Life can change in an instant


life is short live it cherish love anger fear memories

In an instant it can all change. Your plans, you very life can change. All with a phone call, text or personal visit.
I may be graceless but I try to work on a schedule, which is harder now that I do freelance and work for myself. So when I schedule time for things, I reschedule other things and even tack on extra things to sometimes get yet another thing taken care of. The schedule is flexible and I juggle but I do pretty well most of the time. If something changes I can go with the flow and make arrangements to reschedule and work around the other things.
My original plans for this weekend included much overdue time needed with my girls, a bit of organization and many laughs and good friends. Since I was already going to be in the area, I also scheduled a needed doctor appointment prior to the getting together.
Then came the text I didn’t want to get. My friend’s aunt had passed. Although it was early in the week, I knew that our plans for the weekend would change. I knew she needed to be there for her family and I want her to be. She was apologizing to me for having to cancel. And asking if I would let our other friend know, she was coming in from yet another state, that she had to cancel and was sorry. This lady is quality let me tell you! Here she is with the loss of her beloved aunt, having to pack up and travel to another state and worrying about canceling plans with 2 friends. 2 friends who are immediately asking what we can do and saying not to worry, and meaning it, that of course we can re-schedule. Yes, you can call on your way there or anytime you need to talk! I feel for her and her family. It is hard enough when someone we love passes, it is also hard to coordinate your life, you job, your spouse/partner and family to be gone for several days to mourn the passing of your loved one. It takes it out of you both emotionally and physically. You deal with relatives, friends, people you haven’t seen in years or some you have never met and are meeting finally for the first time. It is bittersweet as you know it is the one you love who brought everyone together and they are no longer here
Of course we are sad we aren’t getting together and able to do the things we had “planned” to do, however certain things take precedence over “plans”.  Life Happens.
When my daddy died I was devastated. We all knew it was coming, and coming soon. We were blessed in respect to knowing that it would be quick and hopefully painless. It was fortuitous that I was there with my daddy, close family and friends when he left this plane. A part of my life was on hold while we took care of The Final Arrangements for my father. I called into work to let them know what was happening, I still took care of the boy, but was also helping my mom, uncle, brother and aunt as they were helping me. We are all trying to just get through, even with a “plan” for this event, it was not an “easy” process. I am grateful to family and friends that stepped up, either through actions or just kind words or gestures, of being there for me. My “little sister” Wucy took over packing up my home in TN before driving to AL with her wonderful fiancé for the services. She then helped the day of the funeral when our home turned into an impromptu large gathering of friends, family and business associates of my dad and family. There were so many people there that wanted to share their memory and be with others who loved and respected him. The night before the funeral it snowed. There were ice storms in the surrounding areas and there was concern we needed to move the funeral time. Fortunately, the day of the streets around us were clear enough for us to make it to the church and then to the cemetery and home safely. It was those little things that got us through, but now we were facing a different reality than the one we had previously. In an instant my mother went from married to widowed. In an instant, my brother and I no longer had a father and my uncle no longer had a brother. We knew it was coming as my dad had been fighting a brave fight against cancer for a second time. It did not make it any easier when the moment came and he wasn’t with us any longer. We were glad he was no longer suffering, but also upset that we were no longer here to share with us his love, humor and wisdom when we desperately needed it.

i dont grieve for moment of loved one

Life can change in an instant. You never know what will happen or when plans will change.
Tell you family and friends you love them and how much they mean to you every chance you get.
Always Keep Hope Alive and have a fabulous day.

stop n look around life amazing

 

We all struggle, make it worth it


peace in heart

It seems I am constantly struggling.

Struggling to find more hours to work.

Struggling to find more time to clean.

Struggling to find a better job.

Struggling to be a better parent, daughter, sister, friend, and partner.

Struggling to just be at times it seems.

Just when I think I am closer to getting it right a complaint comes in.

Trying to please everyone I can’t seem to get it right.

