words

“My mind is frozen and it got ice in it”

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 11 Comments

Lately I have been exhausted.

I mean it’s been crazy hectic and I am struggling to meet dates, deadlines, life lines and all kinds of things for people and myself.

Of course there is always conflict, I mean this is life so I expect a certain amount.

But sometimes I am just ready to scream and yell and basically have a tantrum like a toddler.

I am blessed to have wonderful friends and family to talk to, rant to, or just be there and say nothing but know they are there.

I am also blessed, lucky or whatever you want to call it to have my boy.

He makes me laugh and reminds me to be real without even realizing what he does.

I was asking him why he wasn’t paying attention to me, again, and reminded him of the consequences of his actions if he did not follow through on his promises and actions.

He turned to me so very serious and said, “Mommy, I’m sorry. I think my mind is frozen and it got ice in it. That’s why I wasn’t paying ‘tention to you and I’m sorry.”

He was so genuine and I tried to hold back my laughter at his very honest statement.

I got to thinking, maybe that’s what’s going on with myself and so many others.

Our brains get frozen and gets ice in it so we aren’t paying attention to what needs to be done.

I think I may be a tiny bit sleep deprived and have some discomfort (next week’s procedure can’t come soon enough I tell you – read “Mis-Procedure” if you really want to know what I am referring to) but I feel like my brain gets frozen and I can’t accomplish everything I need to because the ice sticks to it and I get zoned in on something so completely off track!

Wow!

I do sound like a crazy person… goooooo me!

I do think it’s true that out of the mouths of babes we hear the truth of things.

Kids do not hold back on how they feel and their opinions of life in general.

They do not judge unless you teach them to judge.

They just say whatever is on their mind.

We have to teach them how to filter it.

Since this has been an ongoing lesson in my household, filtering as well as discretion, the boy asked me if he said something wrong.

He knew I was amused by his response but he also knew he had not being doing as told.

I told him that I was proud of him for acknowledging that he wasn’t paying attention and that the way he said it was just funny to me because it was so very true.

He then said, “Lots of people walk around with frozen brains and their not even zombies! I don’t think their mommies tell them to pay attention enough and they can’t shake the ice out!”

At this I just began laughing hysterically.

He started giggling and then told me he was “on my side like nationwide. Cause you know, they’re on your side!”

And that is a perfect ending to a challenging day!

I hope you all have a fabulous Tuesday my friends!

Keep Hope Alive!

 

Family Dynamics

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 7 Comments

I have been rolling this topic around in my mind knowing that if I chose to write about it I would probably have to be very cautious because I do not really want to offend folks.

Everyone has different family dynamics and often times, the “family” is not blood relations, but people that we chose as family in addition, or replacing, those kin folk we were born into.

My own original family was pretty basic.

Mother, father, daughter and son.

We had grandparents, great-grandparents, uncle, aunt, cousin, and many great aunts, great-uncles and cousins.

I have one son as does my brother.

I think they are “trying” for more children, well maybe one more, but my baby making days are done.

It’s sad sometimes to think I can’t have anymore and add to our family legacy, but also it can be a relief to not have to worry with it. If I get all crazy and want another child, I can adopt!

We are all pretty close, even though I don’t get to see my uncle, aunt and cousin and some family often as I would like as distance does separate us and schedules can be hard to coordinate. It doesn’t mean I don’t think of them often and still miss them.

I am close with my mom, brother and sister-in-law and we all live within 20 or so miles from each other so we do gather together on a semi-regular basis.

My son calls his cousin his “baby brother” since he is the eldest. They are the same age apart as my brother and I which is 3 ½ years.

Don’t get me wrong, I have lots of cousins and relatives I never see. I do not even know where some of them live or if they are still living.

It isn’t, that I know of, because of a family feud, but due to circumstance of just not being in each other’s life and growing apart.

My father’s father had one sister and she didn’t have children.

His mother was one of 12 children so I do have lots of cousins on that side.

My mother’s father had 2 sisters as did her mother.

I do see some of my cousins from one side but not the other.

I do not know anyone that doesn’t have some type of family drama somewhere in their trees!

They may not tell you or bring it out in the open, but I guarantee someone in everyone’s family has some type of drama!

Growing up I was fortunate I had 2 sets of grandparents and 3 great-grandmothers. It wasn’t until I was older and learned that not everyone has that family and not everyone was close to family they did have.

I am so fortunate to have so many cousins scattered around that I still am in touch with!

Though I wish I could see them more and spend time with them I am grateful for the opportunity to still be in contact, or reconnect with them.

