I have been writing since I was 3. I was around 5 when I started writing in journals, so for about 40 years I have been writing down my feelings. Even when my feelings consisted of getting Barbie’s dream house and flying a rocket ship while being a veterinarian. What?! I had big dreams. I may not have gotten the Barbie dream home, rocket ship or become a vet, however, I have never stopped writing. I have written some pretty crazy things… short stories, love notes, articles, poems, letters, papers. I still have journals from when I was a child.
People ask me what I was thinking about or if I was talking about so & so. Sometimes I have a specific subject in mind but other times I pull from so many sources – mine, friends, family and those that I have heard or read about.
Since starting my blog it has proven to be a challenge to write daily. Add to it when I write on a personal level or say something and some people thinks it’s about them, someone else or that something is “wrong”.
It can get quite irritating to get the “I know this was about me” or “Why would you write about that? It’s too personal.”
I write so much from my soul. I can write about almost anything. I can’t Not write. Now that I have my blog it gives me an avenue to let it out. Sometimes I think if I don’t get it out, then I will blow up or lose my mind even further!
There are times I feel that no matter what I write, I will get some sort of negative feedback. I am realizing I can’t please everyone. I can’t even come close to trying. This, I am learning, is where I stop apologizing and keep writing how I feel.
For the most part, I write after I hear, experience, or learn about things. Sometimes, though, I write during an experience to get through it. I may use it in my blogs. I do have pieces that may or may not get posted and others that I wrote to keep my sanity. Those pieces may never be read by anyone but I had to write them in order to get past something or get my feelings out.
I have been asked why I don’t just publish or post certain pieces. Just because I write and have a blog doesn’t mean I share every part of who I am and every thought that goes through my head. Honestly I think I would be committed if every thought, every word I wrote was put out there to be read and scrutinized and picked apart. I could use a few days at a spa, one with padded cells in not what I am going for!
Everyone has their own way of dealing with things and mine happens to be writing. Just because I put it in my journal doesn’t mean I wrote it for everyone. My journals are mine. They are private. Everyone who knows me knows that. It isn’t for anyone but me. I get so much out of going back and re-reading how I was thinking or feeling in my life. It’s like I downloaded my thoughts and emotions and I can go back and remember exactly how I felt. I may share a part of it, but for anyone to go open my journal and read it would be like me walking into someone’s home and going through their things without permission. I have seriously flipped on the 2 occasions it’s happened in my life.
Even the boy knows those are off limits. It wasn’t even something he went back to and asked again. I told him once, “No, those are mommy’s and you are welcome to have your own journal or diary to write your feelings in. I promise I won’t read it.” Of course he’s 5 and he shows me every little thing so it isn’t private for him. Oh if only it would stay that way! But he has not yet asked again if he could look at them or write in them.
I guess I write because it’s such a part of me. I write because I feel compelled to do so. I write to share, entertain and try to keep a bit of myself sane.
I write and I keep hope alive. Always.