I woke up alive and realized I needed to live the moments


I rolled out of bed groaning and stumbled to the bathroom to start the getting ready process. Shortly after, I cheerily woke up the boy from his angelic looking sleep and watched him stumble his way to the bathroom and then get himself dressed.

I was putting on the last of my war paint when the text came through that one of our good caregivers was out sick and I needed to fill the shift. I doubled my speed for getting out of the house, changed into scrubs and we left for the day.

My clients were way across town, out in the country. I somewhat know their routine and knew they would be getting hungry and breakfast is part of their routine.

I arrived only a few minutes later than their normal caregiver, “T”, but they remembered me and were happy to have someone there to “assist” them for the day. Mr. K met me at the door with a smile and Miss P was still in the bed. One glance around told me that they had been pretty much alone all weekend, as “T” and I worked together to help make them a schedule and keep things consistent for them. We have a system for them to follow and have shared it with their children. Their family is involved in their care but they have lives and families to raise too, so we are there to help mom and dad.

It isn’t that mom and dad, or P & K, are all that up in years, they are both 70 with her just having a birthday. Their bodies are healthy for the most part and they love to talk, laugh and enjoy life. They no longer go as much as they use to because they are both in different stages of Alzheimer’s and dementia. They are like thousands of others in the Boomer generation that are still “young at heart” and in need of care due to a terminal diagnosis.

Miss P has middle stage Alzheimer’s and needs help bathing, getting dressed and can no longer cook or clean. She talks some, more in the afternoons, but she is so sweet and a joy to be around. She has no problem with me bathing her and “helping” her get pretty for her husband. As long as she knows where he is, and I gently remind her if she gets anxious, she is fine.

Mr. K has early stage dementia. He “runs” the household and “helps” Miss P. She is his world and he talks of “his beautiful pearl” and “young blushing bride” as though it is now. You can see the love they share. He knows her memory is “bad” and that she needs help. He knows he “forgets” things but he has reminders and that is why I am there to help them.

We do our best to communicate anything that goes on to each other so that their weekdays flow consistently, or at least a semblance of it.

To watch her struggle to remember how to remove her clothes and thank me over and over again for being so “nice” to “help” her get bathed and dressed for the day, it breaks my heart. I think back to earlier that morning, was it really just that morning? When I got the text I would be covering for T and my day with them.

To see people so vulnerable in so many ways because by nature they are kind and trusting, but now we add in the memory loss factor and I worry for them. My problems and irritations seem to shrink in light of what they face on a daily basis. Not that I don’t have my own issues and hardships, but that I can get so irritated over something so small at times, or that I got so caught up in something I missed something beautiful. It makes me rethink what I see as important.

I think of how my mind works and how I ponder which thing was more important and then I will jump to another topic. I also will multitask and continue on with the flow of my day. I just know what needs to be done and I do it. I may miss things, but I know it’s on the list for tomorrow even if there is no actual written list. Then I stop. Their lives are no longer like that. They can’t remember things as clearly or even at all in some instances.

That afternoon I drove straight from their home through craptastic traffic to get the boy. I knew we had things to do, I still had to work and there were chores to finish, but I scooped him up and hugged and kissed him immediately. I savored the little boy sweat smell and the way he holds me so tight. I want those memories to always be there. I don’t ever want to lose that part of me. If I forget everything else, I want to remember he chose me to be his mommy.

I woke up alive but after going through the day I realized how alive I needed to be and I am thankful that I was reminded just when I needed it.

Keep Hope Alive and have a fabulous day!

thoughts from my mind…


Staring into space I forget what I’m doing

Goals to accomplish, life’s going on, it’s time for me to get moving

My brain will stop and fade out and in

Conversing can be hard, I’m so thankful for my friends

The ones, along with some family, who understand my oddities

And who accept the quirks of me

It’s not to say I don’t come with irritations

Life, we understand, comes with certain limitations

Sometimes we push too much, we try to go too far

Forget we need to stop and rest, like fuel needed in a car

I go and go and run and run and keep going ‘til I can’t

Then I stop and breathe, take a rest and I listen to the rants

I laugh; I cry and sometimes try to reason

I forget that in this journey of life, everything has a season

I wonder if in finding mine I will lose more than I’ll gain

The words that creep into my mind is “there is no joy without the pain”

It fills me with awe, these words from me, that fall right from my mind

Straight to my finger tips to share my thoughts in kind

Those meant to share will walk with me this journey all the way

Others will walk a while with me then find their place to stay

My gypsy soul, my warped, sweet mind guides me on my path

The karma, love and things I see, protect me from the wrath

Of those who lives who set a course in life to hurt and harm others

For me I see us all as one family, with many sisters and brothers

Of course, there’s mothers and fathers too along with friends and lovers

We all are one big family, this interwoven cover

To live, to love and show compassion

To keep hope alive and take action

To stand for those who cannot stand and follow through

To bare my soul for all to see and to do what I say I will do

 

 

Genderless toy aisles, George Carlin and raising my boy


It seems lately George Carlin is running back through my head again. I like remembering George and all of his rants and insights.

