Delicate balance of fall and winter


I love the fall and I love the changing of the seasons, the leaves as they fall in mass yet still there are beautiful colors of the trees. The thunderstorms and cooler temperatures.

I do not like the migraines, aching body and the sometimes dark places I can go in my mind when it’s rainy and icky out, I feel overwhelmed and it’s cold.

Yes, those statements could seem a bit contradictory but yet there aren’t. To me it’s a delicate balance. I love Halloween, Thanksgiving and the Christmas holidays but not always the chaos that comes with it. Some of the over the top, and not a la Grizwald style as they are hands down coolest ever when it comes to Christmas decorating, but it’s some traditions and people get to me though.

I Love Halloween. I love to decorate, wear costumes, watch scary movies and do the whole gauntlet from fall festivals and pumpkin patches to haunted houses.

The following month we have Thanksgiving and the month after Christmas. Yes, I am pretty sure everyone knows that but when you look at it in a broader picture it makes more sense why I, and many others, often become crabby, distant or just weird during what is one of our favorite seasons.

You go from fun and dress up, to Thanksgiving with Christmas falling less than a month later.

Thanksgiving, for many, means travel, cooking and volunteering. All fun under most circumstances, however it can be stressful if you are spending a portion with some you aren’t so fond of, don’t know well, or you are missing someone you once spent holidays with. The same can be said of Christmas.

Plus, it is now a fact that Christmas and Thanksgiving supplies can be purchased and are displayed at many stores in October and in some places, as early as August. I would not be lying if I said that I didn’t want to punch someone in the throat when I went into a local store and Christmas carols were playing and the Christmas section was larger than the Halloween section…it was the very beginning of October! Here in Alabama it was still warm and not even close to time, in my graceless mind, to be displaying Christmas items, especially when they took away things for the fun holiday that was still over 3 weeks away!

People post on social media the countdown to Christmas and have since last Christmas. I love Christmas too and yes, after Christmas sometimes get things for the following year when the sales happen, however I am not a Christmas tree up all year kind of gal. I have been known to keep up festive lights and just call them “holiday fairy” lights throughout a year. That all depends on where you are living and how well it works and if it looks good or just plain odd!

I remember when I was younger and you shopped for Christmas presents the day after Thanksgiving. The real Black Friday. Now you have stores open on Thanksgiving night and the week of online specials. I noted that those run for about 3 weeks! The Only places that were opened and you could go to on Thanksgiving and Christmas night were are few gas stations and the theater. I worked at the theater in my teens and we could get time and a half if we worked on a holidays. There were so many families that came to the movies as a family for on those two days more than any other day of the year. This was before cell phones and having to schedule in time with the family. It was something you just did.

I am all about bargain shopping but this is too much! People need at least 2 days a year to celebrate with friends and family. A holiday that along with all government offices are closed, businesses are closed so that people can truly get a day off. I understand hospitals, care facilities and the like will of course have people working. We take care of each other. But it’s time to enjoy and reflect in my opinion.

I can understand why people can go into a funk during this time of the year. I know there are many reasons, but I truly think we now place too much on ourselves and each other and don’t take the time out to actually relax and enjoy the holiday before we begin jumping into the next holiday. I understand getting jump on Christmas shopping but give the rest of us time to enjoy the holidays as they come in the order they come. You may want to try it. It can be fun!

Just sharing the thoughts and opinions of my maotic mind!

As always, keep hope alive!

Also, Happy 95th to my Guardian Angel Papa, It’s been 5 years since you left us yet I see you in my boy, your great grandson daily. I will always love you!

Happy Halloween!!!


halloween this is halloween

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Also, Happy All Hallows’ Eve, Allhallowee’en and All Saints’ Eve!

halloween happy

I have loved Halloween since I was a little girl. My parents must have known because every year since I was born I have dressed up. The only exception was the year my son was born as he was born mid-September and on Halloween I felt I looked scary enough and dressing up was not on my list of survival mode at that time! I did enjoy watching others & seeing the decorations, but I was too tired and overwhelmed to participate. I bought a t-shirt for me and a onesie for the boy. However, I recovered and have celebrated and included him on the Halloween tradition every year since. He loves putting on or making up costumes and I love that he creative and often pulls a bit of different characters to make one super cool character that he then portrays.

I love that he loves pumpkin carving and hayrides.

pumpkins

I love that we watch “scary” movies together.

halloween jack

But let’s get real. He is 5. There are some things I can’t let him watch yet because they scare me and I am so sure he would be terrified for months watching the horror movies I watch!