I will admit there are a few that I have no idea what has happened to them nor does anyone else.

One cousin seems to have dropped off the face of the planet. Seriously.

It seems at times the only time I ever even see certain relatives is at weddings and funerals.

That’s pretty sad when you think about it but also, it may not be by your choice, but theirs or another relative.

I am fascinated with family dynamics.

I have friends who are twins who have an older brother.

Their parents divorced and their father remarried.

They have not only half brothers and sisters from them, but also found out their father spread his seed a bit more and have many half brothers and sisters.

I must say they have taken it quite well to find out they have half siblings the same age as them and to, for the most part, get to know several of them.

I can’t imagine finding other siblings when I was older and how I would react to that!

I have worked in assisted livings and as a caregiver for families.

It is so interesting to see who steps up during a medical crisis and who is nowhere to be found.

I know in my own family, no matter what is going on or who is not happy with each other, when a medical crisis arises, we are all there.

For me I could not imagine Not being there.

But I have realized throughout this life not everyone feels the same.

One lady I used to care for, “Miss Jane” (*names changed to protect the living), had 3 children. I never saw the children who lived in town but every few months. Then for only a brief period of time.

However her son who had moved to another country, would make the trek yearly to visit his mother and stayed at least a month. The majority of his time would be spent with his mother.

This lady had other relatives, however, during her life she wasn’t always so nice. She was diagnosed with dementia and after her husband died, was placed in an assisted living facility.

This was where I met her as I worked at the facility.

I met so many people whose family dynamics were fascinating to me to watch.

At times, it was also very sad as in the case of Miss Jane.

Here was a lady who had wealth beyond comprehension and yet her only visitors was a few times a year with random family coming to visit.

Only her one son who lived thousands of miles away came with any regularity and that was just once a year.

Another lady, “Miss Carmen”, had no children and only a niece. She had moved from Florida so her niece could care for her at our facility.

Her niece, Betty, came several times a week and always worried when she would go out of town that Carmen would need something and she wouldn’t be there.

Here Betty was worrying about how Carmen would miss her, knowing she had dementia and that prior to her moving her close did not see her aunt regularly due to distance but always talked on the phone.

She cared enough to go to her home when Carmen’s husband died and pay attention to her situation to see that she needed to step in and help.

And Jane’s “guardians” would have to be contacted when she needed new clothes because they didn’t see her on a regular basis.

Of course now we have instant access to the internet and being able to call, text or send a message on Facebook to get in touch with relatives far and wide.

However I still have to look at Jane and Carmen.

In my humble opinion, it seems that once some people get older, or aren’t as “nice” all the time, family members and even friends just stop coming around.

I did find out in Miss Jane’s case there were many friends who didn’t know where she was.

The two children who lived closer made a decision to not tell anyone because of her “condition”. Her son who lived far away rectified that after a visit and I was happy to see her have visitors.

We are all human and need the companionship and touch of others.

It does make a difference.

I understand some people chose to cut themselves off from their family and friends.

That is their choice.

But for so many, that choice is taken from them in many different ways due to their family dynamics.

I guess you can call me lucky and blessed because in my own life, I have not only my family, but a large collection of friends as well.

I know that they can send out an SOS and if I can’t be there in person, I am there for them in spirit and let them know.

Because if you don’t let people know you’re thinking about them, you care and you will do whatever you are able to do they don’t know that for sure.

You can’t assume they know.

You have to tell them.

So reach out to that random family member/friend that’s been on your mind.

Call, text, email, send a message to them just do it.

We never know how much time we have left.

We never know if that brief “hello I miss you” may be what they need to get through their day.

Always Keep Hope Alive.

I hope you all have a fabulously graceless Monday my friends!

 

Father’s Day 2015

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 6 Comments

fathers day

As I was thinking of what to write for my Sunday post I realized that today is Father’s Day.

For me this is a hard day to get through as my own daddy passed away in February of last year with stage 4 kidney cancer.

Our family was with him when he passed and that is something to be thankful for.

I was blessed to have him in my life for 43 years.

I was a “daddy’s girl”. I guess I always will be.

I am the eldest child and my brother is 3 ½ years younger than me.

I was always the rebel and the one who paved the way for him to be the “golden child” haha

My brother and I are very close and I know that on that account, I am lucky.

Father’s Day is bittersweet for him as well.

Two months after my daddy passed away my nephew was born and he became a father.

I remember walking into the hospital room seeing my little bro holding his newborn son and bursting into tears as I felt like I was in a magical place.