I loved his creativity of being able to convey and articulate his thoughts and views into monologues that were not only hysterically funny, but also made you think.

So often now we have everyone being politically correct so they don’t “offend” groups of people. I understand that some PC is needed; however it really gets out of hand for some things.

A perfect example, in my humble opinion, is the “genderless” toy aisles at Target. No more pink and blue to” jump” out at you as to make you go to one aisle or the other. Now you just wander up and down the aisles looking for that certain toy. I do wonder if they are going to just put a bland background as I still see all the pink Barbie stuff and the My Little Pony sets aren’t exactly oozing with “gender neutral” colors. Neither are the Ninja Turtles or Jurassic World toys. I have to wonder does it really matter?

My son who is 5 and very much a boy will sometimes, when I let him in the toy department, cruise up and down all of the isles of toys as he wants to see what there is. He often stops at the Doc McStuffins section as he loves the show and I have no problem with him imagining being a vet or doctor. It does not matter to me that Doc McStuffins is a girl or that the majority of the toys are pink and it doesn’t matter to him either. We look at everything including the little kid toys. We talk about what he likes and what you

We wander down most of the aisles when I allow him to go into that department. Seriously, when we go to a super Target or if I have to go to Walmart instead of the local grocer, there is no going to check out the toy department unless there is extra time, and there is an agreement sealed in blood that he will not ask for Anything. Period, nothing, nada.

Life is challenging enough and he has to learn you don’t get a treat just for going into a store that sells toys. I don’t get a treat for going to get the basics.

Not to say we don’t have fun or I don’t give him a “treat”,

Here, hold your go-gurt and be happy! Oh look, the good string cheese! You can totally hold that whilst we cruise the store to get the things we need.

We have wants and we have needs.

We do not need a toy. We need milk and cheese. Sometimes we need ice cream so we have that stocked too. It doesn’t mean that he gets ice cream all the time either, or popcorn. Yes we have it if needed, sometimes as a dessert and sometimes just because we want it.

Maybe I see things differently now because of him. I have always tried to be aware of how others are and be considerate of others without leaving out who I am. I admit I now tone myself down a bit. Just a tish, but not too much.

He watches me and studies how I react and view things. It’s kind of freaky and I am still in shock they just let me take him home after I had him. “Here you go! Have fun with him and try not to screw him up too bad!” No manual or instructions. It isn’t easy but it’s worth every second.

I guess that’s why teaching him empathy and compassion are top priority for me. Along with a dash of sarcasm and how to handle it when life isn’t as fabulous as we would like it to be. And always about love. No matter what.

As far as being PC, we will just have to see what the situation is.

And for me, I am always keeping hope alive!

 

Life can always be crazier so just smell someone’s eyeball


Lesson 1: Never question how much crazier can life get. 98% of the time, in my world, it gets that much crazier.

This is a basic rule of life that I know. I know not to ask, “What next?” or “How much more?” because there will always be something next and definitely more or whatever maos is happening in my land. Life doesn’t stop. It changes, but it doesn’t stop.

Of course, in my world, there is Murphy as in Murphy’s Law. Murphy makes sure I keep it real or better yet I remember I have no choice to keep it real.

It seems lately I keep seeing a side of humanity I wish I could forget. The side that makes promises and maybe even says all of the right things but then doesn’t deliver on their promises. It is quite irritating.

I will think I have things in order and organized for the day to flow. Then Murphy or irritating human steps in and things go to the proverbial hell in a hand basket in the blink of an eye. While it would be so easy for me to get angry or even flip out on said person or situation, I have learned to go with the flow and even find the humor.

