Life always keeps moving


Life definitely keeps on moving. Even when one life stops, the rest keep on moving. Some not as fast as others. Some closer to stopping with every breath. Yet others thrive and others get by pretty decently. Life always finds a way.

For me, life has moved both too fast and too slow lately. I know that I feel like I’ve been running races, and I do not run unless I am being chased or chasing a child for some odd reason!

My dear friend invited me to join a 30 day blogging challenge and although I failed miserably at blogging every day for 30 days, she did help me find my way back to blogging. I needed that. I can truly never thank her enough. Not that I wouldn’t have written ever again, but I just needed that kick to get going again!

So to those awesome folks who follow my blog, I have so much to say in the upcoming days, weeks and hopefully months and years.

Because life has, as always, provided me with more material than my blogging self can keep up with. Of course I have written in my journal, notebooks, post its and basically written a line or two about pretty much everything over the last 45 plus days!

The last 30 days of my life have been more challenging and emotional than I have had to deal with at once in a very long time. Some things I have handled well, others, well life can be raw and hard at times and remind you how fragile your very existence is at all times. We don’t always react and respond the way we’d like to. I can honestly say that I have completely lost my shit at times when I wish I had handled a situation with a bit more grace. But that is it though. Life isn’t always pretty. It’s not always pink and purple flowers, rainbows and unicorn farts no matter how much some would like to pretend it is. Sometimes life slaps you in the face and knocks you on your ass. Sometimes you have to crawl a long way before you can get back up. But it keeps moving. Life always keeps moving!

I hope that everyone has a fabulous day!

Keep Hope Alive!

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Fabulous hope for a new week


I’m hoping this week starts out fabulous!

It’s a brand new week and I know that it is going to be what I make of it so I am choosing Fabulous!

There is so much to be thankful for in life.

I have plenty of regrets and what ifs, but I can’t continuously dwell on all of my shortcomings. I know them all. Much better than those who can so effortlessly point them out to me!

So for those who chose to point out the negatives, just please go! No time for you today!

Life is happening, goals to accomplish, lists to cross off… I pray that it is not too maotic and that good things really do happen.

Keep hope alive!!!

 

Tuesday after Springing forward


ahh tuesday do what i forgot mon

Waking up to the second day of the work week after the springing forward is always a challenge.

Life seems to come at you with full force, adding a few new surprises as a bit of a bang for your buck.

I work to find my happy place. Sleep, wildflowers, music and laughter. Playing and hugs.

Then the phone rings and I am slapped back into this reality.

But it lingers there, my happy place.

I know that I will make it through the day as I am a survivor.

I keep hope alive.

Lately I also ingest a lot of caffeine. It’s worth it to get things done.

Plus it’s the day to do all those extra bangs from yesterday and put the others in the tomorrow pile… you never know Ed McMahon could show up at my door! If he’s still around! Or in ghost form, whichever! Just bring me the check!

Have a fabulous day!

Another fabulous Friday


oh its friday minion

Ahhhh Friday! The “last” day of the work week… unless you have to work or are on-call, which in my case, means working!

However, I am choosing to make this Friday Fabulous! No matter what!

It’s been a rough couple of months weeks and I am going to just be. Let whatever happens happen and do my best to not get ruffled by the winds of change and life.

I only have control over so much and also I have absolutely no control over others. I get in a funk when the boy isn’t home. I tend to throw myself into work or projects that need to be done and not just let myself rest and re-charge like I need to.

I don’t enjoy too many public outings, yet I crave humanity. Not an overwhelming abundance of folks but a select few… which is what makes it so challenging that I am not the one who gets to select the folks I would like to see these days or so it seems. I have a lot of interaction regarding work, but not so much on a personal level. I really need to work on that!

It’s just so hard to commit to plans when you know that you will also be working. It can annoy some people who may assume being on call is just taking a few calls when in actuality, for me, ends up being several hours or even all day. I would rather not make plans so that I’m not disappointed when I have to break them.

ffeling all done me either

But hey, it’s Friday! So I am going to make the most of trying to relax in between calls.

I always keep hope alive!

After all, we are all superheroes! Some of us sprinkled with a bit more maos and crazy than others!

Have a fantastically, fabulous Friday!