I was seeing a photo in my mind of our father holding me with the same look of pure love I was now seeing on the face of my brother.

Like father like son.

My own son was blessed to have known his “Pops”.

He still talks about him, misses him and promises he will tell his cousin all about Pops and how great he is.

I said “is” because that is how we keep him alive is by talking about him.

We aren’t obsessed with making sure he is in our conversations daily, however I know that a single day doesn’t go by without me thinking about him and I know my mom and brother feel the same.

My parents were married for 45 years.

A true until death us do part.

Our house was not “Leave it to Beaver” bliss but then there was Always love, even in the best and worst of times.

My daddy was ALWAYS there for me and so many others whenever needed.

He had more patience than anyone I know.

I know when he was younger he had a temper, he often told me about it and I heard stories from family and friends.

However he realized very young that a bad temper would get you nowhere and being calm even in a storm was the better way to move through life.

Often times when someone passes we tend to canonize them and make them more “saintly” than when they were living.

I can say that isn’t the case with my father.

My daddy was a well known and loved respected business man.

He knew and met people from all around the world.

The love and light he cast out to family, friends and strangers was astounding.

When he died, after the funeral, which was massive, there was a reporter from the local paper there to do an article on him.

I couldn’t find the words to describe the man who is my father.

Understanding, strong, loving, caring, compassionate, believed in equality for all humans, was the Yoda of golf, hunting and fishing, always there, never judging, always thought before he spoke knowing his words were taken to heart.

How do you really convey that?

I have said many times I do not like crowds.

I am pretty weird about it nor am I going to draw attention to myself.

However when daddy died I had made him a promise.

I keep my promises.

I sang “Amazing Grace” a Capella at his funeral.

There were hundreds of people there but I sang for him and my family as they knew it was his favorite and I would sing it for him.

I completely zoned out and saw him there smiling as he always did while I sang my heart out with tears streaming down my face.

I didn’t care about if I was off key or looked strange.

I only cared that my daddy knew how much I loved him so I sang to him.

This will be my second Father’s Day without my daddy “here” with me.

I know I will shed tears.

I know I will sing his song out loud.

I know that many of my friends and family members are also thinking of their fathers, grandfathers, brothers, uncles and friends who are no longer with us.

I know I do.

But I also know my daddy would want me to remember those who are still here too.

So to all of the fathers out there, and mothers who are both mom and dad, I send out a Happy Father’s Day to you!

I hope you all have a fabulous Sunday!

I am including one of my all-time favorite photos of my son and my daddy.

It means the world to me.

It’s my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 33 Comments

It can sometimes be hard for me to get to sleep.

I am always thinking of all of the things I need to do, people I should call, projects I should get done.

I do decent, I would guess, on judging myself about getting things done.

I try to set a schedule and follow it. I make sure I am flexible.

I love that dude Murphy of Murphy’s law because I know he sets out to wreak havoc on my life at times.

I have to even admit sometimes I have no choice but to laugh or I would run screaming and never, ever stop.

I try to plan when I am going out of town or doing something outside of my day to day normal life.

Take for example earlier this week.

I had started a new job and was getting into the grove of it.

This means the boy must also get into my new grove and fortunately it doesn’t affect him too greatly and we go along smoothly.

Monday and Tuesday go well so we are heading into Wednesday where I have plans to travel and he will go to school and then to this grandparents after and I will go take care of my business.

All I can say looking back is thank God I was off Wednesday because I so would have had to have called in after my early morning wake up.

I’m not sure why it is when something dramatic happens, it seems to happen when I am in full on REM mode and getting much needed sleep.

Through my sleep filled senses I think I hear “Mommy” but surely that can’t be happening because it is dark out and why am I feeling some kind of wetness on me that I know isn’t a night sweat and it’s kind of thick?

Is this a nightmare?

Then I hear the “sound” all parents know.

The one that you immediately jump up asleep or not because that means something disgusting is happening to your child, and you don’t want to be in the line of fire.

Yes, the dreaded puking in the bed.

Let me just say my child drinks a lot of milk and the last thing that went down is the first to come up.

It was like I was in a waking nightmare.

It was heinous.

It was on me.

I rushed to turn the light on and make sure he was ok when I looked into the mirror.

And I froze.

I look like I had on a milk mask that had splattered.

And I couldn’t breathe deep or that could go very poorly.

So I grabbed towels and washrags out from under the sink and proceed to wipe myself down when the boy says. “Mommy I got throw up on me. Oh hey you got a lot on you too that’s funny.”

