Happy Mother’s Day to ALL Moms


Today is Mother’s Day.

We celebrate mother’s everywhere… well most of us do. Some of us aren’t as fortunate to have or have had a wonderful mother.

My own mom and I don’t always see eye to eye, in fact there are times I am sure she wonders how she gave birth to someone like me. However I do know without a doubt that she does love me. And I love her so very much.

Now that I am a mother myself I understand better all of the sacrifices she made to make my brother and I happy. It isn’t like she had to make these sacrifices but that she chose to.

I have so many friends that are also mothers.

I have many who want to be mothers but can’t for medical reasons.

I am here to tell you a little secret. There are so many definitions of what a mother truly is. Some women give birth but they chose to not be around their children. Some give their children up for adoption because they had no other options. Then there are the countless who raise other people’s children, both human and animal, who are so mother-esque that I feel they should be celebrated.

As someone who once struggled with infertility, I know the heartache of having a mother’s day come and to have empty arms. Or maybe a child is no longer here. It doesn’t make someone less than a mother. I have a friend whose son died. She had no other children. She is still a mother even though her son died. I have another friend who is a foster mom. She does not have “biological” children, yet she is a mom in every sense of the word.

Someone doesn’t have to “just give birth” to be a mother. Not everyone who produces a child is a mother… I have seen those who chose to give birth, even be there but do more harm than good. Some have even said they weren’t meant to be a mother.

A mother is someone who makes the choice to BE a mother. Be it mom, step-mom, aunt, god-mother or grandmother there is a choice to accept the awesome responsibility of being a mom.

For that I thank you for choosing to stick around and stay to make another life better and loving unconditionally. Even on the bad days!

Celebrate those mothers in your life today!

Have a beautiful day!

Keep hope alive!!

 

Happy places, my mind and good memories


Whenever I realize I need to calm the hell down, I search my mind for a happy memory.

Lately my life has been so maotic I can’t even remember to do the basic things I need to do. I have missed calls, texts and emails. I have missed deadlines, lunches and people who counted on me. It may not be that extreme but it is pretty close.

I have had absolutely fabulous things happen in my world. Things I couldn’t imagine would be so wonderful but that also require me to give of myself which I gladly do.

The boy is definitely a highlight of my universe. I think he is working on his own comedy bit. Finding humor in everyday life, he has been quite full of it. A fine example is the other evening after his bath, we were putting on his lotion and he accidentally slung it on my face. When I pointed out he had flung it onto my glasses he exclaimed, “WELL CAN YOU SEE? If you can’t see then I definitely need to apologize, but if you can see, well then that’s just funny!” All said while wildly gesturing naked, of course. It made me laugh when I really needed it and it makes me laugh just thinking about it.

I think of people and places that make me happy. I think of nature and how much I love being out in it, even in the rain. I think of flea markets and nature preserves, of beaches and mountains. I think of the endless possibilities of people and situations that make my life better, richer and so much more entertaining.

I guess I am trying to say, when you feel like you are slipping and you’re grasping at the strings of life in the mist of the maos, find something inside of you that makes you happy. The good, warm in your belly kind of happy. We all deserve that.

Keep hope alive!

 

It’s the middle of the week so I pretend I’m superwoman


It’s the middle of another fabulous week!

Depending on the time of day it’s either on the upward trek or the downward slope to the weekend.

I’m hoping for downward slope! Or maybe not it’s another work weekend for me. No rest for the wicked and all of that happiness.

u r u dr seuss

For me trying to juggle being mommy, relationships, work, writing, life – it can be a bit overwhelming. I don’t give up easily but I do make concessions I’ve come to realize.

I used to be so anal about making sure certain things were done. I was more organized and it sounds like a good thing but in reality I was stressing out if I didn’t follow through on the schedules and deadline I set for myself. After I became a parent it seemed to only get worse. Becoming a single parent really put the kibosh on having everything “just so”. I’m proud when I keep the boy alive, fed and happy and when I keep him and his friend alive, fed and happy I feel like I am freaking superwoman!

sometimes superhero

I know we can all be overwhelmed with the zingers life tosses us.

We just can’t give up, even when giving up seems to be the best option.

You may have more people depending on you than you realize. Just to see your face, hear your voice or know you’re still out there helps them.

So be you, have a fabulous day and keep hope alive!

 

 

Happy Birthday Mama!


Happy birthday to my beautiful, amazing mama!

The world is a little brighter, a little better and a lot more awesome because of you!

You have loved me, tolerated and put up with my maos for 45 years and you still look barely 50! That’s good looks right there!

The lady that can and does, run circles around me and her grandsons! She’s athletic, graceful and the best dancer!

She is an amazing wife, mother, grandmother, family and friend.

I truly and blessed to have her as mine.

I often say my brother is her favorite and I am second or third if my “sister” is here. I say it jokingly and with love.

It is hard between mothers and daughters. I completely understand that more so now that I have a son of my own. But I am so grateful for all that she taught me about being a mama and loving your child no matter what.