For example, I had several appointments yesterday and for the most part, everyone showed up. There were a few who called and had to cancel for various reasons. But I still had 4 that didn’t call or show up. This would be adults who are cognitive and allegedly intelligent. In fact, there was a pre-screen prior to the appointments made to cut back on the no call/no shows because it really chafes my booty. 2 of them were being hired, as in getting a job they said they “desperately needed.” Those two had already been through the interview process and background check. It was filling out the paperwork and then they could start working! It wasn’t as if they had been waiting months! And I had spoken to them both the previous day to confirm they would be there as there is more for me to do so that they can start working. I have enough to do without doing 30 extra minutes of work to set someone up who all but begged me to work.

About the point I was seriously about to start dropping the F bombs, I remembered 2 things. One is how my word of the year is Creative. I immediately thought of about 10 different ways to use the F bomb creatively!

Then I thought about the boy. I started laughing. I couldn’t stop laughing because I was thinking about him telling me to, “smell his eyeball”. He says my eyeballs smell like playdoh. Really, how can you lose you cool when you are laughing about your eyeballs smelling like playdoh?!

I had found a way to creatively defuse my anger by making myself recall a comical conversation that I had with my boy. I am sure I didn’t seem sane to my boss… I most likely dropped a few colorful phrases prior to my finding a way to calm me down. After the day I had I know he understood my frustrations. I am not so sure he sees me as sane after the laughing fit though!

I know it isn’t always that easy to calm yourself, but every time I felt myself getting angry, I used the “your eyeballs smell like playdoh” moment in my mind and I couldn’t help but smile.

So I guess I am saying always find the positive.

Always remember to keep hope alive!

And see if you can smell someone’s eyeball, I am curious if anyone else thinks they smell like playdoh!

Have a fabulous day!

Merry Christmas from Fabulous Gracelessness!


mc we wish you

We wish you a Merry Christmas!

We wish you a Merry Christmas!

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

I hope that everyone gets to enjoy this day in some way. Near or far it doesn’t matter, just that you find some happiness, some peace just for a moment.

I hope that those children that believe in Santa wake up to find that Santa came! I hope the children that don’t do Santa wake up happy and healthy.

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I hope that everyone who takes the time out to read my blog will stop, just for a moment, and find a memory, or reflect on this holiday season, and find just one memory that makes you smile. The warm, fuzzy inside kind of smile. The kind of smile that lights up your whole being! Keep Hope Alive! It’s Christmas! Miracles happen!

I realize and understand that not everyone celebrates or even enjoys Christmas. Some don’t even recognize it. I am perfectly okay with that.I am sharing how Fabulous Gracelessness does Christmas.

Here in Sweet Home Alabama it is a holiday that the majority of folks Celebrate!

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It’s a day we get together with family and friends. Often times we see folks we don’t see throughout the year for whatever reason. People sometimes put away their differences to enjoy time with family and friends. Some make new traditions and others blend the old with the new.

Before I had my son, I always got together with my family, but I also would get together throughout the holiday season and visit with friends that I didn’t get to see as much. Several of us agreed that gift giving was way overrated, in fact we call it Giftsmas, due to those that tend to over give and expect the same in return. We decided that we would always buy for the kids, but for us, just all getting together, eating good food and having a few spirits were all that we needed.

Since the boy came into my world, I still try to get together with friends, though it isn’t as easy or frequent as I would like. I do still enjoy the festivities but it has changed a bit. I have made more traditions that I did in my own childhood with him. I have created new traditions with him too. We love finding new things to do. Apparently, we are now adding make a gingerbread house to our things to do! We also drive around and look at the lights. Not necessarily on Christmas night but close to Christmas. Even in the rain we go. It is so much fun to see the joy of lights and decorations through the eyes of a child.

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It is also bittersweet. There are so many that are no longer with us. It can be so damn hard to put on a happy face when the tears are falling like rivers inside. You don’t want to make everyone else sad or put a damper on the festive times. But I can’t help but think about how much my Daddy would enjoy his grandsons. How much my Grandparents would love to play with their great-grandsons. How truly amazing it would be to have everyone home for Christmas. How much it hurts knowing that can’t happen. How much we still love and miss them and always will.

It’s why I love making new memories. To bridge the past with the present and look forward to the future.

