independence Day!

pies july 4

I have the Best Friends

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 3 Comments

your kinda crazy friends

I really do have the most Amazing friends.

Through the years (from 5-35 plus in some cases) I have met and kept the most awesome friends through this crazy of life journey that I am on.

Recently, I had some heath issues along with “career” challenges. Then toss in the “normal” challenges of life and I must say, my friends have gone above and beyond to support me and be there for me in the best ways that they can.

From phone calls, texts, driving me to appointments, employing me, being there for me, letting me stay in their homes, just genuinely Caring about my well-being.

It is a two way street we check in with each other and make an effort, even just a “I got you & I’m here with an ear if you need me” kind of thing.

I can’t do it justice to try and articulate “it” but it’s late, I have a deadline so I will give it a shot!

The top ten reasons our friendship Works and Lasts

antique friends

  1. Calling just to “check in”. My friends and I have this built in sense of “hey maybe they just need to hear a friendly voice on the phone so I will call. It won’t be an epic conversation, though it could turn that way but they need me so I am calling.” It works for us
  2. A text of utter randomness or filled with rude words and love. “Hey my body hurts like I was hit by a train so I thought of you and hope you’re well. Love and gropes.” Yeah we are like that but worse!
  3. An open invite to stay at each other’s homes. Even the friend who publically puts on Facebook No One is to stay over. Yeah they mean it for 97% of the population – guess who’s in that 3%?!
  4. They offer to drive you Anywhere. Medical appointments earn you special stars in heaven. I have a few angels I count as friends on this one! Anywhere can also mean drive bys (not shootings *ahem), the store to get you meds for a plague that has struck you down, to a kid related event and actually stay with you and not drive off (*another star in heaven group) and just go with you almost anywhere!
  5. They are ALWAYS THERE for each other.
  6. We feed each other. Whether it is cereal and milk, sushi, random breakfast, something we created or meal in a bag, the point is we give nourishment to each other in more than just food, but you won’t go hungry with any of my friends!
  7. We help each other out financially when possible. This can be anything from cleaning each other’s homes, giving a few dollars just cause, to selling items on eBay or supporting each other in business. None of us have gotten so bent about money that it has cause a problem with our relationships because friends help friends. Period.
  8. We can go sometimes weeks or months without actually talking or seeing each other but always pick up like it was yesterday. We don’t do it often but it happens. Thank God for texting!
  9. We don’t judge. Really. It seems weird in this time of the judgmental society and we just don’t do it. We may not agree with each other but we don’t judge and we move on through it. We wait it out and talk about it. But we Never judge.
  10. We love each other unconditionally. We truly do. How else can you survive in this world if it wasn’t for the love of you friends and family?!

people sent to you

Friends are the family you choose.

I believe they are souls you knew in a past life and you find each other again. There is no other way I can explain the connection I have with my friends otherwise.

They all know about each other though sadly not all have met.

I wouldn’t expect all of them to get along because they are all so different.

We all have a common core part of our being that just knows and accepts that person for who we are.

I didn’t set out to make all of these fabulous friends.

I see it as I was just fortunate to find the loves of my past lives and share this life with them!

Have a Fabulous Friday and Enjoy your Holiday Weekend My Fabulously Graceless Friends!

So glad you’ve joined the madness of my mind!

 

 

Another day, need another dollar – Part 2

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

Last month I wrote an article titled “Another day, need another dollar”.

I am pretty sure a part of the reason I got so many responses was that I finally figured out I got some crazy spam emails and they were referring to god only knows what and I took that to be a response to my post.

Some actually were and others were referring to a spam post somewhere out there in cyber space. Really I have no idea how it got there. I didn’t write about clothes, sex or the other random messages I got!

Then I read and reread and read again that post.

I don’t really get it why it seems to genuinely interest people.

I mean I think it’s ok but seriously today, it is for me, another day, needing a lotta dollars!

I was reflecting back on my thoughts and how some of them I realized that I have found my way through to get on track, how my trains get derailed and how I still have now a list of over 50 “topics”, read “those thoughts running round inside of my mind” yet I end up writing about what just flows forth from my fingertips!

At least I can say with complete honesty this was a topic on my list so go me!

I have been writing a few articles for others, whooowhooo, as well as done some sitter work for a dear older lady.

Sadly I talked myself out of that job as she needed 24/7 care and I was concerned that with the group we had helping out, they would run out of steam, not have back up and a few other things. I wrote a short novel on “things to do and take care of for Ms. D”. I went from hired help to consultant quick but it was best for the patient!

It really is another day and I really do need another dollar(s)!

One of my close friends recently taught my boy to hold out his hand, look the person straight in the eye and say, “Tuition, tuition, tuition!” with enthusiasm and then he is handed money!

Every time he asks the boy, “What is the phrase that pays?!” and he diligently answers with joy in his heart and a gleam in his eyes, “Tuition, tuition, tuition!”

Thus far he has made about $10 off this little scheme.

He is tickled pink.

I then explained to the boy how this really works.

That if you save it up and put it in your little banks, a silver horse and a dog in his house, you can afford to buy…… A Transformer!

His little eyes lit up with total delight when I told him that if he keeps putting money into the banks in your room, soon he will have enough to go to the store and buy a transformer toy that he chooses!

If he keeps saving money that he can buy himself special toys!