I am thankful she is in my life and loves me, no matter what. I know it’s not easy!

Happy Birthday Mama!

Happy Earth Day to you all!

Keep Hope Alive!

*I don’t post mama’s photo because she is too beautiful to see and because that may be the very thing I send her over the edge with, but take my word she is a beautiful lady inside and out!*

 

 

I love my rocks


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Oh how much joy I get from a “rock”!

Rocks, quartz, crystals I get excited!

I am aware I am a bit of a nerd and I am okay with that.

I realized this has passed to the boy and it is something beautiful to behold to me.

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I have a rule of no sticks in the house. Unless it is something truly special, do not bring a stick up in my house! Swords, canes, staff and walking sticks: these are fine.

Bring a cool looking rock, quartz or crystal and I’m all “well bring it in and let’s look at it!” Pure amusement and delight for hours.

Recently we were gifted with a beautiful Crystal, the boy’s says it’s The Crystal. I had not even pulled it out of the wrapping he exclaims, “ohmygosh mommy it’s The Crystal!!!” He had zero idea I even had it or that it had been given to us. He just knew.

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It’s like the rock calls to us. You can feel the buzz when it touches your hand.

You can feel the oneness with the earth so solid and tangible that you can just feel the connections.

I know I am a freak but I am not alone. There are others like me including my own offspring who share the same love as I do. I am not alone!

Keep hope alive!

 

 

 

 

So I lost it on my kid…


It finally happened… I lost it on the boy. And by lost it, I don’t mean I went all off screaming, hollering and beating the child, although it crossed my mind in a fit of hysterical laughter.

Yes, I lost it through hysterically laughing for at least 10 minutes.

With my kid doing the airplane thing on my legs and then sniffing me. As in like a dog sniffing me. Or one of those wild children you hear about raised by wolves with the slight crazed look in their eyes.

I thought of the Chucky doll.

I told him to “Stop it please” but by then I was already falling into the “I’m totally losing it with my kid and I have no urge to harm so this is probably good” vibe.

Pshaw all of y’all thinking I beat my kid and wrote a blog about it!

Then again, there are some serious nut bags out there. I mean I am crazy but I would never purposefully harm my child.

He is my everything but, I really get the whole, “I brought you in and I will take you out” mentality. I understand why some creatures eat their young. I really, truly do.

It isn’t those embarrassing in public moments necessarily either, although that does happen. It’s more like the 10th time you’ve told said offspring to do something and they either suddenly became deaf or all together leave the situation because apparently if I can’t see him, he isn’t there to get in trouble. The logic is perfectly fine for a 5 year old. In fact, 5 year old logic can make more sense at times than adults. Those are the moments I question my sanity.

So here I am laying on my bed laughing so hard I nearly spritz. My kid is on top of me and laughing so hard he is drooling on me, I’m getting grossed out but can’t move him because I am paralyzed with laughter. It really hurt.

I was torn.

I was laughing harder than I had in a while and I was also at my wits end because he won’t listen.

This is what they refer to as parenting hell. At least one form of it.

I was finally able to regain my composure and somewhat actually parent the boy. It’s hard to give a straight face when your face hurts from laughing so hard.

The good thing is that he knows he can always laugh with me and he loves making me laugh.

He knows he had better start listening or mommy may really loose it!

He also knows that I love him no matter what.

I think that is what this parenting thing is all about.

Keep hope alive!

 

No sleep with children


My side of the bed was invaded by another human 5 years ago. That would be when I gave birth to the boy.

It doesn’t seem to matter that he has his own room, complete with his very own bed, somehow it seems he always ends up in mine. On my side no less! The nerve! I had no idea what all I was giving up when I became a parent. I knew a lot of things, or so I thought. I did not realize that giving a part of my side of the bed was part of the deal!

Before the boy came into my life one of the luxuries I enjoyed was sleeping. Like any time I wanted and for as long as I wanted provided I didn’t have to work… so I could pay for my overhead and sleep! I never knew how much I loved sleeping. Adored it actually until it was somewhat taken from me.

What they didn’t teach in parenting class was after you have a child you don’t ever sleep the same.

Whether they are with you or not, you still don’t sleep right. If they aren’t with you then you worry about them and when they are with you chances are good you aren’t sleeping because the offspring has decided to slip into your bed.

Your space.

Only it is no longer your space because when you became a parent, a tiny tidbit left out of everything you could have possibly read, you lose a part of yourself and the creature that you gave birth to is the one that took that.

Look at that sweet face! How could you not want to give it your all?

I say, give them everything but my sleep space.

And the time I need to sleep. Yes I said need versus want because I am willing to compromise.

Before the boy I would never compromise on my sleep. I was quite bitchy about it at times.

I am guessing this is my karma!

Oh sweet sleep if I could only have you when I need you! But alas, I jumped on the parenting train and I am certain it will be a while before we can join up again. For now I will take what I can get here and there and I will be grateful for it.