This year I haven’t felt the Christmas spirit like I have in the past. I am so thankful for the boy as he pulls me from the abyss just knowing how much joy he has and his love for the holiday. I love that he has an elf named Jerry that magically found us and how he watches throughout the year and shows up after Thanksgiving. He comes with a letter and a tiny gift and moves about the house during the season. He doesn’t make messes or sit on a shelf. He is a different kind of elf. I love that we call Santa every year and he talks to him on the phone. We make reindeer treats as well as treats for Santa. I love the pure joy and glee in his eyes when he sees that Santa came. It isn’t the volume of the gifts it’s the magic of Christmas. It’s everyone getting along for the day when he goes from Mommy’s to Daddy’s house knowing he is loved by so many and it is a day where everyone is present. No distractions just the enjoyment of those around him.

eys of child

Through the eyes of a child is how I wish everyone could see Christmas.

Keep Hope Alive my fabulous friends!

And may all of your Christmas’ be bright!

onnly blind xmas helen keller

*Fabulous Gracelessness does not want to offend those who do not celebrate this holiday. I hope you enjoyed reading how me and mine celebrate Christmas. I hope you understand that for us, Christmas isn’t just gifts and decorations. It is a time for us to come together. It is a time when we feel everyone should share their joy and their compassion for others. Be kind. Be patient. Remember everyone does not get to enjoy it like we do. Even if some years it isn’t as “lavish” as you would like it to be, but that you may be blessed with peace and joy.

Life, hope and reality through the eyes of a child


eyes of child JOY use

I want to share how life looks through my boy’s eyes.

The eyes and opinions of a child are so true and pure.

They are little sponges and are for the most part, naïve and honest. Much more so than we are. They say what they’re thinking as they are thinking it. I am working with the boy on discretion.

He enjoys people watching. This past summer at the beach, if a girl in a 2 piece walked by, my boy was checking her out. Smiling goofily and almost drooling. I was telling him how to look without staring. He now understands sun glasses now and how well you can look at people but they can’t see your eyes. He prefers to all out look at them. He is also not judgmental, if they had their belly showing, he was grinning no matter what sized body they had.

I am working with him on that filter from brain to mouth. It is proving to be a bit more challenging. Also he is getting more curious about life and how things work. Exciting and scary at the same time. Kind of like his questions and statements, sometimes exciting other times his phrasing or learning can lead to awkwardness, embarrassment or frustration. Sometimes I just don’t have the right answers but I try.

“Mommy your belly is so big, is there a baby in there?” No kid, you’re the only one. My miracle but when you ask me that in front of others, I understand, for an instant, why certain species eat their young.

“Why is that man screaming at that lady,” on seeing a man yelling at a woman in a parking lot. I knew that is was a domestic violent situation, saw the approaching police and could move the vehicle forward, away from the ugly truth of life. I give him snippets, “Sometimes adults yell and scream at each other and it isn’t right to be doing that to someone, much less in public.” His response, “There must be something wrong with him to act like that. I’m 5 now and I know I shouldn’t scream at people mommy.” Oh my sweet angel, if only we all knew that and if we acted on it, apologized genuinely like you do.

“Mommy we are all different colors, but we are all alike. I don’t understand the big deal.” “What do you mean?” “Well I am white with blonde hair and blue eyes. You are light brown with green/brown eyes and black hair, and I have friends with brown skin and black hair. But we are all peoples. So what’s the big deal when people act all mean and weird?” “You know what buddy, we are all equal. No matter what our skin color or where we are from. Sometimes people want to think they are better than other people.” “Like smarter?” “Well yes smarter or more important, that their life is better than the other person’s life.” “Well that’s dumb. We are all people, we all pee and poop. We all get smelly. We all laugh. Sometimes people can’t see or don’t have arms or legs or look different but we are all people. There must be something wrong with some people.” Oh my child you have no idea.

“You know I wish we could visit heaven and cross that rainbow bridge. Seems like we need to find a way to do that. We have all these puters and smart people and space. How come we haven’t find a way to visit? I want to see Pops and Jethro again. Maybe when I grow up and become a superhero, I can find a way to do that.” That one brought tears to my eyes. It still does.

children are happy no file of wrong

Many cultures believe that children are more in touch with their past lives, the spirit world and universal truths. That we are born with an ability to trust and believe in others and are more empathetic. They also see things that once you begin growing older, the majority begin to lose the ability to see beyond this world. As they age, they begin to lose that naivety and become more jaded. Many times it is due to their environment and their beliefs their parents, families and guardians feel.

There are many children that will still see and feel these things not only as youth, but as they grow older. They remain empathetic and compassionate. This does not necessarily mean that they are “strange” or not like “normal” kids. Many of them learn who they can talk to and who they can’t. Sometimes their families help them along and others find like people and information that help them along their journey.

We often discount children and their fantastical tales, their songs, their opinions. After all, how much life experience do they have?