And I am happy he’s ok and not still sick but I want to go “Really kid?! Cause this can’t be real!”

But I know that it is.

And it is my life.

I wouldn’t change it for the world because for every bad, gross, icky moment there are 20 more that are happy, funny, full of love and so much better.

So yeah, this is my life.

I just wish he would have aimed for the floor instead of me.

He will learn eventually.

After all when he got sick later, after I had stripped us, the bed and cleaned up and moved us to another room, he got sick in the bucket by the bed.

Bless him!

I wouldn’t change a thing because it wouldn’t be my life otherwise.

Be glad this didn’t happen to you.

If it did, I am so sorry but at least you aren’t alone!

Happy Saturday My Fabulous Friends.

Keep Hope Alive!

 

Mis-Procedure

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 14 Comments

Everyone has their bad days.

Unfortunately sometimes someone else’s bad days overlap your day in some ways, and then it becomes a part of your day so you get a bit of a bad day, depending on how you look at it.

I usually roll with the flow, because really, I don’t have much choice when life just happens while my plan is in motion.

Not to say that it doesn’t irritate or make me angry but when a situation is out of your control, you just can either deal with it calmly or get all angry and scream and yell. It’s not that you aren’t angry about it, but it is how you handle it.

Today was one of those days for me in a kind of big way, however I was able to hang with my girls so I was able to find the humor and laugh about it but I am still kind of irritated.

I went to have a procedure done on my back.

I have been going to the same doctor for over 8 years so I KNOW the majority of the staff including the director, doctors, nurses, offices manager, etc.

I was going in for a more intense procedure I can only have done every 6 months, but it helps my mobility so well that it is worth it. I have to take a full day to recover, more so than my “maintenance” procedures that I have done intermittently throughout the year.

I do certain stretches and exercises to make it easier on myself but I am truly graceless and end up overdoing something, pulling something or falling down on a somewhat regular basis.

It’s my life.

I own it!

After I “came to” in recovery I was talking to the nurse and said, “You know I don’t hurt like I usually do after that procedure, you know how it feels like you’re more beat up in the back, doc has the gift.”

At this point she is looking at me with a type of concern on her face and gets another more senior nurse who I just love over to me. I will call her “Steph” because I talk to her a lot! Steph and “Julie” are my favorites I can’t help it!

“What do you think you had done?”

“You know the nerve burn thingy we can only do every 6 months. Why? Oh come on really guys is this a joke?”

They have been known to prank me because like I said I have gone there so long once one of the doctors came out when I was regaining consciousness and said, “Ready to go back and get started?” laughing at me so I thought I they were messing with me again.

Sadly they were not!

It seems even though we had talked about it, I made the appointment for it, my insurance approved it, and somehow they did the “maintenance” nerve blocks and epidural.

I was kind of pissed really.

I mean I have to take time off, make sure the boy is taken care of, get a ride to and from, because obviously I can’t drive myself for a procedure where yes, they knock me out with the Michael Jackson drug propofol, and I do Not want to be awake when they stick needles in my spine because I have done it and it is JUST PLAIN WRONG!

Which is why I have been with this group because they aren’t a pill mill, medieval or quack doctors by a long stretch.

When my dad was going through cancer treatment I talked to Dr. T for a long time about dads treatments, when I was supposed to be doing my customary office visit. We talked about my health issues and more. He is super compassionate and caring and just a good guy. We talk about our families and kids.

Just today we were talking about the boy and how he can’t believe he will be 5 soon as he remembers treating me before, during and after I had said child.

A few minutes after I came out and am eating my snack, Julie comes over and asks me how I feel.

I laughed and said, “Well I guess I will see you sooner than I thought since I get to come back and then he will make be better. By the way no pain or bruising with the IV because you and Steph rock!”

I am on heavy medication, please note this, because hopefully all of this is making sense!

She immediately walked over to Steph, who is stressed and on the phone.

I also want to say I had asked nurse #1 for pen and paper so I could write my web address down for them to visit my blog so if they are reading this MY Nurses ROCK!

Seriously I love this group!

Always will even in spite of this crazy day.

Maybe the meds are still working!

Steph comes back and tells me it was a mistake make in the office, yep knew that! And that I can come back and they will work me in and of course today is no charge.

This means so much to me as everyone knows insurance only pays so much and the facility can choose to make you pay if they wanted to. I am already on a payment plan with them because healthcare is expensive and it means a lot to me to have a medical facility work with you on payments. They know my life as I share with them if I can pay more or if I can’t. Newbies always get the director and I think he’s a great guy. Some people day he can seem like a jerk but he’s really cool and just doing his job. We end up talking about life and world events so it’s always enjoyable to chat with him!