If I take time out for this, when I will do that? If I do this and this, and a portion of that and mistakenly think I have taken care of it all somehow then someone is unhappy. I mean, everyone feels they are the most important, right? If I am supposed to service everyone else first, how am I supposed to take care of my own needs? Don’t they see if I am not whole I cannot produce to the level of their desires and needs? God forbid I say anything for knowing I will get put back in my place. Standing up for oneself is frowned upon unless it is “at the right” time for someone else.

My passion is caring for others and writing. Not lucrative passions but both can be with a bit of cultivation. Of course that takes time and again is filed under “taking too much time” for myself again by some and where would they be if things weren’t done by me? It’s a vicious cycle. One I am working hard to get out of as quickly as possible. I try to keep focus on one thing and not let something else drag me away for something that can wait.

whatever good for soul is happiness

Life isn’t always easy, it isn’t always pretty, but it is life. It’s also what you make of it.

It doesn’t matter if I am financially challenged, physically challenged and questioning my sanity, life keeps on happening. Therefore I must Keep Hope Alive. Or I will be dragged into the pits with no escape. It would be so easy sometimes to just let go, maybe to just not care. Of course I can’t do it nor will I. I care too much. My passions seep out of me. I can no more stop writing and taking care of others than I can consciously stop breathing. It would cripple me more than my body is already and that I cannot live with.

So I continue to struggle. But this time, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I see the hope. I feel the sunshine on my face. I will make it out. This time. And again, and again, and again. I will never give up.

Have a fabulous day and Always Keep Hope Alive!

Wake up and live…. it’s Monday!


Helloooooooo Monday!! It’s time to wake up and live!!!

wake up and live

I hope you are all having a stellar Monday today! The beginning of the week, the fresh slate or the maotic manic Monday, whatever it is I hope it is fabulous!

As I was working my way through my pint, of Haagen – Dazs that is, I realized how ironic it was that I sometimes dreaded Mondays. I love to sleep and depending on how much or how little sleep that I got the previous weekend, made all the difference on how my attitude was for Mondays. That isn’t fair to me or Mondays because I was already setting my brain for a potential crap day based on my sleep cycle. Anyone with a child knows this is a very bad idea! Even if you don’t have a child it is a bad idea because you are setting yourself up to mentally have a bad day.

be awesome on monday

Some days it is just so hard to get going. Mondays can be harder at times it seems. So this Monday I hope your week begins smoothly. I hope that you don’t get cut off in traffic, run late or have any myriad of things go awry!

Here’s to Keeping Hope Alive no matter what this day throws our way!

mn be good to me i good to you

I hope your week flows the way that’s needed and that you share your happiness with others. Or maybe you need the happiness and I hope that you can find that.

KEEP HOPE ALIVE!

 

A Sunday well spent, reflecting and just being


sunday well spent

Greeting and a fabulously happy Sunday to you all!

I hope that you are having a most excellent, relaxing, enjoyable, semi stress free day!

It can be so hard to “relax” and take it easy when you have so many responsibilities, things to do and people to see. People you want to see and some you don’t get to see as often as you would like. Plus, there are also the reminders in the back of my head to ready myself for the upcoming week and all that it brings. Sometimes the hardest part is just allowing myself to relax, enjoy and be in the moment because I tend to keep planning for things to do. It’s in the vein of “stop and smell the roses” and take time to just enjoy where you are right this minute. Not constantly being in motion like I tend to try and do.

This past weekend my body chose to make me “stop” and I had to realize I needed to just smell the roses or suffer the consequences of not taking care of myself like I gripe to others about doing! It’s frustrating when you want to do things and you just can’t. You make sure your get your main chores and duties done but anything else is a bonus at this point, even it if needs to be addressed. Sometimes you just can’t get it done. Guess what? That is OK. You will live, the earth will still turn and life will go on. Your family, friends and loved ones will understand that life happens and not always the way that you would hope for it to be.