I know I have heard the boy and several other children talk about “their life before this one.” I have also talked to some of those kids who only vaguely remember talking about it as the memories have faded. Things that he has said make me pause and think about things.

Who’s to say he didn’t have another life before this one? He talks about before he was borned (his word, we’re learning) when he was in heaven waiting for a new family. He says he remembers being told he would get a “good” mommy this time who loved him more than anything and would listen to all the things he had to say and not make fun of him for singing, dancing, making up stories and remembering things from his “other” life. Whoever told him that was spot on.

So do I think he has a bit of life experience? Yes. Does that mean I am going to allow him to do something beyond his years, like a drive a car, at 6 years old? That would be a big NO! Well, not unless he shows some mad learning skills along with better focus in the next 10 months! Ha, who am I kidding?! Absolutely not letting the boy drive anything other than go carts and bicycles for quite a while!

In the words of my boy, “Be nice to everybody, even if they are mean to you. Then just look at those people and smile and say “too bad” and walk away. They aren’t worth your time. We only want fun people on our ride!”

wisdom of ages eyes of child

As for me, I am keeping hope alive!

Have a fabulous day!

 

 

Letter to my son, after 5 fabulous years and we’re just getting started


Until you came into my life I didn’t truly know how much love I had to give. I knew I was capable, I had dreamed of you for so long. I saw you in my dreams many time throughout my life. With blonde hair and blue eyes. Everyone thought I was crazy, but then I could always see and feel things that not everyone could. I could never do things easy, I had to try the route mostly blocked by the vines, and trees of life.

When I found out you were going to be a part of my world I was shocked. But from the moment I knew you were mine, I was stunned, excited and terrified and more in love with anything than I had ever been before. You see I had prayed for so many years that we would find each other that I couldn’t believe it was finally happening. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe or didn’t have hope, I just figured you would come to me some other way. I took a test and then because I couldn’t believe it, I took another. Positive. I was going to be a mommy! I locked myself away for a good 24 hours only telling my sisters, your aunts, because I couldn’t believe it. I was scared to tell people because I didn’t want to jinx anything. But one by one I told, then we told. The fact I was able to have you at all was in itself a miracle. People talk about how they would have done things differently in their life. I can completely understand, however I believe all of the things I did led me to you.

Now that you are starting to get older you ask questions that are beyond your years. I see the old soul in your eyes the way I see the mirror of my own. It excites and scares me for you. I watch you try new things and talk to people. I watch you share, I watch you not want to share. I watch you. I am caught off guard so many times by you. You constantly awe and amaze me. I know I make mistakes but you are so forgiving. It’s like you know somehow when I need to hear you say those certain things to me… “I chose you and you chose me”. One of your favorite things to tell me. When you repeatedly look into my eyes and tell me, “I love you mommy. You’re the best mommy I ever had. Of all my mommies you’re the best.”

My miracle, angel boy, of all my lives, I love this one the best because of you. You have made me a better human. More understanding and compassionate. More concerned with the world around us and less tolerant of those who bring harm, whether they mean to or not. You will learn and see more than I want you to but I know you must grow up. I know I cannot keep you from the pains of this world. You have already experienced much loss in your short life than others ten times your age. You love and believe with your whole heart. When you laugh it fills my soul with the most beautiful music I only dreamed of. Your arms around my neck and my waist are pieces of heaven and when you kiss me I know what they mean when they say touched by an angel.

I dedicate this to you, my sweet boy. The last 5 years have been the best of my life with you in it. I pray for many, many more. Mommy loves you more than you can ever begin to understand. I know you can feel it in your heart and soul.

Keep Hope Alive!

Do you believe in anything?


Do you believe in anything?

The definition of believe is “to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so”.

Do you have hope?

The definition of hope is “the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best”.

In my mind, these words mingle together. If I believe in something or someone I have hope that the best outcome will happen.

The tricky part is some may feel that believing is stronger than hoping. I get that. I totally do.

For me though, having both belief and hope, is the best and strongest intermixing in my mind.

I love the two of them together for to me they seem to make it that much more real.

Neither words are “tangible” so to speak. But together they mean having faith, of putting all of yourself and you secret hopes and dreams all in the same basket and believing that it will all work out for the best possible outcome for my life. My motto “keep hope alive” is such a part of me as it gives me a renewed strength where I believe the best is still a reality.

Yes there can definitely be instances where you have hope, but you don’t believe or have faith in a situation so you hope for the best.

