It seems I am constantly struggling.
Struggling to find more hours to work.
Struggling to find more time to clean.
Struggling to find a better job.
Struggling to be a better parent, daughter, sister, friend, and partner.
Struggling to just be at times it seems.
Just when I think I am closer to getting it right a complaint comes in.
Trying to please everyone I can’t seem to get it right.
If I take time out for this, when I will do that? If I do this and this, and a portion of that and mistakenly think I have taken care of it all somehow then someone is unhappy. I mean, everyone feels they are the most important, right? If I am supposed to service everyone else first, how am I supposed to take care of my own needs? Don’t they see if I am not whole I cannot produce to the level of their desires and needs? God forbid I say anything for knowing I will get put back in my place. Standing up for oneself is frowned upon unless it is “at the right” time for someone else.
My passion is caring for others and writing. Not lucrative passions but both can be with a bit of cultivation. Of course that takes time and again is filed under “taking too much time” for myself again by some and where would they be if things weren’t done by me? It’s a vicious cycle. One I am working hard to get out of as quickly as possible. I try to keep focus on one thing and not let something else drag me away for something that can wait.
Life isn’t always easy, it isn’t always pretty, but it is life. It’s also what you make of it.
It doesn’t matter if I am financially challenged, physically challenged and questioning my sanity, life keeps on happening. Therefore I must Keep Hope Alive. Or I will be dragged into the pits with no escape. It would be so easy sometimes to just let go, maybe to just not care. Of course I can’t do it nor will I. I care too much. My passions seep out of me. I can no more stop writing and taking care of others than I can consciously stop breathing. It would cripple me more than my body is already and that I cannot live with.
So I continue to struggle. But this time, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I see the hope. I feel the sunshine on my face. I will make it out. This time. And again, and again, and again. I will never give up.
Have a fabulous day and Always Keep Hope Alive!