So once again I will get to travel to my doctor as him and his colleagues are some of the best in the business and every doctor I go to (female, doc in box, general practice, ENT), I always tell them who I go to and what for, what I may be prescribed. I am always told, and they do research, this group is well respected in the medical community.

So while I get to come back in two weeks, it means I get to fight the irritating traffic but I get to see my friends again.

And I will Finally get the full relief I Need for my spine.

I guess I will file this under acceptance with a dash of happiness and sweep the irritation away as there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it.

Might as well keep hope alive and find he humor!

I am just looking forward to a weekend with friends laughing until I snort and cry most likely. Actually more because these folks make me laugh every time I am around them and I know I am lucky!

And that one friend who will most likely make me laugh so hard I wet myself!

All in all I’d say it’s been a good day!

Have a Fabulously Graceless Friday My Friends!

And a special shout out to ALL my girls, my nurses, friends and my doctors!

You all are Fabulous Human Beings!

Glad we are on this beautiful orb together!

My little parrot

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

When I found out I was pregnant, I read book, magazines, articles, blogs and specialty parenting sites.

I wanted to go in with as much information as possible and continue to research and read and learn about this small creature that is my responsibility.

You read about the stages of development and somewhat think you are mentally prepared for the stages.

You know deep down that anything can happen and things won’t be like the information overload you get, but you think you’re ready.

You are not.

Trust me.

It may not happen daily but, at least for me, a few times a week my offspring catches me totally off guard but something he does or says.

The past week seems to have been full of zingers!

He is four, soon to be five in September, and of course, knows “almost everything.”

He’s very self-confident and also can be shy.

He’s outgoing and loving.

He’s funny, witty and working on his jokes.

He has a slight lisp and still have the little boy voices so things he says that are beyond his years tend to throw me off and in many cases make me laugh.

He is full on boy!

He likes to “help cook” in the kitchen and with some minor adjustments, my OCD has accommodated him in his quest to help.

He helps pick up and “cleans” because he sees me do it and he wants his toys to not disappear if he leaves them scattered about.

He watches as me to see what I do and sometimes copies my actions.

He has similar facial expressions to me.

The boy can’t hardly taking a photo without sticking out his tongue… I may have taught him that!

Since I have always worked with him on manners, the age old “yes mam, no mam, thank you mam, please” phrase has been drilled into his head and still is. We also do “yes sir…” to make sure whether male or female he knows how to respond. When he burps or poots he is to say excuse me and usually does.

But it seems all boys, and some men and females, have to verbally note when they fart.

We call it barking spiders, pooter scooters and poots. Most recently he learned the phrase “passing gas.”

He finds them all hysterical.

Sounds coming from his butt are the best in his world.

I figure give him all the cleanest terms for his body and its functions as I can while he is young.

Recently he said “Mommy I had a big barking spider come out of my anus.”

Ugh! Hopefully he will still use the term booty or butt for now!

Trying to teach him the correct names for his anatomy is a challenge!

He also copies things we say.

The other night at dinner I was trying to open a container when he busts out with, “What Are you doing child?!” in a fabulous imitation of myself.

I lost it laughing.

It was one of those laughs that’s contagious and he started laughing and I started laughing harder, then I snorted and he screeched laughing and we are both crying laughing!

I am even doing the “shhhhhhhhhhhhhh” with hysterical laughter and “please quiet” trying to gain control over my laughing.

It was semi hopeless but sometimes those laughs are the BEST feeling ever!

Every word that comes out of my mouth has to be censored when he is anywhere near me.

It’s scary.

There are times when he is all up into a movie and I am talking to someone in the other room or on the phone, thinking he isn’t paying attention but dang if he doesn’t come back a bit later and ask “mommy what did you mean by this?”

Thankfully I am hyper aware of what I say around him because I really did remember reading about “the parrot effect” of young children.

I thought it would happen earlier than now and it did to a degree.

But it seems to be building and building.

I seriously need an editor before I speak in front of him because he sometimes mixes the contexts of the word and it does not sound right!

I’m just waiting for the call from his school.

I know it’s coming!

I just have to remember to breathe and pray it isn’t over anything too bad!

No matter what I will always think of my good friend “Max” and the call she got from her sweet, angelic daughter’s daycare. “Miss Max, Ally said the “F” word!”

Then I feel a little better. For now!

Have a fabulous Thursday My Graceless Friends!

