Life can change in an instant


life is short live it cherish love anger fear memories

In an instant it can all change. Your plans, you very life can change. All with a phone call, text or personal visit.
I may be graceless but I try to work on a schedule, which is harder now that I do freelance and work for myself. So when I schedule time for things, I reschedule other things and even tack on extra things to sometimes get yet another thing taken care of. The schedule is flexible and I juggle but I do pretty well most of the time. If something changes I can go with the flow and make arrangements to reschedule and work around the other things.
My original plans for this weekend included much overdue time needed with my girls, a bit of organization and many laughs and good friends. Since I was already going to be in the area, I also scheduled a needed doctor appointment prior to the getting together.
Then came the text I didn’t want to get. My friend’s aunt had passed. Although it was early in the week, I knew that our plans for the weekend would change. I knew she needed to be there for her family and I want her to be. She was apologizing to me for having to cancel. And asking if I would let our other friend know, she was coming in from yet another state, that she had to cancel and was sorry. This lady is quality let me tell you! Here she is with the loss of her beloved aunt, having to pack up and travel to another state and worrying about canceling plans with 2 friends. 2 friends who are immediately asking what we can do and saying not to worry, and meaning it, that of course we can re-schedule. Yes, you can call on your way there or anytime you need to talk! I feel for her and her family. It is hard enough when someone we love passes, it is also hard to coordinate your life, you job, your spouse/partner and family to be gone for several days to mourn the passing of your loved one. It takes it out of you both emotionally and physically. You deal with relatives, friends, people you haven’t seen in years or some you have never met and are meeting finally for the first time. It is bittersweet as you know it is the one you love who brought everyone together and they are no longer here
Of course we are sad we aren’t getting together and able to do the things we had “planned” to do, however certain things take precedence over “plans”.  Life Happens.
When my daddy died I was devastated. We all knew it was coming, and coming soon. We were blessed in respect to knowing that it would be quick and hopefully painless. It was fortuitous that I was there with my daddy, close family and friends when he left this plane. A part of my life was on hold while we took care of The Final Arrangements for my father. I called into work to let them know what was happening, I still took care of the boy, but was also helping my mom, uncle, brother and aunt as they were helping me. We are all trying to just get through, even with a “plan” for this event, it was not an “easy” process. I am grateful to family and friends that stepped up, either through actions or just kind words or gestures, of being there for me. My “little sister” Wucy took over packing up my home in TN before driving to AL with her wonderful fiancé for the services. She then helped the day of the funeral when our home turned into an impromptu large gathering of friends, family and business associates of my dad and family. There were so many people there that wanted to share their memory and be with others who loved and respected him. The night before the funeral it snowed. There were ice storms in the surrounding areas and there was concern we needed to move the funeral time. Fortunately, the day of the streets around us were clear enough for us to make it to the church and then to the cemetery and home safely. It was those little things that got us through, but now we were facing a different reality than the one we had previously. In an instant my mother went from married to widowed. In an instant, my brother and I no longer had a father and my uncle no longer had a brother. We knew it was coming as my dad had been fighting a brave fight against cancer for a second time. It did not make it any easier when the moment came and he wasn’t with us any longer. We were glad he was no longer suffering, but also upset that we were no longer here to share with us his love, humor and wisdom when we desperately needed it.

i dont grieve for moment of loved one

Life can change in an instant. You never know what will happen or when plans will change.
Tell you family and friends you love them and how much they mean to you every chance you get.
Always Keep Hope Alive and have a fabulous day.

stop n look around life amazing

 

We all struggle, make it worth it


peace in heart

It seems I am constantly struggling.

Struggling to find more hours to work.

Struggling to find more time to clean.

Struggling to find a better job.

Struggling to be a better parent, daughter, sister, friend, and partner.

Struggling to just be at times it seems.

Just when I think I am closer to getting it right a complaint comes in.

Trying to please everyone I can’t seem to get it right.