I was originally going to write about reading the Sunday paper, of which I finally finished last Sunday’s paper on Friday, and how it can be so revealing to learn more about what is going on in your community and state. Lord have mercy I love my state but sometimes I wonder what the politicians are thinking. Are we really going back 50-ish years on certain issues? The pulse here today echoes strangely to the beat in ways as it did back in the 1960’s. Once again my home state is under public scrutiny, and rightfully so, for their stance on segregation and choosing to follow they laws through their own interpretation. Seriously. It makes me cringe.

Several months back I received a phone call about race and segregation and if I felt things were better, worse or unchanged than they were in the past. It was a poll call and I enjoyed talking to the lady who was asking my true opinion. I was my honest self. I told her I could see improvement for the better, however it wasn’t enough and I saw more disrespect from others than I stupidly thought I would see when I moved back to my home state last year. That on the surface it seems like people are more tolerant and understanding of one another and that there was more compassion for our fellow human, but I realized far too quickly that that was sadly an illusion. You can bet I have added it to my “topics” to be written on!

dont quit daydream

I am very blessed in my life to be surrounded by so many amazing humans from so many diverse backgrounds. True, quality folks that accept me and I them for who they are no matter what. These amazing humans are around the state, a state or two away, across the country and across the seas. When I say I am blessed I truly mean it. I have been able to have some of the most amazing relationships with people on so many different levels. It transcends “friendship” in so many cases. We don’t see color, flaws and short comings as “deficits” in each other, but openly discuss and talk about real life and more about building each other up than tearing each other down. We can’t always talk but when we do we pick up right where we left off, flowing smoothly into what works for us. I work to do this in every area of my life. It is not always easy. I am my own worst critic of how I should be versus how I am.

But I never give up and I always Keep Hope Alive!

And I pray to the few of you that are kind enough to read my ramblings, that you have a fabulously graceful Sunday. That you find an inner happiness and a joy in the moment. Whether it be just sitting and reading and relaxing or spending time alone or with those you love. Just find a bit of beauty. Never give up of this adventure of life. ALWAYS KEEP HOPE ALIVE!!!

lion graceful

Have a Fabulously, Fantastic Saturday – Keep Hope Alive!


“Cause Saturday night’s the night I like

Saturday night’s alright, alright, alright” – Elton John, “Saturday Night’s Alright”

sat sparkle happy

I love Saturday’s and I love Elton John! So I am sharing my maotic mind on this fabulous Saturday and oftentimes I think of Sir Elton John songs randomly and feel the need to share the soundtrack of my mind! You’re welcome!

There are so many things on my mind, heart and soul. I cannot express them all here today so I figured I would just go with whatever flows forth from my fingers. After all I have a deadline to meet and technology and I are once again at odds! Story of my life!

For the first time in ages I seriously wanted to toss my smarter-than-me-phone off the porch as I was apparently breaking the damn internet trying to read articles on www.scarymommy.com – seriously! It wasn’t even on the Facebook as I have had my phone just go back to my home screen when clicking on a video or article on the app. Recently, it did this while I was reading an article on the cellphone interweb. It reminds me of a gentler black screen of death that comes up on my computer. It scares me a little when my phone does it. Because I will tell you, I have a love/hate relationship with my smarter-than-me-phone and I rely on it far more than I want to. I become too plugged in and then reliant “in a pinch” if the computer isn’t working for whatever jacked up random reason it is this month! I swear if my man wasn’t such a genius at fixing my broken things, I would have lost my mind already with the computers crapping out on me and deadlines daily! To his credit he has handled my meltdowns quite well and the boy is convinced he can fix anything! I am just thankful he tolerates me as me, even encourages *gasps* me to be myself, not who I think I need to be for anyone else. Even when I am bitchy or irrational he tolerates me. That is a lot to handle I tell you. And the fact he doesn’t even flinch when I hand over my electronic device, usually a computer, and say “Please again” because I just can’t deal with it. Again. And fixes it. I am certain he does some kind of voodoo magic on it for it to work again for me.

I swear I have too much electromagnetics or some form of alien life form in my body! I cannot wear a watch, electronics fail after a period of time around me and not from abuse that I cause or viruses I “accidentally downloaded” (I learned how to avoid that a while ago but sometimes it happens). Now the smarter-than-me-phone is acting all jacked up.

