It’s in everyone of us.
That “I have so much to do but yet I do nothing” gene.
The feeling of depression or despair that creeps out into the “happy” side of who we are.
Sometimes we are taken hostage for moments, other times it can be days, months or years.
Getting away from The Nothingness can be harder than one can imagine.
It makes us feel worthless. Useless. Like it doesn’t matter.
For some, getting out of the nothingness never happens.
Like a CD on loop it comes back around again and again.
Letting you think you might be free but you aren’t.
You cry, scream and yell but to no avail.
Then the Hopelessness crawls in.
From the shadows it slithers towards you, hiding when you try to banish it.
Now hopelessness has joined the nothingness to make you even worse.
You head, your heart, your entire soul is now hostage.
Round and round. Over and over. The death loop.
It can be slow, more often than not, so that it doesn’t seem so intense at first.
Then you realize you have allowed it to take over your being.
The endless loops of hopelessness and nothingness are your family.
They don’t allow for hope, joy and healing to come and visit.
They push them out and black out the shades so that all you are left with is them.
Your “companions” that you feel you created, let in and have lost control of are at the helm of your mind.
Your zest for life has been so squashed you don’t remember what it’s like to really Live any longer.
You lie to those who care about you that you’re “fine and doing great” when the reality is you can’t even find it in yourself to be around others, much less handle your day to day life.
You stop eating. Your sleep is off. Your dreams are nightmares.
Will you ever win the battle of your soul that you seem to be losing to The Nothingness and Hopelessness?
You feel like there is a sign on you that says “All hope abandoned.”
People are starting to notice you aren’t around.
They notice you no longer look happy.
You no longer care how you look even in the basics of grooming and hygiene.
You don’t care.
You amble along at this pace for what seems to be forever.
“Get help.” “Talk to someone, anyone.” They tell you.
But you go on alone.
Nothingness and hopelessness accompanying you on your journey.
You are withering away.
Is there a special hell for someone like you? Someone who dropped out of life? Someone who no longer cares about themselves or others?
One day you realize it’s very bright outside.
You haven’t been out in ages.
The sun. It is shining down on your pale, withered skin.
A breeze blows cool across your face.
And then you feel it.
The tendrils of Hope.
You are confused.
You thought hope had left you. Why now? Why you?
The truth is Hope never leaves.
Love never dies.
The Nothingness and the Hopelessness CAN be defeated.
You have to want it.
You have to work at it.
They are so firmly ensconced in your being you feel they were there since birth and are a part of who you are.
It’s true that they have always been there.
So have hope, love and joy.
Somehow you allowed them to play on the front stage when you felt the doubt of your own mind.
You have the power to put them back where they belong.
You know they will always be there and that’s ok.
As long as you don’t give in.
As long as you don’t allow them to take you hostage and lead you along that dark, damp road alone.
You have the Choice!
It will take time, tears and much work but you can take yourself back.
You can bring back your hope, your love, your joy and your life.
You may not can do it alone but you know there are people out there to help you get through this long journey.
You just have to make the choice and do it.
It won’t be easy, but then anything truly worth it never is.
Always Keep Hope Alive!
Be fabulously graceless!
Embrace the Hope, Love and Joy in yourself!
*Dedicated to anyone suffering and feeling alone. Life isn’t easy. You never know who is hurting and why. You can’t fix everyone but you can fix you.