I seriously have got to get this kid out of my bed again!

*note that “No sleep til Brooklyn” by the Beastie Boys was playing in my head as “No sleep with children”!

*for those of you who have managed parenthood without sleep interruption and deprivation, I salute you!

 

Surviving, thriving or a bit of both


I miss it so much

Even for a day when the boy is away

It’s too quiet

I have a life and things I can do when he’s gone

Yet nothing compares to the space he fills in my heart

Nor does anything compare to having him with me

My heart splits in two

This feeling is more than any other I have felt in life before

I wonder if I am learning to survive or is this thriving

 

Easter bonnets, leather and lace


Growing up Easter Sunday meant new outfits, going to church with the family followed by lunch and a big Easter egg hunt with a bunch of other kids and families. Easter bonnets and glovers with patent leather Mary Jane’s were the style back in the day.

As I aged, I didn’t always get a new outfit or go to church. I didn’t always make it to a good dinner and I definitely didn’t do too many egg hunts.

Once I became a parent a few things changed.

I don’t have a huge income so I find something nice to wear if I don’t get myself something. The boy always gets new clothes.

I don’t like crowds but I sometimes go to church with the boy. The walls didn’t cave in when I went and most everyone was polite.

I seem to eat more good Sunday lunches like I did when I was a kid and I have gone to more egg hunts in the last 6 years than I did the previous 20!

This year my sister is home for one of those over the top southern holidays she had forgotten about how things may go down for Easter.

As she and I often do, we discuss our outfits for going out. She is much more fashionable than I am, with her planning my outfits because I don’t care as much as I probably should!

I was laughing so hard when I said we were going to church, and because we were texting and I just throw out my thoughts without filtering, I wrote, “Just wear a bonnet, leather and lace to church”! I know she knew what I meant, however I could not stop laughing at myself.

The “if I died and someone read this they would think I was off my rocker for sure” thoughts ran through my mind over and over. *note to self, clean out texts!

We plan to go to church, eat with family, go eat with more family and I am sure we will be egg hunting as we have the boy! I am very sure that no matter what happens, we will be laughing and having a fabulous time. It’s what we do.

I hope you all have a fabulously wonderful Easter Sunday!  

 

 

 

Fabulously Gracelessness and my freak light


Fabulous Gracelessness has a freak light. It attracts all sorts of interesting humans. From the completely interesting to the why in the name of mother earth are you telling me your life story from DNA up?!

The other night the boy and I were in a local store. We were checking out the $5 films and an older gentleman was picking up several movies at a time and looking at them. My mistake was asking if he was looking for a particular one and trying to distract the boy from looking at all the toys… seriously didn’t see all the toys right next to the videos, evil marketing people.

The gentleman sees the boy, smiles, and tells me he is only “just looking.” He then proceeds to tell me about how he left his glasses in the car so he had to put them close to his face and mimicked squinting and being silly. We laughed. Then he told the history of his visual degeneration throughout his life. He was 75, because of course, he told me. I could only do laps with the boy in the cart for so long in that area, and between his eye surgery/accident stories and the boy’s “oooo look at that toy mommy” I ended up with 3 movies and skedaddled out of that area as quickly as possible.

I apparently wasn’t paying attention to everything he said because I we saw him a few minutes later and he said, “Such a funny story I’m glad you enjoyed it too!” I just laughed and pushed the cart into the feminine hygiene isle. Usually they won’t follow you over there.

Of course I have had my fair share of freaky encounters there too. Once my friend and I were grabbing something from the area and this, um, lady, asked me very loudly what she needed to make her “privates stop itching inside, ya know?” After questioning her to make sure she didn’t need another type of product, we got her in the right area and tried to escape. She came up behind us gasping from running to “catch up to y’all to jus’ thank you so much for helping her cause no one ever tole her anythin and we was jus so niceeeee”. We could not pay fast enough and the cashiers were dying laughing because she just kept on talking and everyone in the front part of the store soon knew about her yeast infection. Oh yes.

Fly your freak flag proudly but please don’t share all with folks!

There are some things Everyone doesn’t Need to know! Trust me on this!

As I was checking out and discussing what the boy and I needed to do, the cashier started talking to the boy, asking his age, etc. He was of course obliging and talking to her, the flirt, and she started talking about how she was expecting… some sudden switch flipped on and she began this stream of conscious speaking about everything that could have possibly happened since she took the test to “tell you that you’re going to have a baby”.

By the time we left I could only pray the boy wouldn’t ask too many questions as I had to redirect her babble midstream as I could see some things being said I really didn’t want to have to explain to a 5 year old! Fortunately he had movies and a small candy, distraction at checkout, to focus on.

Sometimes people really need to pay attention to who is around them when they go sharing.

At least the boy gets that people seem to just talk to mommy about anything and to not worry unless I get worried.

So I am hoping to have a relatively “share free” weekend and hopefully my freak light won’t burn too brightly!

Hence, the keep hope alive! I’m going to need it!

Have a fabulous day!