Or you believe in something or someone but know deep down that it won’t be as you had hoped it would be.

Faith is a bit different. The definitions “confidence or trust in a person or thing” and “belief that is not based on proof”.

All too often we toss out the terms “I believe you.” “I have hope.” I have faith in this situation when truly we don’t. I feel that it is something that for some is learned and even expected to be said. Or you say it so often you want it to be true, but again your gut tells you that it isn’t. And no one wants to suffer the heartache and depression of no longer having their faith, their belief and their hope pounded into the sand.

Which is why I always say Keep Hope Alive.

For me, I can never give up. I can never stop believing that better things, better people, better situation are out there for me and mine.

I have faith that I will find that happiness and peace I so desperately need.

I am seeing it now in my life.

I want to be cautious yet I feel this mystical pull telling me, yes, it is right and true. Run towards it and not away.

I have had my heart broken, my trust shattered, my faith questioned.

I have also picked myself up, dusted off and got back on the ride of life because I Believe in myself. I believe in others. I have hope and faith that not everyone is bitter and angry.

If the past few months have shown me anything, it has shown me to never lose faith. Never give up hope and never stop believing.

Because sometimes dreams and peace really do come. And I can’t spend my time discounting it because of past experiences. I have to believe in myself and have faith that walking down this path will not lead to heartache and destruction.

I know that I will lose friends and loved ones. This is life and it isn’t always pretty and it’s definitely not perfect. But when I find those special people that make me happy, give me butterflies, make me feel good inside about myself, I can’t not take a chance. Have a little faith. I can’t not keep hope alive.

For where would I be if I had no belief? No hope? No faith?

Sad and lonely and most likely in a deep, dark miasma of depression I am sure.

Not that I don’t visit the dark hallways of my mind. There are many and they are vast.

It makes me appreciate all of the beauty, joy and happiness I feel when something or someone I believe in proves me right and does not only for me and mine, but also themselves.

So try to have a little belief, hope and faith in your fellow humans. Try to see the world in a different perspective. Trust me, it can change your world!

Have a fabulous day!

 

Moon Love


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We danced.

Under the full moon on the balcony, we danced.

We laughed and played.

We ate good, played in the ocean but most of all we danced and sang.

Your favorite color is red.

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You tell me I am your favorite, bestest mommy you’ve ever had.

I tell you I dreamed of you before you were here.

“Did you always love me?”

“Always! I love you more each day and more than I did a minute ago.”

“Even when I’m bad? Do you still love me then?”

“I love you no matter what.”

Now we sing and dance some more.

Me and my miracle.

I pray for many more full moons with you.

And know my love for you is overflowing.

*Dedicated to my boy, Tuesday’s child full of Grace*

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It’s Thursday!!!!


One day closer to the weekend.

Thursday is just kind of hanging out there.

Not too much is said unless you get a long weekend and it starts on Thursday!

Although it seems to usually be a pretty decent day when I think about it.

For example, tomorrow I just have to do a bit of work, drive to the country, write and enjoy life!

At least I am trying to put the positive spin on it.

The boy leaves for his camping trip today.

I did get to see him last night at karate though. He got his green belt. I’m both proud and impressed as he is a handful and most of the time he does what he’s told and follows direction. Of course not ALL the time. He’s almost 5 and is constantly on the move and in conversation!

I told him I would come and he would go home with daddy or his other grandmother and he was fine with it. I told him when he came back from his week vacation with them that we would go to the beach and he ran yelling though the house, “We’re going to the beachhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” Yes, just a touch excited and loving the beach like his mama!

But then he cried and said he didn’t want me to go home without him.

Even though I KNOW he is going through this phase of turning on the tears to get what he wants, it kills me a little inside to not be able to say, “Ok kiddo, let’s go with me.” It isn’t how it works with this scenario and he knows it too. And not that he gets away with it around me, I invented the “turn on the tears” to try and get what I wanted when I was his age!

So I sat in the car and shed a few tears, then went and got my mama and we had a lovely dinner at the Olive Garden,

The boy is camping with his other family, probably being like lord of the flies and eating the filling out of the Oreos and putting them back in the package and having a blast.

I am working and writing and trying to find a bit of peace in my mind.

I hope you are able to find a bit of peace and/or sanity today as well.

Or if you’re starting your weekend early, please have 2 for me!

We are almost to the end of this crazy week!

Never forget to Keep Hope Alive!

Have a fabulous Thursday and stay graceless my friends!