If I take time out for this, when I will do that? If I do this and this, and a portion of that and mistakenly think I have taken care of it all somehow then someone is unhappy. I mean, everyone feels they are the most important, right? If I am supposed to service everyone else first, how am I supposed to take care of my own needs? Don’t they see if I am not whole I cannot produce to the level of their desires and needs? God forbid I say anything for knowing I will get put back in my place. Standing up for oneself is frowned upon unless it is “at the right” time for someone else.

My passion is caring for others and writing. Not lucrative passions but both can be with a bit of cultivation. Of course that takes time and again is filed under “taking too much time” for myself again by some and where would they be if things weren’t done by me? It’s a vicious cycle. One I am working hard to get out of as quickly as possible. I try to keep focus on one thing and not let something else drag me away for something that can wait.

whatever good for soul is happiness

Life isn’t always easy, it isn’t always pretty, but it is life. It’s also what you make of it.

It doesn’t matter if I am financially challenged, physically challenged and questioning my sanity, life keeps on happening. Therefore I must Keep Hope Alive. Or I will be dragged into the pits with no escape. It would be so easy sometimes to just let go, maybe to just not care. Of course I can’t do it nor will I. I care too much. My passions seep out of me. I can no more stop writing and taking care of others than I can consciously stop breathing. It would cripple me more than my body is already and that I cannot live with.

So I continue to struggle. But this time, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I see the hope. I feel the sunshine on my face. I will make it out. This time. And again, and again, and again. I will never give up.

Have a fabulous day and Always Keep Hope Alive!

Wake up and live…. it’s Monday!


Helloooooooo Monday!! It’s time to wake up and live!!!

wake up and live

I hope you are all having a stellar Monday today! The beginning of the week, the fresh slate or the maotic manic Monday, whatever it is I hope it is fabulous!

As I was working my way through my pint, of Haagen – Dazs that is, I realized how ironic it was that I sometimes dreaded Mondays. I love to sleep and depending on how much or how little sleep that I got the previous weekend, made all the difference on how my attitude was for Mondays. That isn’t fair to me or Mondays because I was already setting my brain for a potential crap day based on my sleep cycle. Anyone with a child knows this is a very bad idea! Even if you don’t have a child it is a bad idea because you are setting yourself up to mentally have a bad day.

be awesome on monday

Some days it is just so hard to get going. Mondays can be harder at times it seems. So this Monday I hope your week begins smoothly. I hope that you don’t get cut off in traffic, run late or have any myriad of things go awry!

Here’s to Keeping Hope Alive no matter what this day throws our way!

mn be good to me i good to you

I hope your week flows the way that’s needed and that you share your happiness with others. Or maybe you need the happiness and I hope that you can find that.

KEEP HOPE ALIVE!

 

A Sunday well spent, reflecting and just being


sunday well spent

Greeting and a fabulously happy Sunday to you all!

I hope that you are having a most excellent, relaxing, enjoyable, semi stress free day!

It can be so hard to “relax” and take it easy when you have so many responsibilities, things to do and people to see. People you want to see and some you don’t get to see as often as you would like. Plus, there are also the reminders in the back of my head to ready myself for the upcoming week and all that it brings. Sometimes the hardest part is just allowing myself to relax, enjoy and be in the moment because I tend to keep planning for things to do. It’s in the vein of “stop and smell the roses” and take time to just enjoy where you are right this minute. Not constantly being in motion like I tend to try and do.

This past weekend my body chose to make me “stop” and I had to realize I needed to just smell the roses or suffer the consequences of not taking care of myself like I gripe to others about doing! It’s frustrating when you want to do things and you just can’t. You make sure your get your main chores and duties done but anything else is a bonus at this point, even it if needs to be addressed. Sometimes you just can’t get it done. Guess what? That is OK. You will live, the earth will still turn and life will go on. Your family, friends and loved ones will understand that life happens and not always the way that you would hope for it to be.