I’m recovering today from a back procedure so no idea what tomorrows post will hold!

Keep Hope Alive!

 

Be Yourself

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 3 Comments

Be yourself

How many times have you heard that said? Be Yourself.

We teach it and preach it to our kids and anyone else that will listen.

Be tolerant of others.

Show compassion.

Treat others as you want to be treated.

Yet more and more I see so many adults judging others going against what they “teach” their children and say in front of others.

They tell them to be kind, to share, to not bully.

Yet they do the exact thing they teach against if it goes against their “beliefs” or “way of thinking”.

This is something I think of quite often as the mother of a 4 almost 5 year old son.

I am blessed to have so many friends! I have friends of all ages and walks of life. I have friends from many different ethnic backgrounds, friends who practice different religions and friends who are gay, lesbian, Trans & bi.

Am I supposed to tell him that the ones who don’t look or act like the majority of people he is around are wrong or their life means less than his?

Am I expected to lie and tell him “it’s wrong” when I don’t see it as wrong but much of society does?

I am supposed to “hide” him from those who are different than he is by keeping him sheltered and home all of his young life, so that when he becomes a teenager or young adult he is appalled at the world and mad at me for not letting him know how life truly is?

Am I expected to tell him he can’t “be friends” with another human being because society doesn’t approve?

I Hope that’s not what’s expected of me because I WON’T DO IT.

I will not teach my son that any one person’s life matters over another. That someone is less than him because of their color, their beliefs, their gender or their personal preferences in whom they chose to love.

We hover over our children to protect them yet we do them more harm by tearing down another person for their beliefs and who they are as a human being.

When I tell him to be himself I want him to find who he is.

I don’t want to map his life out.

That isn’t my job as a parent.

My job is to love, nourish, protect, care, guide, teach and help him find out who he is and how to be the person he wants to be.

I know I am still in the some-what “easy” years before he reaches the age of understanding and sees for himself how the world really is, however I can still teach him compassion, caring, acceptance and how to value others.

Unfortunately the world will show him racism, hate, bullying along with a host of other things that scare the crap out of me.

If I do my job right, he will be able to navigate through that minefield and come out a better person.

I have never shared a link in a post before but I was researching some things and came across an article and video of how kids react to Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner. #HatchKids

 bhttps://www.yahoo.com/parenting/watch-how-these-kids-react-to-caitlyn-jenner-121190485333.html

 If we are really, really lucky maybe by the time my son grows up, maybe the hate, fear and misunderstandings won’t be as bad.

After all, I always say Keep Hope Alive!

Happy Wednesday My Fabulously Graceless Friends!

 

Manual labor and the chic who forgot how it feels

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 8 Comments

Recently I agreed to clean an empty “small” garden home to help out an older gentleman who wanted to sell it as he no longer lived there. His son had moved out some time back he said, and I went over, we discussed pricing and I started the next day.  

First of all, I am so thankful he offered me more than I asked for!  

I was quoting him based on size, etc. knowing full well I would throw in some cleaning he didn’t mention because that’s how I am, and he was a single, older, gentleman who had come referred by a friend. I needed the money and he needed the help.  

Oh.My.Aching.Body.  

It’s not that I am not physically active. I have a 4 year old son and OCD. I am constantly on the move and cleaning, organizing and Running to catch him from numerous things. Trying to avoid as many doctor visits as possible!  

However, when I clean something, especially for someone else, I CLEAN It.  

I scrub and put my whole body into that scrub. I spray, scrub, wash, scrub and scrub some more. I become somewhat obsessed I admit.  

I will get bathrooms, kitchen, doors, laundry room, windows, floors, fans, floorboards Cleansed. 

I was thinking 4-5 hours maybe close to 6, broke down over 2 days, no problem. 

I did get it done in 2 days but it took 9 ½ hours! 

Yes I used muscles that I haven’t used in a long, long time. I had blisters on my hands. My spine, hips, back and booty feel like I went dancing for at least 10 hours solid.  

I wanted to crawl around but that is frowned upon in places and I can’t catch the boy crawling. Or just lying there.  

My son jumped into my arms earlier today and I struggled not to drop him and fall over.  

He asked me if I was “Ok mama? You seem shaky.” Very good observation young boy! I told him mommy had been working hard and her body was sore.  

He then asked if it was because I had cleaned the screened in porch yesterday. I had forgotten about that!  

That explained it!  