Fabulous Friday and dreamin’ of a lazy weekend


happy fridayHere is wishing everyone a fabulously, graceful beautiful Friday!

We have finally made it to the end of the week and I just pray that life decides to slow down, breathe, and Hope that Murphy thing eases up a bit!

After 12 days of being “on” this fabulously graceless lady is going to be “off”… and Murphy started it for me so I am just taking a hint!

deserve a medal friday

They boy and I will just chill for a few days.

Sleep, oh blessed sleep, I hope to get much this weekend! I hope to enjoy the hopeful warmer, sunny weather and also sleep! HA!

look at sky how amazing

At least the boy is at the age where he is content watching movies being lazy if he happens to get up before 9! Hey, I’m honest! I make sure he is taken care of but oh I love/need/gotta have some sleep!

So I’m making it through this day with thoughts of family, love, joy, hope and sleep! Because I have hope and I am fabulous! *these are the delusions I tell myself! Sometimes I even believe me!

tgi fabulous

Keep Hope Alive!

 

 

Brand new Friday


gm beautiful its friday

Today is a brand new day!

Hopefully it will go smoothly and pleasant for us all. I know it can’t be perfect, but close to perfect would be nice!

This week I started a new chapter in my life doing one of the things I love so much. Helping in the planning and taking care of others. I have been doing this at the basic level but now I get to step it up a notch. It gets me out of the field, which I love, but physically is draining on my body. I will get to still work with clients, families and caregivers making sure the clients are cared for by top notch caregivers. Thus far after a week I love it and my boss is a fabulous human.

The week after a holiday weekend seems to always be a bit of a challenge but we made it!

Plus, the fact we are diving right on into the Christmas season and I feel I am behind on my responsibilities doesn’t make things easier.

That’s when I have to remember to step back and take a breath.

I am blessed with wonderful people who care about me and help me get through this crazy life. I know I am far from perfect, I have dropped more than I want to admit but I am working to pick it all up.

I don’t think I have been this happy to see Friday for a while!

I realized it has been a bit over a year since I worked a 40-hour work week outside of the home. I think I am still in shock getting up early each day and not only making it to work, but being happy and working all day. I actually enjoy my job. Yes, it is new and I know I haven’t even touched on everything I have to learn and do. However, I am all up in my element of doing what I love. Being able to help place caregivers with families isn’t always easy. I love helping to find that perfect fit for families. I love my job!

I hope you all have a fabulous Friday and a wonderful weekend!

Keep Hope Alive!!!

friday end or beginning

 

Happy 200th post to me and oh yeah happy black Friday!