I was originally going to write about reading the Sunday paper, of which I finally finished last Sunday’s paper on Friday, and how it can be so revealing to learn more about what is going on in your community and state. Lord have mercy I love my state but sometimes I wonder what the politicians are thinking. Are we really going back 50-ish years on certain issues? The pulse here today echoes strangely to the beat in ways as it did back in the 1960’s. Once again my home state is under public scrutiny, and rightfully so, for their stance on segregation and choosing to follow they laws through their own interpretation. Seriously. It makes me cringe.

Several months back I received a phone call about race and segregation and if I felt things were better, worse or unchanged than they were in the past. It was a poll call and I enjoyed talking to the lady who was asking my true opinion. I was my honest self. I told her I could see improvement for the better, however it wasn’t enough and I saw more disrespect from others than I stupidly thought I would see when I moved back to my home state last year. That on the surface it seems like people are more tolerant and understanding of one another and that there was more compassion for our fellow human, but I realized far too quickly that that was sadly an illusion. You can bet I have added it to my “topics” to be written on!

dont quit daydream

I am very blessed in my life to be surrounded by so many amazing humans from so many diverse backgrounds. True, quality folks that accept me and I them for who they are no matter what. These amazing humans are around the state, a state or two away, across the country and across the seas. When I say I am blessed I truly mean it. I have been able to have some of the most amazing relationships with people on so many different levels. It transcends “friendship” in so many cases. We don’t see color, flaws and short comings as “deficits” in each other, but openly discuss and talk about real life and more about building each other up than tearing each other down. We can’t always talk but when we do we pick up right where we left off, flowing smoothly into what works for us. I work to do this in every area of my life. It is not always easy. I am my own worst critic of how I should be versus how I am.

But I never give up and I always Keep Hope Alive!

And I pray to the few of you that are kind enough to read my ramblings, that you have a fabulously graceful Sunday. That you find an inner happiness and a joy in the moment. Whether it be just sitting and reading and relaxing or spending time alone or with those you love. Just find a bit of beauty. Never give up of this adventure of life. ALWAYS KEEP HOPE ALIVE!!!

lion graceful

Have a Fabulously, Fantastic Saturday – Keep Hope Alive!


“Cause Saturday night’s the night I like

Saturday night’s alright, alright, alright” – Elton John, “Saturday Night’s Alright”

sat sparkle happy

I love Saturday’s and I love Elton John! So I am sharing my maotic mind on this fabulous Saturday and oftentimes I think of Sir Elton John songs randomly and feel the need to share the soundtrack of my mind! You’re welcome!

There are so many things on my mind, heart and soul. I cannot express them all here today so I figured I would just go with whatever flows forth from my fingers. After all I have a deadline to meet and technology and I are once again at odds! Story of my life!

For the first time in ages I seriously wanted to toss my smarter-than-me-phone off the porch as I was apparently breaking the damn internet trying to read articles on www.scarymommy.com – seriously! It wasn’t even on the Facebook as I have had my phone just go back to my home screen when clicking on a video or article on the app. Recently, it did this while I was reading an article on the cellphone interweb. It reminds me of a gentler black screen of death that comes up on my computer. It scares me a little when my phone does it. Because I will tell you, I have a love/hate relationship with my smarter-than-me-phone and I rely on it far more than I want to. I become too plugged in and then reliant “in a pinch” if the computer isn’t working for whatever jacked up random reason it is this month! I swear if my man wasn’t such a genius at fixing my broken things, I would have lost my mind already with the computers crapping out on me and deadlines daily! To his credit he has handled my meltdowns quite well and the boy is convinced he can fix anything! I am just thankful he tolerates me as me, even encourages *gasps* me to be myself, not who I think I need to be for anyone else. Even when I am bitchy or irrational he tolerates me. That is a lot to handle I tell you. And the fact he doesn’t even flinch when I hand over my electronic device, usually a computer, and say “Please again” because I just can’t deal with it. Again. And fixes it. I am certain he does some kind of voodoo magic on it for it to work again for me.

