no control

Those jolts of life

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

Every once in a while I get a jolt in life. I find it quite refreshing actually.

I love living life! The good, bad, loving, ugly, boring, crazy, maotic moments that make up my life, I love all of them.

I am enjoying seeing what each day brings.

Sometimes I am like a little kid in that I want to see what happens next right now! It is hard to be patient.

When I want something to happen, it’s so hard to not push for it to move faster! Even when I know I have no control over life I still wish I could will life into picking up the pace in a few areas… having to wait something out is so very hard. It is during some waiting periods that I seem to get a jolt!

One of those out of the blue type thunderbolts that somewhat shock me into a new perspective and place on my journey. I never know what it will be.

It has always proven to be some sort of adventure though once it happens.

For now I am just riding this latest jolt and seeing where it takes me.

I am definitely enjoying the currents of this one!

Keep hope alive!

 

 

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Those moments

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

Those moments you wish everything would slow down, yeah those got to me.

I felt I was running 100 miles an hours and I couldn’t stop, couldn’t, wouldn’t slow down.

It seemed all of a sudden, that moment, where I had a few moments to myself in the first time in what seemed forever.

I had such a moment of clarity.

I could see in every direction where the fractions of my life met up as a whole.

I could see every nuance of the air around me as I reflected on my life stretching out in so many directions.

Like ripples from the center they blow out into the wide world.

I can see myself running around, zooming from part to part trying to keep everything under control.

I can see me finally understand that I truly have no control.

I can see underneath and to the top and sides and all the cracks that are in between and I see where changes need to be made, things need to be corrected and I just need to rest.

I need to let my mind and soul heal.

If only for a moment but the healing has to happen.

When your moment comes make sure to stop and take it because it passes you by so swiftly.

It is gone before you know it and you are off and running again.

Maybe you’re running a bit more blindly because you didn’t just stop for the moment when you should have.

Maybe in those moments you will find hope.

Another fabulous Friday

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

oh its friday minion

Ahhhh Friday! The “last” day of the work week… unless you have to work or are on-call, which in my case, means working!

However, I am choosing to make this Friday Fabulous! No matter what!

It’s been a rough couple of months weeks and I am going to just be. Let whatever happens happen and do my best to not get ruffled by the winds of change and life.

I only have control over so much and also I have absolutely no control over others. I get in a funk when the boy isn’t home. I tend to throw myself into work or projects that need to be done and not just let myself rest and re-charge like I need to.

I don’t enjoy too many public outings, yet I crave humanity. Not an overwhelming abundance of folks but a select few… which is what makes it so challenging that I am not the one who gets to select the folks I would like to see these days or so it seems. I have a lot of interaction regarding work, but not so much on a personal level. I really need to work on that!

It’s just so hard to commit to plans when you know that you will also be working. It can annoy some people who may assume being on call is just taking a few calls when in actuality, for me, ends up being several hours or even all day. I would rather not make plans so that I’m not disappointed when I have to break them.

ffeling all done me either

But hey, it’s Friday! So I am going to make the most of trying to relax in between calls.

I always keep hope alive!

After all, we are all superheroes! Some of us sprinkled with a bit more maos and crazy than others!

Have a fantastically, fabulous Friday!

Against the wind

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 5 Comments

trees

Watching the leaves be blown into a pile I see nature fight back.

The blower pushes forward, the wind pushes back.

The man operating the blower knows his job is to get the leaves off of the paths and into manageable piles. Nature fights against him blowing them in every direction. Scattering not only leaves but sticks and bits of grass along its route. No concern for the aesthetics, for nature in all of its forms, has beauty, even in the chaos.

wind blowing

The man fights. For a moment is seems he may win the battle. Then the wind changes direction, bringing with it gusts on all sides. Or so it seems. Leaves dance around everywhere: the man, the yard and the once cleared paths. Nature seems determined to lay the leaves in colorful patchwork on every surface.

The man is powerless to stop it, yet he forages on, valiantly blowing and cleaning sections he just did on order for it to appear he’s controlled and conquered Mother Nature.

It isn’t possible. In the fall with all of the trees that surround the property, there seems to be and endless supply of leaves. What you clear now will have another layer upon it within hours. By the following day, it can look as if it hasn’t been cleared in days.

leaf pile

Nature at its finest.

Covering the buildings and grounds as the season changes. Never caring about safety, how it looks or where things land. It is changing and readying the land for the colder weather: hibernation for some and emergence for others. Its very own dance of which we have no control.

Sit back and enjoy the beauty. Let the wind blow all around you.

Just remember, you can’t catch the wind!

Have a fabulous day and as always Keep Hope Alive!