Happy fabulous Friday after Thanksgiving!
Know to some as “Black Friday”, of which I am not partaking of thank you very much, but This Friday, today, is the 200th post of Fabulous Gracelessness!
Yes, I have been writing so much that it is now up to 200 on this blog and I have followers! LOL like less than 50, but I have them and I am thrilled with each one. It’s hard to believe people actually enjoy reading what I write and put out into the universe! I know that not everyone likes everything, I may also be a bit delusional but I do know there are some of my posts that weren’t as good as others. Sometimes I go back and read my stuff and think, “what was going on in my maotic, twisted head to write that?!”
Just to clarify, I write how I feel and what I think about life as I see it. Sometimes I will expound upon some subjects with references and information or links to other sites. I write poems and personal essays and thoughts. It can be random and often I get passionate about my thoughts. I know I tend to ramble too! I am working on it.
I had no clue what I was getting into when I decided to blog. I had been laid off work, was recovering from major surgery and was doing a lot of soul searching. I had an active 4, now 5-year-old boy, who I am challenged to keep up with but would not trade anything for him and the bond and love we share. I have always kept journals, I’ve written for several newsletters, written articles, poems, short stories and other random bits. I love to just write. I was writing a few articles and getting paid a tiny bit when I realized I could somewhat come up with things on the fly with a deadline. If I could do that, I certainly could do a blog. I have an amazing friend who kept encouraging me and nudging, without actually screaming to my face haha, to at least try it. I thought how hard could it be to write a blog?
So I jumped.
Free falling does not describe the thrill, frustration yet peace that I get from writing.
It is a challenge to meet my daily post quota. I have learned to plan ahead, and try to keep a few back, which isn’t hard because I have so many things running through my mind I want to write about! It is hard when I haven’t written said topics down and it may or may not be in one of the 5 or 6 notebooks I carry around with me! If I am out and about and a topic comes to mind, I try to write it down. I also use the voice to text for my notes but more times than not I can’t decipher what Simon (the male Siri) took down. I don’t think he understands southern as well as I thought! Sometimes he can be spot on.
Plus there is the time involved to actually do it daily! I want to keep my readers engaged and maybe, just maybe, touch one person and make them think and realize they are not alone.
After all it is my blog and, while I have it, free speech shall flourish here! My thoughts, my mind, my maos, this fabulously, graceless, crazy mama from Alabama whose life motto is Keep Hope Alive! That which does not kill us makes us stronger, but stranger! We are not alone! Life throws us some crazy curves and we have to deal with them the best way we can. We are blessed if we have others in our lives to help us and walk with us along the way!
I never thought my life would go the way it did but I truly couldn’t be happier! Yes, things still stress me out, but I believe that things can and do get better once you get through all the mental crap that tells you that you can’t! You can! It may be hard as hell, and you may just have to walk through it, but you will get out if you Believe in yourself. It is the first step and also can be the hardest.
I started writing my blog when I was basically at a very low place in my life. Writing and holding myself accountable made me want to do it better and keep going.
Since I started writing, I have better relationships with the people in my life, I am still scatterbrained and flaky at times, but I am also finding I am stronger and more organized. It is still a process and it is literally one step at a time many days, but I am moving forward. I wanted to get a job writing and I wanted to take care of people. I got both just a bit differently than I envisioned but it is better than I could imagine. I found love and a peace I haven’t had before. I feel I am a better mama to the boy. I am finding my patience and learning more about the complexities of myself daily. I often pull from personal experience or situations that are close to me. It’s nice to hear friends and family say, “Don’t put this in your blog! Or if you do change my name!” it fulfills me in ways I didn’t know I need to be fulfilled.
So on this Black Friday, I am celebrating with my loves and not shopping… unless it’s for food or maybe ice-cream!
I will keep cranking out my maotic thoughts and working toward the goal of 1,000 posts! Only 800 more to go!
I hope you all have a fabulously wonderful Friday!
As always, Keep Hope Alive!!!

Who takes care of those who have no one?


IMG_4346

Working in the field I do, I often wonder, who takes care of those with no families? I think of how challenging it must be to find good help for our older generation. Most people are on a fixed income of some sort and filling out forms and documents are challenging for anyone, no matter what their income is.
A friend of mine and I were discussing the filling out of Medicare forms and how if you leave one little thing off or check the wrong box, it throws the whole application off and you have to basically start over.
It is beyond frustrating for people who are completely cognitive and somewhat able to follow the convoluted directions given, whether online or written; however, for someone who has no one to ask or turn to for help, it would be a complete nightmare. It is a nightmare for many who know what they are doing and who can do it themselves or have families, but what about those who don’t? What happens to those people?
Have you ever visited a nursing home or assisted living? Have you seen the people in the common rooms and hallways who don’t know you but always wave and smile at you like you are a ray of sunshine on a rainy afternoon after long days of storms? Chances are half of those people have no one. No family or close friends. Their contact is with the caregivers, residents and people who come to the facility for entertainment or to see others.
Any time I am going through to see someone I make it a point to say hello to everyone I see. I wave or say hello depending. Sometimes I know a lengthy conversation can ensue and I know how to handle that situation yet I still open myself up for conversation. One thing I always get is a smile or hello in return. I was even asked to a dance and also a marriage proposal from one of those hellos!
Recently I decided it was time to change my insurance for myself and the boy. Since I no longer work for a corporation, when I was let go, I was given the option of cobra insurance. For those not in the know, it is the same plan you had, just at a much higher premium and coverage lasts for anywhere from one to two years. I had the two-year option, but it is too high so I am finally getting around to changing it. I also was making an appointment for a MRI and checking to see if the dental insurance I pay out the wazoo for had paid for a regular office visit from July. I was on the phone for 5 1/2 hours! And I get to call back on the insurances and MRI next week because of course things can’t be done when some folks say they will be done.
I was so very frustrated and still am. It’s annoying as hell and I have to make myself stop and ask myself again, “Who does this for people who have no one?”
Every one of the people I have cared for have families. Even if it’s “extended” family they have someone(s) that can help them out through most of the madness.
That includes getting groceries, toiletries, cleaning, help with bills, finances, insurance.
I have seen people who have families that you would expect to be helping but then don’t and the person ends up losing a car or getting their power or phones turned off simply because the bill wasn’t paid. There was money in the bank but the bills were not paid. They are supposed to have someone yet no one was paying attention to them knowing they need help. That straight up angers me to the core.