I swear I have too much electromagnetics or some form of alien life form in my body! I cannot wear a watch, electronics fail after a period of time around me and not from abuse that I cause or viruses I “accidentally downloaded” (I learned how to avoid that a while ago but sometimes it happens). Now the smarter-than-me-phone is acting all jacked up.

Of course my mind fills up with topics to write while I can’t get onto a computer and just start writing drafts. And my hands have started this lovely cramping thing when I write, like old school write, with my hands. So I start to go a bit stir crazy in my head until I remember I can write down portions in my notebooks and get it out so I don’t completely loose it!

pen to paper image

Oh yes, yes my fabulous friends, Fabulously Gracelessness, a.k.a. Lady Maos is one stop shy of bat-shit crazy! I am amazed I can manage to keep it together enough to get this blog out daily! Between actually raising a child, working, writing, loved ones, having a life, chronic pain and issues, I am pretty damn proud of myself for hitting my mark and sharing my thoughts, ideas and hopes with the world daily. If I can do it on this small scale, you can do anything you want to do if you hope and believe in yourself. Because my motto is Keep Hope Alive. And I promise you, that daily mantra truly works. It gets me through more than I ever expected it to. I am pushing myself farther than I ever had in my writing and am starting to see some positive results. They are small and to some probably it wouldn’t matter but it gives me HOPE and therefore KEEPING HOPE ALIVE actually Works! Setting aside time for your dreams isn’t always easy, but then life is not always easy either. Besides I love a challenge! I have so many topics I am bound to hit the mother load of getting a big break. I believe in myself!

keepp hope alive keeps u alive

So bring on this Saturday, this Football game day and middle of the weekend!

Roll tide AL football

I hope you all have a fabulously fantastic Saturday and Keep Hope Alive!

 

Letter to my son, after 5 fabulous years and we’re just getting started


Until you came into my life I didn’t truly know how much love I had to give. I knew I was capable, I had dreamed of you for so long. I saw you in my dreams many time throughout my life. With blonde hair and blue eyes. Everyone thought I was crazy, but then I could always see and feel things that not everyone could. I could never do things easy, I had to try the route mostly blocked by the vines, and trees of life.

When I found out you were going to be a part of my world I was shocked. But from the moment I knew you were mine, I was stunned, excited and terrified and more in love with anything than I had ever been before. You see I had prayed for so many years that we would find each other that I couldn’t believe it was finally happening. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe or didn’t have hope, I just figured you would come to me some other way. I took a test and then because I couldn’t believe it, I took another. Positive. I was going to be a mommy! I locked myself away for a good 24 hours only telling my sisters, your aunts, because I couldn’t believe it. I was scared to tell people because I didn’t want to jinx anything. But one by one I told, then we told. The fact I was able to have you at all was in itself a miracle. People talk about how they would have done things differently in their life. I can completely understand, however I believe all of the things I did led me to you.

Now that you are starting to get older you ask questions that are beyond your years. I see the old soul in your eyes the way I see the mirror of my own. It excites and scares me for you. I watch you try new things and talk to people. I watch you share, I watch you not want to share. I watch you. I am caught off guard so many times by you. You constantly awe and amaze me. I know I make mistakes but you are so forgiving. It’s like you know somehow when I need to hear you say those certain things to me… “I chose you and you chose me”. One of your favorite things to tell me. When you repeatedly look into my eyes and tell me, “I love you mommy. You’re the best mommy I ever had. Of all my mommies you’re the best.”

My miracle, angel boy, of all my lives, I love this one the best because of you. You have made me a better human. More understanding and compassionate. More concerned with the world around us and less tolerant of those who bring harm, whether they mean to or not. You will learn and see more than I want you to but I know you must grow up. I know I cannot keep you from the pains of this world. You have already experienced much loss in your short life than others ten times your age. You love and believe with your whole heart. When you laugh it fills my soul with the most beautiful music I only dreamed of. Your arms around my neck and my waist are pieces of heaven and when you kiss me I know what they mean when they say touched by an angel.