Of course my mind fills up with topics to write while I can’t get onto a computer and just start writing drafts. And my hands have started this lovely cramping thing when I write, like old school write, with my hands. So I start to go a bit stir crazy in my head until I remember I can write down portions in my notebooks and get it out so I don’t completely loose it!

pen to paper image

Oh yes, yes my fabulous friends, Fabulously Gracelessness, a.k.a. Lady Maos is one stop shy of bat-shit crazy! I am amazed I can manage to keep it together enough to get this blog out daily! Between actually raising a child, working, writing, loved ones, having a life, chronic pain and issues, I am pretty damn proud of myself for hitting my mark and sharing my thoughts, ideas and hopes with the world daily. If I can do it on this small scale, you can do anything you want to do if you hope and believe in yourself. Because my motto is Keep Hope Alive. And I promise you, that daily mantra truly works. It gets me through more than I ever expected it to. I am pushing myself farther than I ever had in my writing and am starting to see some positive results. They are small and to some probably it wouldn’t matter but it gives me HOPE and therefore KEEPING HOPE ALIVE actually Works! Setting aside time for your dreams isn’t always easy, but then life is not always easy either. Besides I love a challenge! I have so many topics I am bound to hit the mother load of getting a big break. I believe in myself!

keepp hope alive keeps u alive

So bring on this Saturday, this Football game day and middle of the weekend!

Roll tide AL football

I hope you all have a fabulously fantastic Saturday and Keep Hope Alive!

 

It may be beginning or ending, but it’s Friday!


friday end or beginning

It’s FRIDAY! Welcome to the beginning of the weekend! Or is it the end of the week? Whatever it is for you I hope it’s fabulous!

welcome back sexy friday

My plan is to take it easy, clean a little, hang with my honey and go out with the girls one night. Ah girl’s night out… I remember when I once did that a lot more than I do now and I miss it! I think it’s important to have girlfriends, or guy friends, that you can get together and just be your goofy self with.

One of my friends is actually one of my cousins who I don’t get to see as often as I would like to. I was dying laughing the other day going through a box of my things and I came across several papers I had written for classes back in 1988! Oh the dreams of youth! I had to send them to my cousin to remind her we were long overdue on a trip we were supposed to make apparently back in July of 1989. It involved finding one of our friends we had met and going to St. Thomas and the Virgin Islands and staying on his boat! We both had other adventures that summer and the trip was put off. Since it’s been over 25 years I think she and I just need to make the trip!

Friday means the beginning of football, sporting events, festivals and hopefully a weekend of family, friends and fabulous fun! It brings joy to my heart in the hopes to get to sleep in for at least a day!

I remember when I could sleep until noon, now it seems if I get up by 10 I feel I have slept in. What’s up with that?! Does this come with the aging thing? I am not so down with that as I once was! I miss my sleep! Something about having a child at almost 40 messed with my system and now I seem to be more prone to waking earlier than I previously did, and I yearn for sleep. I day dream about it! Yet I am a night owl and if I want to get things done during regular hours I have to get up so I can get moving and get out. And the whole get moving thing seems to take longer than it once did. Seriously I am not digging this getting older business! I may be ok with the getting older but the recovery time of a night out and the body not moving as well kind of sucks!

I am just grateful I can even complain about it as some aren’t as fortunate. I do realize that and know that even though I struggle with many things, I am blessed beyond measure that I am still able to do the things I do and to have the people in my life that I have.

I hope you all have a fabulous Friday and a fantastic weekend!

As always remember to Keep Hope Alive!

hooray friday oh wait im a blogger

 

 

Another procedure, another great day to be alive!


As I write this I am thinking of where I will be when this posts. I will be on my way to the ATL to have a hip procedure done and I am so excited! Most people probably think I am nuts, and maybe I am a little, but I look at each procedure like an opportunity to feel better. Even if only for a few weeks of relief I am so grateful to have it done! Plus I get to see my favorite SA and she rocks – Shout out! I am so glad she is feeling better and will be there tomorrow. It does make it so much easier having folk you trust work on your body. Plus I have been going there for about 8 years and every other doctor I see tells me to keep going there, no matter what state I have lived in. That in itself speaks volumes!