negativity

Again, I wonder, who helps those who cannot do for themselves?
I have purchased food for families standing in the grocery store parking lot. I have cried with them as I gave them what I would have considered “not much” but then they had nothing and were so grateful to have something to cook for their family and promised me they could “make it work.”
I volunteer with a local group who helps provide children with Christmas and things people may be in need of throughout the year. I believe there were 2 or 3 house fires and countless people losing their jobs as well as family members taking on children for other family members. People who need immediately and there isn’t always an option to wait for assistance from the local or state government.
When I hear of someone in need and know of something I or someone I know can do to help I get make it happen. It may not be everything they need but they are grateful for the step in the direction of something.
But it still isn’t enough!
Right now we are facing hunger, poverty, homelessness and people without medical care in our own communities.
We are also being asked to help others who are seeking refuge from evils in their own homes and communities. There is a split census on what should be done about these humans who did not choose to be driven from their homes and country. Some believe we can give help somewhere closer to their home country. Others believe we should allow them into our country and communities.

life gets better

It is still the same question, who takes care of those who cannot take care of themselves?
To my knowledge, we don’t choose where we are born and our circumstances. If that was the case no one would choose to be born into hunger, poverty, tyranny, have no medical care or nowhere to home. No one would choose to be born into violence, hatred, servitude or oppression.
I know and understand taking care of oneself is a challenge. Taking care of yourself and your family adds even more stress. But I also can’t help but think of those that I can help in addition to myself and my loved ones. It may be in small ways, maybe not all the time but I can still make a difference.
I pray that others will feel their humanity and find it within themselves to help just one person this week. Not to “look good” by being philanthropic but to do it because it’s the right thing to do.
It is something which is a whole lot better than nothing!

help_other_people_everywhere

Signing off giving y’all some food for thought and a boat load of happiness on this fine, cold Sunday!
I hope you all have a fabulous day!
Keep Hope Alive!!!!
Lady Maos

Watching the world…. driving and being the passenger


As I it in the passenger seat I watch the world go by.

Since I drive so much, sometimes it is nice to sit back and let someone else drive so I can watch the view.

The perspective from passenger to driver, I’ve learned, can be vastly different.

Driving, I am always aware of the cars around me and sometimes miss the scenery because I have to pay attention to the other drivers, the road and keeping it between the lines. I do get to see and enjoy the beautiful scenery sometimes, but not as much as when I get to sit back and ride. I enjoy driving but I also enjoy not having to drive… depending on who is driving!

As the passenger, I am not only free to watch the scenery, but the other drivers we pass and the little things you miss when you have to drive.

The pretty flowers on the right side of the road, the peculiar looking human staring at you from the next lane, the buildings and businesses off the road.

On long drives, especially if I am on country back roads, I tend to look for the animals in the trees, the ones in the pastures and the homes of others. I always wonder what kind of people live there and what they are doing at that very moment. I sometimes make up stories in my head about them. I admit I do this while driving too if I am alone and the road is long.

I love singing to the radio and I equally love the sound of the tires on the pavement with no other noise but road noise.

When I’m in traffic, I will often crack my window to hear the music and occasional conversations of other commuters who have let their windows down. Often I hear a song I love and try to find it on my radio, and if I can’t, have been known to sing along, and loudly, to the other person’s radio!

I learned to drive at a young age, out in the country, three on a tree and then later in the parking lot of the local college. I loved the feeling of freedom that driving gave me. It still does, though I have to remind myself of it the more I age!