I dedicate this to you, my sweet boy. The last 5 years have been the best of my life with you in it. I pray for many, many more. Mommy loves you more than you can ever begin to understand. I know you can feel it in your heart and soul.

Keep Hope Alive!

This really is a day of rest


When I started blogging, I made a promise to myself that I would post daily. So far I am keeping that promise and honestly I am really proud of myself. It’s hard to come up with topics daily and I know that some posts are better than others and some are just personal to me, I am always thrilled when others enjoy my thoughts and opinions.

Today is Sunday and is considered a day of rest. I think for my blog today and I am going to stick to the much needed rest. After a fabulous Walk to End Alzheimer’s yesterday in which I volunteered, I realized my body needs a bit more recovery time than it once did. Like once I could go out on a Friday or Saturday (or both) night and stay out and get up the following day and keep going. Not so much anymore!

I am going to share a few photos from the walk yesterday and wish you all a fabulously graceless Sunday!

alz sign 1

shirt front

me

front view

alz committee

KEEP HOPE ALIVE!!!

 

On this Saturday I join others in The Walk to End Alzheimer’s


The day is here and today is the Walk to End Alzheimer’s for the Central Alabama Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association!

fight alzz

I’m so excited for today for so many reasons.

I worked for the Alzheimer’s Association, Georgia Chapter for 6 years and volunteered for 2 years prior to working with them.

Alzheimer’s is very personal for me as several of my family members have suffered from and even died from this disease. I have cared for many friends and others with this disease. I have consulted and worked with families to help manage the stages of this fatal disease. My grandfather had Alzheimer’s disease and eventually passed away 5 years ago after suffering with it for at least 10 years. His sister, my great aunt, had died from the disease 11 years prior and both of his parents died from Alzheimer’s. There was no chapter in Alabama, and the Alzheimer’s group that serviced the Birmingham area didn’t cover northern Alabama, and the Alzheimer’s Association of Middle Tennessee didn’t cover the area where he and my grandmother lived. They were in limbo as far as services and most of the local doctors were not as educated on the disease as they are now, though some smaller town doctors sometimes, not all and please I don’t want to get slayed for speaking the truth as I know it, do not know as much as is needed about the disease to help their patients.

This is where the Alzheimer’s Association becomes a guiding light for many. Their 800 # (1-800-272-3900) is a 24/7 hotline to help people any time day or night. You can also find them at www.alz.org. They may not always be to find you a support group or doctor close to you, however they are there to help assist you in time of need and make suggestions of where you go in your region, as well as give you tips and just be a voice on the end of the line when you truly need someone who can understand and talk to you.

I have been talking, calling, emailing since about 2007 to the national office about a chapter in Central Alabama. We have part of the northern section of the state covered by the Middle TN chapter and Lower Alabama covered by the Panhandle chapter but the rest was pretty much hanging out with no assistance.

At the end of 2013, the Alzheimer’s Association of Central Alabama was opened and I have volunteered, and badgered them for employment, since I moved here in 2014! To say I am thrilled is an understatement.

That is why todays walk means so much to me.

From the Alzheimer’s Association, the 2015 Alzheimer’s disease facts and figures:

  • Alzheimer’s is the 6th leading cause of death in the United States
  • It’s the only cause of death in the top 10 in America that cannot be prevented, cured or slowed
  • 1 in 3 seniors dies with Alzheimer’s or dementia
  • Almost two thirds of Americans with Alzheimer’s disease are women
  • Only 45% of people with Alzheimer’s disease or their caregivers report being told of their diagnosis versus more than 90% of people with the four most common types of cancer have been told of their diagnosis
  • Alzheimer’s kills more people than breast cancer and prostate cancer combined
  • In 2015, Alzheimer’s and other dementias will cost the nation $226 billion
  • By 2050, these costs could rise as high as $1.1 trillion

alz global epidemic

The disease is not pretty, it isn’t sexy or isn’t something a lot of people want to even talk about. Alzheimer’s knows no borders or boundaries, it takes people of all races, classes, socioeconomic background and all genders. It destroys their lives and the lives of those who care for them.