He’s been watching Monster Mash videos on my phone, a true perk as I am not down with shoving my phone to my kid since technology goes wonky on me not taking the chances with him – sorry to digress… ahem.

monster mash

Last night he wanted to watch another video and since we were stuck in a traffic jam, as he calls it, I found the longer “Thriller” video with the dancing, mini movie and Vincent Price and let him view it while I drove, repeating it and semi doing the driver dance moves for Thriller. The boy was thoroughly enjoying it, even the “scary” bits but laughing saying, “It’s pretend scary but it’s soooo good Mommy! I love it! Why haven’t I seen this before now?!” I know, I am a freak raising a mini freak! It’s already dark here at 6:45 PM so I am hopeful not too many witnessed it as I still had my devil horns on and was singing away loudly with the windows cracked! It must have been entertaining enough as I saw the construction crew at the exit ramp do a few of the moves from the song so I lowered the windows for a few minutes to let them enjoy it too! Spread the joy and the fun wherever you go!

thriller

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOnqjkJTMaA

We are going to a few festivals and then, of course, trick or treating! We are hoping the rain doesn’t come in until later but I promise you I am prepared for rain too! This Fabulously Graceless Crazy Mama is going to take her boy trick or treating no matter what!

I will have to put up some photos on a later post! Here is one from last year and what I wore to the boys Halloween party yesterday at school!

photo(1)

I hope you all have a fun, fantastic and Fabulous Halloween!

Always Keep Hope Alive!

I hope you get more treats than tricks, and if you get them, the tricks are fabulouhalloween oogy boogies!

 

Bring it on Tuesday


It seems to me that Tuesday just trickles in every week. Coming in behind Monday Tuesday’s for me feel like a day when I can sort of catch my breath and gather myself for the upcoming week. I have such grand plans for Tuesday and sometimes they work, other times they are still on the to-do list on Wednesday but then it’s later in the week if not the following before I can get to them again. Such a vicious cycle I know. Not healthy!

I set out tasks to do: cleaning, house management, organizing and writing are all on the main list every week. I am getting better at managing my time and getting things done, however I can’t seem to get everything done I need to get done. Especially this week with the Walk to End Alzheimer’s on Saturday! No I can’t flow slowly into Tuesday and trickle in and just cruise today. I have to jump into this day with both feet and a gallon of caffeine. Or two. Plus there are always deadlines. Of course there are deadlines. Deadlines are life’s way of keeping things entertaining. Schedules and deadlines. Or so it seems at times.

I get all keyed up on Sunday nights over Monday. On Monday night I am keyed up over Tuesday and on Tuesday nights… you get the drift. I think I have a problem. Or two or ten. Maybe.

So I take you on Tuesday. Bring it baby!

My mantra is Keep Hope Alive and I am doing it.

Even if I feel like crawling back into the bed after I get the boy off to school being his “it’s going to be a great day cheerleader”. No matter what I am always there for him cheering him on and trying to do my best to make sure he knows how much he is loved and how he can make the world a bit better. I try. I really do. When he puts his arms around me and kisses me and hugs me and tells me how much he loves me everything I do is all worth it.

Carpe diem!

Keep Hope Alive and Stay Fabulous!

No control


I realize I have no control.

No control over the weather nor the traffic. I have no control over the actions of others.

I delude myself into thinking I have control of my actions and words.

I have a pretty mask but sometimes it slips.

Falls right off and I don’t even realize it and keep going wondering why folks are looking at me all strange. It is within that moment that I realized the mask has dropped and my innerlogue has strolled out through my face. My mind races to catch up to the last few minutes of life. What did I say, do or how badly did I react to what was being said? The majority of the time I am fairly good at controlling how I react, especially in public. During a crisis or situation I feel like for the most part I handle myself well. Even in small groups with people when something is said or done by others that shocks me or angers me, the majority of the time I can keep my cool.

Yesterday I was with my client in her car, running errands and the battery died when I went to get the car ready for us to go to our last stops. It could be we had them on and forgot they were on and it drained the battery, but we will just go with the battery died.

I had a schedule to keep and was trying to field calls and texts for business and from friends and family. When I am with clients I try to not answer my phone or texts. My time is with them. However, sometimes I have to take a call or return a text. We were already past our standard hours so I took a few calls and responded to texts. For a bit over an hour we waited for the service to come but finally a good Samaritan showed up and got the car started. We had 3 more errands before I could take her home, pick up my boy and meet my friend who had come to visit from NA (Northern Alabama… for those who understand LA is Lower Alabama, see humor in the spaces!) I was flying through those errands like Andretti because I don’t like to be late in picking up the boy no matter how later the center is open and I thought I would be done with my client by 2 or 3 PM and it was going on 4 when we finally got juice back in the car.