He is now excited to learn with the play money till I got him at the dollar gentral!

I spent a dollar to teach him a lesson in how to count money while also teaching him how to save up for something he wants.

Not such bad lessons!

As for me?

Each day I move closer and closer to earning those dollars!

I got a few articles written, and I jumped across a huge hurdle I have been standing behind and took the first big step of building up some writing credits! I am also doing some home management projects because I love a challenge!

Who do you think is going to have to pick up the slack when the boy wants the bigger Transformer toy?

I never give up!

My motto is keep hope alive!

You can bet your sweet patootie I am doing just that!

Have a fabulous Thursday My Graceless Friends!

Embracing my life after the madness

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 8 Comments

Laughter, madness and a sing song rhyme,

Keep circling round and round inside of my mind.

Where am I going?

What shall I do?

Above all to thine own self be true.

To live a lie, to hurt me and your friends…

Please, do tell me, the worst of my sins.

For each “bad” deed that I commit

You have hundreds more you judgmental twit.

Who are you to play judge and jury?

Are you the one to pass out God’s fury?

Chosen one, you think you are.

Your own small word, a shining star.

You smile and wave and talk real big.

Yet you go home and lie with the pigs.

They feed you lies that you take for truth

It feels so good you don’t ask for proof.

And here I am living my life

Going through joy, love, pain and strife.

Thought somehow you feel that you should cast stones,

At me, of all people, because you’re all alone.

Your pigs, they left when you ran out of money.

You should have learned you draw more flies with honey.

They words you thoughtlessly tossed about

Have come full circle and now you’re without.

No friends will call and your family walked away.

You feel the sadness of not getting your way.

So you call my number to rant and rave

Forgetting I dropped you when you retreated to your cave.

The one you wallowed in and judged mankind,

And blame everyone and everything for all your hard times.

So I will sit back and watch stumble around the chaos into your life.

I can no longer help you for your words cut me deeply like a knife.

I know I am not perfect nor do I claim to be.

I have always and will forever be openly me.

I don’t hide who I am or play those head games,

I am constantly changing yet my core is the same.

So your words, you actions and your deceitful ways,

Pushed me farther and farther away.

I can forgive but can’t forget,

How you told me you would be strong and truthful and I truly believed it.

Chance after chance I gave to you.

But for you, to thy self, you cannot be true.

So I wish you well on the next journey of life.

I know for me I am embracing my life.

 

Manic Monday

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 8 Comments

In case you didn’t know it, it is Monday again!

Yes, the least favored day of the week for some, and for others the start of something new and exciting.

I personally have the lines of “Manic Monday” going through my head.

Only parts because even though I have a scary good memory, it seems not all songs made the cut in whatever area of my brain in charge of that so I get just loops of parts of a song. Very irritating I can assure you.

For example, “it’s just another manic Monday… oh oh. I wish it was Sunday… oh oh, cause that my fun day. My I don’t have to run day… oh. Oh. Just another manic Monday.” Yeah maybe a line or two more and that is IT for the song. And it loops. Over and over again.

I have read and been told in order to have a good day you have to visualize your day the previous day and it will be good. That works out as well as my poker game, about 50/50 that I do it often because well I have to keep hope alive.

Somehow I feel like I lost part of my weekend somewhere and I should get a few, say 12, more hours tacked on to my weekend.

I am not selfish I would share that extra 12 hours with everyone!

I don’t mean I would want to be with others per se, but I will share the extra hours with anyone who needs them.

The rest of you may place yourselves on pause.

I would take that time and spend half the time with the boy and the other half with blissful, good sleep!

Maybe 15 more hour instead of 12 so I can have 3 more hours to clean up around the house!

Heck why don’t we just add another 9 hours and call it an extra day!

Then I could spend more time with the boy, sleep, clean and write!

Yes a whole other day!

There has got to be a way to get one of those!

Can you imagine?

“Yes I need an extra 24 hours please. No, no emergency I just need an extra day I am not ready for Monday yet!”

But even as I write Monday approaches.

Closer and closer to the midnight hour.

And then it happens.

Monday is here and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

Alarm not set and you’re late? Blame it on Monday.

Traffic got you running behind? Blame it on Monday.

Poor Monday.

It gets such a bad reputation just because it is the start of the week!

Everyone loves Fridays but Mondays? Not a lot of the Monday love so it seems.

Even when I try to “visualize” and make myself thing happy thoughts about the upcoming week, I can’t help but think “Oh Monday. We meet again. How will you play this one? Can we have a good Monday please?”

Because I sure could use one of those!

If it has to be Monday then it needs to be fabulous.

Only I have the power to make it so.

No matter what happens, I have to work to make it happen.

I feel it’s worth it.

So here’s to you.

Let’s make this Monday worth it!

Have a fabulously graceless Monday my friends!

The Static

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 7 Comments

It’s always there.

The static.

Trying to seep in when I am trying to be productive.

Trying to ooze into my life and create chaos.

During those times when I am not at my best.

Those times when my body aches and my brain hurts.

Those times when I am emotionally drained and fallen.

But I still hold up.

I am not alone.

I am responsible for more than myself.

I am taken by others.

I am running out of myself.

In creeps the static.

I breathe in.

I breathe out.

I find myself again.

Even for a moment so I can regain myself.

Escaping the static yet again.

But it is always there.

Taunting me.

Teasing me.

The static.