I’ve noticed several ads for Alzheimer’s medications on television recently and it angers me because it makes it seem as if “Oh you get Alzheimer’s you can take a pill and go on with your life.” If it were only that easy. There isn’t a magical pill. We are closer now than 10 years ago but we do not yet have a cure or even a way to stop the progression of the disease. It does “help” but unfortunately it doesn’t help everyone.

I want to walk, volunteer, spread awareness and help funding to prevent, halt and eventually find a cure for this terminal disease. I want my son and any grandchildren I may have to live in a world without Alzheimer’s.

So today I walk in memory of my grandfather, my Papa. Papa’s Posse will be at the Walk to End Alzheimer’s at Railroad Park volunteering and spreading hope! *Photo below of my beloved Papa & GrandMaMa

PAPA POSSE

Now I just hope the rains end prior to the walk and that we have massive attendance!

For my part, the Fabulously Graceless Lady Maos is all in!

Keep Hope Alive!

It’s a fabulous Friday with a workin’ weekend! WhoooWhooo!


happy friday wknd begin

T.G.I.F. for real! I am so glad it’s Friday I am sure there will be a happy dance or two done today!

We have finally made it to the end of the week! WhoooWhooooo!

everybodys wkin for the wkend

Of course I will be working and working some more for tomorrow is the Walk to End Alzheimer’s here in the Magic City.

bham magic city

I am one of those people who like to have everything done and right now I am still far from done, but I know I will get done everything I possibly can accomplished. I mean I am scheduled to show up at 6:00 AM to set up for the walk and I am not a morning person. I can do it… Keep Hope Alive!

walk to end alz starts w you

Did I mention it’s Friday?! Do your happy weekend dance people!

tgif cat dance

No matter what your weekend holds try to make a Fabulous moment to hold close, no matter what it is!

tgif fabulous

 

Texting can be evil and annoying when it’s the only way you can communicate


Let’s pretend for a moment that you are having a conversation with someone through text. Let me interject my opinion here and say texting is challenging, can be misconstrued and anything lengthy should be kept for email, unless you are communicating with someone who that is the easiest method for them and you know you can get a response from them immediately.

Let’s keep pretending that there are 5 topics you addressed in this text. Then there are 6 and the 6th one is the one you didn’t see giving you any issue with. It wasn’t even on your main topics but came up when you sent the main text covering things to be taken care of. You address #6 and then ask about the main issues, just say even 1-3. Number 6 is brought up Again. Seriously.

It is at this point I am so glad I am not having a conversation with this person. As I make sure the boy isn’t around I am screeching at the phone yelling unladylike and foul words at the phone because I do not want to engage this person in an argument. Yet they are trying to drag me into one because they can’t do the very basics and care about the first topics I was referring to. The reason, you big jerk, that you keep bringing up number 6 is because you can’t see past your own selfishness and understand the other things you don’t care about, are why you have the issues with the one thing you do.

Some people will try to find fault and start fighting over their own bitterness or guilt. As adults we have to move past our emotions when there is business to take care of. Not that our emotions don’t play into the business, but we have to remember that we are supposed to be mature, responsible adults. The only way to resolve problems is to discuss it openly. Lay it out on the table. Yes there will be debates, disagreements and possible misunderstandings. But if you Listen to the other person, put your personal feelings aside and work to make a situation better, it will get better. You can resolve so many problems by open communication back and forth. Respecting the other person is one of the key aspects. You don’t even have to like them.

But you have to be willing to work with them and respect them enough if you are going to get anything accomplished. Business, personal or otherwise unless you can communicate. Both sides. All you have to do is be mature about it. Unfortunately some cannot be mature, no matter what their age is.

Hence my mini “pretend” rant. And for the record I didn’t get any responses to 1-5 yet, but I will.

So I hope that this day is fabulous in some way for you. For you to be able to take a breath, a few minutes to listen and work to be respectful to others. No matter what the situation always keep hope alive! And for the love of Pete be cautious when texting!