So me and my man will travel over there, I will have the procedure done and we come back home. Bless him for doing it as he has to work later today! I get to sleep for a while before my mom brings the boy home from school. No, things never let up but honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I love my maotic life and all the joy it brings. Just last night I got another pleasant surprise when I found out for sure the boy was invited to Black Belt Club at his karate school. He is young but he is learning to focus and is working hard! I try to work with him and help him learn the proper way to exercise, but a few nights ago he asked about sit up and push-ups. It is so hard to hide the disgust on my face about doing those 2 exercises! Honest Abe I do not like them at all! I can’t do sit ups due to my spine and I managed to squeak out 5 push-ups before I fell to the floor! I can do a few jumping jacks and am showing him how to do a cartwheel! Although I can’t do any exercises for a few days and to be honest, I have no problem with that! I can take it easy no problem! I have no clients until Monday so I will be allowed to rest and relax a bit. Sure. I will keep hope alive that that happens! This is Lady Maos, a.k.a. Fabulously Graceless, we are talking about here!

i love exercise nevermind

No matter what the day holds, I will keep my chin up and grin and bear it! Life happens and it isn’t always pretty, but we can chose how we take what’s given or thrown at us. I chose to make the best of whatever situation.

I hope you all Keep Hope Alive and have a Fabulously Graceless Day! And “great day to be alive” is from my other best friend/blogger/can’t define us Captain Pogo.

It is great day to be alive when you keep hope alive!

 

Keeping hope alive and struggling to get by on this Fabulous Wednesday


wish you a great wed

It seems like every day there is something new and challenging. Whether it’s the garage door breaking, a new client, another bill you had no idea it was going to happen or your favorite shoes breaking there is always a challenge.

Like everyone else I am just struggling to get by. However, my mantra of Keep Hope Alive really does help me get through even in the worst of moments. That and “this too shall pass”. I also think karma can be much too slow but I know better than to mettle in the fates of the universe! Can I get an amen?!

If you are reading this post, and I thank you if you are, then you are Alive and you made it to see another morning! WhoooWhoo!

You made it to Wednesday, the middle of the “work” week. Like the middle child, the middle of the work week sometimes gets lost in the shuffle. But like the middle child, Wednesday’s have a lot to offer. Hope that you are almost to the weekend. A night for special events, classes, sports or church. Sometimes you think that Wednesday will be predictable, for example, get up, take the child to school, go to work, run errands, get child, get dinner, go to karate, come home and do your nightly thing.

over the hump wed

Life is anything but predictable!

I am blessed to work with some amazing people. On Wednesday’s normally Miss Candy and I would run errands, but she has joined a pool and now we go swimming on Wednesday’s. She has Parkinson’s but it does not have her. She was thrilled I was willing to go with her as in the water, her disease does not show and she can move around like a “normal” person. Sometimes it is the little things in life that make a day, a week or a month all that much sweeter. We are still working on the logistics and how we feel after, but I love that it was tossed into my mix. Now I get to work and exercise, and I didn’t even cringe when I typed that word, all at the same time and I love it! It helps both of us. I do stretches while walking along side of her in the pool. I put her wheelchair to the side and for about 20 -30 minutes it is like she doesn’t have a disease that ties her to a chair like she does when she’s not in the pool.

Plus Wednesday’s are karate day for the boy and we love some karate. I was a bit hesitant at first as I wasn’t sure how it would work, his dad has him every other Wednesday, but it is fabulous! I go every week, with the exception being after 3 medical procedures, and am astounded in the changes in him. He is more focused and learning so well. Of course there are times when he stares at himself in the big mirror and forgets he is in class, but he is reminded and at once is back into the moment. Seriously there is a whole bunch of cuteness with a classroom full of 4-7 year olds doing karate, yelling “Yes Mam!”, “Yes Sir!” and “Ki-yah!” as loud as they can! Everyone is treated as equals and some are at different stages but they all work together. It is a beautiful thing to watch!

b karate

I hope that whatever you do, whatever happens that you get to enjoy something beautiful today. Whatever that may be for you.

moments smile wed

Always remember to Keep Hope Alive!