In addition to my house cleaning and new job duties (taking care of a lovely older lady who needs help in her home, including getting up and down), I had also cleaned a roughly 10 x 20 area top to bottom. And all the furniture – think Pollen build up from all season long. Nasty! OCD here it was bad!  

I do not mind cleaning and helping. I enjoy making money and helping family and friends clean. I am a freak, this I know.  

But I forgot that I am no longer a spring chicken and that my spine, for real, is not at its peak, and I am, in fact, having a procedure done later this week to burn those irritating nerves back there and get a spinal block and maybe something else my fabulous doctor will throw in. Because he feels sorry for me being all jacked up knowing how I live my life! And I do bend at the knees like I’m told Trust Me! I couldn’t do anything otherwise!  

I mean I go in every three months for maintenance! Seriously! 

Manual labor I can do, I just have to pace myself.  

To those who do it daily, my respect goes out to you!  

It is hard on a body!  

But I love it and of course I will be doing similar cleansings again… once my spine is fixed!

And that house I did? It is Cleansed! The owner said he hadn’t seen it that clean since he had been living there! Score for the gimpy girl!

 Have a Fabulously Graceless Tuesday my friends!

 Keep Hope Alive!

 

Plugged in but not tuned in

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 5 Comments

I was going to title this “Wired in” but plugged in seemed more apropos.

The definition of apropos is “fitting; at the right time; to the purpose; opportunity”.

I say this because even as I turn on my computer to only get into Word and begin typing my thoughts, I looked the definition up on my smarter-than-me-phone to make sure I am using the word apropos correctly in my mind! Too many folks toss out words not knowing the true definition or the way to use said word.

So many people use the term wired in or Wi-Fi, most often heard, to let others know they have “instant access” to the Internet so they can flaunt themselves with the knowledge they have the power to “look up information” on the go.

I freely admit this is quite handy and helpful but sometimes it can be a bit much.

Many of these folks, I’ve discovered, think that they are “extremely intelligent” because they have this “power” at their fingertips.

Everyone shares knowledge or information or news that they gleaned from the Internet by whatever source they chose to quote their info from. Facebook, news sites, spoof news sites.

More than have of those people decided their “source” is the truth and then proceed to tell you how your “source” is false and they hereby know more than you do because they are now “tuned in” to The Right Source.

These people kill me!

“It has be to be true ‘cause I read it on the Internet!”

It used to be they saw it on the television but we’re “evolving” now… sure we are, sure we are.

I am the one who will check several news sources to see if something is authentic before I post it, and even then sometimes find out that part or all of it was not the truth but it got out before the editor fully check the content. And yes, I have even got caught up in Internet hoaxes before I learned to check, re-check and triple check and even then sometimes something may not be true but it’s so “real” it seems like it is true. (HBO teaser trailers come to mind as well as a few other entertainment stations).

I am sure than many folks have heard the phrase “turn on, tune in, drop out”.

I wonder how many people really know where that term came from.

I recently heard it from the mouth of a “kid’ who had the “I’m young and smart and know everything” attitude and asked him what that meant to him.

He looked at me funny and said, “Ya know it’s what you say when you’re ‘in the know’.”

“Very interesting. And deep.” I replied, trying so hard to keep a straight face!

“I think it was a saying from some 80’s song but it means more now. We’ve changed it. Tuned in because it’s our generation that’s going to be in charge now and we have it all figured out which is what they meant by that term. We are wired into the world at our fingertips”.

It was all I can do to keep a straight face and get out of his vision (and sound range too) because I just lost it laughing at his definition of the phrase.

I can imagine once I “shared” with him the original origins of the phrase he would write me off as a crazy, old hippie lady and not take into consideration he could be incorrect on his information.

After all this is the age of information and according to this 20-something (barely) dude, his generation has it all figured out! God help us!

They practically created the internet, not Al Gore! Ok that was just funny if you get the reference. If not, just never mind and continue reading!

I had to call my friend immediately thereafter and tell them of this hilarious conversation and how Mr. Timothy Leary may could the humor in it if he was still with us. I hope! Because it kind of scares me to think this kid could be right.

How he got all that “deep ramble of thought(lessness)” from an “80’s” song I am just at a loss.

When you can Google the term “turn on, tune in and drop out” and the First thing that pops up is “”Turn on, tune in, drop out” is a counterculture-era phrase popularized by Timothy Leary in 1966. Reading on just a tinny bit you learn that in 1967 he spoke at the Human Be-In, a gathering of 30,000 hippies in Golden Gate Park and uttered the famous phrase “Turn on, tune in, drop out.”