And no, I didn’t turn it off at any stop after it was restarted due to fearing I would get stuck again & I couldn’t afford to be any later! I had lost control due to no doing of my own. My client remarked how calm I was and she was more worried than I was. No, I don’t think so. I just don’t show it because I wear the mask of calmness. I have been in enough situations in my life that flipping out on the outside doesn’t always go so well. Inside I am Freaking Out Completely but you do not see it. Sometimes those who know me know I am freaking out but handle it well.

Other times it falls out.

I was so fortunate that the fall out happened with my friend and she understands oh so well my maotic mind and erratic thoughts. It’s like I get with certain people and I know I make absolutely no sense with the word vomit I emit because I know I don’t need a filter. And chances are good they won’t be rushing me to the nearest psych unit to be “checked out.” I’m safe so to speak.

I don’t mean to put a mask on, I truly don’t.

I go through most of my life pretty much uncensored and unfiltered. I also have to censor and filter depending on who I am with. My child, my family and some friends I do not want to “offend”, shock or have them see that side of me. The side that isn’t always pretty. The one that doesn’t have control.

I have realized no one has control. No matter how hard they try, how regimented, organized and meticulous they are, life happens on life’s terms.

Most close to me have seen behind the mask. The loss of control. It even happens in public on occasion.

I don’t really “lose my mind” and flip out on folks. Not much anyway and I’m not a violent person really… other than if you mess with my kid, family, friends or sometimes in traffic if I don’t have the boy I will let words fly. But no violence.

I don’t get into screaming at folks to get my point across, so losing it on someone would involve words, maybe cutting or harsh, but not physically.

I realize I have no control.

I am getting better with it. Accepting it. Learning from it. Embracing it.

And I always Keep Hope Alive.

Have a fabulous Wednesday My Graceless Friends!

 

 

 

Writing a blog can be a dangerous thing!


Writing a blog can be a dangerous thing.

I have always written since I was a little girl and kept a diary. I have written in journals, short stories, articles, essays, poems – you get the idea.

Oftentimes when I am writing a post I just write and don’t always think about how it is taken on the other end. I mean it is my blog and my thoughts. I try not to offend too badly.

I’ve been contacted by some people asking if I was writing about specific people or why I wrote about them because “they knew” that I was.

It isn’t about “you”. That’s why it’s called FabulousGracelessness.

Writing and maintaining a public blog is something I always wanted to do but wasn’t sure if I could.

I knew I could write. I write and get paid when I can and I write letters and poems and of course in my journal. I have been published, a small publication in the National Library of Poetry, but still published. I’ve written articles as a ghostwriter and for organizations where my name was actually listed as the author.

I have found in writing a blog I love the challenge I set for myself to write one post a day. I love stretching my mind to find things to write about and pulling from my mind, my thoughts and opinions.

I have also learned friends and family will tell me “don’t post this on your blog, it’s personal.” I completely respect that. I do. For the most part, I honor their wishes. I do end up writing about them but never names, places or any pertinent information about them.

So many of my life situations I find hysterically funny or completely fascinating and I want to share it.

But I also censor myself.

Because if I truly said everything that was on my mind, in my thoughts and heart I would be in a level of hell I do not want to venture through.

I do put a large part of my life “out there for anyone to see.”

Judge me as you will, but don’t forget the saying “Judge not lest ye be judged” and “he/she that is without sin cast the first stone.” *Please see my post “judge me” to see how I really feel!. https://fabulousgracelessness.com/2015/07/28/judge-me/

Believe me when I say I keep a lot to myself. Literally. I have my written journals and electronic writings, but if I don’t write things, I feel like I will fester up from the inside and explode. I sometimes feel I would lose my mind if I didn’t write it out.

There will always be critics and haters. There will always be those who think they know more about me than I do. Those people are amusing and also quite annoying.

There are also folks out there who genuinely enjoy my writings and ramblings and to y’all I say THANK YOU!

Thank You for allowing me to live my dream of writing and knowing others read, comment and sometimes even enjoy! If I am truly blessed, they will take something positive away or know they aren’t alone in their feelings and beliefs.

That is the best feeling of knowing that you made someone’s day a little brighter or helped a complete stranger with your words.

So I continue to write and to share.

I can’t not do it.

But know, it’s not about “you”, it’s about ME getting my thoughts and feelings Out.

Was that clear enough? If you don’t like it, don’t read it.

As for the rest of you I truly hope you enjoy getting a glimpse of this maotic (that’s mayhem and chaos all together) mind of mine!

Hence why I say, writing a blog can be a dangerous thing. Good thing I like a bit of danger!