Sometimes it seems like I live in my car, running from place to place, between work, the boy, errands and things we need. I keep extra food, tissues, jackets, toys and wipes in my Jeep in case we happen to get stuck for a while. My friends joke it’s like I am prepared for the apocalypse with all the crap I carry around. Maybe I am. Or maybe I just like to be prepared.

After living in Atlanta for nearly 11 years, I knew it wouldn’t be a short ride to wherever I was going, and I guess I really started carrying so many provisions when I was living there. Since moving back home, I find I am often early and with time on my hands, I might as well have that snack I packed because it will be a while until I get to eat!

So when I get into someone else’s car, with my many bags, and they ask me why I need all that “crap” I can say I am prepared for almost anything! No one complains when I hand out drinks, snacks or crayons. And I’ve never hear nary a complaint when the googly eyes come out… who doesn’t love to put googly eyes on things?!

I hope you all have a fabulous day!

Keep Hope Alive!

Happy Birthday Daddy… dreams do come true and I miss you


Dear Daddy,

Today is 6 months of writing my blog on a daily basis! I am so proud of myself. You always taught me I could do anything and to do right by others. I am trying so hard and feel you around me all the time. Because of my writing I feel I have unlocked a door that I had forgotten about. One crucial to my essential being. By telling me to be true to myself I have found myself again. I found strength I didn’t know I had. Thanks to encouragement from family and special friends, remembering you and Grandmama always telling me to follow my heart and dreams, I am living my dream!

Today is your birthday. The second one since you’ve been gone. To say I miss you and your love and wisdom is an understatement. I would give anything for a hug and a kiss from my daddy just one more time. The words you always to me, to hear your voice again and feel your arms around me always made me know I was going to be ok.

There is so much going on in my life and in the world and I need your guidance and love more than ever. I hope you are proud of me and what I am doing. I remember your words of always stand up for others and to not be afraid because you knew deep down when you are doing the right thing.

I take comfort in our conversations we shared at random times throughout my life. Some were short, some were long but all were of value. All of the wisdom and the stories you shared with me, the way you understood and even respected my rebel side, I miss these things. I miss you.

You let me fly and also taught me how to be humble and respect every living being. You encouraged me when I know it had to be hard to do so. You also always loved me no matter what I said or did. I know there were times you didn’t like me as much and looking back, I can’t blame you. I wasn’t the easiest child to raise and I can be a bit stubborn and willful I know! You taught me to control my temper when I was young and I know that was no cake walk. You showed me how to channel my anger to find solutions to help myself and others along the way. You shared with me how to work through hurt, rage and fear. You always stood up for me even when it was hard to do. You never gave up on me and you always were there for me.

I wish you were here with us, our family. You have two amazing grandsons and my boy has already started telling his cousin about Pops and how wonderful you are. We all miss you and feel the ache so deeply. We are taking care of Mom as we would have no matter if we promised or not. You instilled in us the joy and challenges of family and how we stick together no matter what.

The legacy of family, friends and business you left is awe inspiring.

Oh Daddy I wish we could spend another day, another hour together. I know I would want more time. We all do.

I am so thankful and grateful you were always there for me for 43 years of my life.

It’s been one year, eight months and 11 days since we last saw you. I know you are free and whole again. I have to believe it. I know that your body is no longer ravaged by an insidious disease that could no longer be controlled. I know you no longer hurt.

They say time heals all wounds and that it gets easier. I’m sorry if I can’t see it that way. I didn’t always live in the same state and sometimes we would go a bit before talking or seeing each other but you were always There. I am better about not breaking down or breaking down in front of everyone, though sometimes it happens. I get overwhelmed by the fact that the first love of my life is no longer on this planet. It hurts my heart and soul.

They boy talks about you all the time with me. He believes we should be able to get you in heaven and go over the rainbow bridge and see Jethro. He tells me that Jethro has you throwing tennis balls to him and he’s sure you are giving him slices of the square cheese because he loves it. I love that he keeps your memory alive by talking about you.

I need to end this letter now but I know you are watching over us. I feel you with me and us so many times.

I love you, Daddy, with all my heart.

Thank you for always believing in me and my dreams and never giving up on me.

I miss you more than I will ever be able to put into words.

Always,

Your little girl