His actual speech was “Like every great religion of the past we seek to find the divinity within and to express this revelation in a life of glorification and the worship of God. These ancient goals we define in the metaphor of the present – turn on, tune in, drop out.”

So is he plugged in, kind of. Wired in, I am so sure because he was holding one of those large Starbucks coffees in his hand!

But tuned in? In my opinion, no.

Because he represents the epitome of what I am trying to say here.

That just because you have the “information”, you don’t apply the knowledge of it.

You may use definitions to attempt to show your “power” but if you words lack the knowledge of intelligence, you sound like some of Mr. Leary’s pals that I am sure didn’t fare as well as him, Mr. Watts and Mr. Burroughs on their drugs.

The ones I am talking about that babble in the corner to things we cannot see!

And you only half-assed read on the Internet or you would have known pretty quickly what that phrase really meant and its origins.

If you would have truly read down a bit further you might have expanded your knowledge and sound like someone worthy of being respected.

But instead you mouth off, half knowing information, acting all superior to others because “you know” about “everything” and can tell others how they are “doing things wrong” yet your source is not even factual!

I know it’s not just this generation.

No, it’s far, far worse.

People of ALL generations have decided their superiority over others because they are “Tuned in” to what is “real”. However all of their realities seem to be a bit different so then we have several opinions as to what is real and what is not.

And everyone arguing and fighting over it, harming others in the process.

Forgetting that “turn on, tune in, drop out” is a metaphor for seeking the divinity within oneself. *I am paraphrasing here and inserting my opinion of the phrase.

But I do not expect everyone to agree with me.

Nor do I expect everyone to understand or care.

I just care than when you start quoting phrases and hurling them around at folks and judging them you know what you are really saying and mean. And that you back it up by walking the walk, not just talking the talk.

Put down you beloved smart phone before you walk into a wall or fall off the curb!

When you read, actually pay attention to what the writer is saying but don’t read while walking unless it’s just a glance because you may not be getting the full facts of what you are wanting to know.

For directions or referencing a glance is fine. But in order to “tune in” and find answers, you must first give the subject your full attention.

Otherwise we get a bunch of people who only think they know everything.

That is a terrifying thought to me!

Because those “half knowers” could be running our country one day. More of them than there already are! HA!

Seriously, our very lives depend on people who study, research and learn how to do specific things. Soldiers, police officers, fire fighters, doctors, lawyers, politicians – you get the idea. I personally want the ones who Know not the ones who glanced at the information packet to be helping me and mine!

So give humanity a break and “tune in” for a while before you start your judging and you superiority kick. It’s irritating.

As humans we claim to be superior beings, but are we really?

Deep thoughts for a fabulously graceless Monday morning!

Keep Hope Alive!!!

Sometimes sleep is the best medicine ever

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 9 Comments

This has been one of those all out, keep moving, doing more than the “norm” kind of week.

So my plan is simple for a beautiful, hot Saturday morning.

SLEEP!

Rejuvenate the bod, keep the kid up so he will sleep in too and enjoy it!

I’m so mentally and physically exhausted right now I am impressed I can even type words onto the screen!

Since I am going to bed soon, and blessedly set this post to post in just a few hours, I will be enjoying my favorite past time that I do not get as often as needed.

Oh sleep how I love thee!

I have over 20 topics I want to write on, however I can’t make my brain work to put words on the screen and my mind to form coherent sentences at this point.

I was watching power rangers with the kids earlier and one of the characters went “uh uhhhhh uhhhhhh”. Literally all it said.

I can totally relate at this point.

My friend and I were commiserating on how crazy busy this week has been, and as we watched our boys play, we marveled at all their energy. And were also a bit jealous because we needed more than to become one with the couch!

So we made the joint decision to let them watch another power ranger episode, have one more jump on the trampoline and then put their wild booty’s in the bed.

Fabulous endings for all!

If I make no sense just forgive me!

Some days are like that. And usually I am better prepared and equipped to at least post something more interesting .

But I have sleep deprivation like I did when the boy was tiny and my mind became jello though not from jello shots but from over doing it.

So this fabulously graceless gal will be snoozing away, hopefully, when y’all are read this!

Forgive me as I am merely a human.

It’s time for lights out and oh these lovely sheets are divine, the room is frigid and will be dark soon.

Tomorrow we will wake up, eat, play and visit friends.

Once we get out of the bed!

It’s been too long since we got to sleep in and now is the time!

Have a fabulous Saturday morning and I promise more once I fill myself with caffeine and become coherent!

Stay fabulous and graceless my friends!

Keep hope alive!!!