Here’s to Keep Hope Alive and following your dreams!

Have a fantastically fabulously graceless Friday my friends!

Commitments & Lady Maos


It seems lately I have been going along, trying to do the right things, keep up with responsibilities and always keep hope alive.

It isn’t always easy. It seems there are people who would rather cut you down and hurt you than just walk away.

Walking away isn’t easy nor is it for the faint of heart.

Oftentimes it is not easy to just walk away, especially if one has obligations they committed to in addition to doing what is best for all involved.

When I make a commitment I do my damnedest to stick to it.

I know I have let people down; I am so far from perfect I don’t even pretend to be in that category.

I have failed at relationships. I have also learned valuable lessons and been introduced to worlds and ideas I never knew existed.

I don’t nor could I discount something so easily when it was more than that.

I still work to be communicative and open even when things are ending because chances are good that we not only shared a relationship, but also other responsibilities together.

For anyone, whether it’s a child, home, furniture, CD/s, books, vehicles or any other random obligation, once you end a relationship with someone, you should finalize and complete your commitments.

I realize this can be hard.

It can be harder to do when feelings are hurt and one only wants to hurt another to make them feel the pain they are feeling.

Sadly, this is something I have witnessed and have had done to me.

Again, I never said I was perfect, but I do always work to honor those other factors that were put in place, in the “no matter what” category, to make sure no one else is responsible for something I said I would do. If I can’t make it happen, I am the one letting them know why and what I can do to try and make it better.

I have been told I am brutally and painfully honest at times.

I bite my tongue so often that the pain of it reminds me how much I can hurt others with not only my words but my actions or inactions.

Oftentimes my inactions are due to the very fact that if I did take action and spoke my mind I fear the repercussions would be far, far worse than not saying anything at all.

I have seen the dark side of humanity. I understand it and have a healthy fear of it.

Words and promises can be said a million times over but actions speak louder than words. “I’m sorry.” “I promise.” Words with power behind them to Mean something but overused and excused so often it becomes the patent response to shut one up.

When you’ve said or written something of importance and the response is “OK” sends me over the edge. Really? I tell you something important or how I feel and all you can muster up in that big brain of yours is “OK’?!

“OK” is fine for short texts when you’re planning dinner, meeting up, finalizing plans, etc. However, “Ok” when everyone knows more than one word is needed in the reply… even a “will talk more later” means worlds. “Ok” to me, means you don’t really care enough to respond. But you said you did.

I am so very fortunate and blessed to have so many amazing humans in my life that “get me”. That it seems no matter what happens they are there for me. Whether they be family, friends, past or new, I know that these people are There for me. In their own ways and as much as they can be.

I know that they accept me flaws and all.

Because they have proved to me time after time they are committed to our relationship.

They have flaws too. Every one of them. And will admit it, although not publically some of them and I don’t blame them.

After all, this is my blog. My thoughts. MY putting it out there into the world.

And I do it cautiously but also with a wild abandon glee that is like swinging high on the swings at the park when you’re a kid. That feeling of flying and not knowing what’s going to happen next but you pump your legs higher and you keep going because you know deep down this is what you love to do.

Writing is like that for me.

And those who know me, and the ones getting to know me seem to keep coming back and giving me constructive criticism and praise and I can’t tell you what it means to me.

Because it’s a commitment you see. A commitment to share my life, one day at a time my writing this “blog”. A commitment I made to myself and no one else.

I am growing more and more and hopefully becoming a better human being by doing this.

I don’t write the answers to the world’s problems, or even things that fit everyone. Each day is different. Each day is new. Each article is another part of me that I let out into the world.

Some days I have verbal diarrhea, haha like maybe today, and I write/vent/ramble more.

Other days I find humorous things, or interesting things or sometimes it is something I feel compelled to write. My writing may be lengthy with “not enough” videos, photos or whatever. It may be shorter articles with crazy photos and sayings I find on the internet, or better yet, real life photos from my world.

A very close friend, I will call them Captain Pogo, called me Lady Maos.

I laughed so hard I snorted! Since I love the word maos, chaos and mayhem, and use it as often as possible, being called Lady Maos made my day.

It also made me realize it’s so much a part of me just like being fabulously graceless is that I will be using it in my writings.

I know y’all are just thrilled!

So I will wrap up this long winded Wednesday thought provoking, insightful post by telling you all to Keep Hope Alive my Fabulously Graceless Friends!

I could not do this without the support of my loved ones and those of you who are seemly to become like family through the wonderful writings and musings of the world wide web!

Love and happiness to all!

Stay Fabulous!

Lady Maos aka Fabulous Gracelessness!

lady maoe