Stay Fabulous and Graceless My Friends!

Letter to my son, after 5 fabulous years and we’re just getting started


Until you came into my life I didn’t truly know how much love I had to give. I knew I was capable, I had dreamed of you for so long. I saw you in my dreams many time throughout my life. With blonde hair and blue eyes. Everyone thought I was crazy, but then I could always see and feel things that not everyone could. I could never do things easy, I had to try the route mostly blocked by the vines, and trees of life.

When I found out you were going to be a part of my world I was shocked. But from the moment I knew you were mine, I was stunned, excited and terrified and more in love with anything than I had ever been before. You see I had prayed for so many years that we would find each other that I couldn’t believe it was finally happening. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe or didn’t have hope, I just figured you would come to me some other way. I took a test and then because I couldn’t believe it, I took another. Positive. I was going to be a mommy! I locked myself away for a good 24 hours only telling my sisters, your aunts, because I couldn’t believe it. I was scared to tell people because I didn’t want to jinx anything. But one by one I told, then we told. The fact I was able to have you at all was in itself a miracle. People talk about how they would have done things differently in their life. I can completely understand, however I believe all of the things I did led me to you.

Now that you are starting to get older you ask questions that are beyond your years. I see the old soul in your eyes the way I see the mirror of my own. It excites and scares me for you. I watch you try new things and talk to people. I watch you share, I watch you not want to share. I watch you. I am caught off guard so many times by you. You constantly awe and amaze me. I know I make mistakes but you are so forgiving. It’s like you know somehow when I need to hear you say those certain things to me… “I chose you and you chose me”. One of your favorite things to tell me. When you repeatedly look into my eyes and tell me, “I love you mommy. You’re the best mommy I ever had. Of all my mommies you’re the best.”

My miracle, angel boy, of all my lives, I love this one the best because of you. You have made me a better human. More understanding and compassionate. More concerned with the world around us and less tolerant of those who bring harm, whether they mean to or not. You will learn and see more than I want you to but I know you must grow up. I know I cannot keep you from the pains of this world. You have already experienced much loss in your short life than others ten times your age. You love and believe with your whole heart. When you laugh it fills my soul with the most beautiful music I only dreamed of. Your arms around my neck and my waist are pieces of heaven and when you kiss me I know what they mean when they say touched by an angel.

I dedicate this to you, my sweet boy. The last 5 years have been the best of my life with you in it. I pray for many, many more. Mommy loves you more than you can ever begin to understand. I know you can feel it in your heart and soul.

Keep Hope Alive!

Hello Monday to my Fabulously Graceless Friends!


Helloooo Monday! Hellooooo my Fabulously Graceless Friends!

I hope everyone survived their weekend and are ready to kick booty!

I always seem to have something up my sleeve to get through the day!

monday cafe mocha vodka valium

I work to find the happiness and the humor if possible. Laughter is the best medicine for many of our ailments. It’s like it transports you, all of you with your pain and suffering, all of the bad and laughter tosses it out of the room and makes you cry tears of happiness and your belly ache. Laughter is powerful!

laugh until belly hurts then laugh more

Of course I can always rely on those that I love to get me through it, no matter in person, through text, email or social media or a phone call. Those of whom we just know when the other needs us or the universe just makes it happen. Those people that God, the Universe or whatever have placed in my life at the perfect time and we stick it out for each other no matter what.

I then go back to the fact that I am Fabulous Gracelessness, Lady Maos and a crazy chic who loves to write so I share it with everyone on the intraweb.

tgif thank goodness im fabulous when not friday

 

I also remind myself, and those reading, to always Keep Hope Alive!

Have a fabulously fantastic Monday!!